Is it normal for a man in their 30s never to have had sex?

mr_fegelien

There are more men and women than ever who reach relationships and sex late in adulthood and a smaller minority who never do. The general view is that they're not the norm (which is statistically true not in a derogatory way).

My question is, can a well adjusted man never have had sex or a relationship in his 30s while still having a good job etc...

Montage of Feck

Unless your sleeping your way to the top, I don't see much of a correlation between a career and your sex life.

punisher5112

If he is married then that's totally normal.... Don't get any once that's done

Sam Quentin

Things would be different if they'd get of their bloody fake social media sheeeeet.

Padre_Pio

mr_fegelien wrote: »

There are more men and women than ever who reach relationships and sex late in adulthood and a smaller minority who never do. The general view is that they're not the norm (which is statistically true not in a derogatory way).

My question is, can a well adjusted man never have had sex or a relationship in his 30s while still having a good job etc...

Compared to when?

100 years ago when sex outside marriage was a mortal sin, many bachelors and spinsters would have died virgins.

I would have thought it extremely rare for people to remain virgins well into their 30's

mr_fegelien

Padre_Pio wrote: »

Compared to when?

100 years ago when sex outside marriage was a mortal sin, many bachelors and spinsters would have died virgins.

I would have thought it extremely rare for people to remain virgins well into their 30's

Well statistics (can't point one out but you can easily look up) say that the average age of losing virginity and entering relationships is higher. Though this has been attributed to the economic crisis and young adults/teens just don't have money to date like they did in the past.

punisher5112

mr_fegelien wrote: »

Well statistics (can't point one out but you can easily look up) say that the average age of losing virginity and entering relationships is higher. Though this has been attributed to the economic crisis and young adults/teens just don't have money to date like they did in the past.

Well there is that but also it seems gangs are more prevalent and carrying knifes etc....

Soany these days can't interact with others unless it's on the tinternet or some social media site ...

Some serious grade A tools out there....

Peregrinus

mr_fegelien wrote: »

There are more men and women than ever who reach relationships and sex late in adulthood and a smaller minority who never do. The general view is that they're not the norm (which is statistically true not in a derogatory way).

My question is, can a well adjusted man never have had sex or a relationship in his 30s while still having a good job etc...

Sure, why not?

It's uncommon to remain a virgin into your 30s but, as you point out, "uncommon" is very different from "abnormal". And I don't know of anything to connect this to social maladjustment or lack of career success.

It's probably worth asking why someone has had no sexual experience. If the answer is "because they have a personality disorder which manifests in extremely poor interpersonal skills and this has militated against the development of romantic relationships" then, yeah, that could equally affect other areas of life. But if the answer is that, e.g., it's the result of choices they have made for reasons which seem good to them, then there's no reason to think that those choices will have adverse effects in other aresa of life,

Sardonicat

Mick McCarthy wrote: »

These days the average Irish girl starts 'experimenting' at 14, has lost it at 15 and has done everything from, anal, to gangbangs to threesomes by the time she leaves college. She will have had dozens, maybe a hundred or more sexual partners by the time she marries.

If you live here and can't score then yes, there is something wrong with you.

For some reason, that scene from Fr Ted springs to mind where Ted is desperately trying to explain to Douglas, with the aid of a flip flop chart and pointer, the difference between reality and fantasy.

Reviews and Books Galore

I don't think it's that big of a deal tbh. Most women in their thirties would be looking to settle down (and may prefer a man without experience vs a ladys man) and the younger girls into older men are inexperienced also.



Personally, I would think about a professional sex worker as the longer you go without sex the more the 'fear' is. I wouldn't do it in Ireland and I am, legally, not in anyway promoting you to go abroad.

zapper55

Poor effort Mick.

OP its unusual to be a virgin in your 30's but if you are worried about a woman's reaction I wouldnt be. I'd just assume the guy hadn't met the right person or was just shy.

1874

Mick McCarthy wrote: »

These days the average Irish girl starts 'experimenting' at 14, has lost it at 15 and has done everything from, anal, to gangbangs to threesomes by the time she leaves college. She will have had dozens, maybe a hundred or more sexual partners by the time she marries.

If you live here and can't score then yes, there is something wrong with you.

I must have traveled on the periphery of a different kind of crowd, I never knew there was gangbangs and all that going on, that said, Ive heard that social media has a not so pleasant influence on what girls (mainly girls) do and I suppose very likely what guys do also & think is required and what I heard of is concerning, Im sure I dont know the half of it and probably better off not, or you only hear the very worst and many young-uns arent all that bad and probably much better than some older people, I for one have come across some right tits (not the nice kind), grown up children.

s7ryf3925pivug

My advice is to be straightforward about it and very willing with your mouth and fingers - no reason for her not to be understanding and patient then.

