Now ye're talking - to someone who has been through rehab

Boards.ie: Niamh

Our next guest has spent time in several Irish rehab centres, namely Cuan Mhuire, St Patrick's Hospital (a private psychiatrist hospital), Stanhope, Coolmine Therapeutic Community, and Renewal.

She is happy to do an AMA based on her experiences in all of those places. She also has experience of AA, NA, CA and Lifering which she'd be happy to talk about while respecting the traditions of anonymity of those organisations.

**Our guest won't be online until much later this evening to answer questions so please be patient. Thanks. **

ifeelstupid

Just to get the ball rolling, I have no question but want to say congratulations for sticking with it.

I was very fortunate in that I seemed to find it (relatively) easy to get sober after doing a stint in treatment quite a few years ago. I had been so unhappy for the previous number of years that I think once I saw a chink of light at all I grabbed at it with both hands and was prepared to do anything I was told would help me get to a better place.

Having said that, I think it takes great courage and strength to keep going back for treatment after a relapse and I'm not sure I would have the mental strength to go again so well done you and I wish you nothing but the best for a long and happy future.

Bigmac1euro

What substances where you abusing ?
When did you reach the bottom ?

Fair play and well done for floating back to the top

tdf7187

I was treated for alcoholism in St John of Gods last year and after approx 10 months sober am drinking again. I have experience of AA and Liferings also.

I like the AA slogan "we seek progress, not perfection". That's all I'll say for the moment.

Was there any substance or alcoholic drink that you went after?

What substitutes would you try?

I've been to rehab, AMA

ifeelstupid wrote: »

Just to get the ball rolling, I have no question but want to say congratulations for sticking with it.

I was very fortunate in that I seemed to find it (relatively) easy to get sober after doing a stint in treatment quite a few years ago. I had been so unhappy for the previous number of years that I think once I saw a chink of light at all I grabbed at it with both hands and was prepared to do anything I was told would help me get to a better place.

Having said that, I think it takes great courage and strength to keep going back for treatment after a relapse and I'm not sure I would have the mental strength to go again so well done you and I wish you nothing but the best for a long and happy future.

Thanks!

I've wished at times that I was one of the fortunate ones who managed to "get" it first time in treatment, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. I mean, first time I went into treatment I still had my family, my home, my career, I lost all of those things along the way.

I can't even count the number of detoxes I've done. It's very disheartening starting back at square one time and time again, and really I don't know where I got the strength and resilience from to keep on pushing, to start again so many times. You really learn the meaning of humility.

Fair play to you for getting your sobriety and holding on to it, and I wish you all the best in life.

What was your path to addiction?

I've been to rehab, AMA

Bigmac1euro wrote: »

What substances where you abusing ?
When did you reach the bottom ?

Fair play and well done for floating back to the top

Alcohol. Only ever alcohol, which I'm still amazed by. I've been around drugs lots of times, but have never even experimented with any, which is just as well, because I'm certain if I tried I'd have been hooked immediately! Most of my friends in recovery had been cross-addicted to drugs and alcohol.

About reaching the bottom, a saying I like is "Your own rock bottom is when you choose to stop digging." I've hit countless rock bottoms. To name a few, my partner leaving me and taking our baby with him. Drinking wine in the toilets on the train into work in the mornings (this would have been way back when I was still "functional".) Waking up in homeless hostels, in hospitals, on the streets, in all kinds of dangerous situations. Numerous suicide attempts. Relapsing in treatment centres and hospitals by sneaking the drink in, in hindsight that was insane behaviour. Begging borrowing and stealing to get alcohol or money for alcohol.

I know the above doesn't reflect particularly well on me, but addiction turns you into a complete monster. That's the hard part - you wake up in a detox bed, and have to begin to come to terms with the awful things you've done and all the people you've hurt. For me, the guilt and shame was often what brought me back using again ... a vicious cycle.

I've been to rehab, AMA

tdf7187 wrote: »

I was treated for alcoholism in St John of Gods last year and after approx 10 months sober am drinking again. I have experience of AA and Liferings also.

I like the AA slogan "we seek progress, not perfection". That's all I'll say for the moment.

Best of luck with your journey. St John of Gods is one place I've never been to, I've had numerous admissions to St Pats though and I imagine it's quite similar.

I've been to rehab, AMA

Deleted User wrote: »

Was there any substance or alcoholic drink that you went after?

What substitutes would you try?

I usually drank white wine and/or vodka, but I wasn't fussy, I'd have drank anything alcoholic really.

I've experienced benzos (prescribed) but to be honest, alcohol did for me exactly what I needed it to do, it switched me off completely, so I never really felt I needed to look elsewhere or try any other substances.

Gremlinertia

Well done for continuing to battle through some major losses..

Is there a rehab facility you rate above others?. If so may i ask why?

I've been to rehab, AMA

Deleted User wrote: »

What was your path to addiction?

I'm not from a family of addicts or anything like that - I came from a good family, load of siblings and parents who did their best for us, and I have a good education. I would have been sexually abused pretty badly by a male relative between the ages of 3 and 12, and while I don't blame my addiction on that abuse, I guess it forced me to adopt some unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as self-harm (which I started at about 8 years old.)

