Affair with Married Man (28yr/48yr)

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this.

I met a man a few months ago through a mutual friend, he is 48 years of age, I am 28. He is married and his wife currently lives abroad but she is due to move here soon. Married approx. 15 years, no children.

I have dated a countless number of men over the years (all around my own age) and I've still yet to find that 'spark' with someone. I've no problem meeting men (mind you it never goes beyond a few dates) as I take very good care of both myself and my appearance, and I'd consider myself as being intelligent, good fun, kind and chilled out.

I can't explain how strong the connection was between us both when we met - we basically sat in the pub for 5/6 hours chatting about our lives. He mentioned, in casual conversation, on several occasions that he loved his wife. He also said, repeatedly, 'you are amazing, I just love speaking with you!". There was definite chemistry between us.

Fast forward to later on when our mutual friend had left, he went in to kiss me and I reciprocated. We ended up sleeping together (no sex) but we did 'fool around' - it was incredibly passionate (tight hugs etc.). The following morning we went out for food and we spent the entire afternoon kissing/hugging/watching TV (no sex or fooling around, just really long, passionate kissing).

We have met up several times since, usually once every second week (he travels a lot). He wines and dines me (he will not allow me to put my hand in my pocket), we end up having sex and I stay over. We tend to then go out for lunch the following day and spend the afternoon cuddling.

I've experienced a wave of emotions since meeting this man. Initially I felt guilt, but now that has completely disappeared - I hate to admit this, and no doubt I will receive a few negative comments, but I have to be honest for the sake of the post. Initially, I also felt excitement, but I was also aware that nothing would come out of this as he is married (he has never actually said this to me, in fact he never mentions his wife to me). However now I am beginning to fall for him. I think about him all the time. I keep telling myself that this is madness, he is married and there is no way he would leave his wife and ride off into the sunset with me, so I've been trying to keep my distance lately. However, he texts me once every three days to ask me how I am, blows me kisses and tells me how much he is looking forward to seeing me again.

I've no idea what I am asking here, but I really wanted to get this off my chest. I am head over heels for this man. I am aware that my actions are irresponsible, and I know what he is doing is very disloyal to his wife, but he treats me with such kindness and care. Surely he cannot love his wife if he is able to pursue me, or can he still love her? Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so, how did it end?

woodchuck

OP, he's married. That's all there is too it.

There's no point speculating about whether or not he loves his wife. You need to judge him by how he treats others - he's treating his wife horribly by cheating on her. You could be in the same situation as his wife some day if you stay with him.

I keep telling myself that this is madness, he is married and there is no way he would leave his wife and ride off into the sunset with me, so I've been trying to keep my distance lately. However, he texts me once every three days to ask me how I am, blows me kisses and tells me how much he is looking forward to seeing me again.

If you're serious about ending it, you need to be up front about it with him. He's obviously not getting the hint by keeping your distance. Of course he's going to keep texting you if you haven't told him you want to end it!

Do the right thing.

Augme

Haha, this thread is going to well.

No offence OP but you come across as some some girl who has her first crush on their teacher. You seen quite naive about all of this.

You talk about him putting his hand in his pocket and treating you with kindness and care - well obviously, he's 48 and getting the ride of some hot 28 year old. He's clearly going to keep making an effort that on tap.

As for loving his wife the part about not loving his wife, come on OP. People are capable of lots of things. He cares about himself firstly, hence the reason he's sleeping with you. In his own mind he can still love his wife and do this, he also might not love his wife and do this.

As I said, if you want to keep going with this then fire ahead but you really do need to wake up and realise what it is. For him it's sex with a young attractive women that will never involved much commitment. Absolute jackpot for him. If you are happy for it to be the same then keep going.

Also, you aren't his first rodeo either so that's something you need to realise.

Honeydew3456

Hi op, Augme spelt this out for exactly what it is. A 48 year old married man getting the ride off a hot 28 year old. I know we are not witness to his wining/dining/cuddles/affection etc but rest assured he knows how to play this game well. Why give him the opportunity to have his cake and eat it. He made the vows and is a nothing but a liar and a cheat at the end of the day. I know you don't see that now but that is all he is, regardless of how great he presents himself to you.

I know one friend that was in the same situation as you. She ended up heart broken. Took her months to get him out of her system even when she eventually found the strenght to call it a day. Then she finally got to the point of not pining after him and missing him and said she felt free.

You are only human and of course feelings will creep in. You have got used of the texts and attention from him outside of meeting up but for your own sake you need to call a halt to this.

You could spend the best years of your life with him and the end result will be the same as now. He has everything to gain and you have everything to lose from this.

I hope you are seeing other men also? If not get onto that pronto and give them a good chance with you. Your feelings for him will calm down fairly quickly then I reckon. There are some great guys out there that I am sure would only love to take you out and put you first. He is just putting himself first in all this.