But yeah the main question will be "why not?" Unless you're incredibly kicked or obviously extremely shy or something like that.

corks finest

Absolutely not normal,I'm 60 and missing a bit of bedroom Olympics now and then - gave it up with the bevy 5 years ago to concentrate on bringing up my then 11 year old

IAMAMORON

If your a priest ?

Padre_Pio

IAMAMORON wrote: »

If your a priest ?

Hmm, probably best to hold my tongue on this one.

IAMAMORON

Padre_Pio wrote: »

Hmm, probably best to hold my tongue on this one.

Noted, but under normal circumstances they "strictly" should be practicing celebacy?

s7ryf3925pivug

Asexuality is supposed to be not that uncommon, so for asexuals it's probably preferable.

Raconteuse

Of course it's abnormal - in the sense of unusual. "Abnormal" maybe sounds harsh, as if it's wrong of the man to be celibate still. But obviously it's unusual, and indicative of a deeper issue (e.g. zero confidence).


But the man hasn't committed a terrible sin for being a virgin. And I would say there are more such men (and women) than popular culture would have us believe.

Dravokivich

I think people should only focus on age, with sex, for legal reasons. Other than that, just leave it be.

Raconteuse

1874 wrote: »

I must have traveled on the periphery of a different kind of crowd, I never knew there was gangbangs and all that going on, that said, Ive heard that social media has a not so pleasant influence on what girls (mainly girls) do and I suppose very likely what guys do also & think is required and what I heard of is concerning, Im sure I dont know the half of it and probably better off not, or you only hear the very worst and many young-uns arent all that bad and probably much better than some older people, I for one have come across some right tits (not the nice kind), grown up children.

I'd say some teenagers are doing really stupid sexual stuff they don't want to do, in order to look cool, more than ever now. Internet not helping.

But not in the numbers that that (very sincere and well meaning) member suggested.

H3llR4iser

mr_fegelien wrote: »

There are more men and women than ever who reach relationships and sex late in adulthood and a smaller minority who never do. The general view is that they're not the norm (which is statistically true not in a derogatory way).

Well, "relationships" and "sex" are two quite separate things, really. While the fact people have been postponing the former more and more is quite well known, I am pretty sure there haven't been too many changes in the latter - most people will have their first experiences in their mid-late teens (IIRC, in the EU the average was something like 16.7 years old).

mr_fegelien wrote: »

My question is, can a well adjusted man never have had sex or a relationship in his 30s while still having a good job etc...

This is the more interesting part - if I am getting it right, your question can be rephrased as "Can a man, who in his 30s still hasn't had any sex, still be a successful/fully functional member of society, or must there be something wrong with him?".

Well, it's complicated; Obviously, the stereotype often paraded around by mainstream media of a 30-something years old virgin dude is that of a greasy, utterly obnoxious, unemployed, overweight neckbeard squatting in his parents' basement, playing videogames and reading comic books all day long, surrounded by discarded Dorito bags and Mountain Dew cans.

It's not always the case 'though - there are quite a few guys out there you'd never, ever guess are either "old virgins" or just haven't had any "action" in years. Sometimes, they might be smart, funny, successful in their jobs, but just have "undesirable" characteristics ("short & tubby" being, unfortunately, top of the list). In other cases, it's more towards the "unconscious choice" - specific standards or just not being willing to put up with all the bullsh1t courting/seduction thing.

There was an article I read a while ago exactly about this - it contained interviews with a few guys who were "undercover virgins": good careers, decent looks, smart...but unsuccessful on the sex front. If I find it tonight I'll link it here.

Reviews and Books Galore

Prince Putrid Snowstorm wrote: »

My advice is to be straightforward about it and very willing with your mouth and fingers - no reason for her not to be understanding and patient then.

But yeah the main question will be "why not?" Unless you're incredibly kicked or obviously extremely shy or something like that.

Or ask the woman to go on top and you can figure out what she's into.



Irregardless, I really wouldn't sweat it. If she doesn't know you're a virgin, she'll just think you're bad at sex.

I'm curious what kicked means?

tedpan

punisher5112 wrote:

If he is married then that's totally normal.... Don't get any once that's done

Yeah right!

s7ryf3925pivug

kicked means very ugly.

s7ryf3925pivug

Yer On So wrote: »

It's not normal to be a virgin in your 30s, not normal at all.

Go online and learn some pua techniques. There's loads of free resources like Roosh V and girlschase.com.