In my late teens I started drinking socially with friends, so unlike many other addicts I wasn't particularly young starting off. I liked getting black-out drunk on nights out as often as possible, but it wasn't really problematic for several years.

In my late 20s I got pregnant, I was in a relatively stable relationship at the time. I stopped drinking for the duration of the pregnancy, but I resumed drinking after my son was born. At the time I hadn't recognised my drinking as being particularly problematic, I guess I was in denial. Unfortunately I had post-natal mental health issues on the severe end of the scale, compounded by the residual effects of the sexual abuse in my childhood, and with heavy drinking in the mix ... things got very bad, until when my son was 1.5 years old, I was first admitted to a psychiatric hospital and detoxed for the first time.

A few weeks into treatment I relapsed, and that's around when my relationship ended and my partner left with my son. That was the beginning of what sometimes felt like a neverending roundabout of treatment centres and relapses and detoxes ... in total I guess I was in and out of residential treatment for about 3 years.

JeffKenna

No real question, just wanted to say you sound incredibly brave and I hope you have contact/a relationship with your son now.

I've been to rehab, AMA

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Well done for continuing to battle through some major losses..

Is there a rehab facility you rate above others?. If so may i ask why?

Coolmine, by a long shot. It's where I finally got some meaningful recovery.

Some of the things Coolmine offers that other places don't:
- Unlike many treatment centres, it's completely non-religious
- They are very family-centred - they are the only treatment centre in Ireland that allows mothers to bring their babies in with them, and they have a fantastic parenting program called Parenting Under Pressure for mums and dads in treatment. It really helped me to come to terms with all of my guilt about being a mother in addiction, and helped me to gain some confidence as a mother.
- It's based on community reinforcement, so the clients are essentially taking responsibility for helping each other in their recovery, rather than the staff doing the work for them.
- You learn fantastic life skills there
- They take a very holistic approach and look at every aspect of your life - things like housing, education, health, etc - the idea being that you build yourself a life that makes it worth staying clean and sober for. No point in getting sobriety and going back into the same environment that caused/worsened your addiction
- Their staff are excellent and really well-trained
- Their follow-up care (Aftercare etc) is really excellent, once you complete Coolmine you're part of the community for life.

I'm not going to bash any other treatment centres, but if anyone were to ask me for a recommendation, Coolmine is the one I'd recommend over all of the others. I'd have a complex dual diagnosis of alcoholism and mental health issues, and unlike other programs Coolmine worked really well for me for both the addiction and the mental health side of things.

I'm also still an out-patient with St Pats Psychiatric Hospital, I've done quite a few programs there and would speak very highly of them too. However a 28-day program was unfortunately just never going to cut it for someone with an addiction as deep-set as mine!

JeffKenna

JeffKenna wrote: »

No real question, just wanted to say you sound incredibly brave and I hope you have contact/a relationship with your son now.

+me

I've been to rehab, AMA

JeffKenna wrote: »

No real question, just wanted to say you sound incredibly brave and I hope you have contact/a relationship with your son now.

Thank you. My son and I have a fantastic, very loving and close relationship now. He still lives with his dad, but spends every second weekend with me, and I also collect him from school a couple of days a week. It's about as close to a 50/50 split as you can get really, his dad and I are on good terms and there's no animosity there any more. Thankfully my son has no knowledge or memories of me drinking, I will have no problem being honest with him about it as he gets older, but for now I'm glad that he was too young to have memories of that time.

eviltwin

No questions, I just wanted to say well done and the upmost respect to all of you who have come through addiction. You're all amazing. Continued good health to you

I've been to rehab, AMA

I've been to rehab, AMA wrote: »

I'm not from a family of addicts or anything like that - I came from a good family, load of siblings and parents who did their best for us, and I have a good education. I would have been sexually abused pretty badly by a male relative between the ages of 3 and 12, and while I don't blame my addiction on that abuse, I guess it forced me to adopt some unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as self-harm (which I started at about 8 years old.)

In my late teens I started drinking socially with friends, so unlike many other addicts I wasn't particularly young starting off. I liked getting black-out drunk on nights out as often as possible, but it wasn't really problematic for several years.

In my late 20s I got pregnant, I was in a relatively stable relationship at the time. I stopped drinking for the duration of the pregnancy, but I resumed drinking after my son was born. At the time I hadn't recognised my drinking as being particularly problematic, I guess I was in denial. Unfortunately I had post-natal mental health issues on the severe end of the scale, compounded by the residual effects of the sexual abuse in my childhood, and with heavy drinking in the mix ... things got very bad, until when my son was 1.5 years old, I was first admitted to a psychiatric hospital and detoxed for the first time.

A few weeks into treatment I relapsed, and that's around when my relationship ended and my partner left with my son. That was the beginning of what sometimes felt like a neverending roundabout of treatment centres and relapses and detoxes ... in total I guess I was in and out of residential treatment for about 3 years.

Well done for finally getting off it. It can be a terrible substance.

