Drinking getting worse

LegacyUser

Even as I write this I know what I need to do, and it is stop drinking so much!

I got married last summer and since then my drinking had progressively gotten worse, to the point where I am worried I am driving a wedge between myself and my husband.

I have been drinking too much for years and my husband knew this. I lived with him for 4 years before getting married so he was well aware of it. I think he thought once we got married I would just stop. That has not been the case. He disapproves of drinking every night (it used to be 2 glasses of wine every night and probably a bottle on weekend nights) so I started hiding drink instead, but he finds it and pours it away.

Drinking at night is just nice, it takes my mind off of my life and without it there is no chance of sleep. I know my husband is worried and he has told my sister. He needs support to support me. But I'm like a bold teenager, if he finds my drink and pours it away the next time I just make a better effort to hide it. But my sister and other family members being concerned and 'having chats' is making me more determined to not be caught out anymore.

Counselling doesn't seem to be an option, the few within an hour or so of here either haven't gotten back to me or aren't taking on anyone at the minute.

Maybe a good self help book would work? I used to be one of the happiest, bubbly, outgoing, fun people I know, and it's just gone. I want to be that person again.

I know the drinking is a big factor in my unhappiness, but I wonder did I travel too much when I was younger? Straight after college I up and left for 6 years working and travelling. I LOVE it. I did drink too much then also to be honest. Is is just that I'll find it hard to settle anywhere? I can't be a backpacker for my whole life.

Not sure what I'm really looking for here. Just general advice on how to live a happier life. I have signed up to a 5k starter class for tomorrow, that might be a help.

danslevent

Hi OP,

How much are you drinking a night now? What kind of drunk are you? Do you black out often? Have fights with your husband drunk?

LegacyUser

OP Here.

It really depends on the night. If he hasn't said anything for a while I will have wine probably the two glasses like before, or possibly a bottle on the weekend. But if I feel he is going to say anything I will buy a 200ml bottle of some form of spirit. This is where is where it gets dicey. If I get away with it, or he turns a blind eye all well and good. If however he finds it and pours it away I get the 'well I can outsmart him' attitude. And usually do something stupid. Before Christmas we has about a week of him throwing away my hidden drink. My solution was to buy a big bottle of gin, drinking the majority of it and passing out.

I would say my 'normal' drinking I'd say I am my nice, friendly self. Especially if we go to the pub, I'd say I'm good craic I get people laughing. It's when the hiding 'game' starts I'd say I am probably mean because I get annoyed with him. I like to drink, and I think it's coming down to being told that I can't that's making me really stubborn.

Ursus Horribilis

You have a problematic relationship with alcohol and perhaps are an alcoholic. There are enough warning signs there - both mentally and physically. Do you want to give up drinking though? I'm not sure you do.

Big Bag of Chips

It doesn't really matter how often or how you behave with drink. The fact of the matter is your drinking is causing problems. For everyone around you. You admit yourself that you need to stop and that it is getting progressively worse, but rather than make a conscious effort to stop, you make a more conscious effort to hide it better.

You're not hiding it. From anyone. You might be physically hiding the drink, but you're not hiding the fact that you are drinking. You are destroying your relationship with your husband. But that's not too important to you at the moment.

Your husband was foolish (like so many before him) to believe in you, and believe that your relationship would be enough to make you want to change. You are the only one who can change this. Hiding your drink isn't going to stop you.

I feel so very sorry for him. It can be soul destroying pinning all your hopes on a heavy drinker. But, people tend to persevere, out of love for the person, and out of the belief that you (the alcoholic) love them enough to change. Every time you take a drink he shrinks another little bit.

I can't advise you to do anything, because you know what needs to be done, you just don't want to do it. But you should at least encourage him to go to Al-Anon. There he will find others in the same situation as him, and he will find he's not the only one living with the constant lies. He will also learn he can't help you.

