Can a girl and a lad just be mates?

completedit

In my.experierience, if a girl.has a boyfriend, she will never get close.enough to another lad, automatically it will create a distance unless the girl has no attraction for the guy or so much that she would.cheat on her bf with him.and thus might want to get closer

I honestly don't believe they can be, at least not proper mates unless they know each other years or have a buffer of someone else in the relationship(lad might be close to a girl if it's his close mates girlfriend)

I actually think the distance.is.on behalf of girls. They either fancy a guy and want to be his gf or have no interest and thus won't be worth their time being friends

branie2

I'm sure they can

ILoveYourVibes

Yup!

Berserker

My wife is my best friend. Aside from my wife, I have some other female friends that I've never dated etc from university. So, they can be friends, in short.

completedit

Berserker wrote: »

Firstly, my wife is my best friend. Aside from my wife, I have some other female friends that I've never dated etc from university. So, they can be friends, in short.

Yeh u have a wife.so they're comfortable. I think girls are reluctant to be mates with single guys.

TheValeyard

Well yeah. Why not?

It shouldn't be a burden for people who are emotionally mature.

completedit

Murray TheDemonic TalkingSkull wrote: »

Well yeah. Why not?

Anecdotal but my.line.of.thinking

Girl either has romantic or sexual interest in a guy
If none, she might be a friend but not a proper friend. Will make no effort and its more a circumstancial acquaintance than anything.
Furthermore, if a girl has a boyfriend, she'll be reluctant to get too close to other guys.

Not.saying I am right just my theory, wondering is there anything to it.

Not if he is attracted to her, no. No matter what anyone might like to believe.

Gimme A Pound

JayZeus wrote: »

Not if he is attracted to her, no. No matter what anyone might like to believe.

And vice versa.

Jim 77

Yes, if he's gay and she's a lesbian

DubInTheWest

Use your intelligence if you have any.

gogo

My best friend is a boy .. he has been my best friend since I’ve been seven.. Over thirty odd years now (wow pretty cool when I see it written, long time) I’m married and he has a girl friend now but we have stuck with each other for all these years.. went to different secondary schools, colleges etc.. still mates. The dynamic changed certainly when I got married, my husband is closer to me but surely that’s expected. I imagine he tells his girlfriend more than he tells me. We have never been romantically or otherwise involved, we used to say we were brother and sister when we were younger. He’s set me up with his mates and I’ve set him up with mine over the years. We are friends, really good friends, we have never over thought it.
He probably knows as much about me as my husband.. he’s been around longer to be fair and after my husband would be my first port of call for help or drink or whatever. He’s just there, as am I for him. Can’t be analyzing these things too much.

Jim 77

DubInTheWest wrote: »

Use your intelligence if you have any.

Lighten up! It was a joke.

DubInTheWest

Jim 77 wrote: »

Lighten up! It was a joke.

It wasn't a joke. If a person needs to ask a question like that there is more than a screw lose.

I might as well create a thread title 'can i get pregnant if a guy touches my boobs.'

After hours was always a bit of a hovel but since boards was taken over by the media, who knows what threads are genuine and what are red herrings.....

Jim 77

DubInTheWest wrote: »

It wasn't a joke. If a person needs to ask a question like that there is more than a screw lose.

I might as well create a thread title 'can i get pregnant if a guy touches my boobs.'

After hours was always a bit of a hovel but since boards was taken over by the media, who knows what threads are genuine and what are red herrings.....

Ah ok, I thought you were replying to my post which was just above yours.

gogo

gogo wrote: »

My best friend is a boy .. The dynamic changed certainly when I got married ....We have never been romantically or otherwise involved,...we have never over thought it.
....Can’t be analyzing these things too much.

Play it down all you want but guaranteed there were times when he wanted it to be more than that. You can’t be 7 forever.

The dynamic of your relationship with him changed because you got married. That closed a door in a sense and you’re likely greatly overestimating how close you really are now or indeed have been in the past.

I reckon it’s common enough to be fair. I wonder how many women realise it though?

Church on Tuesday

It depends.

If there are no romantic feelings then yeah, the friendship will work just fine.

