Women keep saying I'm 'Too Nice'.

Red Lightning

Title says it all really. I'm a 25 year old male. 6ft, alight looking face (nothing special) and am in decent shape and working in the gym to get into better shape.
However, my main problem with dating is my being 'too nice'.

I've a very open and warm personality and love helping people when I can. I'm a big messer and enjoy making people laugh too. I would be on the more reserved side in social situations but wouldn't be shy (I don't drink alcohol so I'm never centre of attention.)
Over the last few years, I've been hearing that I'm too nice. One woman I fancied said she preferred more of a dickhead when I asked her out, I found out another girl said 'I was nice, but I was too nice'. Today, there was a girl I had on my radar, no massive attraction but a mutual friend wanted to set us up. Mutual friend asked this girl and she said, 'he's so lovely but he's too nice'.

I'm just wondering what I could do with working on. I like to think I have a good bit of quiet confidence. A part of me thinks it's that they think I'm boring and they could be equating this to bedroom, where a lot of women wouldn't want a 'nice guy' if ye get me.

Any opinions or tips would be much appreciated.
Thanks

cannotlogin

I'll get shot for this but women in their 20s usually haven't a clue what they want.

By the time you are 30, they will be crawling all over you.

There is no such thing as too nice.

MadYaker

Trying to hard maybe?

Red Lightning

cannotlogin wrote:

By the time you are 30, they will be crawling all over you.

Here's hoping lol

MadYaker wrote:

Trying to hard maybe?

Could be but tbh I dont think I do.

Dtp1979

Nice guys finish last, as they say. Not a believer in it myself but there is truth to it at times. A lot of girls are drawn to dickheads. Don’t change who you are. You’re still very young, and as another poster said, women will be all over you come 30

Idle Passerby

The translation of "you're too nice" is "I just don't fancy you". In my experience it means your a lovely guy, nothing specific wrong with you but your probably a bit dull. Sorry.

LadySkunk

There’s no such thing as too nice op! I wouldn’t think too hard on the girl who “only goes for dickheads”, that just smells of drama :pac:

The other girl who said you were too nice, maybe she just wasn’t attracted to you in that way and didn’t want to hurt your feelings. That doesn’t make you unattractive either as everyone has different preferences.

The way you describe yourself you sound like a catch! Just give it time and you’ll meet someone who likes you for you. You don’t have to change anything about yourself

Red Lightning

TheSkunk wrote:

The other girl who said you were too nice, maybe she just wasn’t attracted to you in that way and didn’t want to hurt your feelings. That doesn’t make you unattractive either as everyone has different preferences.

I get ya but it wasn't said directly to me so I don't think it was to spare my feelings etc.

TheSkunk wrote:

The way you describe yourself you sound like a catch! Just give it time and you’ll meet someone who likes you for you. You don’t have to change anything about yourself

Thanks for the reply. Before today, I had similar experiences and I wasnt overly bothered but after today I just wanted a few opinions to see if I'm doing anything wrong.

Purple Mountain

Hey there.
I'm tending to agree with the earlier posters.
I'm in my 30s and I look around and my friends are all married to the 'nice' guys who we may have overlooked in our 20s.
A lot of the guys we were trying to tame in our 20s but who were too cool/drunk/promiscuous are now single or facing divorce.
For a lot of guys and girls, the 20s are spent having flings, living a bit too close to the edge.
I don't know how this observation will help you but it's an insight from someone who has been there, done that.
Enjoy your 20s but more importantly be true to yourself. Don't try to 'd*ckhead' up to impress anyone. The right lady will like you for you.

osarusan

I had a friend like this, who was getting told the same thing.

He was somebody who was agreeable to everything. If it's a discussion about which restaurant to go to...he doesn't mind at all. Which film to watch? He'll happily watch anything. Talking about politics? Well now he would't follow it all that closely himself, but he can see both points of view...and so on.

