Husband hit me last night

dragona

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Hannibal_Smith

Do you have a family or friend nearby? Could you call them to come over and bring you to the Garda station?

Ursus Horribilis

Have you called the guards yet? I'm afraid I know very little about these things but I wonder can you get an emergency barring order? Given his temper and last night's assault, are you even safe any more? The assault is very very serious. Please go to the guards.

uck51js9zml2yt

You need to go to the guards.

Ursus Horribilis

Please go to the guards as soon as you can.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Gards, right away, right now. You scratching him or your daughter slapping him, don't worry about that, that's self defence.

Keep calling women's aid too.

Do you have anywhere else you and your son can stay? Failing that is there anyone else who can come stay with you?

I'm so sorry this has happened and I know your head must be all over the place but you need to take protective steps for your immediate safety, immediately.

lawred2

That's assault. Report it.

Calypso Realm

Sorry this has happened to you OP. Have you managed to speak to Women's Aid yet?

This is such an appallingly brutal assault, you simply much report it now. I'd also be looking to obtaining a safety/barring order.

Ursus Horribilis

Can you ring the guards? Or get your son to do it for you.

Ursus Horribilis

I wouldn't worry about the money. He beat you black and blue last night.

Irishphotodesk

- report him to the gardai and get your family away from him

Sharp MZ700

Just tell them the truth. You've done nothing wrong. You need to get safe straight away. Ring the guards now

Ursus Horribilis

dragona wrote: »

I would have no idea how to do this

Ring the guards

Calypso Realm

dragona wrote: »

Can I just call them and tell what happened? Have I stolen his money? He'll say I hit back

Hit back? You were only defending yourself and don't worry about the money it pales into insignificance here. Call guards and see what they say. This man can't be allowed to get away with this.

Also you really should see a medic but see what they advise.

ManOfMystery

You are in an abusive relationship OP. One which has just escalated from emotional and financial abuse to physical abuse also.

For your own safety, you NEED to get out and contact the Garda ASAP. Don't think about next week or next month or all the "What if...", this will only cloud your judgement - just think about today, and about getting yourself into a position of safety. Please don't become a statistic.

Ursus Horribilis

Ring the guards.

They have dealt with this sort of thing many times. It's not up to you to know the ins and outs of the law for now.

Ursus Horribilis

Today is the day to report this. While your bruises are still fresh.

NeonCookies

Echoing everyone else here. Call the Gardai now / go to the station if you can. Everything else WILL sort itself out.
It doesn't feel like it now because you are understandably in shock, scared and overwhelmed.

I'm sure you're afraid that with one phone call to the guards you'll be turning your life upside down and you don't want to do that - but the reality is, he has already done that to you. Take a deep breath, and either make the call or ask your son to make it for you. The guards will have seen this before - and with one look at you they will not entertain his allegations of you hitting him back as being anything other than self defence.

Please look after yourself x

Calypso Realm

dragona wrote: »

I can't get away. I've nowhere, nowhere to go

No, you need get order to prevent HIM coming back. Please call guards now and explain all. They'll outline the next steps.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

dragona wrote: »

Can I just call them and tell what happened? Have I stolen his money? He'll say I hit back

You can call them and explain the situation and see if they'll send someone out to you but they may not, or may not be able to do so quickly. Have your son with you when you make that call in case he needs to take over. Emphasise to them that you're afraid what will happen when he comes back.

You're black and blue and barely walking, please please stop worrying about the tin of money and the fact you hit him back. You're allowed to hit someone back when they're battering you. He's AWOL anyway, whatever he may say to the gards is a bridge you can cross when you get to it.

You need medical attention and you need the gards' help.

Loveinapril

Ring the Gardaí. You can get an interim barring order barring him from the house. Then Women's Aid can provide you with support on what to do next. You defended yourself from him, so don't worry about that.

dragona

Thank you all so much

Dial Hard

I understand you're reluctant to call the Gardai in case it starts a chain of events you can't control but believe me, their main priority in all this will be you and your personal safety.