Edit: You're acting like a spoilt child. How do you think it makes your husband feel every time he has to go searching the house for drink, and then to see you give him a great big "fk you" by going and buying something bigger and better and drinking to the point of passing out? Do you not care about the affect allt his is having on him? Do you think this is a bit of craic for him? A "game" as you called it?

Why did you marry him? You don't seem to really care about him all that much.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Encouraging him to go to Al-Anon is a good idea I think, finding your hidden drink and pouring it away is obviously futile, though I can understand why he's doing it.

The way you describe your drinking and your motivation for it is striking. On the one hand "it's just nice" and on the other you need it to take your mind off your life and you can't sleep without it. That's a bit more than "just nice" or just anything. What is it about your life that you need to nightly forget? The thing about daily drinking or regular heavy drinking is that it makes daily life more difficult, less satisfying, sadder, and the only thing that takes that feeling away is, you guessed it...ditto the sleep. Obviously if you've been putting away at least 4 units of alcohol a night (I'd hazard a guess those are pretty big glasses of wine?) then your body is going to struggle without it. These are problems arising directly because of drinking, not legitimate justification to continue drinking.

There definitely seems to be an element of arrested development here, as you say yourself you're like a "bold teenager". It's a tendency I've seen in problem drinkers before, to passingly acknowledge behaviour like that before anyone else can name it, as if that makes it better. You are acting like a teenager, and you don't get any points for admitting to the behaviour and then continuing on with it.

Are you willing to lose your marriage for the sake of showing him he can't outsmart you and throw away your naggins? Really? Because that's where this is going.

You're wrong about the obvious advice being to drink less, the advice I'd give is stop drinking. That said, "just stop drinking" is kind of "Oh just flap your arms and fly" advice. You need more help than you can get here.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I feel so very sorry for him. It can be soul destroying pinning all your hopes on a heavy drinker. But, people tend to persevere, out of love for the person, and out of the belief that you (the alcoholic) love them enough to change. Every time you take a drink he shrinks another little bit.

drinking to the point of passing out? Do you not care about the affect allt his is having on him? Do you think this is a bit of craic for him? A "game" as you called it?

Why did you marry him? You don't seem to really care about him all that much.

I know I am the only one that can change this, and your right I don't really want to. I enjoy having a few glasses of wine in the evening. It obvious was bothering him, but it wasn't until recently enough he started making a bigger deal out of it and telling me that I can't drink, and I don't think anyone likes being told what they can and can't do especially in their own home. TBH listening to the women in the office I don't think my drinking habits used to be anything out of the usual, they all had a few glasses of wine every evening. I never said to him that I would quit drinking when we got married.

'I don't love him enough to change' there is a high risk of stroke and heart issues in his family I have asked him to stop smoking, he won't, so does he not love me enough to change either?

I married him because I love him, I didn't think the drinking bothered him so much. It clearly is bothering him and I am looking for a way to try and help the situation where we will both be happy. He used to drink a lot too, it's just we used to go drinking together in the pub, he's not interested in going out anymore he said the hangovers kill him now. Which is fine that's his decision, I still like drinking but wouldn't feel comfortable about going to the pub alone. I only seem to have a problem in his eyes since he has decided that he no longer wants to drink very often.

I care about him a great great deal, I have had to change a lot of very important things in my life in order to suit him and I have just got on with it. And no I don't want him to find me passed out in a heap, I feel awful about that, it hasn't happened since and it won't again it is NOT the sort of drinking that I enjoy.

It sounds like your recommendation is just give up on our marriage, as I am going to destroy his life.

Big Bag of Chips

Hope to be happy wrote: »

It sounds like your recommendation is just give up on our marriage, as I am going to destroy his life.

It's funny that that's what you took from my post rather than 'give up buying big bottles of gin, drinking the majority of it and passing out'.

But, I suppose we see what we want to see.

I assume you and your husband are adults. How about you both try communicate like adults. Heavy drinking might be 'cool' at a certain age, but there does come a point in most people's lives where they grow out of it. If you don't grow out of it your drinking becomes a problem.

