Is this cute or weird behaviour?

Banaba

Is this cute or weird?
Recently started seeing a guy but he moved about 50 min drive away for work. We used to work together and I am working the night shift tonight and he just advised me he plans on travelling back to the town of my place of work visiting and staying with a friend so he can see me on my breaks tonight. I don’t know whether to be unsettled or think it’s sweet?

GingerLily

He could be seeing his friend anyway, which wouldn't be that strange, but if his only reason to stay there is to see you at your breaks, then I'd be a little creeped out myself.

If you don't feel comfortable with it then tell him you'll see him another time, his reaction will probably tell you a lot.

Banaba

He said it’s because he wants to see me on breaks and even if it’s for 10-15 minutes he’s happy. He’s staying with his best friend. I told him it places pressure on me at work so he said he’ll just text me instead. Still though I’m mad now I’m actually mad because he know I stress during night shift and find them hard now I have added pressure

messy tessy

Banaba wrote: »

He said it’s because he wants to see me on breaks and even if it’s for 10-15 minutes he’s happy. He’s staying with his best friend. I told him it places pressure on me at work so he said he’ll just text me instead. Still though I’m mad now I’m actually mad because he know I stress during night shift and find them hard now I have added pressure

If it doesn't suit you to meet him then don't.

Really it is that simple.

Porklife

Sounds very intense, that would freak me out. If the roles were reversed you'd be called a crazy lady. How long have you been seeing him?

Idle Passerby

I think it's a bit overkill alright. Besides that he'd be making a total nuisance of himself trying to grab your attention when your at work. Breaks at work are for catching your breath, not for entertaining others.

zoobizoo

If you worked together in the past at the same place then he'd be used to spending breaks chatting with you, no?

He's making a big effort to go see you and when you've said that doesn't suit, he's said he won't call to see you

Dtp1979

Sounds like a total psycho. Imagine doing something weird like trying to make an effort to see the girl he’s probably mad about.

Banaba

It’s just the fact he’s travelling 50 mins just to see me for 15-30 mins middle of the night is it not a bit over the top possessive abnormal behaviour

Ursus Horribilis

What do you think?

messy tessy

Banaba wrote: »

he just advised me he plans on travelling back to the town of my place of work visiting and staying with a friend so he can see me on my breaks tonight

Did he just tell you he was going to do that or ask? To be honest I don't think I would be happy if I knew I was going to be stressed at work and someone just told me they wanted to meet during my break.

Although he could be thinking he is just being sweet.

Porklife

Banaba wrote: »

It’s just the fact he’s travelling 50 mins just to see me for 15-30 mins middle of the night is it not a bit over the top possessive abnormal behaviour

If he lived and/or worked nearby then I'd find it romantic and sweet but the 50 minute drive for a mere 15 minute catch up is what's freaky. Plus, you intuitive senses are telling you it's odd. I'm not saying he's odd, just that his behaviour is a bit odd and you're feeling uncomfortable. Talk to him OP. He's probably just mad about you and as the saying goes, love turns great men into fools.
Just talk to him but tbh, I'd find that way too intense.

t1h9mgqsxopj0r

Wait.... Hang on
You're seeing a guy you used to work with who has now moved away. Was visiting friends and knew you would be in work and taught he would spend a little bit of time with you on your break, possibly hoping to cheer you up and spend that small bit of time with you. He's splitting his time with you and friends and you're creeped out?
How long are you seeing this person?
You could always say no and tell this person you would usually have break time to yourself to relax and possibly see them again when you've more free time and less stressed?
But creepy? No I don't think it's creepy at all. They are making time to see you and taught they would cheer you up. You don't seem that cheered up about it so best bet, you don't find it creepy, more of an inconvenience.
We all get stressed from time to time in work but let the person show their affection and williness somehow. To you it might not be the right timing but to them they are probably think of how to cheer you up.

joeguevara

If you want to see him on your breaks and it makes you happy it’s a good thing. If you don’t want to meet him and feel smothered then it’s a bad thing. Are you going to stay with him after you finish your shift? Is that the reason he’s coming rather than 15 minutes.

What works for 2 people may be a nightmare for another 2. Only you can decide if it’s cute or psycho.