At the very least, please take photos of your bruises and injuries now.

lawred2

dragona wrote: »

Can I just call them and tell what happened? Have I stolen his money? He'll say I hit back

That's your money.

Ursus Horribilis

Would your son or daughter be willing to ring the guards if you can't?

Calypso Realm

dragona wrote: »

I'm going to call now

Well done OP.Good luck!

Lackadaisical

Glad to hear you're calling the Gardai.

Also remember that when you're in the middle of a situation and a relationship like that it's very hard to get any sense of perspective. That's why you need to ring Women's Aid. Even just getting away from the situation and being able to talk to an unrelated 3rd party can be hugely beneficial. You need to get away from the chaos, sit down and talk to someone who can help you and that's exactly what they do and what the Gardai will also try to do.

Ring the Gardai and arrange have a chat with them. They only human and will try to help.

The main is keep yourself safe. Also don't analyse his behaviour or try to explain it. What he did is completely unacceptable and he needs to deal with that, you don't.

All you can do is just get out of harm's way and start working with people to get yourself to a new normal.

Ursus Horribilis

That they're on their way already goes to show how seriously they take it. Remember, you did nothing wrong here. Nobody, male or female, deserves to be assaulted like this. Well done on being so brave and ringing them. I was afraid you wouldn't do it.

Lackadaisical

Women's aid: 1-800 341 900 (free)

Other contact details :

https://www.womensaid.ie/services/helpline.html

NeonCookies

Well done Dragona. You have no idea how brave and courageous you have just been. I'm so so happy you took that step.

SaltSweatSugar

OP I’m glad to hear you called the Guards, what your husband did was completely unacceptable. I know you said they spoke to you about orders but make contact with the District Court as soon as you can in relation to obtaining an order, if that’s what you want to do. Don’t put it on the long finger.
Having an order gives the Gardai a lot more powers in domestic violence situations.

Look after yourself.

Magicmatilda

Well done OP.

Might be a good idea to go to a doctor to have your injuries documented. You may need this in the future. Also be prepared for him to return full of remorse.domestic abuse follows a cycle, attack. Remorse, tension building attack. Check it out on internet, cycle of abuse.

Also that 900 euro was as much yours as his. That's what marraige is.

Honeydew3456

Fantastic OP on calling the guards, so proud of you!

Keep your phone in your hand and if he comes back, meet him outside the door in front of the neighbours, do not be alone anywhere in the house with him, start dialling the guards, tell him they were there earlier and that you are ringing them now, that they are on the way as you have charged him with assault. Tell him he goes or he will be answering questions as you showed them pics of his abuse. Tell him everytime he shows up the guards will also show up. Guaranteed he will drive off again.

For night time lock your door and keep all locks in the doors so he cannot open from the outside.

Change those locks tomorrow.

Your safety is first and when you feel safe you will have a clearer head to make the financial decisions and also to press those charges.

This will work out for you.

F*ck him. You gave him enough of your life already.

ClaireMurphy27

Please seek help at a women's domestic violence centre. Not to be blunt, but before it's too late. You clearly need to get to safety, not only for you but for your daughter. Google a local domestic violence centre. I hope all works out for you x

ILoveYourVibes

dragona wrote: »

Omg where will I live when I have no money

Half of everything he owns is yours.

He is your husband.

Do own the house or rent?

Change the locks.

Tell him to do one and go back to england. Tell him if he leaves you won't press charges.

Tell him if he stays you will put him in prison and show everyone his gambling problem. His employer too.

Get your daughter to take pictures of the bruises. And take her to the guards with you as she is a witness.


In order to do the right thing and protect your children you are going to have to get nasty but act nice.

Be like a swan graceful on top but doing all the work underneath.

Get a restraining order. A protection order is weaker.