It turned out that this agreeable quality meant that people (lads also, but in this context, more importantly girls) felt like he was a bit blank...they never really got to know anything about him, he was just this agreeable presence without much of an identity.

Maybe that strikes a chord with you OP, disregard if not.

LadySkunk

Red Lightning wrote: »

I get ya but it wasn't said directly to me so I don't think it was to spare my feelings etc.


Thanks for the reply. Before today, I had similar experiences and I wasnt overly bothered but after today I just wanted a few opinions to see if I'm doing anything wrong.

It could be that perhaps your friend didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I wouldn’t dwell on it anyway.

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, you sound like a genuinely nice guy. You’ll meet someone when the time is right.

Have you dated much or been in relationships? What have those girls said about you?

zapper55

cannotlogin wrote: »

I'll get shot for this but women in their 20s usually haven't a clue what they want.

By the time you are 30, they will be crawling all over you.

There is no such thing as too nice.

This guy is in his 20's and sounds like he knows what he wants, no need for the blanket sexism that women don't.

Two things strike me about the OP, that he likes to make people laugh and he likes helping people. I think we all do to some degree but when it's done in an overly keen way it can be very off putting, like a person is seeking people's approval. And it is very easy to sense.

Some of the sexiest men I've ever met were kind and helped people. But what I suspect is different from your post is that they had boundaries and asserted themself when they needed to.

Op I know you dont think you are trying to hard but i think you might be.

Also as an aside, you mentioned working out to get in better shape. By all means do it for yourself but dont assume that every woman wants loads of muscles. Youd be surprised.

You sound like a lovely guy. I hope you find someone that's mad about you soon.

Red Lightning

osarusan wrote:

It turned out that this agreeable quality meant that people (lads also, but in this context, more importantly girls) felt like he was a bit blank...they never really got to know anything about him, he was just this agreeable presence without much of an identity.

zapper55 wrote:

Some of the sexiest men I've ever met were kind and helped people. But what I suspect is different from your post is that they had boundaries and asserted themself when they needed to.

I'm not like this but I think I may come across like it. Ive suffered from bad anxiety since I was 8 and was painfully shy with women until my late teens so I'm only getting used to have confidence.

Augme

There actually is such a thing as being "too nice". I used to work with a guy who was too nice. He'd agree to do anything and he wiukd generally agree with everyone. People would just treat him like a doormat. I felt sorry for him as he just never stood up for himself and was afraid of upsetting/offending anyone so that's why he said yes to everything. He was forever single and I can see why.

As a previous poster said, maybe you are trying too hard. The "like making people laugh" lone stood out to me. Why do you like that? Approval?

Being nice and kind is great, but don't let yourself get walked all over in the process either. Women notice those things and it's not very attractive.

Red Lightning

Augme wrote:

There actually is such a thing as being "too nice". I used to work with a guy who was too nice. He'd agree to do anything and he wiukd generally agree with everyone. People would just treat him like a doormat. I felt sorry for him as he just never stood up for himself and was afraid of upsetting/offending anyone so that's why he said yes to everything. He was forever single and I can see why.

I'm not afraid to stand up for myself but Im guilty of going out of my way to help which may fall in this category.

Augme wrote:

As a previous poster said, maybe you are trying too hard. The "like making people laugh" lone stood out to me. Why do you like that? Approval?

I probably am trying too hard tbh. Never really thought why, I just enjoy putting people in a better mood than what they were in.

IamtheWalrus

Red Lightning wrote: »

I'm not afraid to stand up for myself but Im guilty of going out of my way to help which may fall in this category.


I probably am trying too hard tbh. Never really thought why, I just enjoy putting people in a better mood than what they were in.

