What's the etiquette here??

padd b1975

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Lot of very ‘bound up’ individuals here today.

Might I suggest a mug of castor oil, Andrews Liver Salts, mushed up prunes, and maxwell house coffee powder?

Indeed.

Shams getting worked up about paragraphs.

Definitely CBS alumni if you ask me.

JohnnyFlash

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The lad would get up on the carcass of a roast chicken. He’s a bad ‘un.

Is that really a thing?

Just asking like.

JohnnyFlash

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Is that really a thing?

Just asking like.

Heard of a lad from Roscommon who was caught by his auld one doing it. Can’t verify if the story is true or not.

EmmetSpiceland

padd b1975 wrote: »

Indeed.

Shams getting worked up about paragraphs.

Definitely CBS alumni if you ask me.

Most likely from back with the Brothers we’re clearing out any “blockages” personally.

JohnnyFlash

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Heard of a lad from Roscommon who was caught by his auld one doing it. Can’t verify if the story is true or not.

Suppose it would have been okay for their Sunday dinner anyway once he didn't "finish" before she caught him.

Sharp MZ700

Reminds me of the cook who used to piss into the pot of cabbage in Naas. "That'll do the finest for the troops" he'd say pissing and stirring it with his army boot at the same time fag in mouth.
Simpler times, lads used lap it up and go for seconds.

Sharp MZ700

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Reminds me of the cook who used to piss into the pot of cabbage in Naas. "That'll do the finest for the troops" he'd say pissing and stirring it with his army boot at the same time fag in mouth.
Simpler times, lads used lap it up and go for seconds.

I dread to think what he put in the seconds.

Brendan Bendar

padd b1975 wrote: »

Indeed.

Shams getting worked up about paragraphs.

Definitely CBS alumni if you ask me.

Apparently ‘waxed the dolphin ‘for Bro. Pius Callender, it’s said.

Voodoomelon

Deleted User wrote: »

Bit of diarrhoea today, only had three Weetabix this morning and a protein shake after the gym but I've been to the throne five times already. First few offerings were like something out of a HP Lovecraft story. Eldritch horrors, last visit produced some prolonged thunderous farting but little midden. Hopefully that's the system cleared out now.

That reminds me of the day I tried that Weetabix breakfast drink. Jesus Christ it turned my insides into mush, I can still remember the agonising cramps, like being stabbed in the abdomen. Spent the afternoon spraying hot slurry into the oval office. My arse was like the flag of Japan afterwards.

I was moments away from writing a letter of complaint to Weetabix, but thought better of ruining Charlotte in customer services day with a detailed account of what just came out of my arse.

Voodoomelon

Voodoomelon wrote: »

but thought better of ruining Charlotte in customer services day with a detailed account of what just came out of my arse.

This is the kind of customer feedback I think they need though. I'd have written a very descriptive letter after taking inspiration from this thread of course. The proper terms you find here to describe the aftermath of a bottle of liquid Weetabix would really help paint a picture for the product development boffins.

Hector Savage

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Heard of a lad from Roscommon who was caught by his auld one doing it. Can’t verify if the story is true or not.

I think it's a common myth, I remember Richard Richard in bottom mentioning it ..

Hector Savage

The traps where I work are as follows :
1 Male 2 cubibcles
1 Female 2 cubicles
1 unisex 1M 1F

So we have 3 traps to choose from, and as it's IT a lot more men in the office.
Anyway this past week the M cubicle in the unisex jacks has been "out of order".

Normally I have no problem finding a vacant trap but lately the Male jax 2 cubicles are busy
so I need to pop next door to unisex and have to use the Female one.

Makes sense when you think about it , we are 33% down in available male traps, anyway I don't feel too good
about pebble dashing the F toilet with a kilo of yobble every morning, but I have little choice.

Normally I check the coast is clear and leave quickly without washing my hands and then pop into the M
jacks to wash them.

Of course by then the 2 M cubicles are free - murphys law.

dulpit

dulpit wrote: »

Somebody could do a PHD research on this thread around language and how the terms used here do not seem to appear anywhere else that I have heard, e.g. Midden, kernt, fent, etc.

Your very own username seems like it could be one itself.

''A dulpit of excrement was found on the victim's chest behind the pawn shop''

Hector Savage

Omackeral wrote: »

Your very own username seems like it could be one itself.

''A dulpit of excrement was found on the victim's chest behind the pawn shop''

ah jaysus!!

Have we come to scat now ?

Actually was mentioned earlier there was a really funny term for someone ****eing on a glass table whilst some pervert lay under said table enjoying the view ?

a cold larry or something ....?

Hector Savage

Hector Savage wrote: »

ah jaysus!!

Have we come to scat now ?

Actually was mentioned earlier there was a really funny term for someone ****eing on a glass table whilst some pervert lay under said table enjoying the view ?

a cold larry or something ....?

