Shoud I stay with my girlfriend or not?

FiggRoll

Hi Boardies,

Long time viewer, first time poster. Unfortunately I have run into a little relationship trouble and I would like get some outside opinions before I make a decision. Here goes...

My girlfriend and I have been together close to 1 year, both in our late 20's, work in the same town. I am in the army, she is a part time hairdresser and has a child from another relationship. We did share an apartment, happily, until just before Christmas. Fairly typical relationship, dinner/socialising at the weekends, trips away, do lots of fun stuff with her kid. Things were fine as far as I was concerned.

However, a few weeks before xmas she became a little distant and somewhat uninterested in me. And then out of the blue she wanted to take a break from the relationship, citing reasons such as space, stress etc. I reluctantly agreed and I moved in with some friends for a couple of weeks.

This is where it starts to bother me...

Xmas came and went, and I am still in my friends house. However, this week she rang me in a huff, annoyed that the landlord called and said she did not receive rent for previous period, and her direct debit bounced. She was very annoyed that I did not forward my half of the rent to her account. I will get back to this issue in a moment because there is more to come.

Also this week, myself and two buddies were in the pub and they informed me that over the xmas hols they saw my girlfriend shifting the face off two guys in the nightclub at different times. They also said, that mutual female friends said, she slept with/sucked some guy off at a late night house party over the xmas. I'm normally an easy going guy but this really upset me and I decided to call around to her apartment and confront her about the rent and claims my friends made.

In the first instance, I explained that I didn't have to pay rent since she asked me to move out. She said that she can no longer afford the place on a 3 day week income and that I was risking the roof over her child's head. I don't feel this is fair as she rented out the apartment before she fell pregnant and its not my fault she cut down her hours.

When I asked about the claims my friends made she became visibly uncomfortable and clammed up. After a fight and she finally admitted the claims were true. She tried to turn it around on me by saying we weren't together at the time and she can do what she likes, which is technically true but kind of ****ty. She then broke down and said that she wants me to move back in and that shes decided she wants to give things another go. I'm not sure about this. Is what she done cheating?

When she said she wanted a break I thought she just wanted time to herself, not time to suck guys off. I mean what happens the next time we fight? Will she hook up with more guys? She thinks I am punishing her and her child by staying clear and that I need to get over it as were not together at the time.

What do you guys think?

Jenneke87

I'm sorry but this doesn't bode well. Taking a break usually spells the end of a relationship. That and yes, what she did as for as I'm concerned is in fact cheating. On a break is different than being broken up. Instead of using the time to reflect on her feelings she went out and gave oral sex to another man, which is incredibly disrespectful and wildly inappropriate. Now she wants you back as she knows she will be in a tight spot financially when you move out (which you should btw, very far away from her).

Caranica

I'm usually the type to give the other party the benefit of the doubt but in this case it seems pretty clear cut. End it, respect yourself.

rapul

Yeah have to agree, stay away from her, you owe her nothing, and it will all happen again, she needs your money and help for now, but I also think what she did was cheating due to the fact she thinks you should still be paying rent, and also just a ****ty thing to do to say the least, too much drama already

piplip87

Technically she didn't cheat IMO. You and her where on a break but to move on so quickly says she just isn't that into you TBH.

The fact she also expected you to pay half the rent while she's out sucking dick screams user to me.

You will be better off away from that crap

Mr. Incognito

She wanted a break to ride other people and wants you to subsidise her life.

I'd pay one month's rent and tell her shes on her own.

You don't live there. Don't pay her bills

Dakota Dan

She sounds like a right user, playing the victim when she’s stuck for money, kick her to the kerb.

Irish_rat

She cheated really op and needs your money. Doesn't bode well.

v638sg7k1a92bx

I’m sorry to say this but you need to get away from this relationship as quickly as possible. It has bad news written ALL OVER IT.

Seriously, why would you want to take on all her problems that have nothing to do with you? Rent, money problems, s**t job, a kid that’s not yours, the father of that child and all the problems that that entails, wanting to take a break, cheating.
Wake up and smell the coffee, she’s not into you. If you’re having these problems after a year they are only going to get worse.