That’s a nice sentiment and fair play for not contributing to the arseholishness of the world but it sounds like you need to practice putting yourself first for a while. The nice tag will drop; you’ll be seen as driven, determined but considerate. That’s more healthy.

completedit

It’s not you man, it’s them. You are who you are, you sound a lot better and more adjusted than the lads I know who have got girls on tap. People will tell you to be this and do that but you sound happy trying to make others happy, you are just dismayed that no girl is willing to give you a shot. I don’t know why this is without seeing how you look like but just be you man, it’s not your fault that women aren’t attracted to guys with your personality traits. The fault is theirs but since they don’t want to get with guys like you, it’s your loss, not theirs.

I was this guy too before, I was just nice because that’s how I was....then I noticed my friends were getting with girls and having relationships and I was left behind, I start questioning what was wrong with me from my looks to my personality and today I don’t like myself at all but in all reality, it’s the girls problem not mine(or ours) just know that hat bro. Hopefully you’ll be luckier than me. Best of luck,

Hoboo

Believe me, you don't want a girl who doesn't like nice guys.

Yellow pack crisps

The problem with being overly nice, overly helpful and trying to make everyone happy is that it generally annoys people. Anxiety doesn’t go away, you just learn how to deal with it, is it a case of you not wanting anyone to dislike you? Because if it is then it can come across as being a bit put on, I’m not saying you’re doing this on purpose, it could be an inbuilt coping mechanism. People say we are who we are but I think that isn’t true to be honest. I’m nice most of the time but sometimes I’m also horrifically blunt and this can upset people but ultimately that’s ok as I’m not perfect and I want people to see and know that about me. Sometimes I’m a big asshole. Sometimes I go beyond to help people. Sometimes I just ignore them.

mea_k

Ha ha ha and here is me hoping to meet nice guy. I'm nearly 30 tho.... So first poster was right. You are not too nice. Its no such thing. Keep your head up. You haven't met girl for you who will appreciate you.

Always Tired

There's nothing wrong with being nice. But you have to realize that some women, more so young women, just will automatically find it boring and not challenging and equate it with desperation.

Putting a girl you like on a pedestal and being overly nice will just make her think she can do better and she'll just keep you on the back burner while she looks elsewhere. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them all the time to try and get their foot in the door so it doesn't exactly make you unique or special because you are nice.

I've seen a few lads post similar tales of woe. I reckon, if it is wrecking your head so much that women don't seem interested you, to the point that you feel the need to search for answers as to why on a message board, then it's almost a guarantee that this mentality of being desperate for a woman's approval, and confused as to why they aren't interested is coming through in the way you carry yourself and converse with women, who are very picking up on stuff like that. And that lack of confidence is a major turn off. Which they try to put gently as 'too nice'.

I also see that a lot of guys who are wondering why they get rejected when they're 'nice guys', but the truth is that many times it's so obvious that they are only being nice to girls that they want to hook up with. And the girls know that that's the reason so they dont see it as a big plus unless they know it's genuine.

More succinctly, as my ex from Offaly would say, 'There's a smell of want off ye.'

leggo

I always joke that the word ‘nice’ is never a compliment. It’s always used in terms of damning with feint praise or as a way of criticising someone when you don’t want to hurt their feelings/have anything actually bad to say but get bad vibes.

I’ll give you an example: I once lived with a lad who always got the ‘too nice’ label. He’d be agreeable, go along with whatever anyone else wanted to do, Coldplay was his favourite band, if you asked him to do something he’d do it etc. Then we found his Twitter and the absolute toxic bile that used to come out of him. He was sexist, a bit racist, thick as two planks in some of the opinions he’d have...he was an absolute dickhead tbh. But he was too afraid to be his real self IRL so he dressed it up with this ‘nice’ persona.

