Christmas on your own

Little Less Conversation

This is possibly the worst week ever for people not going home for Christmas. I'm getting so much questions asking me if I'm going home for Christmas. I have a highly dysfunctional family and people just don't get it. There's an expectation that you should go home for Christmas. They think there's something wrong with you for not going home so I can't tell them I'm not. But I'm not going home to abuse and to be bullied and it's far from a little fight over Scrabble that I'm talking about. My boyfriend is busy with his family, friends are with their own, so it's another year of being on my own. I can't cope with the questions this week. Anyone else not spending Christmas with their family? And what do I say when I'm being asked.

SSr0

Tell em fück off.

Uncharted

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

This is possibly the worst week ever for people not going home for Christmas. I'm getting so much questions asking me if I'm going home for Christmas. I have a highly dysfunctional family and people just don't get it. There's an expectation that you should go home for Christmas. They think there's something wrong with you for not going home so I can't tell them I'm not. But I'm not going home to abuse and to be bullied and it's far from a little fight over Scrabble that I'm talking about. My boyfriend is busy with his family, friends are with their own, so it's another year of being on my own. I can't cope with the questions this week. Anyone else not spending Christmas with their family? And what do I say when I'm being asked.

Try being a grown up adult and start telling people to mind their own effin business.

It's your life. Up to you what you do with it.
Enjoy it.

SEPT 23 1989

Could the boyfriend not bring you to spend a few days with his family over the Christmas?

Voodoomelon

It's also important to note that there is no "normal" Christmas. To not conform to the Christmas ideals portrayed by corporations peddling food and consumer goods does no make you odd or different. Millions of families do not get on, millions of people do not like Christmas and it can be a horrible time for many, even those who act "normal" and do all the Christmasy things.

Politely state you're not sure what the plans are yet and move the conversation on. Try and stay upbeat, sure its half over already.

mad muffin

I haven’t spent Christmas with my family for 18 years as they’re back in Oz and I’m here… :rolleyes:

Christmas with my wife’s family every fücking year for the past 18. Murderers get less… :eek:

Mrsmum

Would the easiest thing not be to say you're going home. They're not going to check up on you. And you're not actually lying, home is wherever you live. Let them just assume you mean original home.

harr

Probably better off on your own rather than going home to that...no reason to tell people anything...tell them you are going home and leave it at that.
I like spending Christmas with as little people as possible and I am always anxious to get home to my own place So we can all relax away from the in-laws.
I would question why your boyfriend is leaving you on your own over the Christmas...I don’t see why you couldn’t visit him on Christmas Day or him taking a few hours out of his day to spend some time with you.

Little Less Conversation

Mrsmum wrote: »

Would the easiest thing not be to say you're going home. They're not going to check up on you. And you're not actually lying, home is wherever you live. Let them just assume you mean original home.

This is what I'm doing. Thanks.

Little Less Conversation

harr wrote: »

Probably better off on your own rather than going home to that...no reason to tell people anything...tell them you are going home and leave it at that.
I like spending Christmas with as little people as possible and I am always anxious to get home to my own place So we can all relax away from the in-laws.
I would question why your boyfriend is leaving you on your own over the Christmas...I don’t see why you couldn’t visit him on Christmas Day or him taking a few hours out of his day to spend some time with you.

He can't drive and he relies on buses, so that won't work on Christmas day.

Itssoeasy

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

This is possibly the worst week ever for people not going home for Christmas. I'm getting so much questions asking me if I'm going home for Christmas. I have a highly dysfunctional family and people just don't get it. There's an expectation that you should go home for Christmas. They think there's something wrong with you for not going home so I can't tell them I'm not. But I'm not going home to abuse and to be bullied and it's far from a little fight over Scrabble that I'm talking about. My boyfriend is busy with his family, friends are with their own, so it's another year of being on my own. I can't cope with the questions this week. Anyone else not spending Christmas with their family? And what do I say when I'm being asked.

I'm not a fan of Christmas but not for the unfortunate reasons you don't like it. I just don't think it's that great a day in general. The one bit of advice I'd give though is to in the nicest way possible to tell those people to kindly **** off and mind their own business. It stops the questions thankfully. I found that not caring what people think about you does wonders for your mental health.

Sephiroth_dude

I wish I was, spending time with an abusive alcoholic is no fun, you're better off out of there if youre going to be bullied and abused, I'd rather spend Christmas alone than put up with that crap.

CelticRambler

I gave up on the "going home for Christmas" nonsense years ago. It's the worst possible time to travel - so expensive, and every mode of transport is chock-a-block so if there's the slightest delay (or cancellation) the knock-on effects are awful, and you're surrounded by a million people all complaining that they're not going to make it home "on time" when there's no particular reason why they have to be anywhere on the 24th/25th - there are twelve days of Christmas (if you don't count the whole of November and December )

These days, I'm quite happy to spend Christmas Day on my own, texting or 'phoning the people that matter to me, and thinking about what cards or presents I'll send them the following week. No-one has yet told me they didn't enjoy receiving something on Little Christmas!