More often then not, however, lads who are friends with women want to be more than friends, in other words, they fall into the trap of being orbiters or 'friend-zoned'.

That can go the other way too, but I think women can sense if it's just going to be a friendship and can somewhat pull away a bit from that friendship rather than some men who think remaining friends mean they somehow have a chance later on.

sk8erboii

No OP. Its literally impossible

Outlaw Pete

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

Gimme A Pound

JayZeus wrote: »

Play it down all you want but guaranteed there were times when he wanted it to be more than that. You can’t be 7 forever.

The dynamic of your relationship with him changed because you got married. That closed a door in a sense and you’re likely greatly overestimating how close you really are now or indeed have been in the past.

I reckon it’s common enough to be fair. I wonder how many women realise it though?

Yeah you know better than us womens.

You have literally zero evidence that the guy wanted to be more than friends with gogo.

Men aren't always sex mad willing to get up on any woman at all. There are women whom they don't fancy and can be friends with.

Even people who fancy the other person can still be just friends with them - it's not ideal but where's the rule that they can't be friends still?

And there's a difference between sexually attracted to and in love with. The latter would be pretty painful and likely doom the friendship, but the former would be gotten over in time.

completedit

Treasure Glamorous Bassoon wrote: »

Yeah you know better than us womens.

You have literally zero evidence that the guy wanted to be more than friends with gogo.

Men aren't always sex mad willing to get up on any woman at all. There are women whom they don't fancy and can be friends with.

Even people who fancy the other person can still be just friends with them - it's not ideal but where's the rule that they can't be friends still?

Where's this thing about men being sex mad from? Men are the more hopelessly romantic of the two sexes. The guy definitely at one stage had some romantic feelings, maybe strong ones.

Gimme A Pound

completedit wrote: »

Where's this thing about men being sex mad from? Men are the more hopelessly romantic of the two sexes. The guy definitely at one stage had some romantic feelings, maybe strong ones.

Definitely? Where is the evidence of this? He may have, he may not.

(I said men *aren't* always sex mad).

suicide_circus

if there is attraction it is difficult and probably not worth the blue balls

Zorya

I think so, yes, or at least I find it to be possible. And it doesn't mean that I think the guy is sexually unattractive, I usually do in fact think that they are wonderful, because it is all part of the whole person. A brilliant mind or a kind heart is incredibly attractive, which is a feeling naturally infused with some amount of eros, as is every zest for life. Though one has every possibility of just letting that be the simple truth and not dwelling or acting on it.

I have very few close friends and a couple are men. It is a sisterly affection for them - philia, though I can acknowledge quite readily their attractive maleness, their difference to me - eros. What's the problem with that? It's not like one is a hapless bundle of unrestrained reflexes - surely maturity is about balancing.

My husband works closely with lovely lassies in his job and they are very friendly with each other, he will phone them before me if their expertise in a professional area is what he needs. And sometimes just for a nice chat and a bit of craic. And it would be mad to think that he does not notice their loveliness, of course he does. Human beings are often quite adorable. He does, just as I notice my male friends are lovely in many possible ways. And yet we manage to not self-combust with those realities. Fnck sake, that's life.

EmmetSpiceland

Attraction can be a driving force in getting guys and girls together in conversation, even as friends.

While I do believe that members of the opposite sex can just be friends I think in a lot of cases that one of them is “jacking”, or “jilling”, over the other late at night.

I find it’s the friends made through work that tend to be the most platonic but, I mean, most of us have been guilty of “dipping the pen in the company ink” and probably learned the lesson that it’s not a great idea in the long term.

biko

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

Your Face

I'm sure they can, but personally - no.

Iseedeadpixels

According to most girls I've asked out the answer is yes :pac:

KikiLaRue

I lived with a guy in college, we were good friends and I really fancied him but I sensed he didn't feel the same so I never pursued it. He's married now, we're still good friends, the attraction has long since faded and I can see very clearly that we wouldn't have made a good couple.

I have lots of male friends. In my early 20s when nights out involved a lot of booze (and the rest) I ended up in bed with one of them on more than one occasion. That doesn't tend to happen these days.

