Erection problems with girlfriend

tara73

I don't remember other threads but have you actually ever tried real therapy with a good therapist specialised in sexual issues?

You can go on and go on posting here but in the end it will not help because your issues seems too deep. Writing with strangers on the internet is a virtual world, it never can substitute talking to a real, professional person who is good in what he/she is doing. Unfortunately there are many unprofessional therapists out there too, but the effort to look for the right one is worth it.

That's my advise, visit a professional.

XsApollo

<Mod snip - medical advice is not allowed>

HamSarris

Even if you were to solve your erectile difficulties, there's core psychological difficulties there that will lead to other problems.

As a general impression, I'd say you've a vulnerable narcissistic personality type and possibly autistic traits. The vulnerable narcissist will compare themselves to a fantasy of a strong, alpha male type and when reality bursts this bubble (e.g. not being able to be a sex machine), they feel a high sense of anxiety and shame. They'll sometimes talk a lot about their flaws but also will give you subtle hints about how great they are (indirectly seeking praise and admiration - e.g., how beautiful my girlfriend is, how girthy my penis is).

For the vulnerable narcissist, women are treated as objects, not people. They'll obsess about their own number of sexual partners or lack thereof, size of the their penis, whether they can make their girlfriend cum etc. Their goal is not to have a better relationship, it's for their girlfriend to praise and admire their masculine qualities. They need this praise because they feel so insecure at the unconscious level and praise will temporary soothe such insecurities.

Concurrent autistic traits would reinforce some of the difficulties of a vulnerable narcissists - viewing other people as objects, feeling like the centre of the universe.

completedit

Thanks. I guess these things are on a spectrum but I definitely see that, at least beyond what would be considered normal. I don't feel my traits are destructive, I have a good sweet side to me, I don't think I'm a full blown narcissist vulnerable or grandiose but there's definitely an element of that.
Autism I don't know. I think I'm an empathetic guy and don't display many traits associated with it but who knows.
I definitely agree though, the whole alpha fantasy thing, that's actually something that's obsessed me for years. Have always had a jealousy, not for the good looking guys but for the guys who have a silver tongue and have that ability to woo a girl without relying on their looks. This came because the first girl I ever liked properly, ended up falling for such a guy. In my head we were in direct opposition for her and he won.
I have a nice relationship with this girl. In reality, I noticed last night that what turns me on is pretty simple. I just like the care and intimate comfort of kissing and not feeling a pressure. For whatever reason, once the clothes come off, I lose my excitement. The girl reached down my boxers while we were kissing and making out and that was the first time I actually felt property excited for foreplay. We were watching a film and I just loved how out of nowhere it was. Before that, when we go to do it it, it's been more about getting to P in V. Sorry just running my mind here a little. Appreciate the feedback. I've improved myself a great deal,l and that has been down to the help from people on this site. I just need a little bit of professional guidance and I'll be even better, confident of that.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,
I had the exact problem with my current gf of 4 years when we got together first. I totally get your feelings of guilt and frustration, she was also really supportive and non judgemental but it was making her second guess if it was her. It's 100% mental. I made the decision to go to the GP, he prescribed me some pills but they weren't viagra, they only work when you feel aroused but just help with the blood flow. It worked wonders.
It's a confidence game, once you get that monkey off your back it should help you to stop overthinking it and just enjoy and go with it.
I made the choice not to tell my GF at the time, but that's your call. She did find out after some time but understood that it was a means to an end and once it wasn't something I was using all the time she was OK with it.

completedit

Thank you mate.

Midster

completedit wrote: »

It’s not typical stage fright though. I think I need to stop porn, it’s not porn that’s the problem but probably my attitude to sex. For me, sex or masterbation was something I didn’t when I felt low about myself. I never associated any sexual act with feeling good.

It’s either psychological, or a physical problem. Go to your doc, I had a similar problem a while back and after loosing the girlfriend I adored, getting so low I nearly killed myself. The doc prescribed me a short course of viagra.
It did the trick, I don’t have those random thoughts that used to pop into my head just before sex which stopped it from happening anymore.

Sometimes even your brain can doubt itselfs own ability to do the natural, it can happen for several reasons, but with viagra I got that belief back again, the doubt went away.

And hey BINGO......

And for the record, I don’t have to use viagra anymore.

completedit

Guys just want to say thanks for the advice. Eventually, this sorted itself out.
Where there’s a will there’s a way. I am a healthy, fit young guy and I was questioning so much about myself, what turns me on, am I asexual, do I find girls sexually attractive(rather than just finding them pretty or wanting to have a platonic bond) Was a super nice moment, honestly.

Really, the hand is no comparison to the real thing hahah.

But yeah, I’ve used PI over the last few years and got your advice so just want to say appreciate it. Bit dramatic maybe but I feel such a sense of being ‘normal’

XsApollo

Onwards and upwards as they say :-)