Are you sober long now.

tdf7187

tdf7187 wrote: »

I was treated for alcoholism in St John of Gods last year and after approx 10 months sober am drinking again. I have experience of AA and Liferings also.

I like the AA slogan "we seek progress, not perfection". That's all I'll say for the moment.

I did a couple of months there a few years ago..
Fell off the wagon after a few months the first time..got another few months a couple of years later..
I'm three years clean/sober at this stage..
I think having the seed planted that you can give it up is a good thing..

Mind yourself..

BlackandGreen

Former addict also here. I was a polydrug addict. Mainly amphetamines, benzos and dissociates. I really wish the general public could empathise more with addiction.

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying and am going to enjoy reading this thread.


Enough about me though, my questions:



At what stage did you realise you were an addict?



Was there any particular trigger or event that made you put the foot down and say, I want off this wild ride?

Sandor Clegane

Did you ever suffer any negative physical health consequences due to drinking?Were you ever told it was damaging your health?

I myself was a big binge drinker for about 10 years until i was hospitalized after a session. I was told my liver enzymes were far too high and this was down to my years of binge drinking.

Luckily enough I was able to stop in time before I did any permanent damage, although it took ages for my liver function to come back within normal range.

I've been to rehab, AMA

Deleted User wrote: »

Well done for finally getting off it. It can be a terrible substance.

Are you sober long now.

Thank you, I'm sober almost two years now.

I've been to rehab, AMA

BlackandGreen wrote: »

Former addict also here. I was a polydrug addict. Mainly amphetamines, benzos and dissociates. I really wish the general public could empathise more with addiction.

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying and am going to enjoy reading this thread.


Enough about me though, my questions:



At what stage did you realise you were an addict?



Was there any particular trigger or event that made you put the foot down and say, I want off this wild ride?

Well I remember in my very first admission to St Pats in summer of 2015, I turned up for admission plastered drunk, and was disgusted that they wanted to put me in the Addictions ward and detox me. :rolleyes: I was insisting that all that was wrong with me was my mental health issues, that I was only drinking to cope with my depression, and that if they sorted out my depression and anxiety I wouldn't need to drink any more.

Obviously, it doesn't work like that! Questioning what came first, the mental health issues or the addiction is a bit of a chicken/egg conundrum, but the mental health professionals will generally tackle the addiction first and see how the person is when they're clean and sober, before treating any mental health conditions.

Anyways that time, once they detoxed me, they wanted me to do a four-week addiction program before we started to look at my mental health. At the time I still had a job and a family to go back to, and was not at all happy at being asked to take four weeks out of my life to do a program that I thought didn't apply to me because I didn't believe I was really an alcoholic. But I did the program ... however I relapsed immediately afterwards, and kept relapsing.

As to when I actually acknowledged I was dependent on alcohol, and really believed it deep down, I guess maybe a year after it was first suggested to me in that hospital. I could complete treatment programs, I've completed several in fact, but I found it impossible to stay sober for any length of time on the outside.

I've heard that, for some people, the treatment centres almost become part of your addiction; I do believe that was the case for me. I was definitely somewhat institutionalised at some stages ... honestly life is easier when you're removed from reality, it's not a real meaningful existence though.

By the way, in my case, when you take alcohol out of the equation my mental health issues remain - in fact I've had two psychiatric admissions since getting sober. But now when I meet people in addiction with a dual diagnosis, I'm able to empathise with them about their mental health but I also share with them my opinion that the doctors are dead right to address the substance abuse issues first. If only I'd fully trusted the doctors on my first admission, maybe my path to recovery wouldn't have been so long ... imagine there was a time I didn't want to take 28 days out of my life; it wasn't long after that until I no longer had a family or a job to go back to, and it ended up being years that I spent in treatment rather than weeks!

On the other hand, I was once told by an AA old-timer that the best thing he could wish for me was a long and difficult path to recovery. It makes you value your recovery more, and makes you stronger in your recovery when you finally get it. I have to say I agree with his sentiment, although I was quite unimpressed when he said it to me!

By the way, in answer to the second part of your question, I can't name any one event that triggered my recovery. If anything, things like losing custody of my son that should perhaps have motivated my recovery just made me hate myself more and drove me further into oblivion. What finally worked for me was the program I did in Coolmine, and the fantastic staff there. I did all of the deep work there that I really needed to do if I was ever to leave my addiction behind, rather than just skimming the surface of my emotions like I used to get away with in other treatment programs.

I've been to rehab, AMA

Sandor Clegane wrote: »

Did you ever suffer any negative physical health consequences due to drinking?Were you ever told it was damaging your health?

I myself was a big binge drinker for about 10 years until i was hospitalized after a session. I was told my liver enzymes were far too high and this was down to my years of binge drinking.

Luckily enough I was able to stop in time before I did any permanent damage, although it took ages for my liver function to come back within normal range.

Amazingly I've never had any real physical consequences. I'm a 34 year old woman; women are meant to suffer more physically but I guess perhaps my age has been on my side. Every time I've been admitted to hospital they check all my bloods and I've prepared for the worst, however my liver and everything else has always been absolutely fine.