You say you haven't had that spark with anyone else, the spark of an illicit encounter is no where else to be found. It is a one off. Other sparks are much better.

I really hope you move on from him soon. It will be tough to get out of this web of deceit but you should try make yourself.

P.s. you will then have to block him everywhere, cheating married men are like a plague. Will try to persue you for months/sometimes years afterwards because they are selfish to the core and want the ride again. Nothing to do with your "connection" although that is how it will be spun to you.

Seriously best of luck with this!

weldoninhio

AnonymousOP wrote: »

Going unreg for this.

I met a man a few months ago through a mutual friend, he is 48 years of age, I am 28. He is married and his wife currently lives abroad but she is due to move here soon. Married approx. 15 years, no children.

I have dated a countless number of men over the years (all around my own age) and I've still yet to find that 'spark' with someone. I've no problem meeting men (mind you it never goes beyond a few dates) as I take very good care of both myself and my appearance, and I'd consider myself as being intelligent, good fun, kind and chilled out.

I can't explain how strong the connection was between us both when we met - we basically sat in the pub for 5/6 hours chatting about our lives. He mentioned, in casual conversation, on several occasions that he loved his wife. He also said, repeatedly, 'you are amazing, I just love speaking with you!". There was definite chemistry between us.

Fast forward to later on when our mutual friend had left, he went in to kiss me and I reciprocated. We ended up sleeping together (no sex) but we did 'fool around' - it was incredibly passionate (tight hugs etc.). The following morning we went out for food and we spent the entire afternoon kissing/hugging/watching TV (no sex or fooling around, just really long, passionate kissing).

We have met up several times since, usually once every second week (he travels a lot). He wines and dines me (he will not allow me to put my hand in my pocket), we end up having sex and I stay over. We tend to then go out for lunch the following day and spend the afternoon cuddling.

I've experienced a wave of emotions since meeting this man. Initially I felt guilt, but now that has completely disappeared - I hate to admit this, and no doubt I will receive a few negative comments, but I have to be honest for the sake of the post. Initially, I also felt excitement, but I was also aware that nothing would come out of this as he is married (he has never actually said this to me, in fact he never mentions his wife to me). However now I am beginning to fall for him. I think about him all the time. I keep telling myself that this is madness, he is married and there is no way he would leave his wife and ride off into the sunset with me, so I've been trying to keep my distance lately. However, he texts me once every three days to ask me how I am, blows me kisses and tells me how much he is looking forward to seeing me again.

I've no idea what I am asking here, but I really wanted to get this off my chest. I am head over heels for this man. I am aware that my actions are irresponsible, and I know what he is doing is very disloyal to his wife, but he treats me with such kindness and care. Surely he cannot love his wife if he is able to pursue me, or can he still love her? Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so, how did it end?

You are literally his sugar baby. He throws a few quid around and gets sex. You’ll be on the shelf once his wife arrives.

bitofabind

A “spark” is in no way a good indicator of compatibility or relationship potential. It’s Disney Hollywood stuff that gets glorified over far more important qualities a person should have for you to invest in them, like honesty and kindness.

This lad is dishonest and is only being kind because he’s getting his hole, to put it bluntly. And a nice little ego boost at that. Getting his kicks and getting to feel like he’s “still got it” while wifey is out of town. Buying dinner for you is a tiny price to pay in the face of that.

OP, they never leave their wives. You say you’re intelligent and attractive, if that’s the case why are you accepting some woman’s sloppy seconds? Why are you not demanding more from a partner, why are you acting like a woman who has no other options?

It’s not “men my age who I don’t connect with” or “married men”. If the men you’re attracting aren’t working for you, change the men you’re dating. Go a few years older, go for the quieter men, look at building friendship first and going from there. Stop acting outside of your integrity. This man will bring you nothing but heartache, misery and bitterness that could literally change your life for the worse in years to come.

zoobizoo

I'm 47 and male.

He has the experience to make you feel that there is a connection. He knows what to say to make you feel special. He

He should know better.

Nothing good will come of this. He has taken advantage of you because he should know better.

One More Toy

AnonymousOP wrote: »

Going unreg for this.

I met a man a few months ago through a mutual friend, he is 48 years of age, I am 28. He is married and his wife currently lives abroad but she is due to move here soon. Married approx. 15 years, no children.

I have dated a countless number of men over the years (all around my own age) and I've still yet to find that 'spark' with someone. I've no problem meeting men (mind you it never goes beyond a few dates) as I take very good care of both myself and my appearance, and I'd consider myself as being intelligent, good fun, kind and chilled out.

I can't explain how strong the connection was between us both when we met - we basically sat in the pub for 5/6 hours chatting about our lives. He mentioned, in casual conversation, on several occasions that he loved his wife. He also said, repeatedly, 'you are amazing, I just love speaking with you!". There was definite chemistry between us.

