How to deal with a non stop ex

Eva_C

I'd suggest responding to any further text with something along the lines of.....Cease & Desist with all the calls & texts. Mention the calls & texts are harassment & attach a link to the Non Fatal Offences Against The Person Act 1997.
Do not engage other than to communicate the above.
Mention that if they do not stop with immediate effect, your next step is to contact the Guards & report them.
Best of luck!

valoren

Eva_C wrote: »

I'd suggest responding to any further text with something along the lines of.....Cease & Desist with all the calls & texts. Mention the calls & texts are harassment & attach a link to the Non Fatal Offences Against The Person Act 1997.
Do not engage other than to communicate the above.
Mention that if they do not stop with immediate effect, your next step is to contact the Guards & report them.
Best of luck!

On Harassement;


(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable
excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses
another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or
communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.

(2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another
where—
(a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly,
seriously interferes with the other’s peace and privacy or
causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and
(b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would
realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the
other’s peace.

That's why you should go to the guards. You can't be at peace if she is going to friends and family.

LazySamaritan

Robotiamnot wrote: »

Any advice guys . I've blocked her on everything ,now she's resorting to messaging my friends and family. Has been going on for the last month( we had what I'd call a relatively short relationship)I have about 200 messeges ( i ignored) saved on my phone . They go anywhere from I want you back to I hate you and I'm going to fu-k your life up .. Today she's pestering one of my mates. threats of all kinds towards me .if I respond it ends up in a full on fight . I can't seam to get it into her head that we are over, she won't listen when I tell her it's not normal to ring 50 times a day and leave 20 text messages so trying to talk is pointless . I have a fair point I get to before I flip out and she's pushing me there quite fast lately . I don't condone violence but it's what she's looking and pushing for so she can then play the victim .How does one deal with this

Everyone saying go to the Guards is 100% correct.

And do not put it off.

I had a similar situation a few years ago after one date. It wasn't half as bad as what you describe but I can imagine how it feels.

I was also told go to the Guards but I didn't do it. The woman did it herself and somehow twisted my replies to make me look like the weirdo.

It was only the grace of God that it came to the attention of someone who knew me and her before it got out of hand but I can vouch that the Guards will take it seriously.

Nikki Sixx

I hope you don’t own any bunnies OP.

WIZWEB

I know Malignant Narcissism has been mentioned here. Believe me I've more experience in that topic than I ever wanted. It did cross my mind when I first posted a reply that she may be a narcissist and I see some evidence to catergorise it. She's most likely not a Malignant one as they exist in a totally different sphere as I experienced, have studied and worked with as clients (murderers among them). Not minimising your experience but they do more than stalk, hound and threaten to destroy you. She wants you to engage with her. Threats ensure an emotional reaction and she hopes a reply. Again not minimising but if Malignant you would have got a greater backlash by now and not just verbal. If anything her fluctuating love/hate outbursts evidence more Borderline Personality Disordered and histrionic from the pieces of evidence shared. Even without a personality disorder she obviously has serious mental health issues. That's not your problem though.

My original points stand for anyone toxic including narcissists or other Cluster B personalities looking for supply (attention). Block and complete No Contact. Eventually they go seek a new target (victim). They love drama. All attention whether positive or negative keeps you in their cycle. If you experienced love bombing, devaluation and perhaps a discard during your time together then that would evidence Narcissism more. Though these events can take months or more to materialise. Whatever she is be rid. You don't need a diagnosis to be done.

Unfortunately from my own engagements with the legal profession and a discussion with a barrister he informed me that Harassment charges rarely reach successful conclusions of serious sanctions in court. He said one of the few successful cases was actually against a colleague of his causing a similar scenario to yours. So that could be your focal point if Court is an avenue required. Unless there are strong threats of serious violence in her messages you won't have much to go on. They literally have to clearly specify violence and if enough time has passed the threats of violence nearly must have occurred! The barrister stated it's a fairly toothless piece of legislation. The Gardai must at least warn her off which might work. If she is Malignant you might in fact get a physical reaction from her instead so be careful. I don't want to scare you but think of the movie 'Misery'. Incredibly rare though and as I stated she's most likely Borderline with Histrionic traits. Worth a Google for further clarification.

It may be easier just to change your number too. Worse case scenario you may even have to block certain friends etc if they continue to engage with her. If you've any pattern of people like this in your life then learn about early red flags, decreasing tolerance and increasing your personal boundaries. Do not leave any avenue open for her to contact you directly. As others have stated inform family/friends and work too of your situation and demand they do not engage nor pass on any personal information about you. Even if you see her in the street you just walk by. No response to anything said or done unless physical self defense. If Borderline or even Narcissistic she's most likely all drama and talk only.