I've said to my psychiatrist that I clearly have a liver of steel and that I don't deserve it, that they should take it out of me and transplant it into the body of someone in need.

Now that I'm out the other side, I'm so grateful for my physical health. Between the drinking and the suicide attempts I should probably be dead several times over; instead here I am physically and mentally healthy and with my whole life ahead of me. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I am determined to stay on the path I'm on ... my last relapses got so chaotic and destructive so quickly; I'm not being melodramatic when I say that if I were to have another drink ever again, it could well end up with me dying.

Yester

Do you notice a difference in the quality of your dreams/ sleep.?

I've been to rehab, AMA

Yester wrote: »

Do you notice a difference in the quality of your dreams/ sleep.?

Good question - I've often seen people really struggle with their sleep on admission to treatment centres.

When I was drinking, I'm not sure I ever really slept - moreso just passed out. I mean, I wasn't the type to binge for a few days and then sober up - when I was drinking, I was drinking every waking moment. So my days would revolve around buying alcohol, drinking it, passing out every now and then, then waking up to drink some more. Whether it was 10pm or 8am or 3am - time just didn't matter. So I probably didn't dream much, because I was getting very little real sleep.

I've often found I'd get very vivid dreams as my sleeping pattern settled back into normality. The drug they give you to detox, Librium, is a benzo ... it usually makes you sleep a lot, and sometimes it's hard to tell what's a dream and what's reality. So those few days while detoxing, my dreams would always have been weird.

Thankfully I've never really suffered much with insomnia, I usually sleep very well these days. I get at least 8 hours sleep every night. I do still have odd dreams, but I think that's mostly due to a particular medication I'm on (Seroquel.) It keeps me mentally well, so I don't really mind about the odd dreams I get with it!

skallywag

Are most of those in rehab genuinely there, or do you come across some who are there just to go through the motions, or to keep someone else happy?

I've been to rehab, AMA

skallywag wrote: »

Are most of those in rehab genuinely there, or do you come across some who are there just to go through the motions, or to keep someone else happy?

Hmmm in my own experience, the likes of the private institutions with short-term programs (like four weeks or so), the profile of the clients tends to be older people (50s-60s), financially secure, who don't really believe they have a serious problem but are in their either to give their bodies a break, or to please their spouse or grown-up children. (The whole empty-nest syndrome is a big thing, I've seen it happen a lot that alcoholics who've been drinking but functional the whole time often fall apart when their children leave home, which also often roughly coincides with their own retirement.)

Then you have the likes of Coolmine - a much longer-term program which is affordable for anyone. Many of Coolmine's clients are there for drug abuse, and a lot of the clients had been engaged in criminal activity to fund their drug use. Therefore some clients would have gone there in order to avoid prison, or others would have come straight from prison on TR. Also, particularly in the women's residential facility, parents seek treatment in order to retain or to get back custody/access to their children.

There is a very interesting study available on the Coolmine website about a study researched by Trinity, it's called Pathways Through Treatment, as far as I remember one of the conclusions reached was that regardless of the path into treatment - whether the client was self-motivated or only there to avoid prison or to please someone else - the two-year sobriety rates on successful completion of the program were still very high. (I think 72%, which is significantly higher than most other recovery programs.)

The point being that even if you go into treatment motivated for what might not be considered "genuine" reasons, through successful interventions your attitude and priorities might very well change. I've sat in enough groups with well-hardened career criminals who have very genuinely turned their lives around; who have become decent people with good hearts. There are huge benefits to society when people become clean and sober; not just to the individual and their own family.

I've been to rehab, AMA

I've been to rehab, AMA wrote: »

.....
. What finally worked for me was the program I did in Coolmine, and the fantastic staff there. I did all of the deep work there that I really needed to do if I was ever to leave my addiction behind, rather than just skimming the surface of my emotions like I used to get away with in other treatment programs.

I love this 😍
A dear friend reckoned coolmine was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Sam Quentin

Does a stay in Coolmines etc involve the use of alcohol anti craving medication such as librium,.or is it a totally clean detox to recovery!?

job seeker

You mention earlier that your career was one of the many things that you lost. Can I ask what career were you pursuing before you entered rehab. Has your experience in becoming sober influenced you in choosing a different career since becoming sober or have/will you you returned to the same industry?

Very well done to you on becoming sober and the best of luck in the future!

I've been to rehab, AMA

Sam Quentin wrote: »

Does a stay in Coolmines etc involve the use of alcohol anti craving medication such as librium,.or is it a totally clean detox to recovery!?

Unfortunately Coolmine don't do detoxes (with the exception of methadone; opiate users can be on a low dose of methadone going in.) That's something that's really badly needed in this country, a means for people to detox from alcohol/drugs, at the moment most places with available beds are the very expensive places that you need health insurance for. (Thankfully that's something I've always had; my parents stepped in and paid mine for the time when I wasn't working.)

