To make contact or not......

Minnie41

I've been seeing this guy on and off for over a year now. I think he's a functioning alcoholic, he holds down a job no problem but does a lot of drinking on his days off including all day drinking about once a week. He promises the sun, moon and stars when he's drunk and I listen to all his problems but once he sobers up he says he doesn't know what he wants and that it's not fair on me. I got two texts in the last week from him which I replied to one being about a member of my family being sick (who he knows very well), I now have received bad news about this family member . Do I fill him in ( he did text last two times but I have not initiated because I feel I've been treated like crap too many times) on the latest news as he was the first person I told that there was a problem or should he be asking me . Very confused about where I go from here, I don't want a pity fest from him but do I owe it to him to let him know? Is he waiting for me to contact him or would he be enquiring more if he really cared??

cannotlogin

Do you really want to invite an alcoholic into your life?

It's a difficult enough situation where someone you already have in your life becomes one.

Run would be my advice.

Minnie41

cannotlogin wrote: »

Do you really want to invite an alcoholic into your life?

It's a difficult enough situation where someone you already have in your life becomes one.

Run would be my advice.

Thanks for the advice but do I contact him to update him on what's going on as he did enquire about this person and did send the last two texts??

pwurple

I assume the bad news is a terminal diagnosis?

If it's for him to say his goodbyes, and they are a friend of that person, then ask your family member who they want told or not told. It's not your place to make that decision.

You said you don't want a pity-fest from this guy , which means don't tell him unless you are asked to, by the ill person.

Salthillprom

Minnie41 wrote: »

I've been seeing this guy on and off for over a year now. I think he's a functioning alcoholic, he holds down a job no problem but does a lot of drinking on his days off including all day drinking about once a week. He promises the sun, moon and stars when he's drunk and I listen to all his problems but once he sobers up he says he doesn't know what he wants and that it's not fair on me. I got two texts in the last week from him which I replied to one being about a member of my family being sick (who he knows very well), I now have received bad news about this family member . Do I fill him in ( he did text last two times but I have not initiated because I feel I've been treated like crap too many times) on the latest news as he was the first person I told that there was a problem or should he be asking me . Very confused about where I go from here, I don't want a pity fest from him but do I owe it to him to let him know? Is he waiting for me to contact him or would he be enquiring more if he really cared??

I would say no, you shouldn't contact him unless the ill person wants you to. You absolutely do not owe it to this man to tell him the news. In the cold light of day, this person doesn't want to with you in the way that you'd like. It's always the drink talking. You need to steer clear of this toxic relationship. You will only become a door mat for someone who only wants you with drink on them.

Graces7

OP; please. let time pass? You are overstressed and overstretched and need some space and peace. Everything seems kind of urgent when you are stressed

Just let time pass? Be kind to you.

Minnie41

Yea but I suppose I feel if I leave too much time pass, I will lose him........or I possibly have already lost him......

Sardonicat

Minnie41 wrote: »

Yea but I suppose I feel if I leave too much time pass, I will lose him........or I possibly have already lost him......

He is already lost to the drink. Don't use your relative's bad news as a way back to this man. As posted above, it's not your place to divulge this information to anyone. Can you be certain that you aren't focusing on this man to avoid dealing with the feelings around your relative's bad news?

Effects

Minnie41 wrote: »

Yea but I suppose I feel if I leave too much time pass, I will lose him........or I possibly have already lost him......

If he behaves the way you describe, then it sounds like he doesn’t really want you.
You shouldn’t really have any problem in losing him.
Find someone else who will treat you better.