I’m not saying that’s what you or all ‘nice guys’ are OP, but that’s what people are afraid of. Being ‘nice’ is inherently untrustworthy because real people have good points and bad points, strengths and weaknesses, aspects of them you’ll like and dislike as you get to know them better. That’s human. When you have someone who tends to go down the middle on everything, as well as being a bit boring it suggests they either don’t know themselves that well or they do and are covering up their real selves. It’s not that women are out there trying to tame these arseholes, it’s that it’s attractive to be a fully rounded person who’s comfortable within themselves, warts and all. It’s that confidence and personality that makes them attractive. People who are ‘nice’ tend to look for the ‘right’ things to say or do or like to offend the least amount of people and not realise that the individual components of who they are isn’t what attracts people, it’s the overall package of a complete human being who isn’t catering those components to please others.

troyzer

Too nice is chung wan speak for = trying too hard, needy, clingy, not confident/assertive.

Red Lightning

Yellow pack crisps wrote:

The problem with being overly nice, overly helpful and trying to make everyone happy is that it generally annoys people. Anxiety doesn’t go away, you just learn how to deal with it, is it a case of you not wanting anyone to dislike you? Because if it is then it can come across as being a bit put on, I’m not saying you’re doing this on purpose, it could be an inbuilt coping mechanism. People say we are who we are but I think that isn’t true to be honest. I’m nice most of the time but sometimes I’m also horrifically blunt and this can upset people but ultimately that’s ok as I’m not perfect and I want people to see and know that about me. Sometimes I’m a big asshole. Sometimes I go beyond to help people. Sometimes I just ignore them.

Definitely used to have a problem with this and probably still do.

Gonna work on myself to see what I really want to be.

Thanks all for the advice. Appreciated.

PHG

Hi OP,

I think zapper hit the nail on the head. Too nice at times can be seen as a bit of a pushover. I am in no way saying be a d**k but confidence/asserivness is also sexy. For example, its like that person who walks into a room and just lights it up. That can be all about confidence and a lot of people would find it attractive.

Currently single and have noticed the difference in chats with women and in work just by the way I present myself, body language etc. Its actually very interesting topic if you like to read that type of thing.

If you are too keen in anything it tends to put people off (IMO) so maybe hold back a t bit and see how that works for you?

Thanks,

PHG

Red Lightning

PHG wrote:

If you are too keen in anything it tends to put people off (IMO) so maybe hold back a t bit and see how that works for you?

I think this may be my biggest problem in the past as I'm certainly no pushover.
Definitely something to work on.
Thanks

Jurgen Klopp

Trust me, you want to steer well clear of any woman that says she wants a man who's a bit of a dick, Jesus wept drama written all over it

Just be the way are without being a doormat and agreeing to do things you don't like etc jist to be seen as sound

Ursus Horribilis

I'm a woman and have never wanted to date a fella that was a dick. Neither have most of my friends.

What instinctively puts us off is a fella who comes across as too eager or desperate. Or someone who is trying to be something he isn't. It's the oldest cliché in the book to say "Be yourself" but it's true. We all wear masks to a certain extent but perhaps you're overdoing it. Being "too nice" is damning someone with faint praise. It's usually a sticking plaster for something else. A guy who's unattractive, a bit of a wimp, a doormat, desperate for any woman to date him..

Red Lightning

Ursus Horribilis wrote:

What instinctively puts us off is a fella who comes across as too eager or desperate. Or someone who is trying to be something he isn't. It's the oldest cliché in the book to say "Be yourself" but it's true. We all wear masks to a certain extent but perhaps you're overdoing it. Being "too nice" is damning someone with faint praise. It's usually a sticking plaster for something else. A guy who's unattractive, a bit of a wimp, a doormat, desperate for any woman to date him..

I know what ya mean. I think in the past, my problem with pursuing a woman I fancy is that I've made myself too available and maybe came across too eager. I'm defo no wimp, or doormat. I've no problem, standing up for what I want.
However, I know for certain I haven't been too eager with the latest girl that said I'm too nice. We barely message, maybe the odd reply to an insta story and she wud message me first as much as I wud when we do message. I haven't met her before so we don't know each other that well. I was genuinely surprised she thought I was too nice. I wasn't with the other women but this one I was.

route9

Red Lightning wrote: »

Title says it all really. I'm a 25 year old male. 6ft, alight looking face (nothing special) and am in decent shape and working in the gym to get into better shape.
However, my main problem with dating is my being 'too nice'.