Change the locks on the house.

File for divorce. Get maintenance off him.

ILoveYourVibes

dragona wrote: »

On their way in petrified

Sending all the love in the world.


Feel confident. This is your house. If anything he has been spending YOUR money on a gambling issue.

Ursus Horribilis

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Tell him to do one and go back to england. Tell him if he leaves you won't press charges.

Tell him if he stays you will put him in prison and show everyone his gambling problem. His employer too. .

Christ, don't do either of those!!


OP, I hope you're OK? It's a pity you couldn't get through to Women's Aid but I guess that's what happens when they're a charity which struggles for money. They don't always have the staff to man the phones. Keep trying. What you need more than anything else now is proper advice about how to proceed.

wiggle16

I am only seeing this now.

Reading the thread and I am glad you went to the guards in the end. Fair play to you OP.

Keep trying to call Women's Aid, keep trying until you get through to speak to someone. They will be able to give you advice both for the short term (such as how to handle things when he comes back) and the long term.

He may act any number of ways when he comes back, from being silent to acting completely normal to trying to pretend nothing happened. I know this sounds silly but you need to keep what happened fresh in your mind - you're still going to be in shock, even now, meaning you are more vulnerable than you would be normally. That's why you need to talk to Women's Aid as soon as you can.

Remember that if he did this the once, then he is capable of doing it again. Speak to Women's Aid and arrange to speak to a solicitor - maybe your daughter could help you with that, she sounds like she has a head on her shoulders.

I am so sorry this happened to you OP but you did the right thing for yourself, and your kids, by calling the guards. Don't forget that.

wiggle16

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Tell him to do one and go back to england. Tell him if he leaves you won't press charges.

Tell him if he stays you will put him in prison and show everyone his gambling problem. His employer too.

Vibes, I know you are genuinely trying to help the OP, but she needs to keep in mind that this situation isn't one that can be bargained with. Threatening a man like him will do more harm than good, and could even put the OP in danger. He has demonstrated that he is someone who turns violent once he feels cornered, so engaging him with threats will only escalate things.

He attacked the OP because she turned on a light and wanted to talk about something he knew was coming - literally attacked her at the flip of a switch. If he actually feels genuinely threatened by something the OP says she will do then he could lash out even more violently.

Don't get me wrong, I know where you are coming from and it's the often first thing that comes to us in a situation like this, to try and threaten to get him where it hurts - but he is not like you or I. There is no point reasoning with someone like this.

OP for all the above reasons you need to call Women's Aid, because you need experienced advice for how to engage with him/disengage with him if and when he does come back.

Ursus Horribilis

And also, now isn't the time to jeopardise his job. I'm the first to admit that I don't know how the legal system works in this country but I don't see what's to be gained by trying to get him sacked. In fact, it'd make things worse.

Sharp MZ700

Thinking of you OP, hope you're safe and sound and not alone with him.Don't let him wiggle his way back in. Entertain him but play the long game and get help to be free of this situation.

ILoveYourVibes

wiggle16 wrote: »

Vibes, I know you are genuinely trying to help the OP, but she needs to keep in mind that this situation isn't one that can be bargained with. Threatening a man like him will do more harm than good, and could even put the OP in danger. He has demonstrated that he is someone who turns violent once he feels cornered, so engaging him with threats will only escalate things.

He attacked the OP because she turned on a light and wanted to talk about something he knew was coming - literally attacked her at the flip of a switch. If he actually feels genuinely threatened by something the OP says she will do then he could lash out even more violently.

Don't get me wrong, I know where you are coming from and it's the often first thing that comes to us in a situation like this, to try and threaten to get him where it hurts - but he is not like you or I. There is no point reasoning with someone like this.

OP for all the above reasons you need to call Women's Aid, because you need experienced advice for how to engage with him/disengage with him if and when he does come back.

Wise advice.