So many people would love the chance to do a program like Coolmine, the barrier for them is getting the few clean urines in a row that will allow them into the program. To those of you with no experience of addiction it may not seem much of an ask for someone to stay clean for a couple of weeks to get into a program; however when you're in the height of it even a day clean is pretty much impossible.

I've been to rehab, AMA

job seeker wrote: »

You mention earlier that your career was one of the many things that you lost. Can I ask what career were you pursuing before you entered rehab. Has your experience in becoming sober influenced you in choosing a different career since becoming sober or have/will you you returned to the same industry?

Very well done to you on becoming sober and the best of luck in the future!

I was working in Accountancy/Finance for years. Since becoming sober I did a level 5 qualification in Community Addiction Studies, I'm about to do another level 5 in Criminology starting in a couple of weeks. And next year I'm hoping to do a Masters in Addiction Recovery.

In the meantime I'm back working in Finance to make a few €€€ to cover the costs of all those courses. It's work I still really enjoy doing, but long-term I know I could make a difference to peoples' lives, especially those with dual diagnoses like myself. When I have the choice of playing around with numbers or using my experience to make a meaningful contribution to families lives, there's no contest really, I know what would bring me real fulfillment.

By the way, as Finance can be quite high-pressured I didn't jump straight back in - I spent some time on a CE scheme in an addiction service, then I took a minimum wage job working on the till in a supermarket for a few months, before taking on a proper Finance role - but only on a part-time basis, with hours that suit me perfectly and allow me to prioritise access with my son, and giving me plenty of free time to keep focussing on my recovery too.

AndrewJRenko

I've been to rehab, AMA wrote: »

skallywag wrote: »

Are most of those in rehab genuinely there, or do you come across some who are there just to go through the motions, or to keep someone else happy?

Hmmm in my own experience, the likes of the private institutions with short-term programs (like four weeks or so), the profile of the clients tends to be older people (50s-60s), financially secure, who don't really believe they have a serious problem but are in their either to give their bodies a break, or to please their spouse or grown-up children.

Can I ask a practical question please?

Did you have health insurance to cover the costs of St Pat's? Did you have any issues with the limits on duration of cover - 90 days I think?

Is insurance an issue for Coolmine?

Congrats on getting out the other side.

job seeker

I've been to rehab, AMA wrote: »

I was working in Accountancy/Finance for years. Since becoming sober I did a level 5 qualification in Community Addiction Studies, I'm about to do another level 5 in Criminology starting in a couple of weeks. And next year I'm hoping to do a Masters in Addiction Recovery.

In the meantime I'm back working in Finance to make a few €€€ to cover the costs of all those courses. It's work I still really enjoy doing, but long-term I know I could make a difference to peoples' lives, especially those with dual diagnoses like myself. When I have the choice of playing around with numbers or using my experience to make a meaningful contribution to families lives, there's no contest really, I know what would bring me real fulfillment.

By the way, as Finance can be quite high-pressured I didn't jump straight back in - I spent some time on a CE scheme in an addiction service, then I took a minimum wage job working on the till in a supermarket for a few months, before taking on a proper Finance role - but only on a part-time basis, with hours that suit me perfectly and allow me to prioritise access with my son, and giving me plenty of free time to keep focussing on my recovery too.

That's absolutely amazing that you're taking the tough period of your life and turning it into a positive to help others! The very best of luck with your studies in the future and thanks for Doing this AMA!

I've been to rehab, AMA

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

Can I ask a practical question please?

Did you have health insurance to cover the costs of St Pat's? Did you have any issues with the limits on duration of cover - 90 days I think?

Is insurance an issue for Coolmine?

Congrats on getting out the other side.

The insurance cover for VHI is 91 days I think over any 5 year period, you also get up to 100 days for psychiatric illness ever year. So my time there would have been allocated between both types of cover.

The likes of St Pats, St John of Gods, the Rutland, Smarmore, Ais Eiri, White Oaks, Bushy Park, Tabor Group would be mostly covered by health insurance. Now I do know some people who've used up all of their health insurance addiction days and cover the costs for subsequent programs themselves - in the likes of St Pats, you'd be talking close to 30 grand for a months admission.

Coolmine charge I think €140 or thereabouts a week which is not covered by health insurance, in general it is taken out of the person's social welfare payment. (Many of Coolmine's clients are homeless going in, and are entitled to some form of social welfare.)

Other places such as Cuan Mhuire and Tig Linn (religious institutions) are not covered by VHI either, and would have similar rates to Coolmine. Possibly slightly cheaper actually as far as I remember.

How did you find the transition on getting out of rehab..are you sober since?

Edit.. sorry, just read a bit more of the thread..

Best of luck anyway.. glad things are good with your son..

irishgirl19

You have overcome so much. Fair play to you. Best of luck to you and your family

Tell me how

Hi OP.
I know someone who has walked a very similar path to you and every time I see them do something or discuss something relating to 'real life' I am very thankful that they managed to get to a place where it can be said that they have overcome the problems which impacted them and made life for them so difficult for so long.