I've a very open and warm personality and love helping people when I can. I'm a big messer and enjoy making people laugh too. I would be on the more reserved side in social situations but wouldn't be shy (I don't drink alcohol so I'm never centre of attention.)
Over the last few years, I've been hearing that I'm too nice. One woman I fancied said she preferred more of a dickhead when I asked her out, I found out another girl said 'I was nice, but I was too nice'. Today, there was a girl I had on my radar, no massive attraction but a mutual friend wanted to set us up. Mutual friend asked this girl and she said, 'he's so lovely but he's too nice'.

I'm just wondering what I could do with working on. I like to think I have a good bit of quiet confidence. A part of me thinks it's that they think I'm boring and they could be equating this to bedroom, where a lot of women wouldn't want a 'nice guy' if ye get me.

Any opinions or tips would be much appreciated.
Thanks

You sound like a great guy OP but also like a mate of mine (albeit not a close one). He's very complimentary to women all the time, I would see him commenting with the likes of 'you look absolutely stunning' on the photos of his female friends on Facebook, is very agreeable and wouldn't dare say anything that might offend anyone.

I think women (and people really!) like people with opinions, who have something to say, aren't afraid to disagree on a subject or rip the p1ss now and again. In fact, I'd say in Ireland that's essential and especially so in our increasingly PC world!

When it comes to attraction and dating, you might be reminding some women of their mothers or some of their female friends if you are only too eager to go out of your way to help people. Of course you shouldn't stop doing this altogether but be sure to put yourself first too like another poster said. Women like men to be men and to not be too available or overly eager that way

I think 'you're too nice' is another way of saying 'too concerned about appearing a certain way to me', where in fact, people just want people to be themselves.

Red Lightning

I see what ya mean route9. Something I know I could work on.

Flippyfloppy

I really don’t think you need to change at all. When someone turns a person down they usually say the first reason that comes into their head. All they can think of for you is that you’re too nice! That’s not a bad thing. You don’t have to change based off vague things randomers say!

route9

Red Lightning wrote: »

I see what ya mean route9. Something I know I could work on.

I don’t mean it in the sense of needing to work on it or changing though, just something to be aware of. As other posters say, a girl could come along tomorrow and be well attracted, as I’m sure others have been already.

I just know from experience that being too eager and available can be a one way ticket to friends-ville In fact, when that happened to me years back, another girl fancied me at the same time and I had no idea. We ended up together one night and I was doing nothing other than being myself.

That’s the key point really, there’s no need to try and impress anyone or feel you need to be anything ‘more’ than who you are. Unless, of course, you want to because you are doing it for yourself.

I hear an awful lot of girls say they want someone who stands up to them.

Trying to hard appears needy and weak, and may be what is considered "nice".

You should always be uber sound of course.

LegacyUser

Red Lightning wrote: »

I probably am trying too hard tbh. Never really thought why, I just enjoy putting people in a better mood than what they were in.

NO don't change that is a fantastic quality. As some other poster said women in their 30s will love you for this. Speaking from experience

qwerty13

you'lldowell wrote: »

Red Lightning wrote: »

I probably am trying too hard tbh. Never really thought why, I just enjoy putting people in a better mood than what they were in.

NO don't change that is a fantastic quality. As some other poster said women in their 30s will love you for this. Speaking from experience

I’d have to disagree. ‘Too nice’ to me implies bend with the wind, no real opinions, slightly dormant, and slightly boring.