You posted here because you know there's a problem. And you know it's causing a problem in your marriage.

So is your problem that you drink too much?

Or is your problem that your husband is telling you what to do in your own house?

Because you seem to be doing a lot of back peddling from your first post.

Pelvis

On the one hand, you seem like you have a poor relationship with alcohol. Hiding alcohol or purposely drinking spirits because you're not getting the kick you need with a smaller amount of wine doesn't sound good. Likewise having to drink to get to sleep is not good.

While drinking every night is maybe not the best way to live your life, two glasses of wine in the evening and a bottle at the weekend is hardly something that warrants his behaviour. I think his approach is too controlling and counter productive. TBH, his approach makes me thing we're not hearing the whole story...

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Can you remember when this first became an issue, and how he communicated it? Was it "You drink too much, I'm worried, I want you to stop", or was it "I'm not having you drinking in the house anymore" or similar language? Either way it's a separate (but related) issue to your relationship with alcohol. Does he tend to communicate with people that way in general or just on this issue?

Objectively, medically, you drink too much too often. Pointing to other people who drink as much or more doesn't change that. This is Ireland, there will always be a bigger drinker.

What about stopping drinking for a month, not for your husband, for you. It's one month out of your life and the benefits should be apparent, money, health etc. Taking your husband out of the equation altogether, how does that prospect make you feel? Is there panic, anxiety, a very strong resistance? If so, do you think those are the feelings of someone who just likes a few jars?

LegacyUser

OP - it's painful to read your posts
So I hope some objective (or More objective) responses on here will help wake you up a little to your reality

You drink Far too much. Forget comparing yourself to people or stories you hear & instead read the medical facts. Instead look at the next points.
You are unhappy
You require alcohol to sleep
Your consumption is damaging your relationship with the person you love most


Do you have any hobbies? How can you if you drink every night & every weekend night?

Other than comsuming alcohol & looking forward to consuming alcohol what do you enjoy? Do you enjoy doing anything that doesn't involve alcohol before, during or after?

Big Bag of Chips

You mention what your drinking 'used to be'. Now you mention buying naggins to see if you get away with. What do you drink now? Per week how much are you drinking? How much are you hiding? And be honest. If you 'get away with it' it's not that he doesn't know you're doing it. It's that he's beginning to care less

Your first post was honest. Your subsequent posts have started with the excuses and the reasons. An alcoholic will always find an excuse to drink, and it'll usually always be someone else's fault.

You drink too much. You have done for years. Is your husband concerned for you? Or is he a controlling bully? Because in your first post you acknowledged you have a problem with drink and your drinking is driving a wedge in your marriage. You quickly turned it around to your husband not being perfect and in fact it being his fault you drink so heavily.

Ursus Horribilis

Have you ever input your details into the Drinkaware calculator? https://www.drinkaware.ie/tools-resources/drinks-calculator

Church on Tuesday

The problem here really is that your drinking (which doesn't sound particularly heavy BTW) is causing your husband some concern and starting to drive a wedge between you both.

However, drinking to get to sleep is not healthy, speaking from experience here, neither is using alcohol as a substitute for whats missing in your life because that's what your doing, it's what I used to do too.

You mention that you're thinking of doing a 5k starter class, let that be the substitute for your drinking and then kick back with a couple glasses of wine on a Saturday night or whatever.

And stop the cat and mouse game re hiding alcohol and getting locked just to make a point with your husband please. He's coming at you from a position of concern. Be glad you have someone there to help you.

Faith

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

The problem here really is that your drinking (which doesn't sound particularly heavy BTW)

I think it’s safe to assume there’s fairly significant under-reporting of quantities by the OP. Most of us will under-report our driving, but alcoholics are particularly bad at it.

I consider that my husband and I drink a lot (for our life stage, anyway), but in a standard month, that probably looks like 2 - 3 big nights (going out to the pub) and 3 - 4 smaller nights (having a few drinks at home). We almost never drink during the week unless it’s an exceptional circumstance.