Fast forward to later on when our mutual friend had left, he went in to kiss me and I reciprocated. We ended up sleeping together (no sex) but we did 'fool around' - it was incredibly passionate (tight hugs etc.). The following morning we went out for food and we spent the entire afternoon kissing/hugging/watching TV (no sex or fooling around, just really long, passionate kissing).

We have met up several times since, usually once every second week (he travels a lot). He wines and dines me (he will not allow me to put my hand in my pocket), we end up having sex and I stay over. We tend to then go out for lunch the following day and spend the afternoon cuddling.

I've experienced a wave of emotions since meeting this man. Initially I felt guilt, but now that has completely disappeared - I hate to admit this, and no doubt I will receive a few negative comments, but I have to be honest for the sake of the post. Initially, I also felt excitement, but I was also aware that nothing would come out of this as he is married (he has never actually said this to me, in fact he never mentions his wife to me). However now I am beginning to fall for him. I think about him all the time. I keep telling myself that this is madness, he is married and there is no way he would leave his wife and ride off into the sunset with me, so I've been trying to keep my distance lately. However, he texts me once every three days to ask me how I am, blows me kisses and tells me how much he is looking forward to seeing me again.

I've no idea what I am asking here, but I really wanted to get this off my chest. I am head over heels for this man. I am aware that my actions are irresponsible, and I know what he is doing is very disloyal to his wife, but he treats me with such kindness and care. Surely he cannot love his wife if he is able to pursue me, or can he still love her? Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so, how did it end?

Naughty naughty... Nice

Homelander

He's your sugar daddy. There is literally nothing whatsoever in your post to suggest it's anything other than a sexual arrangement to him. What do you actually want from this? Because if it's an actual relationship, I think it's pretty obvious you're barking completely up the wrong tree and are being 'used'. What he sees and feels, and what you see and feel, are likely entirely different things altogether.

You've probably convinced yourself that this is different, real, a unique spark that's entirely different to all the other thousands of identical situations that happen every day of the week. Unfortunately it is not. There's no happy ending here unless you're content to be a kept-secret-mistress for the rest of your life.

LegacyUser

What makes you think you're the only one? If he texts you every three days lord knows what he's doing in between. Chances are you're being played like a fiddle.

average hero

Hey OP,

I have read your post a few times and found it to be fascinating. You described the situation and your emotions very well - you should be a writer!

I think there are two perspectives here and I will try to detail them and offer my opinion after that.

1) As per your statement that you are head over heels for him, your writing clearly shows that you have fallen hard for this man. I think you are looking out for yourself fine insofar as you have met a man that you feel you have a spark with and are evidently pursuing him as he is you. You are aware that your actions are irresponsible and have felt a wave of emotions as you have written above. I genuinely sympathise with where you are at the moment - thinking about him all the time etc. etc.

2) This man is not acting with a 'genuine heart'. What I mean by this is that he is 1) having an affair on his wife and 2) he is stringing you along. He is betraying mostly his wife, but you also. If he truly fell in love with you (which does happen to married people from time to time), he could perhaps have packed it in with his wife or at least had some frank and honest conversations with her. Neither appears to be happening. While he may be having a bit of a half-life crisis and dating you, it isn't fair to his wife or to you. At worst, he is displaying narcissistic, manipulative qualities and is using you for an ego boost and the ride.

So to my opinion:

I am not going to tell you to stop because that won't help things however I do think it is important that you have a clear perspective on things. You have clearly lost control as per some of your statements above. If he is trying to manipulate you, it is working. You desperately need to regain control of your emotions. Freeze him out for a while if it would help. Distract yourself with other things (and other men!). Regain control and gain perspective. He is betraying his wife and not (properly) committing to you. A leopard never changes its spots and I would hazard a guess that he won't drop his wife to be with you.

Once you regain control of your emotions and perspective, you will be able to make the correct choices for you.

I wish you well and to be honest, would like an update sometime on how things move forward.

Best,

A

zapper55

Of course he's wining and dining you. He has a young naive girl hanging on his very word and getting sex, the only price is a few meals.

I was in a relationship years ago with a similar age gap, though both of us were single. It was such an uneven relationship. It's only afterwards I realised how unequal it was. So leaving aside that your judgement is clouded by lust or that he is married, how do you see this ending?

rolling boh

you are wasting precious years with this man which will end in tears your tears he is having a nice time getting sex with a woman twenty years younger for the price of a dinner . I know it easy for others to say end it but you are missing the chance to meet someone who you can have a proper life with by letting this married man keep you hanging on for a couple of occasions when it suits him .Good luck but please do the right thing for your future .

leggo

OP I’m not going to have a go at you because I think you’re just being a bit naive here and perhaps working through some issues with this lad. You seem intelligent so you likely know all of what’s been said to you already but your emotions are working against that logic. Sadly I think you’re going to learn a lesson the hard way here.

