Sex

ricicle

Hi there



I am with my boyfriend 6 months and we still havent had sex. We went on a weekend away and he said we were too drunk the first night and the second night he fell asleep. He lives with his mum and brother and his mum was away for 3 weeks and in that time he never asked me over. He never kisses me with passion its always a peck on the lips. Am I right in thinking this is a little strange. I said it to him that we haven't had sex yet and he just said we will but it never happens.


Thanks


R

Purple Mountain

Red flag.
That's not 'normal'.
There's probably something else going on, physically or psychologically.
He should be honest with you.

Teepinaw

ricicle wrote: »

Hi there



I am with my boyfriend 6 months and we still havent had sex. We went on a weekend away and he said we were too drunk the first night and the second night he fell asleep. He lives with his mum and brother and his mum was away for 3 weeks and in that time he never asked me over. He never kisses me with passion its always a peck on the lips. Am I right in thinking this is a little strange. I said it to him that we haven't had sex yet and he just said we will but it never happens.


Thanks


R

How does he compare to your previous partners and experiences?

ricicle

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Red flag.
That's not 'normal'.
There's probably something else going on, physically or psychologically.
He should be honest with you.

Well when I first met him he was on slimming world, he has put a bit of weight back on and maybe he is consious. I also suspect he might be a virgin because I am his first girlfriend in years. we're 28 and 29.

ricicle

Teepinaw wrote: »

How does he compare to your previous partners and experiences?

I was in a long term relationdhip before thisd relationship and the sex was often enough but towards the end of the relationship we hadnt had sex in 2 months. I do think he might be a virgin though because im his only girlfriend in years, we're 28 and 29.

cena

Just ask him if he is a virgin. Maybe he is saving myself till marriage.

iMac_Hunt

Octavia Wide Thermodynamics wrote:

Maybe he just finds you unattractive and cant muster an erection.

I'll take the ban as I don't post regularly anyway. You sir, are a prick.

pwurple

Well, if he is a virgin, it is a very large leap from peck on the cheek to sex. He may find that intimidating.

I would suggest baby steps.. start with better kissing. Do you initiate?

ricicle

pwurple wrote: »

Well, if he is a virgin, it is a very large leap from peck on the cheek to sex. He may find that intimidating.

I would suggest baby steps.. start with better kissing. Do you initiate?

YEah I suppose it is a bit intimidating, I'm just so frustrated with it all !!



I think kissing more passionatly would be a good start. I do initiate but he never just goes with it. It sometimes feels like more of a friendship than a relationship so I think I am going to have to ask him straight out why he doesnt want to kiss me passionately or have sex with me.

Charles Ingles

Maybe he doesn't believe in sex before marriage and is keeping his flower for a somebody special.
Me and Mrs ingles waited until we married and so glad we did

Gwynplaine

My guess...
You are his beard

GIMP

Is it possible he may be gay?

elfy4eva

I would say similar to others here, possible self conscious issues (Mabye the weight. Mabye he has a smaller tool) and his inexperience frightens him a bit.

If you're up for it why don't you try and take the reigns and initiate sex, and show him you don't care about that stuff.

If he's not willing after that and if he's not willing to talk properly to you about it, you'll have to ask yourself do you want to be in that relationship.

Mr.Frame

Quite possibly he has body issues or is just nervous. Perhaps its a bit of both,

When you say you havnt had sex,I presume you mean intercourse? but have you not had mutual masturbation? Oral ect ?

If you hvnt, perhaps that would be a good start, to get things moving in the right direction

Paddy Cow

GIMP wrote: »

Is it possible he may be gay?

That crossed my mind as well or maybe he's asexual and just has no sex drive?

Hedgelayer

ricicle wrote: »

Hi there



I am with my boyfriend 6 months and we still havent had sex. We went on a weekend away and he said we were too drunk the first night and the second night he fell asleep. He lives with his mum and brother and his mum was away for 3 weeks and in that time he never asked me over. He never kisses me with passion its always a peck on the lips. Am I right in thinking this is a little strange. I said it to him that we haven't had sex yet and he just said we will but it never happens.


Thanks


R

Ok I'll give you my tuppence worth, is it possible he's a recovering sex addict.

He may be on a 12 step program which basically means that he cannot have sex until he's married and in a committed relationship.

I've a male friend who is a former sex addict and he's at this malarkey with his last 2 flings, goes away with her won't be intimate.

Its very frustrating for a woman not to be intimate and eventually they break up with him...
Poor guys tormented...

TheBoyConor

If he wanted to have sex he would do it. He is telling you who he is here!

That is basically it. You can't change someone's mind for them or manipulate them in to wanting sex if they are reluctant.

Also, i would think it highly unlikely that he is a recovering sex addict. think about it, if he is 29 and is so overweight that he is in a slimming world program I can't imagine that he would be such an "easy puller" that he would have become a sex addict.

Hoboo

Think he needs to sort out whatever the issue is before he shares his life with someone. I'd try talking to him, see if he opens up. If not, time to hit the road, no point trying to make something work if he won't.

SaltSweatSugar

OP I’d agree with most posters here that it’s not normal. I don’t blame you at all for being frustrated.

I think you need to have a chat with him about it. All relationships need communication to work and especially about something as important (in my opinion) as sex and intimacy. I generally don’t like to rush into having sex with a partner but 6 months would be too long for me, without knowing what’s going on in their head. Maybe he is self conscious about his weight or maybe he does want to wait but there’s really only one way to find out.

Nikki Sixx

Maybe just give him a “hand shandy” to get the ball rolling?

m-a-i-

Have a chat with him about how he feels and let it organically go to the intimate stage. I've been in relationships before where they weren't intimate for various reasons months in to dating and it was mainly self concious or anxious or even the sex addict thing as another poster said. If he is not willing to even discuss this with you when you are trying to be caring then I think you need to look after yourself and do what is best for you even if it means breaking up
I'd almost guarantee that it has nothing to do with you. There is something going on in his head that is causing things not to go any further

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

ricicle wrote: »

I said it to him that we haven't had sex yet and he just said we will but it never happens.

Instead of saying "We haven't had sex yet" I think you should be more assertive and say "Now that we're together six months, I'd like to start having sex. Would you?" See how he reacts. Don't take "It will happen someday" as an excuse. Ask him to level with you about what the issue is.

This is not normal for a couple in their late 20s.

If he's still living at home with his mum, he could indeed be a virgin. That problem is easily sorted. But if there are other issues, such as that he's asexual, gay, or just not into you, you need to know now so that you can break up and move on.

sullivlo

Mod

Thread closed as OP hasn't returned.

Op: PM if you would like it reopened.