If you were to drink two glasses a night, OP, I think it’s safe to assume you’re not carefully portioning out 175ml glasses at a time. Certainly in our house, two glasses could be the best part of a bottle. Times 7 and that’s 4 to 5 bottles of wine per week, by yourself. I also note that your posts vary between “two glasses” and “a few glasses” so I think it’s definitely likely you’re having more than you perhaps admit to yourself.

You talked about how you used to be - when you think of your ideal self, would you be drinking as much as you are now? When you were the happier person you used to be, were you drinking as much then?

Apart from the actual drinking, your posts should a lot of red flags for vulnerabilities that could contribute to alcohol abuse - unhappiness, restlessness, poor sleep, and most importantly: shame. There’s a lot of shame coming through your posts, and shame is an incredibly aversive emotion. We’ll do pretty much anything to get rid of shame, including complete denial and avoidance. I think it would be no harm to have a chat to a healthcare professional for general support, if nothing else.

What would motivate you to go to your GP and have a chat about your drinking, do you think?

LegacyUser

Faith wrote: »

You talked about how you used to be - when you think of your ideal self, would you be drinking as much as you are now? When you were the happier person you used to be, were you drinking as much then?

What would motivate you to go to your GP and have a chat about your drinking, do you think?

I've always been a drinker, I love going out to the pub and having the craic. Before I moved to my husbands town I lived in a big city and worked with a lot of people and probably went out for a few drinks after work 2 nights a week. Then out Friday and Saturday night too and possibly a few early drinks in the pub on a Sunday and dinner.

Moved up here which is a few hours from my home town and old work friends. So I started drinking at home instead. Which when things are going well really is just the two glasses, as in half a bottle, I used to mix it with sparkling water.

I have been to two GPs one genuinely suggested ' have a baby it will settle you' yes that's a great idea, I can barely sort my own life out why not throw an innocent child into the mix (I do want children but I don't think now is the time). The other suggested grief counselling (I have lost 3 next of kin family members over the last 4 years) I have called all the ones near here with no success.

I had a long conversation with my husband last night, he just wants me to be happy and healthy. So I have signed up for some fitness classes, and will try to get out for at least a walk every evening, to be fair we live in a stunning if isolated part of the country. I did classes last year for about 6 months and the improvement was crazy! You're too buzzed after and tired that all you want to do it have a nice hot shower and head to bed. I was at a bit of a low point before signing up the last time but just decided to be happier, I've decided that now again. I just need to keep it up to avoid any more lows.

I haven't made any promises to quit drinking, because I do like drinking, but I have agreed to not hide it. While it isn't ideal if I want to have a drink on a Monday night I will just bring home a bottle of wine instead of trying to sneak in a naggon. I know I have to cut back for my own health and I am aiming towards that. And he has agreed that if I don't hide it and it is only the 2 glasses he won't be annoyed. I think that is very possible, when I'm not trying to be sneaky about drink, I drink a lot slower. Two glasses mixed with sparkling water and ice would last me the night.

Big bag of Chips, well a lot of people seem to agree with what you're saying so I must be in the wrong. If I have contradicted myself/ back peddled it is only because I am saying what is on my mind as I type. Honestly, it sounds to me like you are projecting something you are feeling towards someone in your life onto me and my situation. I came here looking for advice on how to improve my life that is all, I don't feel I can talk to people about my feelings and thought this might be a good place to at least try air out my feelings. I am well aware that I am an awful person and my husband really could have done so much better, maybe if he'd married a local fisherman's daughter instead of a city career girl but these is where we are and I want to try my hardest to make it work. I felt really down yesterday and just wanted to try putting myself on the right path to being the best wife I can be.

zoobizoo

To be happier wrote: »

Drinking at night is just nice, it takes my mind off of my life and without it there is no chance of sleep..

What do you need to take your mind off?

Mr. Incognito

Hi there.