Banaba

Elora Rapid Greenback wrote: »

Wait.... Hang on
You're seeing a guy you used to work with who has now moved away. Was visiting friends and knew you would be in work and taught he would spend a little bit of time with you on your break, possibly hoping to cheer you up and spend that small bit of time with you. He's splitting his time with you and friends and you're creeped out?
How long are you seeing this person?
You could always say no and tell this person you would usually have break time to yourself to relax and possibly see them again when you've more free time and less stressed?
But creepy? No I don't think it's creepy at all. They are making time to see you and taught they would cheer you up. You don't seem that cheered up about it so best bet, you don't find it creepy, more of an inconvenience.
We all get stressed from time to time in work but let the person show their affection and williness somehow. To you it might not be the right timing but to them they are probably think of how to cheer you up.

No he wasn’t visiting friends he text me this evening to say he was coming to the area so he could see me and was going to split his time seeing friends while waiting for me

Cash_Q

Banaba wrote:

It’s just the fact he’s travelling 50 mins just to see me for 15-30 mins middle of the night is it not a bit over the top possessive abnormal behaviour

I agree it's over the top possessive abnormal behaviour, and if you think so yourself, then it definitely is.

Don't know how anyone can find this romantic? Breaks in work are short enough, by the time you use the bathroom, prepare your food and tidy up after yourself, your break is nearly up. Having to entertain a visitor is just added stress and wouldn't make for any sort of quality time together.

The fact it's a night shift too is extra weird. Will there be anyone else on the premises?

Banaba

I feel terrible now. I sort of gave out to him and told him I wasn’t comfortable with how extreme he went to try see me. He told me his decision was 70% wanting to see me and 30% because he has to travel to Dublin tomorrow and he is used to the transport system from this town. I feel I overreacted and treated him poorly like I Almost threw everything back in his face.

I asked him to come meet me earlier but he said it was a 20 min walk away and he didn’t want to disrupt my work so he would leave it until tomorrow instead

joeguevara

Banaba wrote: »

I feel terrible now. I sort of gave out to him and told him I wasn’t comfortable with how extreme he went to try see me. He told me his decision was 70% wanting to see me and 30% because he has to travel to Dublin tomorrow and he is used to the transport system from this town. I feel I overreacted and treated him poorly like I Almost threw everything back in his face.

I asked him to come meet me earlier but he said it was a 20 min walk away and he didn’t want to disrupt my work so he would leave it until tomorrow instead

Was he spending time with you when you finished work. If that was the case maybe he wanted just to show that it wasn’t just a booty call. It seems a bit immature to want to spend 20 minutes with someone on their break and is a bit like a 15 year old would do if they wanted the shift. I wouldn’t do it. I don’t buy the have to go to Dublin this. That doesn’t mean he had to see you on breaks.

Is he staying with you? How long are ye together?

When I was in college in cork and my girlfriend was in college in Dublin I used to hitch up on Wednesday morning and stay with her til sunday. Literally didn’t go to any lectures but still got a 2.1 looking back that might have come across as intense but it was amazing adventure for us. Wouldn’t do it now though.

Banaba

joeguevara wrote: »

Was he spending time with you when you finished work. If that was the case maybe he wanted just to show that it wasn’t just a booty call. It seems a bit immature to want to spend 20 minutes with someone on their break and is a bit like a 15 year old would do if they wanted the shift. I wouldn’t do it. I don’t buy the have to go to Dublin this. That doesn’t mean he had to see you on breaks.

Is he staying with you? How long are ye together?

When I was in college in cork and my girlfriend was in college in Dublin I used to hitch up on Wednesday morning and stay with her til sunday. Literally didn’t go to any lectures but still got a 2.1 looking back that might have come across as intense but it was amazing adventure for us. Wouldn’t do it now though.

No. He genuinely does have to go to Dublin tomorrow and has only recently moved last week to another area. He is not from Ireland so decided to come back to this town tonight stay with his friend and go from there in the morning as he is most familiar with the timetables etc. This is true and genuine.

He said it was 70% to see me and 30% to see his friend and make life easier for himself

joeguevara

Banaba wrote: »

No. He genuinely does have to go to Dublin tomorrow and has only recently moved last week to another area. He is not from Ireland so decided to come back to this town tonight stay with his friend and go from there in the morning as he is most familiar with the timetables etc. This is true and genuine.

He said it was 70% to see me and 30% to see his friend and make life easier for himself

Would it not have been a better idea for him to arrange to meet you after work rather than catching a couple of minutes. If it’s 70% to see you then surely he would want to see more. Is it a possibility he thinks you will ask him to stay with you if he rocks up at th breaks. Otherwise it’s weird.

Banaba

joeguevara wrote: »

Would it not have been a better idea for him to arrange to meet you after work rather than catching a couple of minutes. If it’s 70% to see you then surely he would want to see more. Is it a possibility he thinks you will ask him to stay with you if he rocks up at th breaks. Otherwise it’s weird.