For me, I’d not want to be with someone who was ‘too nice’ to express their opinion.
Or ‘too nice’ to step up to me if I was being an arse

Red Lightning

qwerty13 wrote:

I’d have to disagree. ‘Too nice’ to me implies bend with the wind, no real opinions, slightly dormant, and slightly boring.

qwerty13 wrote:

For me, I’d not want to be with someone who was ‘too nice’ to express their opinion. Or ‘too nice’ to step up to me if I was being an arse

That's all very true but I'm definitely no doormat and i would easily tell a woman I was dating she was overstepping the mark.
I think my problem is just too much people pleasing and not being my true self enough. I'm not putting on a complete show cos I do love helping people etc but I need to let my cheeky/messer side come out more cos I'm sometimes a little self-consious of how that would be received.

Update: My friend, elaborated on the latest girl and she said that this girl regularly goes for fellas that treat her like crap and have been nasty to her.

valoren

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” - Anne Lamott.

i.e. be yourself. That quote sums up the 'nice guy' trope for me. As others mentioned, someone always eager to agree, please and help.

You continue being a good, decent person. Stand and deliver. If people need help and ask for it, then you help. The important part is to only do this if asked. If they need support, and ask for it, you support. I would advise focusing on whatever you want to do yourself, expend yourself in activities you want to do. Engage with people with no expectations, keep yourself busy and the more people you get to know, the wider your cache becomes. Eventually your being a good person will be noticed and will be sought after. So just do your own thing and shine. It's far more attractive than being or trying to be a dick in the hope that this will attract women.

Jurgen Klopp

I can understand wanting a confident non doormat person

But I always get a wtf moment when I hear this "someone that stands up to me when I'm being an arse"

Eh just don't be a cnut in the first place like

Red Lightning

valoren wrote:

You continue being a good, decent person. Stand and deliver. If people need help and ask for it, then you help. The important part is to only do this if asked. If they need support, and ask for it, you support. I would advise focusing on whatever you want to do yourself, expend yourself in activities you want to do. Engage with people with no expectations, keep yourself busy and the more people you get to know, the wider your cache becomes. Eventually your being a good person will be noticed and will be sought after. So just do your own thing and shine. It's far more attractive than being or trying to be a dick in the hope that this will attract women.

Thank you for your reply. Much appreciated.

shesty

"nice" to me can also be....smothering.
I don't want someone to treat me like crap, but I don't want someone hovering over me the whole time either, asking am I ok, not making a decision even just when it's stupid stuff like "will we go see this film or that one"? You want to feel like a partnership, not like you are with someone who is trying to please you all the time without putting their own personality out there (as others have said).
I did marry a man who was "nice" at the beginning too, but honestly, I did have to tell him after a few months to stop smothering me!!! I don't break and I am not afraid of a different opinion to my own!!

wiggle16

Hi Red Lightning

Might be against the grain here but I think these girls are probably being polite in saying that you are too nice. There isn't really such thing when it comes to dating/relationships, I don't think.

If you say about someone you know "he/she is too nice" we usually mean that as in "he's/she's a bit of a pushover".
This doesn't really apply with dating because if you're seeing someone you really like, niceness only comes across as a positive. I agree with another poster that a person can be so nice that they can be smothering, but if that was the case it's likely they would have told you this, along the lines of "you're a bit too intense".

I think too nice might be a polite way of saying they're just not that into you and they can't put their finger on why. I've had it plenty of times where I just wasn't feeling it and couldn't think of a solid reason why. It's quite possible that these girls are giving "too nice" as a polite reason for just not being as into it as you, maybe.

That's just what I think anyway. I don't think it means anything and I don't think it's any help to analyse it so much.

Red Lightning

wiggle16 wrote:

Might be against the grain here but I think these girls are probably being polite in saying that you are too nice. There isn't really such thing when it comes to dating/relationships, I don't think.

I do get what ya mean but I know girls that do actively seek fellas that are sort of a dick. So I think there is such a thing as too nice.
However, I don't think my problem is genuinely that I'm too nice. I think, it may be that im too much of a people pleaser. I'm certainly no pushover but I do now that some guys may be.