Bluntly you are an alcoholic.

Until you accept this you will never change. You are engaged in the classic defence lines.

"It wasnt problem before". Its his problem. No-one is going to tell me what to do.

Your husband is destroying your stash. This does not happen if you are a mellow or casual drinker. Clearly you have a problem.

I've been to addiction treatment. I have heard all of these stories and excuses before. I used to lie to myself in the same way.

You need to get yourself into AA. Unless you have admitted the problem to yourself then it is a waste of your time.

You will listen to the stories there and you will see yourself and your addictive behaviour in every share.

You will lose your husband to drink. You will lose your job and home and family. As sure as night follows day.

Some people have to hit rock bottom to realise that but you have taken an important first step by reaching out for help here.

You cannot rely on your husband to support you or to cure you. Your marriage cannot change your addictive patterns or the pain behind it.

Only you, taking responsibility for yourself, admitting to your self that you have a problem and following the example of people who have beaten this atrocious disease can. It is a mental disease.

I really really hope you get help for yourself before it takes a further toll on your health and your marriage.

LegacyUser

You’re speaking like an alcoholic whether you realise it or not. I say this as the relative of one. If you continue down the same road you absolutely will lose your husband. He hasn’t fallen into the trap of enabling your drinking as many men married to alcoholics do. You’re getting your kicks from hiding a sneaky naggin from the man who loves you and your supposed to love? And you think that’s normal? Sounds like your brain and thought patterns are already affected. You are hiding drink, that is not your husbands problem and he is not the cause of your actions, alcoholism is. We almost all over did it in our youth and outgrew it. You’re making pathetic excuses for your drinking. Go to AA and hear the stories and wake up and realise that’s is what you are feeding others, stories that no-one believes not even you!

C3PO

I have been in the same position as your husband OP - it's funny how you can see the situation much more clearly when you are not actually involved!
You, like my ex, are an alcoholic! No matter what way you dress it up that is the case! But that is your choice and nobody but you can change that. Your husband needs to join Al-anon, get an understanding of the reality of the situation and then decide whether he is willing to live with you as you are!

MartyMcFly84

I sounds to me like you could be really really bored.

Your life was full of interests and fun while travelling. But now you have come back to a regular life and you are not sure what to do with yourself.

The drinking while you were young and free has followed you home to fill up your evenings with something to do. It has now become a crutch to pass the time.

There are massive signs like you hiding drink and the person you love )and who loves you) pouring it away. I forced a wedge into a very loving relationship due to drinking before. In the end we had to move away into a different environment to give it another go, but I think I had done a lot of damage to the relationship during the heavy drinking years and it ended a year or so after, she found someone else.

Try something new, for me it was martial arts and going back into education so I could buy a house. It filled up my evenings, I met new and positive people, had something to look forward to, It kept me engaged and made me tired in a good way so I could sleep at night. It gave me reasons to look after myself and entertained me or kept me busy.

It could be sports, travel blogs, up-skilling, learning a language , try to find something constructive to do with your time that you yourself enjoy, something that will make you and your loved ones lives better over all, a constructive use of the time and money you spend drinking and being hung over.
Something you don't want to miss out on for a bottle of wine or a hangover.

Mr. Incognito

MartyMcFly84 wrote: »

I sounds to me like you could be really really bored.

Your life was full of interests and fun while travelling. But now you have come back to a regular life and you are not sure what to do with yourself.

The drinking while you were young and free has followed you home to fill up your evenings with something to do. It has now become a crutch to pass the time.

There are massive signs like you hiding drink and the person you love )and who loves you) pouring it away. I forced a wedge into a very loving relationship due to drinking before. In the end we had to move away into a different environment to give it another go, but I think I had done a lot of damage to the relationship during the heavy drinking years and it ended a year or so after, she found someone else.

Try something new, for me it was martial arts and going back into education so I could buy a house. It filled up my evenings, I met new and positive people, had something to look forward to, It kept me engaged and made me tired in a good way so I could sleep at night. It gave me reasons to look after myself and entertained me or kept me busy.