I was wondering about your relationship with your friends and family and the father of your child. I am sure that they are glad to see you well but I am curious what the relationships were like throughout your illness, did you feel misunderstood, did you think at all about how they viewed you, were you sitting there wishing they would help you but not knowing how to ask for it? Did they see you as selfish or irresponsible in any way or how did you handle any judgement which might have been targeted towards you? When you did start to become well, did you feel you had to explain yourself or apologise for your behaviour in any way and did Coolmine advocate and support including your family in the recovery process in any way?

It's a rambling question, you don't need to specifically answer each part individually.

BlackandGreen

Did any of your co-workers notice your addiction issues or behavior changes while being drunk at work?

Did they say anything to you about it?

I've been to rehab, AMA

Deleted User wrote: »

How did you find the transition on getting out of rehab..are you sober since?

Edit.. sorry, just read a bit more of the thread..

Best of luck anyway.. glad things are good with your son..

Most of the times I've left rehab in the past, things didn't go well.

For example, I spent 7 months in Cuan Mhuire (doing two 12-week programs back-to-back) ... I went from being in a totally contained controlled environment with no exposure to the real world, to suddenly being out there on my own. I found myself a room to rent, I managed to get myself a job ... but I was so used to being surrounded by people, and being told what to do and where to go and how to act ... I just didn't cope well with the sudden isolation and lack of structure and routine. I relapsed almost straight away and lost the job ... I was on a downward spiral then until I found myself back in treatment again.

It's a common problem for people leaving treatment, they do so well when they're in there, but in the likes of Cuan Mhuire you have so little contact with the outside world. You go out there and you've changed, but the rest of the world hasn't, all of those problems and relationships that you'd been hiding away from for so long are suddenly to the forefront again, it's very difficult to cope.

The seven months I spent in Coolmine were very different, there is no hiding away from the outside world and the problems there, the program is all about facing up to those problems and reintegrating you into society on a gradual basis. You get plenty of days out and weekends home over the course of the program, and even when you finish you don't leave until you have a suitable home to go to (in my case, it was a SVDP transition house until I found my own rented apartment.) You go from residential to a step-down program for a couple of months, which is five days a week and really helps with the transition. I remember going into step-down and bawling my eyes out most days because I was struggling so much with the transition. I struggled, but with the help of the step-down facilitators and my peer, I didn't relapse. Even after you finish step-down, there's an Aftercare group that you have to attend once a week for a few months, then after that there's a graduate group you can go to once a week for the rest of your life if you want. (There is no charge for any of these groups.)

Between all of the support I've gotten from Coolmine, and the ongoing support I get from my psychiatric team in St Pats too, I'm doing really well at the moment ... life is good.

I've been to rehab, AMA

Tell me how wrote: »

Hi OP.
I know someone who has walked a very similar path to you and every time I see them do something or discuss something relating to 'real life' I am very thankful that they managed to get to a place where it can be said that they have overcome the problems which impacted them and made life for them so difficult for so long.

I was wondering about your relationship with your friends and family and the father of your child. I am sure that they are glad to see you well but I am curious what the relationships were like throughout your illness, did you feel misunderstood, did you think at all about how they viewed you, were you sitting there wishing they would help you but not knowing how to ask for it? Did they see you as selfish or irresponsible in any way or how did you handle any judgement which might have been targeted towards you? When you did start to become well, did you feel you had to explain yourself or apologise for your behaviour in any way and did Coolmine advocate and support including your family in the recovery process in any way?

It's a rambling question, you don't need to specifically answer each part individually.

Good question!

I'll start with the father of my child, however he's a Boardsie and may well be reading this, so out of respect for him I'm not going to go into detail.

I was an absolute nightmare to live with and treated him very badly, towards the end he was in an awful position. He had a one-year-old child whose mother was gone completely off the rails; as you all may know fathers can struggle to get any rights the way the legal system is in Ireland, so it must have been a difficult decision for him to do what he did in the end. While I was hurt by him leaving (to put it mildly!), in hindsight I know that he was doing the right thing and putting our son first. He stepped up to do the right thing for our son when I was just completely lost in my own issues. He was, and is, a great dad.

For what it's worth I've apologised to him for the way things were back then, to be honest I'm not sure words really mean all that much though. We have a very good co-parenting relationship these days; he knows that when I have access with my son I'll be well and sober, and that our child is completely safe in my care. I think that peace of mind for him is probably worth more than any words of apology.

As for my parents and siblings, things are great these days but we did have some very difficult times throughout my addiction.

I've had a few family group therapy sessions with my parents ... there was a lot of emotion there. My parents feel a lot of guilt about not protecting me from the abuse as a child ... I've done a lot of inner child work (I just hate that phrase but it is what it is) and - while grown-up me knows that my parents did their best - there was still that little girl screaming out for help and not understanding why my parents were so blind to what was going on. I had to do a lot of work to overcome my issues there.

My parents were always very supportive throughout my addiction, but they had to put down boundaries. I have a lot of younger siblings, the youngest of whom is still only a teenager, and towards the end when I was homeless and staying in hostels etc, they were not in a position to have me in the family home. Can you blame them?! I was never angry at them for that, but again they felt a lot of guilt that (they felt) they could have done more to help me.