This woman has serious baggage, run as fast as you can and be glad you dodged a bullet. This woman will ruin your life.

rule supreme

Sounds like you are away and free of her , why would you go back . You wouldn't be able to trust her .

adam88

Yip. Kick her to the kerb. Head out the weekend and find a mice girl for yourself. Let her do her own thing

4Ad

Dont entertain her for 1 second more.
Why should you pay for anything..
It will never EVER be the same again.
Avoid all contact ( if possible)

yerwanthere123

Yeah this relationship is clearly over. She's only saying she wants to give it another go because she can't afford to pay the rent on her own, which is not your fault in any way. Either way it's far too much hassle, end it and move on.

Millionaire only not

If u give into her this time and move back in , she’ll walk all over for rest of your life !

AulWan

This relationship is over, move on. Get an STD test before you engage with any new partner yourself. I'd be concerned she cheated before asking you to leave.

Bobtheman

I'd pay a months rent just to give the kid some security. Then avoid her like the plague.
She can ask the father to support them after that.

NewMan1982

Wow. I can’t get my head around how cheeky she’s being.

She made you move out and expected you to still pay the rent? That’s deluded.

It’s up to her and the child’s father to provide for the child. Do not let her manipulate you on that.

Regarding the break. I’m sure people see this differently. I wouldn’t be able to get back with someone if they did that. I’m sure some people could.

I’d be really concerned over her reasons for wanting you back. Sounds like they are financial reasons. You can do better. In time you will see that. Give yourself that time.

Strumms

Dakota Dan wrote: »

She sounds like a right user, playing the victim when she’s stuck for money, kick her to the kerb.

100%.. playing the victim forget trying to focus on maybe cheating or not.... she's a user and I'd use more robust language about her... sadly these types of people exist... both genders... basically emotionally kicked you out of your own gaff... realises the responsibility and costs associated with living alone and now wants your cash but not you..... dump and delete..

NewMan1982

Bobtheman wrote: »

I'd pay a months rent just to give the kid some security. Then avoid her like the plague.
She can ask the father to support them after that.

Why should he pay anything? He wasn’t living there.

Darc19

Time to sign up to Bumble.

Enough decent women out there.

Darksoul

Avoid her like the plague,don't be caught in her game,to have a break and do that sort of stuff quickly and complain about rent whilst she's having fun doesn't bode well.your still young and have plenty of time to settle down with someone else.

Recliner

She's not your girlfriend. She's your ex-girlfriend. Keep it that way.

qwerty13

Bobtheman wrote: »

I'd pay a months rent just to give the kid some security. Then avoid her like the plague.
She can ask the father to support them after that.

I’d do this - if you can stretch to it without leaving yourself completely short. Not because you ‘should’ do it, but because it would be a very decent thing to do for the kid.

These ‘on a break’ situations are fraught with issues. To one party it may just mean space, and to the other it means broken up and being a free agent. Tbh there isn’t really much point in getting hung up on that, difficult as I’m very sure it is.

However, her assuming that you would still pay half the rent is quite frankly nuts. And as others have said, sounds like a total user to me - even more so that she is now guilting you about it, and asking you to move back in. This is the part that would concern me more that should she was with - it just screams ‘user’ to me. She may be panicking re rent and money, and that’s why she is acting like that, but that is not your problem.

And please please do not have ‘sex with the ex’ with her. You may find yourself trapped with her long term.

FiggRoll

I'm beginning to see a pattern in these replies, lol

rapul

FiggRoll wrote: »

I'm beginning to see a pattern in these replies, lol

You deserve better

Strumms

For those saying 'pay her a months rent'... do NOT do this. If you do a precedent has been set that you are still legally responsible for your share even though you are not there. Do NOT go down this road... she wanted you out... you are out... she can fend for herself.

LegacyUser

OP,

What a shocking read....and I’m sorry this happened to you.

You’re being used for your steady income. Handy for her.

Usually when someone shows you who they are, pay attention.

She sounds like a leech. Oral sex at a house party? Classy.
Jesus....I wouldn’t be surprised if she had been at that behind your back tbh OP... is that the kind of woman you want to share your life with and even raise a family with in the future?