It could be sports, travel blogs, up-skilling, learning a language , try to find something constructive to do with your time that you yourself enjoy, something that will make you and your loved ones lives better over all, a constructive use of the time and money you spend drinking and being hung over.
Something you don't want to miss out on for a bottle of wine or a hangover.

People dont drink bottles of gin until they pass out because they are really really bored.

Church on Tuesday

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

People dont drink bottles of gin until they pass out because they are really really bored.

Plenty people drink out of boredom sadly.

LegacyUser

Boredom would be a fair part of it too I'd say. Himself won't be home till very late tonight so I a going to stay at work late. Then go home and spend a while cooking a really nice dinner. Maybe start a new show on netflix.

Thanks for the people that have given some genuine advice. I know it's probably coming from having seen a lot more of life than I have but I did find a lot of responses on here to be fairly unhelpful. Ye pointed out I have a problem. I am aware of that, I was looking for help on changing.

If someone came on and said they were a compulsive eater and their weight had gotten to a level where their partner thought they were putting themselves at risk so they wanted to change their eating habits, that even though they only eat salad in front of him they scoffed junk all day at work. Would you have pretty much said 'well stop you fat cow, you're being selfish, he can see you're not loosing weight so he knows you're eating in secret, he just doesn't say anything because he's starting to care less'.

Anyway I am feeling very motivated to be positive and feeling a lot better. Honestly yesterday I felt awful and reading some of the responses on here didn't help too much. I wouldn't have minded if a truck had cleared me off on the way to lunch. But I don't feel like that today. The major lows are usually followed by a fair period of good, just need to keep the good going.

Big Bag of Chips

A lot of the 'unhelpful' advice you heard was less unhelpful and more what you just didn't want to hear. Like it or not, you are destroying your relationship. You know this. (it's in the first line of your first post). You are destroying your husband. You don't seem to know this. You are wearing him down to the point where his feelings for you will be affected. That's just a fact. The behaviour you are continuing is destructive, and the end result of that is it will, over time, change how he looks at you.

His feelings for you are already changing. He doesn't see you as an equal. He doesn't see you as a 'partner' in your marriage. He's already acting like your father, and you're acting like a bold child. How long do you think that can continue? Have you any plans together for the future? How do you see them working out if you continue hiding naggins and if everything is good you'll just drink the naggin. Or if he comments or interferes you'll show him, by getting plastered.

This will be just a case of who cracks first. It could take years, but it will happen. So either you decide enough is enough and get yourself together, or he'll decide enough is enough and move on.

I do hope you get yourself together, because building your life around drinking is a terrible waste of a life.

ceadaoin.

I think when you're at the point of hiding alcohol and sneaking drinks, and people are raising concerns, trying to moderate is pointless. People who aren't alcoholics/ don't have a drinking problem don't do those things. It's a huge red flag. It's that simple.

If I were you I would quit totally, at least for a few months because I highly doubt you'll be able to stick to the "couple of glasses". That might give you the clarity to look at your situation more objectively. You can tell yourself you'll go back to it, that youre just getting healthy etc but you might find that you don't want to after all.

cannotlogin

Do you accept the fact you are an alcoholic?

Absolutely text book alcohilic - completely in denial and making every excuse under the sun as to why it's not a problem.

It's clearly a huge problem and everyone but you can see it.

You've got a choice - your husband or the drink but you can't have them both long term and your posts very much read like the drink is much important to you than he is.

You'll probably consider this post unhelpful but some times the things that hurt the most to hear are the things that most need to be heard.