(Even though Roosh renounced pua for Christianity there's loads of good articles).

or you know just ask someone if they want to get a coffee or go for a drink and take it from there like a normal person.

s7ryf3925pivug

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

Or ask the woman to go on top and you can figure out what she's into.



Irregardless, I really wouldn't sweat it. If she doesn't know you're a virgin, she'll just think you're bad at sex.

I'm curious what kicked means?

Someone who hasn't had sex in their thirties mightn't be the most comfortable with receiving affection.
Someone with rigid boundaries like that will be more comfortable not being on the bottom, even if they've had lots of sex.

Sardonicat

Yer On So wrote: »

It's not normal to be a virgin in your 30s, not normal at all.

Go online and learn some pua techniques. There's loads of free resources like Roosh V and girlschase.com.

(Even though Roosh renounced pua for Christianity there's loads of good articles).

Horse whispering for women. What could go wrong?

s7ryf3925pivug

Yer On So wrote: »

Oh you one of those people who think pua is some kind of voodoo magic that's let's you hypnotize women into sex. Haha.

Ok lets do it your way. What do you do on your coffee date? How do you line up second date or get the kiss?

What if you don't know any women to ask out for coffee? Where do you meet one?

Come on now, let's hear your advice.

pay attention.
pretty much it in a nutshell. Express interest and pick up on their cues. Generally don't try to kiss someone unless they're comfortable with you touching them, don't try touching them if their body language is closed or if you're not chatting or smiling and have comfortable eye contact.
Simple and straightforward and you won't seem like a creep. Invite them back to your place or say you'd like to see them again. Seriously it's not rocket science.

dd973

'Well, it's complicated; Obviously, the stereotype often paraded around by mainstream media of a 30-something years old virgin dude is that of a greasy, utterly obnoxious, unemployed, overweight neckbeard squatting in his parents' basement, playing videogames and reading comic books all day long, surrounded by discarded Dorito bags and Mountain Dew cans.'

Weirdly enough, there loads of these types who do marry or have long-term gf's, you must have seen a few in your time.

s7ryf3925pivug

Just don't develop sudden strong interest in a single mom

mr_fegelien

Prince Putrid Snowstorm wrote: »

Just don't develop sudden strong interest in a single mom

I'm a man in my 20s and was wondering if it's okay to flirt with women in their late 40s/early 50s? There's this really attractive woman who takes my bus every day and I was thinking of starting small talk and then complimenting her.

The thing is, I live in a commuter city and everyone knows each other so if the flirting goes wrong, it could embarrass me. Should I do it?

Reviews and Books Galore

Of course it's okay to flirt with somebody older than you. The powers more in her court and she won't feel as threatened. On the flip side, it might put her in an uncomfortable position as the powers in her court and their might be disaproval due to the age gap.



Here, pretend to scratch your cheek and take a 'subtle' glance over. It'll be obvious, she'll notice it and it won't be in anyway threatening. Let her do the rest if there is anything to be done.



But, because of the age gap, I wouldn't get too excited.

Reviews and Books Galore

Prince Putrid Snowstorm wrote: »

Just don't develop sudden strong interest in a single mom

Why, out of curiosity?


Yeah, PUA works to a disturbing degree. I guess female PUA works as well on men to a disturbing degree also.

s7ryf3925pivug

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

Why, out of curiosity?


Yeah, PUA works to a disturbing degree. I guess female PUA works as well on men to a disturbing degree also.

Because if I saw a sexless man who suddenly ardently pursues a single mother - well I would see a big red flashing paedo alert.

Sardonicat

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I'm a man in my 20s and was wondering if it's okay to flirt with women in their late 40s/early 50s? There's this really attractive woman who takes my bus every day and I was thinking of starting small talk and then complimenting her.

The thing is, I live in a commuter city and everyone knows each other so if the flirting goes wrong, it could embarrass me. Should I do it?

Nothing wrong with an age gap. Are you sure she's single? Small talk is fine. When you say 'complimenting her ' what do you mean? Build a rapport over a few journeys to get a feel for her response to you. Don't just start launching into compliments on her appearance!

s7ryf3925pivug

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I'm a man in my 20s and was wondering if it's okay to flirt with women in their late 40s/early 50s? There's this really attractive woman who takes my bus every day and I was thinking of starting small talk and then complimenting her.

The thing is, I live in a commuter city and everyone knows each other so if the flirting goes wrong, it could embarrass me. Should I do it?

go for it. But just make really really sure that she doesn't look like your mom.