No I think he just wanted to grab any opportunity to see me. My breaks are scattered and sometimes I can get extra time if it’s not busy. The last night I was working it wasn’t busy so I had long breaks maybe he though tonight would be the same

joeguevara

Banaba wrote: »

No I think he just wanted to grab any opportunity to see me. My breaks are scattered and sometimes I can get extra time if it’s not busy. The last night I was working it wasn’t busy so I had long breaks maybe he though tonight would be the same

I have never heard of anyone intruding at sometimes work to see them at breaks. Maybe in a bar a gf or bf will come down for a drink or something but in other situations no it’s not normal. Also, it’s strange that someone has quantified into percentages the reason they came. Why don’t you see them after work?

Big Bag of Chips

If he worked there before calling in on your break wouldn't be that unusual. And if he knows people in the area then he's killing two birds with one stone. We can all speculate but none of us know him like you do, and whether from what little information you have given us we think it's cute or creepy is irrelevant.

You obviously don't like it. If you were fine with it you wouldn't be posting about it. So tell him when you're on nights is not a good time to arrange to meet. But if after moving away you are seeing a lot less of each other maybe he thought this was a good idea.

You're the only one who knows what he's like. So you're the only one who can decide if he's being weird or not.

sbsquarepants

I don't really see the problem - he said "I'm doing this thing", you said "no, don't it doesn't suit me" and he said "ok, I won't do it so"

Honestly, what more do you expect from him?

LolaJJ

Well each to their own but I actually think this is quite sweet.

He''s not some random creep off Tinder, he's a guy you worked with and it sounds like he's making an effort to see you, when it's convenient for you.

He probably hasn't thought it will make you stressed etc, he probably just thinks the gesture will let you know that he's serious about you.

Anyway, if this simple gesture is bringing up feelings of stress, making you feel like he's too intense, bla bla bla - it's probably not going to work out.

In my experience when you genuinely like someone, at the start, you want to see them as much as possible and this kind of effort is flattering and exciting.

Maybe don't waste his time

wiggle16

Banaba wrote: »

It’s just the fact he’s travelling 50 mins just to see me for 15-30 mins middle of the night is it not a bit over the top possessive abnormal behaviour

But he's not. He's staying with his friend.

Its not obsessive, it just shows he likes you and wants to see you. He's probably afraid that having move so far away that yous will drift apart. If he will be nearby anyway and can see you then if he likes you its only natural he would take that opportunity. I'm sorry but that is not obsessive or weird.

You come across like youre looking to be told that it is weird or obsessive. If you think it is then fine, but then I think your attitude is the one that's a bit OTT itself to be honest.

Someone who goes out of their way to see you is not a bad thing. If they are smothering you its different. But this isn't smothering: it sounds like he likes you, but youre not that into him.

LolaJJ wrote: »

Well each to their own but I actually think this is quite sweet.

[....]

Maybe don't waste his time

Agree with the above.

Kerry25x

I think you're overthinking this to be honest. You've been seeing him for a while and you used to work together so you must know him pretty well, if he's never shown any other "creepy" behavior then this really doesn't merit your reaction.

brendanwalsh

Reminds me of the main character in the TV show You. Thread carefully OP.

Franz Von Peppercorn

joeguevara wrote: »

I have never heard of anyone intruding at sometimes work to see them at breaks. Maybe in a bar a gf or bf will come down for a drink or something but in other situations no it’s not normal. Also, it’s strange that someone has quantified into percentages the reason they came. Why don’t you see them after work?

Because the bf is going away tomorrow.

Nothing sinister here for me. It’s a night shift job. The bf is down for the night. This is the only time to meet.

suicide_circus

it can be taken as cute and romantic or weird and intense.

if you really liked the guy you'd probably find it romantic.

leggo

suicide_circus wrote: »

it can be taken as cute and romantic or weird and intense.

if you really liked the guy you'd probably find it romantic.

Yeah I’m with this, it’s a bit telling that you chose to see it that way. I’m not saying you’re wrong mind OP, you could be picking up on other micro-signals or you could be sabotaging and looking for problems where there are none. The reality is that this could be perceived as either sweet or creepy and you need to ask yourself why you said it was the latter. If it was because of stuff another guy did in the past or something like that, then it’s leaning towards self-sabotage. If it’s because you’re feeling iffy about this guy in general, maybe it’s time to deal with those feelings and make a decision.