I have a great relationship with the psychiatric consultant in St Pats who has gone above and beyond to help me over the past few years. Any time I sobered up and started promising her the moon and the stars about how I was going to do things right this time and never drink again, her response was always the same - "Don't tell me, show me." I feel that that's what I am doing with my family and those closest to me - I don't make promises to anyone that I'm going to stay sober forever. I have made my apologies - honest, thorough apologies to everyone I've hurt - but I've left that in the past now, I don't feel the need to grovel or beg for anyone's forgiveness or approval. I am who I am now, and those in my life can accept me as I am or not at all.

I've said it already but addiction makes you behave like an absolute c*nt (sorry for the language, but it's true.) I've been guilty of manipulating everyone around me, of constant lies, of stealing, of all sorts of horrible behaviour. And you know what, when you've lived like that for years, those awful behaviours don't magically disappear when you sober up because they are so deeply ingrained in you. Coolmine is a behavioural change program, on a daily basis you have to pull your peer up on their behaviour - as in, you see someone trying to squirm out of doing the washing up, and you have to say "I'm pulling you up for a lazy attitude." These pull-ups all get written into a book, you'll be called out on any constant behaviours. It sounds bizarre - I know! - but it works ... when you're constantly pulling up those around you on their behaviours, you become more aware of your own, until you find you are pulling yourself up long after you leave the program.

I was never a bad person, I was a good person with some really nasty behaviours. I've worked really hard to eliminate those behaviours, and these days I have a clear conscience going to bed every night about how I've carried myself and how I've treated other people that day. And today is all we have to work with. I'd love to change the past ... I can't ... however instead of spending the rest of my life apologising, I know better now and I do better as a result.

I've been to rehab, AMA

BlackandGreen wrote: »

Did any of your co-workers notice your addiction issues or behavior changes while being drunk at work?

Did they say anything to you about it?

The answer is yes ... I'm going to be careful answering this one, and not go into too much detail, as I know I'm very identifiable in this AMA, anyone who knows me who is reading this has probably recognised who I am by now.

I was in full-time employment in an office job, towards the end I was off sick more than I was in, and when I did turn up I was probably almost always intoxicated. It did not go unnoticed. My employers were incredibly supportive and asked me to take some paid time off to sort myself off.

Bazzy

How are you around alcohol now could you go to a party for a night ? or is that still a struggle?

Soulsun

Did you meet many interesting characters along your journey?

I've been to rehab, AMA

Bazzy wrote: »

How are you around alcohol now could you go to a party for a night ? or is that still a struggle?

Do you know, it's funny, I often pass pubs in the evening and see groups of people my age standing around enjoying a drink together, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Because I wasn't a social drinker, I was a very antisocial isolated drinker. All I ever wanted was to be locked away in a room on my own drinking myself into nothingness. You know when you see a homeless person on the street, dead to the world, completely goofed off their face on heroin or whatever? That's exactly the sort of oblivion I was seeking, and seeing someone like that is far likely to trigger me than seeing "normal" responsible adults enjoying a few drinks in a healthy way.

I've been to weddings, parties, meals out etc in sobriety and really it doesn't bother me. The smell or sight of alcohol in a social context doesn't set me off, it's just something that other people enjoy in a way that I never could and never will.

As an aside, I'm on a drug called Antabuse, it's a bit of a contraversial drug that makes you violently sick if you ingest any alcohol. You would need to stop taking it two weeks before having a drink. People have died while drinking on it (hence the controversy.) Many doctors won't even prescribe it. In fact I drank on it before once a few years ago and ended up very ill in hospital. Anyways it's not what keeps me sober, but I guess it is an extra safeguard that allows me to enjoy social occasions knowing that alcohol just isn't even an option for me. I take it every day, however I know of people in recovery who have it at home and only take it once in a while if they're invited to a wedding or other social occasion and want to keep themselves safe.

I've been to rehab, AMA

Soulsun wrote: »

Did you meet many interesting characters along your journey?

Absolutely, yes! However this is a question which I'll only be able to answer in a very broad sense; I'm choosing to be very honest in this AMA about questions that pertain to me, but out of respect for other peoples privacy I wouldn't like to say anything identifiable about others I've met along the way.

I've sat in groups with many criminals, male and females but I suppose in my own experience men are more likely to have committed very violent crimes, including murder, and it's been difficult to hear about some of those crimes in a very intense group setting. Generally if those crimes were committed when the person was in addiction, the person would have shown a lot of remorse, but that wasn't always the case. I have encountered a couple of guys who I feel were probably genuine sociopaths, and it's really chilling to hear them talk about their crimes and to sense their complete lack of empathy. Especially (I'm thinking of a couple of men in particular) when you know they're coming to the end of their time in prison/treatment and will soon be out living in normal society again.