Good luck, hopefully you are at a stage where you can get treatment & reverse things (the fact you are posting means the deep down you know its an issue!) but without a significant realisation that you need to change dramatically, your life is only going to get worse.

cazzer22

Drinking every night of the week is very unhealthy and if you require it to sleep, then there are BIG issues at play. I drink once a week (max) and even then it could only be one or two. Does it affect your work?
I think there are big issues here that you need to see someone about. Take up a new hobby and break the habit of having the wine in the evenings. Running club? 5 a side? anything you're particularly interested in?

q85dw7osi4lebg

OP you would be surprised how little time it takes to drop the habit.

You say you can't sleep without it. I guarantee you you will sleep better and fall asleep faster without the drink. You will be crawling the walls for a few nights initially but it only takes a week or less to get over that bit.

Sounds to me like you are bored in the evenings, maybe look into some hobbies etc. If you want to avoid serious liver trouble down the line it's probably best to start off by skipping drink every second day, and weaning yourself down to weekends only. You'll enjoy it more then, and save a fortune.

LegacyUser

I want to be happy wrote: »

Anyway I am feeling very motivated to be positive and feeling a lot better. Honestly yesterday I felt awful and reading some of the responses on here didn't help too much. I wouldn't have minded if a truck had cleared me off on the way to lunch. But I don't feel like that today. The major lows are usually followed by a fair period of good, just need to keep the good going.

Good news OP. Wishing you the best.
If cutting down & adding a few strings to your bow (hobbies, activities) isn't enough, please don't give up, but take it further & speak to a professional & try to quit.

FWIW I think sucking up some of the "more direct" messages here will stand to you. They are well meaning really. Best wishes!

Remove all alcohol from your home. Avoid all places where alcohol is sold. Decline invites to places where alcohol is sold. Until you get strong again. Change your environment. These are the very, very basics.

What you're going through is a lot more common than you might think. Most people go through this, learn the lessons and move on. It's as big and dramatic as you want to make it. You don't need to get caught up in bollocksology of labels or stupid never-ending debates about the merits of different alcohol-support groups. Change your environment first and if you're still struggling after a couple of months, then perhaps consider those supports. I found it all to be a distraction, although I did find searching online for research on addictive thinking very helpful in helping me to understand my thoughts and weaknesses. But changing my environment was the one massive thing upon which everything rested.

You are currently weak and ill. You need to build yourself up again. You are no good to anybody until your find the strength of character to create a stronger version of you. The further away from drinking you go, the less threat it will pose to you. And the stronger you will become. This utter stupidthink of 'I've always enjoyed drinking...what will my life be like without alcohol?' and 'How will I fill the vacuum of no alcohol?' needs to end. I've been there. I posted here many years ago asking precisely these questions. I gave up, because my life was going nowhere (which is a very euphemistic summary of where it was going). I did it on my own by changing my environment as above. No threats anymore. I took up walking a lot and it made me happier and feel much more alive. Take up whatever exercise you like, but take up something. Let exercise help you change your brain chemistry. It's actually a lot easier to do than you think at this moment. Never mind the drama queens and just have utter resolve to live life drink free, and thus free.

Today, in 2019, I genuinely never miss drinking. There is so much going on I don't have time for myself, time to think about all the rubbish I had time to think about in what were pretty empty, cash-fluid, carefree and independent days.

skallywag

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

It doesn't really matter how often or how you behave with drink. The fact of the matter is your drinking is causing problems.

This hits it perfectly on the head I think.

We often get caught up in complex debates about what defines an alcoholic or problematic drinking, but to me the definition is quite straightforward. If a person continues to drink even though there is clear evidence that drinking is causing problems in their life (be it health, relationship, work, etc.), then that's sounding the alarm bell.

This could be case for someone drinking relatively small amounts added up over a week, etc, but might not be the case for someone drinking far more.

splinter65

OP ideally, in a perfect dream world, what would you like to happen now? Be totally honest now. No one is judging you.

LegacyUser

Just off the phone, I have gotten in with a counsellor.

Thanks for all the advice on here

Can you close the thread please?

Big Bag of Chips

Good luck, OP. You have awareness of where this is heading if you don't make changes. That's a very good starting point. All the best.

Thread locked.