That's a Jack Cack, isn't it?

Named after yer man from The Shining, allegedly.

Hector Savage

Hector Savage wrote: »

ah jaysus!!

Have we come to scat now ?

That's your own business if you have.

Hector Savage

Hector Savage wrote: »

Actually was mentioned earlier there was a really funny term for someone ****eing on a glass table whilst some pervert lay under said table enjoying the view ?

a cold larry or something ....?

Don't know about any of that shit (pun intended) but having a nice hot dump on someone's chest is called a ''Cleveland Steamer''.

Banging someone from behind and inserting a digit into their vacant orifice and subsequently drawing a fecal curly Mexican-style moustache on them is known as a ''Dirty Sanchez''.

EmmetSpiceland

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Is that really a thing?

Just asking like.

It’s more commonly done with a jam jar stuffed with liver, or “loose” meats.

This is then microwaved for 15-20 seconds, at 750 watt so adjust accordingly for 800 etc.

Some “people” will use Pot Noodle, chow mein flavour. Just ensure that the boiling water has fully cooled to a much lower temperature and has been fully absorbed by the “noodles”.

The carcass of a chicken isn’t a great option. There’s a number of sharp little bones that could easily do you some damage. There really are some sick freaks out there.

EmmetSpiceland

Omackeral wrote: »

Banging someone from behind and inserting a digit into their vacant orifice and subsequently drawing a fecal curly Mexican-style moustache on them is known as a ''Dirty Sanchez''.

“Screech” from Saved by the Bell was, infamously, involved with one of those. The girl, in question, was, allegedly, on her hen night.

He then, also allegedly, went on to get involved in some stabbing during a bar “brawl”.

I, personally, believe we should remember him as he once was, a beloved, yet annoying, morning tv show character. Not some degenerate shít smearer.

EmmetSpiceland

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Some “people” will use Pot Noodle, chow mein flavour. Just ensure that the boiling water has fully cooled to a much lower temperature and has been fully absorbed by the “noodles”.

My Friday nights generally consist of a Pot Noodle and ****. This is a potential game changer. Question, would one hypothetically add the sachet of dry vegetables to this vaginal substitute. It could simulate dangleberries I suppose? Whether that's a plus or a minus comes down to personal preference.

EmmetSpiceland

Omackeral wrote: »

My Friday nights generally consist of a Pot Noodle and ****. This is a potential game changer. Question, would one hypothetically add the sachet of dry vegetables to this vaginal substitute. It could simulate dangleberries I suppose? Whether that's a plus or a minus comes down to personal preference.

I couldn’t recommend adding anything in unless you’re going in “posh”.

The last thing you need is a stray piece of “angular” carrot, sweet corn husk, or, indeed, pea getting lodged down your jappers.

EmmetSpiceland

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

The last thing you need is a stray piece of “angular” carrot, sweet corn husk, or, indeed, pea getting lodged down your jappers.

This is redundant in a thread concerning bum stuff.

partyguinness

Another good one. This takes a little dexterity

Hollow out a good size banana but while keeping the skin intact. Cut off one end and gently manipulate the fruit out.

Pop it in a microwave for 10-20 seconds and bang away. BUT it falls to pieces in your hand so wrap in cling film and also watch that is not too hot- very important...so I am told.

Stevieluvsye

There are a lot of very creative minds on this thread, disturbed also, but nonetheless, creative

Bobblehats

Where are we going with this. Why don’t you just dip your knob in a hot pocket

EmmetSpiceland

Bobblehats wrote: »

Where are we going with this. Why don’t you just dip your knob in a hot pocket

Don’t be so crass.

Bobblehats

And make sure it’s “piping” hot

Dr Strange

Thread's gone to shit yet again. :mad:

EmmetSpiceland

Anyone know of any remedies to combat gas? I’ve been farting fairly frequently today. No real smell but they’re coming out in lengthy “bursts”.

The sound would be similar to that of a two-stroke motorbike revving, 750cc.

It’s as if a big bubble of gas is on its way out but hitting a “blockage” and that’s causing it to break up in a flurry of smaller rapidly exiting farts.

I’m having to go for a walk to let these out. Granted, it’s fun to lift the leg and mimic reviving while out and about but it’s comprising my “productivity” for the day.

Stevieluvsye

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Anyone know of any remedies to combat gas? I’ve been farting fairly frequently today. No real smell but they’re coming out in lengthy “bursts”.

The sound would be similar to that of a two-stroke motorbike revving, 750cc.

It’s as if a big bubble of gas is on its way out but hitting a “blockage” and that’s causing it to break up in a flurry of smaller rapidly exiting farts.

I’m having to go for a walk to let these out. Granted, it’s fun to lift the leg and mimic reviving while out and about but it’s comprising my “productivity” for the day.

Small amount of Baking Soda. You'll be grand in an hour or so