What I will say though is: let’s disregard the moral side of this for a second. Let’s play this out and imagine you get your best case scenario and he declares his undying love for you and his plan to leave his wife. Then he does and it’s great for a while. Then the novelty wears off and this all just becomes normal life: cleaning the house, budgeting, washing dirty jocks, all that fun stuff. OP, you’ve seen how this man treats the person he’s committed to. Now you won’t be the exciting bit on the side, you’ll be the boring constant. You’ll be the one getting cheated on by someone you can’t deny does this kind of thing without much thought.

There is zero way this situation ends in anything other than you getting hurt and not having a lasting relationship. It’s just a case of if you want to be in control of that or just wait for it to happen.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your responses. I am surprised that I did not receive a torrent of abusive comments, and although they would be deserved, they wouldn't be very constructive, so thanks.

The theme here appears to be clear - I will be the one to end up hurt. However, surely I am the one with less to lose? Please bare with me, but my head is in overdrive.

I keep thinking to myself that this man must think very highly of me. Reason being, he is constantly telling me how 'sweet' and 'kind' I am, and he is essentially risking his marriage by spending time with me, which surely demonstrates that he really trusts me? He also added me on both Facebook and Instagram, which is an usual thing to do for someone who is trying to be discreet. Similarly, when we go out for meals, he wears his wedding ring. This makes me feel quite awkward as I have seen people next to us look at it and then look at me. Why would he do this by the way? Lastly, he tells me I can text him any time, any day, even when he is with his wife. I never do (obviously), but how can he be this relaxed? They must have a rather unusual relationship.

On a side note, is it possible that perhaps he genuinely does have strong feelings for me, and it is simply a case of unfortunate timing in life (as in, he met his wife first)?

Perhaps I am being naive. I am a hopeless romantic by nature, and as a previous poster said, I appear to be falling for this 'Disney romance'. His wife is moving here soon, so I'd imagine he will end it with me. I need to find the courage to end it myself as yes, I know I will be hurt on the double if he were to end it with me. I hope I can find it.

LegacyUser

Affairs rarely end in happy endings. His wife doesn't live in this country. He's horny. You're good for sex. That's it. That's as much as it amounts to. He won't leave his wife. You know that. If he does, suddenly your exciting afternoons kissing and hugging become everyday life. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, bills. It might be nice for a while, but then it becomes mundane. And then he meets another young exciting woman who he feels an instant connection to?

zapper55

Op if someone kept telling me how sweet and kind I was I'd assume they thought I was very naive.

Re the wedding ring he prob loves the idea of having people know you are his bit on the side.

Re fb/instagram. They could be seperate accounts set up to let on you guys are so close. Can you see who his friends are on it? I knew a guy who kept his friends list private so other friends couldnt see it, there was only one reason for that!

Mr. Incognito

I keep thinking to myself that this man must think very highly of me.

He doesnt.

You are just a vagina wrapped in a person he has to lie to and manipulate to get what he wants.

None of those lies are genuine and I am sorry that he managed to prey on your insecurities where you are happy to accept this attention from someone who is clearly unavailable.

You will be strung along for as long as you let it continue.

I used to work with men like him.
Well. I used to make money from men like him.
Trust me darling he dosnt love you. And even if he did ride off into the sunset you wouldn't be long getting sick of him.
Flip the table. (Your young. Would you like his wrinkly ass in 15 years time when your still young? No) enjoy those meals, affection, dig deeper he might even buy you a nice bag, a few nice holidays, but my advice is you take the leash and see it for what it is and stay in power. Enjoy while it last!

Lesalare

Augme wrote: »

Haha, this thread is going to well.

No offence OP but you come across as some some girl who has her first crush on their teacher. You seen quite naive about all of this.

You talk about him putting his hand in his pocket and treating you with kindness and care - well obviously, he's 48 and getting the ride of some hot 28 year old. He's clearly going to keep making an effort that on tap.

As for loving his wife the part about not loving his wife, come on OP. People are capable of lots of things. He cares about himself firstly, hence the reason he's sleeping with you. In his own mind he can still love his wife and do this, he also might not love his wife and do this.

As I said, if you want to keep going with this then fire ahead but you really do need to wake up and realise what it is. For him it's sex with a young attractive women that will never involved much commitment. Absolute jackpot for him. If you are happy for it to be the same then keep going.

Also, you aren't his first rodeo either so that's something you need to realise.

LegoFriends wrote: »

Affairs rarely end in happy endings. His wife doesn't live in this country. He's horny. You're good for sex. That's it. That's as much as it amounts to. He won't leave his wife. You know that. If he does, suddenly your exciting afternoons kissing and hugging become everyday life. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, bills. It might be nice for a while, but then it becomes mundane. And then he meets another young exciting woman who he feels an instant connection to?

Bang on to both the above.