Respect yourself and walk away. You’ve done nothing wrong here and deserve better.
There are plenty of respectful, decent and kind women out there OP.


To other posters, may I ask why he has to pay some sort of security towards the child if its not his child?? After how the OP has treated him?
Sorry I’m not being a complete bitch here but surely this child’s father can take some responsibility and help if needed or the woman’s own family?
The OP needs to take a major step back?

Oh and I agree with qwerty - no sex. I 100% guarantee you will get a positive clear blue test as she already knows she’s losing you and you want an out !!

Walk away OP and mind yourself

punisher5112

Jaysus lad, I feel for you big time but seriously run....

You have been absolutely played along....

Bet you paid for near everything too.

What an absolute cnut she is. Yee weren't split up and she is off riding others.

I'd stay well clear and luckily you didn't get her pregnant and how could you be sure it's yours after that.

Please please move on..... I was with a girl like that, she came running to me saying oh it was her and she shouldn't have made us break up etc... Went back and she wanted me to set up.a direct debit to her account each week on pay day, id say she got at least €5 k if not quite a bit more off me before this.... More fool me.

Plenty of other fish and plenty of women will be chasing you for the uniform.... They really love it...

AdrianII

Dont pay a penny. Get your sh1t and let her be. She sucked another dude off, it's not even an option, move on. You are better off without her. You will never be able to trust her again.

punisher5112

AdrianII wrote: »

Dont pay a penny. Get your sh1t and let her be. She sucked another dude off, it's not even an option, move on. You are better off without her. You will never be able to trust her again.

And had sex too. She could end up pregnant next thing saying it's his.

Op seriously run.

LegacyUser

AdrianII wrote: »

Dont pay a penny. Get your sh1t and let her be. She sucked another dude off, it's not even an option, move on. You are better off without her. You will never be able to trust her again.

100% this ^

I’m a woman and don’t but any of this liberal, feminism BS. Women are sexual but there’s a line!
Trust me. It is not normal to take a break from a serious relationship and run out and have oral or any sex with a randomer at a house party.

Seriously OP... raise your standards!

Jurgen Klopp

To be honest you sound a like a decent lad.

But going off her expecting rent to be paid while she's off with other fellas it strikes me as she is one of these who ended up a single mother and wanted a family unit and financial security so shacked up with the first fella that would have her even tho she wasn't pushed in him

Sorry just have seen it a few times. Ones that get pregnant/left by the fella and shack up with lads they would never have had time for before, like lads they knew locally even

Then once the nest is feathered the messaging and meeting other lads on teh side starts

qwerty13

qwerty13 wrote: »

I’d do this - if you can stretch to it without leaving yourself completely short. Not because you ‘should’ do it, but because it would be a very decent thing to do for the kid.

These ‘on a break’ situations are fraught with issues. To one party it may just mean space, and to the other it means broken up and being a free agent. Tbh there isn’t really much point in getting hung up on that, difficult as I’m very sure it is.

However, her assuming that you would still pay half the rent is quite frankly nuts. And as others have said, sounds like a total user to me - even more so that she is now guilting you about it, and asking you to move back in. This is the part that would concern me more that should she was with - it just screams ‘user’ to me. She may be panicking re rent and money, and that’s why she is acting like that, but that is not your problem.

And please please do not have ‘sex with the ex’ with her. You may find yourself trapped with her long term.

The above is still what I think - but I didn’t cop the thread title - she’s not your girlfriend. She hasn’t been your girlfriend since she dumped you and you moved out.

Thespoofer

Get rid.

Sureitlbegrand

<snipped>

Mod warning:

Do not use sexist language in PI. If you do not have civil, constructive advice for the OP then don't post.

fineso.mom

Agree with everyone else, don't go back.
Also, you asked if what she did was cheating. Personally I think it was but that doesn't matter.
What matters is what you think and what you are willing to accept in a relationship. You have the right to tell her that you don't want to be with her, regardless of whether you or she or anyone else believes she cheated.