Due to the long periods of time I spent in psychiatric wards, I've observed up close and personal cases of acute psychosis, schitzophrenia, eating disorders, personality disorders, OCD and phobias, bipolar manias and depressions ... I've seen extreme episodes of self-harm and suicide attempts very up close and personal. Which was traumatic for everyone involved. I've also seen people - no matter how ill they were being admitted to hospital - coming out the other end really well and healthy once they've had the right treatment and are on the right medication for them. You'd probably be surprised how many people you'd meet in day-to-day life who've been very mentally ill at some point in the past, who have overcome it and who live very well with their diagnoses.

I've met a few celebrities along the way, obviously out of respect for their privacy there is no chance I'd go naming any of them. They were treated much the same as any other clients, still had to participate in housework and share dorms and all the rest, were still expected to participate openly and honestly in groups. I mean, it was exciting for about five minutes when you'd hear of someone famous being admitted, but you'd quickly realise that they were every bit as low and as desperate as any of the rest of us being admitted, and just wanted to keep a low profile and get on with things.

Looking back over all of the programs I've been on - and we're talking well in the double digits anyways - I would say I could probably still name almost everyone I've ever been in a therapy group with, and in fact I am still in touch with almost all of them. I've been really privileged to meet some really fantastic and inspirational people along the way. You learn to overlook the surface differences between yourself and others, and instead find your common ground and ways that you can identify with each others stories.

Bazzy

I've been to rehab, AMA wrote: »

Do you know, it's funny, I often pass pubs in the evening and see groups of people my age standing around enjoying a drink together, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Because I wasn't a social drinker, I was a very antisocial isolated drinker. All I ever wanted was to be locked away in a room on my own drinking myself into nothingness. You know when you see a homeless person on the street, dead to the world, completely goofed off their face on heroin or whatever? That's exactly the sort of oblivion I was seeking, and seeing someone like that is far likely to trigger me than seeing "normal" responsible adults enjoying a few drinks in a healthy way.

I've been to weddings, parties, meals out etc in sobriety and really it doesn't bother me. The smell or sight of alcohol in a social context doesn't set me off, it's just something that other people enjoy in a way that I never could and never will.

As an aside, I'm on a drug called Antabuse, it's a bit of a contraversial drug that makes you violently sick if you ingest any alcohol. You would need to stop taking it two weeks before having a drink. People have died while drinking on it (hence the controversy.) Many doctors won't even prescribe it. In fact I drank on it before once a few years ago and ended up very ill in hospital. Anyways it's not what keeps me sober, but I guess it is an extra safeguard that allows me to enjoy social occasions knowing that alcohol just isn't even an option for me. I take it every day, however I know of people in recovery who have it at home and only take it once in a while if they're invited to a wedding or other social occasion and want to keep themselves safe.

Thanks so much for the reply best of luck for the future and i'm delighted to hear you have your relationship with your son rebuilt.

julyjane

Well done on all your hard work.

What are the people working in addiction/recovery services like? It's an area I've always been interested in but don't know much about the process/job titles and have no relevant qualifications or experience. Are there volunteers who work there and what are their roles?

Gloomtastic!

Congrats on coming out the other side. And well done on an excellent AMA.

Did anything happen to your abuser?

I've been to rehab, AMA

julyjane wrote: »

Well done on all your hard work.

What are the people working in addiction/recovery services like? It's an area I've always been interested in but don't know much about the process/job titles and have no relevant qualifications or experience. Are there volunteers who work there and what are their roles?

I actually don't really know all that much about that side of things. I know (in my experience) in some of the religious organisations, a lot of the staff don't have much formal training. Or a lot of the staff would be doing unpaid work placements there that go towards their qualifications.

A good place to look would be the website activelink.ie, that's where the community and non-profit organisations do most of their advertising for roles. I'd have browsed it to see whether my level 5 qualification would be sufficient for any support roles and I found that most jobs advertised required minimum level 6 or level 7. So I'll definitely need to spend a bit more time in education before I can work in the area.

It may be worth having a look on volunteer.ie too to see if there's anything relevant there. Or even just contacting local organisations directly. I would imagine most reputable services would require Garda vetting, even for volunteer positions, especially if you'd be working directly with clients.

A lot of those working in addiction have been through the recovery process themselves. Some addicts much prefer working with those who have been through it, as they think only those who've been there can truly understand. I disagree with that sentiment, in fact some of the professionals who've really helped me the most have never (to my knowledge) had direct experience of addiction. One project worker made a very good point when confronted by a client saying that he'd never been in addiction so he didn't understand. He said that no, he'd never been in addiction, however he'd had an extremely tough life with lots of challenges in it, and he had no choice but to find coping mechanisms that worked for him without using drink or drugs to get through it. So, he said, didn't we think we could learn a lot from him about how to cope in sobriety? I'm not explaining it very well. But as I see it, you wouldn't expect your oncologist to be a cancer survivor ... people have a huge capacity for empathy, you can even see it in some of the replies on this thread. You don't have to have walked in someone's shoes to be able to show them a better way of living.

I find that the best addiction workers I've encountered are assertive confident people, who can be good role models for their clients. A sense of humour is an absolute must, even (especially) in the darkest situations. Lots of empathy and compassion, and the ability to be non-judgemental and to accept people as they are and where they are. Communication skills are obviously a biggie too.