As someone who is divorced and who (devastatingly) lost my husband to another woman after 14 years, (Disclaimer: He didn't end up with her in the end and came looking to get me back 2 years later, saying it was the biggest regret of his life: I told him to sod off), I would politely tell you to back the heck off from this guy. Unless you are happy with considering yourself a home wrecker.

He has a wife. Plus from what you describe in your original post which sounds like something out of the mouth of a teenager: he's just using you for sex and satisfying his own ego that he can hook a girl half his age.

"We have met up several times since, usually once every second week (he travels a lot). He wines and dines me (he will not allow me to put my hand in my pocket), we end up having sex and I stay over. We tend to then go out for lunch the following day and spend the afternoon cuddling."

Sorry but am laughing here at your naivety. You are allowing yourself to be treated like an escort or hooker. You are 28 you say but your level of maturity is a lot lower that that.

Also why on earth you would want to be with a man twice your age and who clearly has no respect for his wife/women, is beyond me.

Sorry I am being harsh here but I've been on the other side of this and I can assure you, from the other side, it REALLY hurts when you find out.

LegacyUser

OP_here wrote: »

I keep thinking to myself that this man must think very highly of me.

He also added me on both Facebook and Instagram. Similarly, when we go out for meals, he wears his wedding ring. Lastly, he tells me I can text him any time, any day, even when he is with his wife. I never do (obviously), but how can he be this relaxed? They must have a rather unusual relationship.

Why would you think he thinks highly of you?? You're his bit on the side. A man or woman who cheats on their partner had no respect for anyone. Not you, and definitely not his wife!

As for Facebook, wedding ring, text when he's with his wife - again, he's showing how little respect he has for his wife. How can you be with such a horrible man?

You ask how he can be so relaxed, maybe because he doesn't give a sh*t about the hurt and embarressment he might end up causing his wife.

You saying they must have an unusual relationship is bullsh*t. It's a cop out for you, a way for you to excuse your bad behaviour.

You are helping a married man cheat - it's horribly selfish behaviour on both your parts.

End it, now. Think how you would feel if it was being done to you.

I feel so sorry for his poor wife. What an absolute pri*k of a man.

bitofabind

Dating is brutally hard and finding a connection with someone can be painstakingly rare, so I can empathise how that's influencing you in a way. However, you are being astonishingly naive and blinded by your feelings OP.

OP_here wrote: »

However, surely I am the one with less to lose?

What do you want in life? Presumably a partner to settle down with, marry and have a family? Hang in there with this guy and you're looking at losing many valuable years of your life to a guy that is not physically available, will promise you things he can't give and the web of pain and misery and bitterness that that will weave in you.

He'll say what he needs to say to keep you onside, for years if he wants to. Why wouldn't he? This way he gets to have his cake and eat it. And you clearly are lapping it up. You are wasting time and emotional energy on someone that will be harder to get over the longer you leave it, and closing shop to more available, more compatible men.

OP_here wrote: »

I keep thinking to myself that this man must think very highly of me. Reason being, he is constantly telling me how 'sweet' and 'kind' I am, and he is essentially risking his marriage by spending time with me, which surely demonstrates that he really trusts me? He also added me on both Facebook and Instagram, which is an usual thing to do for someone who is trying to be discreet. Similarly, when we go out for meals, he wears his wedding ring. This makes me feel quite awkward as I have seen people next to us look at it and then look at me. Why would he do this by the way? Lastly, he tells me I can text him any time, any day, even when he is with his wife. I never do (obviously), but how can he be this relaxed? They must have a rather unusual relationship.

Is this a joke or are you actually really this naive? If you were my friend I'd be so worried for you. You're diving headfirst into a situation that will be so emotionally damaging to you and interpreting his very clear red flag behaviours as some sort of skewed idea of his commitment to you. He doesn't respect you or his wife and his brazen behaviour demonstrates that and only that. He's not even arsed taking off his wedding ring! That reads: arrogant, egotistical, secretly getting a kick out of having two women on the go.

There are certain men out there who intentionally target women who want to have affairs and the wedding ring plays into this. It's like a nod to the fact that this will be a bit of discrete fun and nothing more. You're sitting there writing sonnets about this guy that you're falling in love with and thinking you've got a deep and meaningful connection, while he's getting the ride from someone 20 years younger that knows he's married and seems to be onboard with it.

Be careful girl. This has got car crash written all over it.

GreeBo

OP_here wrote: »

I keep thinking to myself that this man must think very highly of me. Reason being, he is constantly telling me how 'sweet' and 'kind' I am, and he is essentially risking his marriage by spending time with me, which surely demonstrates that he really trusts me?

Unless he thinks highly enough of your to get a divorce what exactly are you expecting from this relationship?

Lesalare

GreeBo wrote: »

Unless he thinks highly enough of your to get a divorce what exactly are you expecting from this relationship?

This thread is somewhat rilling me up. I find the OP's sense of self-centredness and ignorance, baffling and irritating.

