Single in 40's

MartyMcFly84

My observation reading through this thread is many of your replies are very negative. Focusing on what you won't do. Or why you will likely not do many of the suggestions previously put forth in this thread (either you tried the before in some capacity or they are not for you).

Can I ask, what are you willing or what you think you are able to do to change what you want to change?

LegacyUser

MartyMcFly84 wrote: »

My observation reading through this thread is many of your replies are very negative. Focusing on what you won't do. Or why you will likely not do many of the suggestions previously put forth in this thread (either you tried the before in some capacity or they are not for you).

Can I ask, what are you willing or what you think you are able to do to change what you want to change?

Good question. I don't know. I don't really have many interests apart from going to the gym and that in itself is related to improving my appearance, although I have grown to enjoy the regime and training. Plus in the absence of any type of a social life, it gives me an outlet.

I did go out last weekend - two nights in a row - for the first time in probably a decade. I chatted, I listened, I mingled (a small bit). Not much of a start though.

To answer your question directly though, I don't know. Everyone keeps telling me to try online dating, but genuinely I have no photos taken of me in years - hate having my photo taken. It is probably the best option, but it is very scary for me. It seems very superficial - based on your appearance. I'm not really sure what else you could be talking about?

Zorya

LGTV wrote: »

.

I did go out last weekend - two nights in a row - for the first time in probably a decade. I chatted, I listened, I mingled (a small bit). Not much of a start though.

What do you mean not much of a start?! It's fantastic. Two nights in a row for the first time in a decade. Get up the yard, that's brilliant! Do it again next weekend, ya mad yoke. Enjoy

JustAThought

Zorya wrote: »

What do you mean not much of a start?! It's fantastic. Two nights in a row for the first time in a decade. Get up the yard, that's brilliant! Do it again next weekend, ya mad yoke. Enjoy

+1 for that.

Plus if you like training and the gym why not build on that and add a more social vontext to that. There are all kinds of social group training groups that you could try - it will bring a less introspective element to your hobby and not be too outside your comfort zone. If you train 4 days a week add a sea swimming club weekly event or a triathalon training club weekly event or a 5k park run to your regime. You will be rubbing shoulders with more people and either learning to mix snd socialise a little more with the added benefit of perhaps bumping into someone you might click with or at least mixing and mingling with more people.

LegacyUser

Thanks.

I also created a profile on a dating app a month or so ago. It seems that there are some hits - although these might be incorrect swipes. I've not paid up so I can't see what is going on.

TBH, part of me doesn't want to as it is a bit scary. Maybe it is all a bit too fast.

Rubberchikken

youve gone out twice. thats a brilliant start and im not being smart or anything. it is great. everyone has to start somewhere.

now you need to keep repeating it. go out again. you survived those times and chatted etc so truth be told if you keep doing that it will get easier.

Zorya

LGTV wrote: »

Thanks.

I also created a profile on a dating app a month or so ago. It seems that there are some hits - although these might be incorrect swipes. I've not paid up so I can't see what is going on.

TBH, part of me doesn't want to as it is a bit scary. Maybe it is all a bit too fast.

Nothing wrong with being nervous. It's normal. Go towards what you fear.

Never seen a dating app but a few hits seems encouraging. A lot of people prefer quiet companions. Just keep on going.

Graces7

Zorya wrote: »

Stop what you are doing, all this fret and concern.

Start accepting how things ARE fully.
Accept you are shy, accept you are depressed, accept you are a social oddball, accept you are not confident about your looks, even accept you might not be attractive. Accept that you have no partner, accept that you have no experience, accept that you may be making a life on your own. Accept fully that you are too scared to attempt a different life. Accept everything the way it is.

Be cheerful and stoic in your acceptance. Be content. Enjoy your work. Have fun at the gym, go more often if you want. Love going to the movies on your own (one of my favourite things to do). Whatever it is you are doing now, surfing online, cooking your dinner, reading etc. just really enjoy it and let go of all the fret, guilt, wanting things to be other than how reality is.

Give it a year before you review . This year just happily accept. Drop all the mental weight, the what ifs, the hopes, fears and wondering. Let it all drop now. No other plans. Happy. And accept. That's all.

All the best.

excellent advice. Often seeking a cure makes the illness worse.

In my 70s now and always single and no regrets at all .

anewme

Graces7 wrote: »

Zorya wrote: »

Stop what you are doing, all this fret and concern.

Start accepting how things ARE fully.
Accept you are shy, accept you are depressed, accept you are a social oddball, accept you are not confident about your looks, even accept you might not be attractive. Accept that you have no partner, accept that you have no experience, accept that you may be making a life on your own. Accept fully that you are too scared to attempt a different life. Accept everything the way it is.

Be cheerful and stoic in your acceptance. Be content. Enjoy your work. Have fun at the gym, go more often if you want. Love going to the movies on your own (one of my favourite things to do). Whatever it is you are doing now, surfing online, cooking your dinner, reading etc. just really enjoy it and let go of all the fret, guilt, wanting things to be other than how reality is.

Give it a year before you review . This year just happily accept. Drop all the mental weight, the what ifs, the hopes, fears and wondering. Let it all drop now. No other plans. Happy. And accept. That's all.

All the best.

excellent advice. Often seeking a cure makes the illness worse.

In my 70s now and always single and no regrets at all .

Totally agree. Accept yourself as you are, flaws included.

Coming up to 50 now and the exact same.

Had a time about 10 years ago where i git stressed over the whoke children thing. But for me, I realsed that i wanted to want a husband and family rather than actually wanting that life.

Like you ive a decent job, my own house and no one to leave them to. But why aorry about what hapoens when you are gone? What matters is the here and now.

So i got into travel and head off 3 times a year.

I woukd not change my life for anything now.

You cant force yourself down a path. It has to happen naturally.

From the sounds of it, you are doing great and take a small step at a time.