H3llR4iser

dd973 wrote: »

'Well, it's complicated; Obviously, the stereotype often paraded around by mainstream media of a 30-something years old virgin dude is that of a greasy, utterly obnoxious, unemployed, overweight neckbeard squatting in his parents' basement, playing videogames and reading comic books all day long, surrounded by discarded Dorito bags and Mountain Dew cans.'

Weirdly enough, there loads of these types who do marry or have long-term gf's, you must have seen a few in your time.

Well, I'm sure it does happen, how does it fit in with the topic at any level? It IS a stereotypical portrayal that has been out there for a long time with minor variations, for everyone to see.

mr_fegelien wrote: »

I'm a man in my 20s and was wondering if it's okay to flirt with women in their late 40s/early 50s? There's this really attractive woman who takes my bus every day and I was thinking of starting small talk and then complimenting her.

The thing is, I live in a commuter city and everyone knows each other so if the flirting goes wrong, it could embarrass me. Should I do it?

Well sure, just take it easy at the beginning - but don't be upset if she shies away from you or just doesn't work, people (regardless of age) are extremely wary of contact in daily, public situations. I know it's weird, but it's the way it is.

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

Why, out of curiosity?

Yeah, PUA works to a disturbing degree. I guess female PUA works as well on men to a disturbing degree also.

Sorry, I have to do this but...isn't a "Female PUA" pretty much a woman in possession of a...pulse? Sure enough, some ladies are better than others at attracting attention, but generally...there'll always be a bunch of guys hitting on anything that moves

Reviews and Books Galore

Prince Putrid Snowstorm wrote: »

go for it. But just make really really sure that she doesn't look like your mom.

More common than you think actually. Apparently it's actually really common to be attracted to people that look like your parents.



Also, I found your comment about pedofilia disgusting. There's a million reasons why a 'sexless' man would be attracted to a single mother wihtout being a pedofile.

Reviews and Books Galore

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Sorry, I have to do this but...isn't a "Female PUA" pretty much a woman in possession of a...pulse? Sure enough, some ladies are better than others at attracting attention, but generally...there'll always be a bunch of guys hitting on anything that moves

I guess female PUA is more about commitment.

s7ryf3925pivug

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

More common than you think actually. Apparently it's actually really common to be attracted to people that look like your parents.



Also, I found your comment about pedofilia disgusting. There's a million reasons why a 'sexless' man would be attracted to a single mother wihtout being a pedofile.

I was just saying how I personally would view someone who spent 20 years not banging anyone then suddenly pursuing someone in charge of a child. Lots of paedos about - best to be vigilant if you're a parent. Likewise if you're an oddly inexperienced singleton getting on in years it won't help to make yourself look like a paedo.

Over 16% of men and 20% of women in Ireland experienced contact sexual abuse as a child. (25% experienced abuse if you include abuse without physical touching.)

https://www.imt.ie/opinion/guest-posts/is-there-a-reason-for-paedophilia-18-05-2010/

Didn't see it in the link but I think it's common knowledge that most abusers are in the inner circle, family members or extremely close. So really I think it's naive not to view with suspicion a virgin male in their thirties who sudenly wants to get close to a single mom. That said, it says in the link that lots of paedos also are attracted to adults, so you can't take evidence of that as proof someone isn't a paedo.

Reviews and Books Galore

Prince Putrid Snowstorm wrote: »

I was just saying how I personally would view someone who spent 20 years not banging anyone then suddenly pursuing someone in charge of a child. Lots of paedos about - best to be vigilant if you're a parent. Likewise if you're an oddly inexperienced singleton getting on in years it won't help to make yourself look like a paedo.

I don't think that there is a lot of pedofiles aorund tbh. And the vast majority of people would not see a 30 something man being attracted to a single mother (who is hopefully an adult...) as being a sign of pedofilia.



Sadly, a single mother might like an inexperienced man to replace the father and become a life partner. Better than a jack the lad who will leave her.



Eh, I was using the word disgust towards your opinion not your person yourself. No harm meant.

s7ryf3925pivug

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

I don't think that there is a lot of pedofiles aorund tbh. And the vast majority of people would not see a 30 something man being attracted to a single mother (who is hopefully an adult...) as being a sign of pedofilia.



Sadly, a single mother might like an inexperienced man to replace the father and become a life partner. Better than a jack the lad who will leave her.



Eh, I was using the word disgust towards your opinion not your person yourself. No harm meant.

There's one down the road from me here. Convicted and all. Nobody knows because in Ireland the only people with access to the sex offender register are guards etc. (I know because I know people who know him.)

Edited my previous post to add statistics on abuse.

No worries, please excuse any defensiveness in my tone.