How to cope with not being able to establish expectations with my mother's visits?

StinkyMunkey

A normal healthy relationship with your grand children is spending time with them on a one to one level, such as baby sitting them or minding them - a lot of people in the thread seem oblivious to that. It's quiet dysfunctional for a grand parent or parents not to want to spend time with their grandchild, and is in no way can be considered normal behaviour.

This woman clearly has no interest is anyone other than herself and is obviously a narcissist.

She obviously wants to stay with you to keep costs down for herself. Your house is free accommodation to her.

If I was in your position and a parent came to stay and took no time to engage with my children, they could **** right off. I wouldn't be shy about saying go visits where you like when you like, but it won't be in my house.

There is always give and take, **** anyone who is all about taking.

chris525

StinkyMunkey wrote: »

A normal healthy relationship with your grand children is spending time with them on a one to one level, such as baby sitting them or minding them - a lot of people in the thread seem oblivious to that. It's quiet dysfunctional for a grand parent or parents not to want to spend time with their grandchild, and is in no way can be considered normal behaviour.

This woman clearly has no interest is anyone other than herself and is obviously a narcissist.

She obviously wants to stay with you to keep costs down for herself. Your house is free accommodation to her.

If I was in your position and a parent came to stay and took no time to engage with my children, they could **** right off. I wouldn't be shy about saying go visits where you like when you like, but it won't be in my house.

There is always give and take, **** anyone who is all about taking.

YES!!!! THIS IS IT! THANK YOU!

chris525

StinkyMunkey wrote: »

A normal healthy relationship with your grand children is spending time with them on a one to one level, such as baby sitting them or minding them - a lot of people in the thread seem oblivious to that. It's quiet dysfunctional for a grand parent or parents not to want to spend time with their grandchild, and is in no way can be considered normal behaviour.

This woman clearly has no interest is anyone other than herself and is obviously a narcissist.

She obviously wants to stay with you to keep costs down for herself. Your house is free accommodation to her.

If I was in your position and a parent came to stay and took no time to engage with my children, they could **** right off. I wouldn't be shy about saying go visits where you like when you like, but it won't be in my house.

There is always give and take, **** anyone who is all about taking.

BEST ANSWER!!!

I wasn't even asking her to clean up poop or pee or anything like that. I wasn't even asking her to discipline the kids. I wanted her to look up from her phone when her granddaughter was talking to her and to tell us if my daughter was trashing the house when she was in the same room as her.

LegacyUser

StinkyMunkey wrote: »

A normal healthy relationship with your grand children is spending time with them on a one to one level, such as baby sitting them or minding them - a lot of people in the thread seem oblivious to that. It's quiet dysfunctional for a grand parent or parents not to want to spend time with their grandchild, and is in no way can be considered normal behaviour.

There is no rule that a grandparent has to spend time with grandchildren if they don't want to. Yes its great if they do but as my mother told me she'd already raised two children she'd no interest in looking after anymore. Maybe it's selfish but that's the mothers choice, the OP has no right to expect her mother to come visit her and look after her children. By the same token the mother has no right to expect her daughter to put her up when she visits so if the OP doesn't want her mother treating her house like a hotel then the answer is simple, tell her she is not welcome to stay, end of. You can't force someone to be 'grand'maternal.

woodchuck

Mod note:

I think this thread has run it's course and the OP has receive a lot of advice over 5 pages. Therefore I'll close this thread at this time.