The latest girl barely knows me as we chat once in a while and have never met so I agree that she probably just isn't interested for one reason or another but has said I'm too nice to her friend to give a reason. Now our mutual friend says she likes the stereotypical 'bad boys' and has been treated like crap in the past. Her friends can't get their head around it. I know some women in their 20's seem to be similar to this. Each to their own, I wasn't really interested in her either but when the 'too nice' comment came up again, it got me wondering. I think I have a good grasp of it now tho.

Mad_maxx

Women love playing games, you might be getting this " too nice" line yet if you were to adopt a " a-h0le" style, they would not want you anymore

qwerty13

Jurgen Klopp wrote: »

I can understand wanting a confident non doormat person

But I always get a wtf moment when I hear this "someone that stands up to me when I'm being an arse"

Eh just don't be a cnut in the first place like

Look, we can all behave less than perfectly / admirably at some stage. If I was being an arse, I’d much rather my partner pulled me up on it, rather than was “too nice” to do so. I’m reasonably sure there’s no need for you to think I’m 24/7 cnut.

lainey_d_123

Jurgen Klopp wrote: »

I can understand wanting a confident non doormat person

But I always get a wtf moment when I hear this "someone that stands up to me when I'm being an arse"

Eh just don't be a cnut in the first place like

Sometimes you don't realise you are. Part of being a good partner is calling each other out on hurtful behaviour rather than ignoring it because you're afraid to tell them they're being an arse or, even worse, storing up all the incidences in your head for months on end and then using them against the person in a fight or something.

OP, I think 'people pleasers' can often come across as very fake and insincere and can be the type not to stand up for themselves or others to keep the peace. I think a lot of women also find it very patronising when men rush to 'help' with things they can do themselves. I know that's one of my bug bears. I was with someone who did that and it eventually started to feel really undermining, as if he thought he was so much smarter and more capable than me or something. I think some people use 'helping others' and 'making them laugh' as a way to feel needed and hence worthy of a relationship or attention. Is this is the case with you? Do you feel like people wouldn't like you for what you are and so you try to be extra funny and cheer them up and help them? Not saying you do, but a lot of people are like this.

Red Lightning

lainey_d_123 wrote:

OP, I think 'people pleasers' can often come across as very fake and insincere and can be the type not to stand up for themselves or others to keep the peace. I think a lot of women also find it very patronising when men rush to 'help' with things they can do themselves. I know that's one of my bug bears. I was with someone who did that and it eventually started to feel really undermining, as if he thought he was so much smarter and more capable than me or something. I think some people use 'helping others' and 'making them laugh' as a way to feel needed and hence worthy of a relationship or attention. Is this is the case with you? Do you feel like people wouldn't like you for what you are and so you try to be extra funny and cheer them up and help them? Not saying you do, but a lot of people are like this.

I don't feel they wouldnt like me but I think I put too much pressure on myself to make interactions go well which in turn can make me come across too full on etc.

mohawk

Too nice sometimes means you think he has zero personality or a complete pushover. When someone asks you about a guy and all you can think off is that he is nice then it’s not a good thing. For me and a lot of my female friends it’s means we can’t think of anything else to describe a guy as.

Find out who you are as a person OP you won’t ever make yourself happy as a people pleaser. Be true to yourself and then you might find someone.

WrigleysExtra

OP, chase excellence not women. Focus on your career, get yourself in shape and put yourself as number one priority. Stop being agreeable and making yourself too available and in a years time you won't have any issues with women.

Red Lightning

WrigleysExtra wrote:

OP, chase excellence not women. Focus on your career, get yourself in shape and put yourself as number one priority. Stop being agreeable and making yourself too available and in a years time you won't have any issues with women.

Definitely what I'm going to do. Thanks

Beechwoodspark

Lot of women seem drawn to “bad men” aka immature rude angry possessive types. I don’t know why.