As woman we all want our 'knight in shining armour' (as stated in the OP post) to tell us over and over how "sweet and cute and kind" we are... *insertvomitemoji

'Kind and sweet' enough to know the OP is essentially helping to possibly destroy another person's life and mental wellbeing.

I have zero time for sorts who get involved with people who are married.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

I'd say he knew exactly what he was doing from the very first meeting. Pretty much guarantee you aren't the first and certainly not the last.

Even if he did decide to ride off into the sunset with you, would you ever trust that he wouldn't be back to his old tricks before long?

His wife moving here will definitely put the brakes on him when she gets here albeit temporarily. That's if he's even telling you the truth about her as well.

Put yourself first here, he can't offer you a proper relationship and all that goes with that currently.

He contacts you every three days and meets up with you once a fortnight for sex. Are you sure you are the only one he's seeing or that what he's telling you about his wife is true? Does the mutual friend who introduced you know what's going on?

Honeydew3456

The actual arrogance of him wearing his ring like that. What a pr**k. He is only delighted at the ego boost. Gross.

Master game player. Level expert.

Game over when the wife is back.

Honeydew3456

Deleted User wrote: »

Flip the table. (Your young. Would you like his wrinkly ass in 15 years time when your still young? No) enjoy those meals, affection, dig deeper he might even buy you a nice bag, a few nice holidays, but my advice is you take the leash and see it for what it is and stay in power

Hahaha great idea. Might as well see if you can get anything 'real' out of it at this stage, before the end.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Honeydew3456 wrote: »

The actual arrogance of him wearing his ring like that. What a pr**k. He is only delighted at the ego boost. Gross.

Master game player. Level expert.

Game over when the wife is back.

Precisely, he doesn't even feel an ounce of shame about what he's doing.

Question for the OP, how would you feel if (when) his wife finds out and gets in touch with you or turns up on your doorstep? I'd imagine the rose tinted glasses would be swiftly removed then.

cannotlogin

Your naivety is astounding!

Middle age man cheating on his wife, charming you with what appears to be more maturity than men your own age and throwing money at you.

Guess what.....that's all he has to offer....well practiced charm learnt over the years, you aren't his first rodeo and you won't be his last. The money thing is easy to, at his age he probably has a decent salary so it's no problem to him.

Where is the honesty, trust, integrity, kindness and decency which is what you should expect in a real relationship?

You want to back a guy that clearly treats his wife like crap, what's so special about you that you are so confident he'll treat you better than her? He won't....he'll replace you with a newer exciting more naive model in time as you wise up too!

Sounds like it's time to grow up, you are guaranteed to get hurt otherwise. Guaranteed.

Honeydew3456

Honeydew3456 wrote: »

Hahaha great idea. Might as well see if you can get anything 'real' out of it at this stage, before the end.

Absolutely...it's only going one way..and not the rose tinted way the OP thinks.

bottlebrush

OP maybe you can clear something up

You say in your opening post that He mentioned, in casual conversation, on several occasions that he loved his wife.
Further on you imply that he has never said he is married and he never mentions his wife. eIther way if he loves his wife then what are you expectations here? And think of your 48 year old self in twenty years time and your husband doing the same to you.
You say you have no problem meeting men albeit they last only a few dates. That's the thing you need to work on here.

zapper55

Honeydew3456 wrote: »

Hahaha great idea. Might as well see if you can get anything 'real' out of it at this stage, before the end.

Or the OP could show some respect for herself, not request items in return for sex which would make her a hooker, and just get out of dodge.

sallyanne12

I have so much sympathy for this mans poor wife. As a woman who was cheated on, I know the deep pain and you're just never the same again. OP youre a wicked woman and so selfish. I really can't believe how she has no compassion whatsoever. Also I would tell his wife, the poor woman deserves a better life partner. You two deserve each other

Lesalare

sallyanne12 wrote: »

I have so much sympathy for this mans poor wife. As a woman who was cheated on, I know the deep pain and you're just never the same again. OP youre a wicked woman and so selfish. I really can't believe how she has no compassion whatsoever. Also I would tell his wife, the poor woman deserves a better life partner. You two deserve each other

I agree.

I found out 1.5 years after my husband of 14 years left, by finding a profile photo on FB of him and a woman all smug and happy. Posing a selfie in a vineyard all super happy with themselves.

She had put it up publicly on her FB page 1 week after he left me when I was in an ER room in shock and sick from drinking to cope with the shock of him leaving. I only found it almost 2 years later by chance. I felt like vomiting when I saw it and detested it for the total lack of compassion for me. She would have known he had just left me at the time and yet stuck it up on her stupid FB page as a public profile pic. Thank God I had no clue about her at the time and never saw it then, but it was still heart wrenching to see..

These women who do this with married men, have zero itoa of the hurt they are helping cause the clueless and loyal partner. Forget the bloke in this situ, the OP should have more thoughts for this poor woman.