Kidchameleon

She is not your girfriend. Her rent is not your responsibility. Her child is the responsibility of herself and the father - not yours.

Ikozma

Uou sound like a decent intelligent lad, do yourself a favour and stay away

Sorry about that

You were together less than a year, that should still feel like the honeymoon period in a relationship. Plus, you also were a financial support, as well as being available for her child.
She has done you a massive favour here, you've got all the time in the world to meet someone decent.

Have some respect for yourself

Cut and run. And quick. Just be glad you saw this side of her before you got further involved, one of them fellas she was sucking off can help her.

Bishop of hope

Man, you shouldn't even have to ask really.
I feel sorry for your situation, but you don't need that hassle in your life.
She is also emotionally blackmailing you with the kid.
If you feel some responsibility towards the kid, that can be a headwrecker for sure and I feel for you, but the woman needs to get the boot.

adam88

Op. Just read someone’s comment regarding “sex with the ex” personal question. You don’t need to answer it but it’s a bit of a social experiment question as well. Have you and her been intimate since you found out this info ????

Castlekeeper

What's the odds she's pregnant again and wants to hang you?
"18 yeeaz, 18 yeeaz, 18 yeeaz then she told him he wasn't his,
I'm na sayin she's a golddigga ..."

Run a mile, don't look in the mirror.

Dog day

Kidchameleon wrote: »

She is not your girfriend. Her rent is not your responsibility. Her child is the responsibility of herself and the father - not yours.

Seconding this.

As pretty much every other poster has said you need to run far & fast from this person. She’s treated you appallingly & you sound like a really nice guy. She on the other hand sounds like a particularly nasty piece of work.

Cut all contact & don’t look back. Good luck!

I Am The Law

Move on quickly my good man. You'll meet a woman who recognises your decency.

FishOnABike

She's not your girlfriend , she's your ex-girlfriend and for a reason - she decided to break up.

Think of it this way. If you met someone who has an overdeveloped sense of entitlement, was more interested in the depth of your pockets than you as a person, was known to suck off and screw around with strangers and tried to emotionally blackmail the people around her would you consider that person as a potential girlfriend.

The advice to let her stay an ex-girlfriend had been pretty much unanimous and for plenty of reasons. This one has more red flags than a May day parade in a former Soviet state.

Be glad you've had the opportunity to see her true colours now rather than in a few months time when there might have been an 'accident' with contraception.

mcgragger

4Ad wrote: »

Dont entertain her for 1 second more.
Why should you pay for anything..
It will never EVER be the same again.
Avoid all contact ( if possible)

1000% pull the pin and get away from this person. She sounds horrible.

I was in a similar situation years ago with the whole living with girl that had a child for someone else before me.
She's only asking you to go back for financial reasons. I stuck in with my ex but it just got worse over time and looking back I feel like such a plum for staying.
Even without you in the equation shes out with other fellas doing whatever. Who is looking after her child while shes out behaving like that?

Go and find someone you can start your own family with mate. Put this down to experience.

Macdarack

Ikozma wrote: »

Uou sound like a decent intelligent lad, do yourself a favour and stay away

I don't mean to insult anyone here but you cannot say the op seems intelligent.
For the love of jesus keep away from this women, if she really exists.
Are you for real? She blew a few lads off over Christmas and then expects you to still pay half the rent? (either way the rent thing is crazy), and you can't see what's happening here? She's stuck for money but at the same time wants to pick things up with you?
I'm sorry but this is literally unbelievable

El_Duderino 09

The way you tell the story, it seems pretty clear she asked you to move back in to pay the rent, not to be her boyfriend.

The ins and outs of being on a break vs broken up are irrelevant at this stage. She’s not treating you as a boyfriend.

As everyone else has said in various ways, the relationship is over. Do yourself a favour and move on.

Antares35

I'd high tail it out of there as fast as I could!

punisher5112

Do not give her a cent towards rent, get yourself together. It's going to be tough as you have a relationship with the child but you need shot of this cnut.....

She will get pregnant by some other fella and you be left thinking it's yours.

Do you really want to go back after she has sucked others off and had them inside her, think of that.

It's hard, you will be upset etc but get away fast.