Still waters

No, I've found over the years if I'm attracted to her I'll try it on, if not I wont, I've never been on anything more than on civil terms with a woman I havent wanted to ride.

In a long term committed relationships now so them days are behind me

I'm sure some men can with no problem but I've never had close female friends, just acquaintances

Deebles McBeebles

Yes but sometimes no.

/thread.

Seth Brundle

Men & Women mates?

Friends, yes. Best friends? Sounds like a challenge.

That's why the sitcom Friends had no credibility for me. Leaving aside the fact that Jennifer Aniston is supposed to have been in love with David Schwimmer's character for most of it, we are also expected to believe that Joey was one of the most viirle & handsome Lotharios in New York, yet none of his close female friends ever fell for him?

Friends was a messed-up show. Some of them were related, and the others were all fcuking the wrong friends. Stupid programme.

Woke Hogan

Friends is a stupid programme.

Men and women can definitely be friends without complications. You’ll hear plenty from the “alpha”/redpill/pick up artist/Joe Rogan fans who believe heterosexual people struggle constantly to control their sexual urges around people of the opposite gender.

In reality, however, most adults’ thought processes and motivations are more mature than “ooga booga me want hole.”

In my view, anyone who thinks differently is either a total meathead or extremely stunted emotionally.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Many can, some can't.

The criteria for friendship as presented on these threads always seems weird to me though "If the thought of riding, has ever, for a second, crossed either of your minds then it's NOT a friendship"

One of my friends, who's a straight, single man has a lot of very good female friends. He told me about a time he and one of them were at her house, good bit of drink taken, the energy started getting a bit sexual so he just left :pac: stayed on another friend's couch, didn't want to complicate things.

Always think of that when this topic comes up because probably a half dozen people with variously opposing viewpoints would all think it proves them right!

spockety

gogo wrote: »

My best friend is a boy .. he has been my best friend since I’ve been seven.. Over thirty odd years now (wow pretty cool when I see it written, long time) I’m married and he has a girl friend now but we have stuck with each other for all these years.. went to different secondary schools, colleges etc.. still mates. The dynamic changed certainly when I got married, my husband is closer to me but surely that’s expected. I imagine he tells his girlfriend more than he tells me. We have never been romantically or otherwise involved, we used to say we were brother and sister when we were younger. He’s set me up with his mates and I’ve set him up with mine over the years. We are friends, really good friends, we have never over thought it.
He probably knows as much about me as my husband.. he’s been around longer to be fair and after my husband would be my first port of call for help or drink or whatever. He’s just there, as am I for him. Can’t be analyzing these things too much.

He fancies you.

eviltwin

I have very close friends of both sexes and I've never tried to get off with them. I have far more respect for myself, my husband and the friends involved. I've seen too many people lose a friend through a stupid mistake, it's not worth it. One or two of my friends are very attractive and I'd definitely shag them but the chemistry isn't there.

Suttree

completedit wrote: »

In my.experierience, if a girl.has a boyfriend, she will never get close.enough to another lad, automatically it will create a distance unless the girl has no attraction for the guy or so much that she would.cheat on her bf with him.and thus might want to get closer

I honestly don't believe they can be, at least not proper mates unless they know each other years or have a buffer of someone else in the relationship(lad might be close to a girl if it's his close mates girlfriend)

I actually think the distance.is.on behalf of girls. They either fancy a guy and want to be his gf or have no interest and thus won't be worth their time being friends

She doesn't fancy you mate, just leave it.

Graham Careful Rosemary

Graham Careful Rosemary wrote: »

Many can, some can't.

The criteria for friendship as presented on these threads always seems weird to me though "If the thought of riding, has ever, for a second, crossed either of your minds then it's NOT a friendship"

One of my friends, who's a straight, single man has a lot of very good female friends. He told me about a time he and one of them were at her house, good bit of drink taken, the energy started getting a bit sexual so he just left :pac: stayed on another friend's couch, didn't want to complicate things.

Always think of that when this topic comes up because probably a half dozen people with variously opposing viewpoints would all think it proves them right!