As the OP stated "she doesn't last with men very long" - this is what she needs to be working on.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Lesalare wrote: »

I agree.

I found out 1.5 years after my husband of 14 years left, by finding a profile photo on FB of him and a woman all smug and happy. Posing a selfie in a vineyard all super happy with themselves.

She had put it up publicly on her FB page 1 week after he left me when I was in an ER room in shock and sick from drinking to cope with the shock of him leaving. I only found it almost 2 years later by chance. I felt like vomiting when I saw it and detested it for the total lack of compassion for me. She would have known he had just left me at the time and yet stuck it up on her stupid FB page as a public profile pic. Thank God I had no clue about her at the time and never saw it then, but it was still heart wrenching to see..

These women who do this with married men, have zero itoa of the hurt they are helping cause the clueless and loyal partner. Forget the bloke in this situ, the OP should have more thoughts for this poor woman.

As the OP stated "she doesn't last with men very long" - this is what she needs to be working on.

Hope you managed to rebuild things for yourself after that, it's such a hurtful betrayal.

I do think that there's a certain type of woman that knowingly does this sort of thing. It's like an ego thing, a challenge as such.

Little do they know that if they do manage to get their man for 'keeps' in the end its usually short lived. They've only managed to saddle themselves with a cheating untrustworthy liar and will likely be on the receiving end before long.

Lesalare

John Acidic Underclassman wrote: »

Hope you managed to rebuild things for yourself after that, it's such a hurtful betrayal.

I do think that there's a certain type of woman that knowingly does this sort of thing. It's like an ego thing, a challenge as such.

Little do they know that if they do manage to get their man for 'keeps' in the end its usually short lived. They've only managed to saddle themselves with a cheating untrustworthy liar and will likely be on the receiving end before long.

Thank you for the kind words. Yes I have, it was 56 years ago now and am fully divorced etc. and obvs there were other factors in him doing what he did to cause it to happen, but it never really goes away. I would have died for my husband and loved him deeply. I had zero iota he was seeing someone else at the time he left. I have figured out the telltale signs now which I didn't see then, but realise them now.

If the wife of this man is clever, she'll realise he's up to something, as other's stated, I doubt the OP is the only one he is messing about with, or at least she wont be his last.

If I had know about my husbands 'mistress' I would have wasted zero time in confronting her. Esp. as she knew full right, he was married.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Lesalare wrote: »

Ironically 2 years after he left me, he told me he had left her. He called me all the time, said he'd made the biggest mistake in his life, said he was suicidal at times. Long story short, she actually ended up contacting me to ask if he was 'seeing' me again. She said he hadn't mentioned me in 12 months and had zero contact with me. I won't lie I took great comfort and somewhat a level of joy telling her 'No am so sorry to tell you, but he's been calling me literally every day for the past 4 months since I have been away with work and told me you split up months ago"

She was f*cking gobsmacked.

Well they reaped what they sowed!

Lesalare

John Acidic Underclassman wrote: »

Well they reaped what they sowed!

True. Wouldn't mind too but she was an ugly looking thing. Mind you I'd probably rather that than her being a Victoria's Secret type model

LegacyUser

Formerly married man here who had a family of 3 children & a stay at home wife who was the love of my life. Some guy thought it would be nice to sweet talk her online while I was working, this resulted in a full blown affair which I knew nothing about until she looked for a divorce.....the emotional & financial costs of this to me alone can’t be articulated, my childrens’ lives are forever changed, one of them needs regular visits to a child psychologist. We lost our beautiful family home, I lost half my friends as families end up splitting and taking sides so my sisters-in-law and parents in-law disappeared from my life, they were embarrassed.
Sure it was only a bit of fun for this guy who reeled her in...3 months after leaving me he dumped her and left her in her own!
Cheating with a married person hurts many many people & destroys lives, you won’t be an anonymous person, if he’s found out you will have families on both sides with tremendous bitterness towards you if it causes the destruction I experienced.

Walk away, that’s my advice, but sadly you’ve crossed the line already and seem to have zero empathy for the lives you are harming.

zapper55

zapper55 wrote: »

Or the OP could show some respect for herself, not request items in return for sex which would make her a hooker, and just get out of dodge.

Just lightening the mood..a different perspective so to speak.
Sure everyone's exchanging something for something these days. Whether you think it's moral or not it happens.
"Our of dodge" will happen either way...she might as well leave with a token..
Also if the Op could show some respect by telling this guy where to go with his tail between his legs.. Sex dosnt = disrespect

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Crazydecision1234 wrote: »

Formerly married man here who had a family of 3 children & a stay at home wife who was the love of my life. Some guy thought it would be nice to sweet talk her online while I was working, this resulted in a full blown affair which I knew nothing about until she looked for a divorce.....the emotional & financial costs of this to me alone can’t be articulated, my childrens’ lives are forever changed, one of them needs regular visits to a child psychologist. We lost our beautiful family home, I lost half my friends as families end up splitting and taking sides so my sisters-in-law and parents in-law disappeared from my life, they were embarrassed.
Sure it was only a bit of fun for this guy who reeled her in...3 months after leaving me he dumped her and left her in her own!
Cheating with a married person hurts many many people & destroys lives, you won’t be an anonymous person, if he’s found out you will have families on both sides with tremendous bitterness towards you if it causes the destruction I experienced.