I understand where you are coming from too. I know you care about the OP etc. We all do every single poster here does.

I agree with a lot of what you say.

I would call woman's aid . They often record calls. And during any case she takes to trial she can request a recording of it. They will go to court with you too.

The fact that he flipped so glibly is why he needs to be removed from the house.

You also need to be sure of what kind of order you get. A safety order doesn't require the abuser to leave the house. Nor does a protection order.

A barring order does request the abuser to leave the house.


The OP can also get what is called an interim barring order that can be used until you get an actual barring order from the courts.

There is also an emergency barring order. An emergency barring order has many advantages over the interim one. Your name doesn't have to be on the lease of the house or you don't have to part own it for the abuser to be forced to leave.


OP the crazier he acts the crazier he looks to everyone else. Film him if you can on a phone. It can be used as evidence.


Sharp MZ700

Thinking of you OP, hope you're safe and sound and not alone with him.Don't him wiggle his way back in. Entertain him but play the long game and get help to be free of this situation.

Wise advice sharp.

The Gardai are powerless to do anything in domestic violence situations without a court order being in place. You need to go into your local court office and they will arrange to get you a protection order within the next few days. They will then issue a summons for either a safety or barring order, whichever you feel you need. Once you have the protection order if he breaches it he can be arrested. This is a free service and you do not need a solicitor. The court office will also advise you about other support services that are available in your local area

Calypso Realm

Magicmatilda wrote: »

Well done OP.

Might be a good idea to go to a doctor to have your injuries documented. You may need this in the future..

I've been wondering about this too. This is vital evidence. I would have thought (though I'm not sure) a medical would be done by a police appointed doctor. Also, seriously you really should see a doctor anyway to check you over given the nature of the attack and injuries sustained.

OP, are you going to press charges? What he did was utterly appalling and there's no coming back form this. This was a brutal assault. Not sure about laws in Ireland but in UK prosecutions are automatic, regardless of whether or not victims press charges. The law changed some time ago.

Have you managed to speak to Women's Aid? Be great to have someone to support and guide you step by step through this. Take care.

Ursus Horribilis

OP, I hope you stay strong and don't take him back. This sounds like a terrible marriage that both of you stayed in for all the wrong reasons. Given that you are clearly so dependent on him, I can see how you'd be tempted to drop any charges that could be pressed and to pretend this didn't happen.

I really hope that you take this opportunity to get rid of him for good. Really, what does he bring to the table other than some money and a car? He was already very abusive towards you - psychologically and financially. Now it has escalated into physical, a line has been crossed. If you take him back, you'll always have that fear that he'll beat the crap out of you again. Given how savage the beating of the other night was, is it really that hard to imagine a future one landing you in hospital or a wooden box? I'm not saying a future without him will be easy to get started but think of how good it could be? He's your husband so he's probably obliged to pay you maintenance (I'm guessing?). If he had so much money to blow on PaddyPower, he is probably earning a lot more than you thought he was.

Edit: You say you're originally from the UK. Would moving back there be an option?

Sharp MZ700

That's great news. Well done you! Brave doesn't even cover it!

eviltwin

You are amazing x

eviltwin

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I would call woman's aid . They often record calls. And during any case she takes to trial she can request a recording of it. They will go to court with you too.
.

Can I just correct this. As someone who has worked for WA they do not record phonecalls. Everything said is strictly confidential for the protection of the caller.

Calypso Realm

Very glad to read this update, in particular the fact you're getting support! And are safe!

You've achieved so much in such a short space of time and are now understandably exhausted.

Kudos to you though, you're much stronger than you think!

Take care and hopefully you can get some rest! All this must be so draining.

ILoveYourVibes

eviltwin wrote: »

Can I just correct this. As someone who has worked for WA they do not record phonecalls. Everything said is strictly confidential for the protection of the caller.

My mistake thank you for correcting.

ILoveYourVibes

Well done OP. Huge hugs xx