The rest of us are sitting here, going 'he's gay' :pac:

KikiLaRue

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Friends, yes. Best friends? Sounds like a challenge.

That's why the sitcom Friends had no credibility for me. Leaving aside the fact that Jennifer Aniston is supposed to have been in love with David Schwimmer's character for most of it, we are also expected to believe that Joey was one of the most viirle & handsome Lotharios in New York, yet none of his close female friends ever fell for him?

Friends was a messed-up show. Some of them were related, and the others were all fcuking the wrong friends. Stupid programme.

Joey and Rachel also got together, and it's alluded to repeatedly that Joey and Phoebe fancy each other! And Joey tried it on with Monica the first time they met. Do not take the name of Friends in vain.

Gimme A Pound

Your Face wrote: »

I'm sure they can, but personally - no.

None of that now!

You will either proclaim that the way you feel is the same way everyone else feels, or you'll get the **** out! :mad:

arybvtcw0eolkf

Sure they can.

I've lots of female friends and I've coached lots of females who I'd never for a moment see as anything sexual.

I've probably as many female friends as male, and certainly more female mates that I have complete faith and trust in.

Gimme A Pound

tonycascarino wrote: »

Not it my opinion. I think deep down the lad or lassie likes the other in more than a 'friend' way.

When that's the case (because in fairness we can't know for certain that it always is) why does it mean they can't be friends still?

Sometimes friendship puts paid to anything more, because the idea of shagging them is actually weird and unsettling. Like the thought of shagging your brother or sister.

gogo

JayZeus wrote: »

Play it down all you want but guaranteed there were times when he wanted it to be more than that. You can’t be 7 forever.

The dynamic of your relationship with him changed because you got married. That closed a door in a sense and you’re likely greatly overestimating how close you really are now or indeed have been in the past.

I reckon it’s common enough to be fair. I wonder how many women realise it though?

The dynamic changed because I got married and have kids, I work full time .. I don’t call him up to come to the pub everyday or stroll up town for the Craic anymore, it changed because we grew up .. not because I closed a door on him, as you say you can’t be seven forever.

Is it more surprising to you how someone can achieve a level of emotional maturity that they can be friends without thinking about having sex?

Have you never had a great female friend that you didnt want to shag? I’d be more worried about those complexities than I would be about the opposite.

We had become friends well before hormones kicked in, it was never an issue, it’s the same as been close to your siblings.. I don’t see them everyday either, still very close to them..

Ubbquittious

Yea it can happen but a lot of the times one will feel the pressure to end or neglect the friendship in order to appease a jealous partner. I have fell into that trap myself. Other times usually the girl will feel that the lad is in it with the hope of making it more than just a friendship and will end it for this reason.

Anteayer

Well, as a bi male I'd have to say if it weren't possible to just be friends with people my life would be VERY complicated or lonely. However, that's not the case.

Treasure Glamorous Bassoon

Treasure Glamorous Bassoon wrote: »

When that's the case (because in fairness we can't know for certain that it always is) why does it mean they can't be friends still?

Sometimes friendship puts paid to anything more, because the idea of shagging them is actually weird and unsettling. Like the thought of shagging your brother or sister.

I didn't know about Joey and Rachel. I knew they had a fling, but I thought the prudish writers had excluded the idea of sex.

In real life everyone would have fallen for Phoebe. She was everyone's favourite. Even though she lived way across town. Lazy Yanks.

StudentDad

Of course they can. Life would be awfully restricted if they couldn't. Oh no can't talk or hang out with so and so, things will get sexual!

Apiarist

Yes. I have female friends, some I know them from the time we were children, some from the university. Sure, I may have fantasized about having sex with some of them, but I have my commitments and they have theirs. I did make a pass at one of my friends ages ago and we had some almost but not sex, but this went nowhere because we could not take it seriously after being friends for a long time before that.

wakka12

Are you in secondary school or something OP? My colleagues are half men half women, dozens of them are close friends without having shared anything romantic with one another, any mature adult should be able to have a friendly relationship with another gender without it leading to romance , or not leading to romance solely because of lack of attraction to the friend