Walk away, that’s my advice, but sadly you’ve crossed the line already and seem to have zero empathy for the lives you are harming.

I hope things are looking up for you now, that must have been an awful time for you.

For anyone who thinks it's just harmless fun and excitement, this is the reality of the fallout from affairs, devastating.

buried

The fact you are on here looking for advice concerning this situation thinking you were going to be lambasted for getting into this situation shows that deep down, you know this situation is no good.
And it is no good.
But it is far more serious than that.
You are willingly being used like a commodity or a mere toy by a deeply unhinged, unhappy, untrustworthy, unempathetic, possible dangerous individual.

The part you described about wearing his wedding ring is extremely telling.

It shows you 2 things.

1. He literally does not give a damn about you or your actual feelings.

2. He likes showing off. He likes to make a show to others. He is so unhinged and unhappy in his own self he desperately cares what others think and likes to show off to them.

Now, you can bet your life this gangster, while at the same time betraying & being unfaithful to his own long term wife, this unhinged article will also desperately care about how he is viewed by the social and family circle within his marital situation.
This is why when it comes to the crunch, and it will, you will be discarded like troublesome rubbish.
This is where it gets possibly highly highly dangerous for you.

Time to fully wake up. Ascertain some semblance of control before all hell breaks loose.
Unless you like chaos and Hell, then keep at it.
But if you do keep at it. You will ultimately be doomed.

Good luck.

Mongfinder General

Most of the posters on here are treating you like a kid. These situations do not usually end well. However, they can work out. What do you want? If you want this man then you’ll have to ask him what his long term intentions are towards you. I’d question how his wife is not on his ass more about spending time away from her. Maybe she’s not really interested in him anymore. Anyway, there’s a lot of questions that need answering

NewMan1982

OP. Do you have no morals or integrity?

Lesalare

Mongfinder General wrote: »

What do you want? If you want this man then you’ll have to ask him what his long term intentions are towards you.

Sorry but am LOL-ing here... Really?!?

She's young enough to be his kid, he only sees her every two weeks, showers her with dinners, tells her she's 'sweet'... whilst waiting for his wife to move to the same country to be with him. In fairness no one knows their story properly (aka him and his wife)... but come on!?

I wish Boards had the monkey with hands over eyes emoji...

Mongfinder General

Lesalare wrote: »

Sorry but am LOL-ing here... Really?!?

She's young enough to be his kid, he only sees her every two weeks, showers her with dinners, tells her she's 'sweet'... whilst waiting for his wife to move to the same country to be with him. In fairness no one knows their story properly (aka him and his wife)... but come on!?

I wish Boards had the monkey with hands over eyes emoji...

She’s 28. A functioning adult. More than likely, the op is on a hiding to nothing. All she needs to do is give him an ultimatum, if that’s what she wants. But I suspect she knows that will not end in her favour and instead hopes to profit from future circumstance. What the op needs to know is that nobody gives a fcuk about her except her. And I’d wager that quite a few comments on here come from miserable as fcuk spouses who are too comfortable in their own existence to realize that their other half would be gone in a heartbeat if they thought that they could get a clean break and be financially secure.

bilbot79

He might love you but there's no reason for him to change this enviable status quo unless you take it away from him. Threaten him with 'no deal'

LegacyUser

Does some of his travelling a lot involve travelling back to his wife to have sex with her? And telling you you can text any time, even when he's with his wife. What a guy, eh?! So he's not telling you he's going to talk to his wife about separating? No. He's telling you when he's with her, he doesn't mind having you on the go too. This appears to be a man who has this fine tuned. As others said, I doubt you're his first.

Why are you settling for crumbs of a relationship, from a man who spotted your naivety and desperation and played it perfectly? But hey, yours could be the happy ever after, I suppose.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Mongfinder General wrote: »

And I’d wager that quite a few comments on here come from miserable as fcuk spouses who are too comfortable in their own existence to realize that their other half would be gone in a heartbeat if they thought that they could get a clean break and be financially secure.

Or vice versa, maybe they'd be the ones gone in a heartbeat.

Mongfinder General

John Acidic Underclassman wrote: »

Or vice versa, maybe they'd be the ones gone in a heartbeat.

True story. And still be miserable.

shesty

I have said this elsewhere here...go pick out a chicklit book in any book store to see how this ends OP.It's cliche for a reason.Nobody is going to win here.