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Has anyone here literally never been on a date before?

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    #32
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    completedit wrote: »
    Yeh I fancy a chick but she has a bf. We got on well, bit too well and I noticed she sort of pulled away over last while

    Well she's obviously not an option then... it really is starting to look like you're setting yourself up for failure.

    Is it this fear you've got around it subconciously stopping you from trying different ways to meet someone? Do you really want to meet someone?


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    #33
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.


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    #34
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    completedit wrote: »
    I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.

    But is it something you really want? Or is it mainly something you feel like you should be doing because your peers are?


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    #35
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    I want to feel like I can. I feel.old now though, the spontaneity and fun has kinda gone out of it tbh. The girls I felt I clicked with, the girls that made sense, nothing happened.


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    #36
    SEPT 23 1989
    Registered Users Posts: 43,028 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    completedit wrote: »
    I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.

    Have you tried alcohol?


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    #37
    chrissb8
    Registered Users Posts: 1,170 ✭✭✭chrissb8


    completedit wrote: »
    I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.

    Take it from someone who only had sex once or twice before the age of 27, wait and try. Honestly, just go on a date and see how it goes. I used to think eventually it will come about organically but it never did.

    If you want to meet someone to be with then you have to make an active effort and put yourself on the line. This ain't no movie and there is no one way to approach it. Tinder was of great use to me in meeting my current partner. I think you sound like you're blocking yourself off because it's maybe easier not to try? I don't mean to sound offensive or anything anyway. I just mean it is not all that hard if you are a good person and have patience in your efforts. There are genuine people who are looking for the same thing. Just put your best foot forward, try and if it doesn't work out then try again, once you get started in dating you generally lose the fear as you stop overthinking it and realise that it isn't life or death. Bottom line, you have nothing to lose but everything to gain. So all I can say is that it is worth it all in the end. Best of luck anyway.


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    #38
    kowloon
    Registered Users Posts: 13,369 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »
    Go to the disco have a dance and then the slow set comes on

    Dates me h0le

    Yeah, I don't think anyone in Ireland had a 'date' before the mid-90s (might be off on my time there).


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    #39
    chite
    Registered Users Posts: 112 ✭✭chite


    Well yeah, finnish guy asked me out for dinner at a café once. Although I don't like the idea of going on a date with a random stranger, I went as he was sound enough and I'd never been on one so it was more of a 'f it why not' moment. I just don't like the idea of a date with the expectation from the other party for it to develop into something more - even though that's the whole point of it. I prefer just knowing people as friends and if a relationship blossoms with someone you already know then great.

    I've always been reluctant about getting into a relationship with anyone (and I've had opportunities to pursue them with interested fellas, and have even been hit on by 2 women aswell :p). Childhood upbringing most likely had an affect as I seem to have some traits associated with avoidant personality disorder. So have always been single and also nearing 30 myself - I'd make a great nun I think as I don't really mind and could easily live a life of solitude (and tending to an allotment plot, and other hobbies I could fit in would be a bonus) - though I can't be 100% sure if I would end up regretting being single, but then I feel that been happy in your own company is a bigger priority than trying to pursue a relationship - which should go for anyone even if you're in a relationship. And people get into relationships at different ages, so what if you're a virgin veteran. If you don't give a f#*k this positive attitude will be emanated to others and they wouldn't care either (anyone who does is someone you shouldn't be going out with really tbh unless they change their mind).


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    #40
    kowloon
    Registered Users Posts: 13,369 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    chite wrote: »
    I prefer just knowing people as friends and if a relationship blossoms with someone you already know then great.

    Some people say they avoid getting into relationships with anyone inside their circle, never understood it myself.


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    #41
    Mike9832
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,912 ✭✭✭Mike9832


    completedit wrote: »
    I want to feel like I can. I feel.old now though, the spontaneity and fun has kinda gone out of it tbh. The girls I felt I clicked with, the girls that made sense, nothing happened.

    Aim lower

    Your probably not as good looking as you think you are, no offence

    Your only 29, try a few donkey's first, then a horse


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    #42
    chite
    Registered Users Posts: 112 ✭✭chite


    kowloon wrote: »
    Some people say they avoid getting into relationships with anyone inside their circle, never understood it myself.

    Yeah daft really as you already have some idea of their personality and habits - the good and bad. Knew a girl who was passive aggressive with her ex in our circle for a while, so can see why some don't like it as it was awkward to put up with. I'd like to think I'd have a hassle-free mature break up with an ex, and try to have things like before if it was me.


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    #43
    Nobelium
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,093 ✭✭✭Nobelium


    completedit wrote: »
    I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.

    Pub or night club pulling is like a pure lottery, and therefore an extremely inefficient way to look for a long term partner. Even if you randomly meet a women there and go out together for while, the chances that she will be a highly compatible life partner in terms of lifetime interests / temperament etc. are slim to say the least.

    There's someone out there for everyone, and there's also more that one compatible person out there. Best thing you can do by far is broaden your social circle in a non drink related activity or interest and actually meet more women you actually might have something in common with, but don't specially be looking for a women at these events or activities, just enjoy them, or you will come across as desperate and needy and therefore off putting. Just let whatever happens happen, and if you get the some singles from a women that she might like you that way, ask her to go for a coffee, bite to eat, or something easy going etc. and see who it goes, and see if you both click or not. If you do you both will without trying, there's no mystery to it all.

    As for the 30 year old virgin thing, forget about that crap. There's plenty other sexually inexperienced 30 year olds out out there for one reason or another, and if she's the right women, it won't bother her one bit. Shagging really isn't that complicated, you don't need a fecking qualification in it, just tell her and don't try to bluff it, and then get on with it. You'll soon figure it out.


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