Gimme A Pound

My friend is doing that! Doesn't want to spend Christmas with his crazy sister and he's quite happy to relax for the day watching movies and drinking beer. I'll drop him over some dinner (did invite him over but no way - he doesn't want anyone fussing over him). Not what I'd do personally but he is definitely contented with the arrangement.

juneg

Christmas is in your heart, not in a turkey dinner or commercialism. It's perfectly fine to be on your own 364 days of the year. Don't feel guilty about the one day you're taking for yourself.

Little Less Conversation

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

Christmas on your own.... so it's another year of being on my own. I can't cope with the questions this week. Anyone else not spending Christmas with their family? And what do I say when I'm being asked.

Spare a thought for all those who are surrounded by loads of people this Christmas but more lonely than ever in their lives.

I'd rather be alone for Christmas than lonely in the crowds. Or in one of those loveless relationships which people on the outside think is "normal". There's more coldness in that sort of "company" than any person alone could encounter. Count your blessings, and you're very sensible to stay clear of toxic family and everywhere where people who drink too much are being ignorant and hurtful. Enjoy some chilled-out ceol, a good coffee/herbal tea and a great book on the couch next to the fire. The bliss of peace. All the best.

Mrsmum

Christmas day, even in nice families, can have loads of little or big stresses. So enjoy yourself doing exactly as you please without any bother from other people.

Little Less Conversation

It's not being alone that bothers me. It's the questions from people.

Itssoeasy

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

It's not being alone that bothers me. It's the questions from people.

But why do you care about the questions so much ? It's none of their business what or where you are spending Christmas.

Little Less Conversation

Itssoeasy wrote: »

But why do you care about the questions so much ? It's none of their business what or where you are spending Christmas.

People think it's sad for not going home for Christmas. So it's not something you can say to people.

Itssoeasy

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

People think it's sad for not going home for Christmas. So it's not something you can say to people.

People think ? Well several people here don't and I'm sure not every person thinks that way. I think you are overthinking this way too much and assuming what people will think of you. I see you say that people ask you questions, but I learnt a long time ago that you need to stop caring so much what people think of you, as it will drive you nuts.

Mrsmum

The thing is people are only making conversation by asking you what you're doing for Christmas. A flippant answer back will do them grand. Honestly people are seldom as interested in us as we think they are !

Itssoeasy

Mrsmum wrote: »

The thing is people are only making conversation by asking you what you're doing for Christmas. A flippant answer back will do them grand. Honestly people are seldom as interested in us as we think they are !

Exactly!! Yeah most people are more worried about their own lives then what you are actually doing on Christmas day.

NSAman

Am spending Christmas at home with my family this year.

I know mum wont be around much longer and hence the reason to go home.

Once she is gone, thats it, Christmas alone. Honestly, I don't mind. It really is a time for me after that. I have many invitations to go places, but I know I just want to spend time by myself and the dogs. to hell with what other people think. While family will want me at their places,I am quite happy being by myself and getting up when I want, eating what I want, opening my own presents (hey who knows what I want better than myself),, :-)

donegal_man

I know it's difficult but you could just tell any close friend who ask the truth, that you're not in a position to share Christmas with your family. Who knows there may be one or more of them in a similar situation, it's more common than you might believe. As for random colleagues or whatever just tell them you have other plans this year.

Church on Tuesday

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

People think it's sad for not going home for Christmas. So it's not something you can say to people.

Frankly some people need to cop on.

Christmas for a lot of people, myself included, is NOT what you see on TV and Xmas movies and the like.

This is real life and there are any amount of variables in it.

Just pass no heed, they'll probably end up in a row with their parents or siblings anyways because of the inevitable cabin fever.

You're lucky you can stay away, I have to go back. Treat yourself over the Xmas period and to hell what others think.

DJIMI TRARORE

Just tell them that u don't do Xmas and usually go to Spain or somewhere else for 2 weeks,

PS: I'm speaking from experience,and my family are fairly normal til about 9o'clock Xmas night normally 28 of us in one house flights booked since July

Howitzer the 5th

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

This is possibly the worst week ever for people not going home for Christmas. I'm getting so much questions asking me if I'm going home for Christmas. I have a highly dysfunctional family and people just don't get it. There's an expectation that you should go home for Christmas. They think there's something wrong with you for not going home so I can't tell them I'm not. But I'm not going home to abuse and to be bullied and it's far from a little fight over Scrabble that I'm talking about. My boyfriend is busy with his family, friends are with their own, so it's another year of being on my own. I can't cope with the questions this week. Anyone else not spending Christmas with their family? And what do I say when I'm being asked.

Who cares what people think? Live your own life. Oh for Christmas on one's own. What a prospect. The worst time of year full of false cheer and conceited self-congratulation.

blackcard

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

Itssoeasy wrote: »

But why do you care about the questions so much ? It's none of their business what or where you are spending Christmas.

People think it's sad for not going home for Christmas. So it's not something you can say to people.

The greatest freedom in the world is not caring what other people think of you. I would just tell people that you are going to spend Christmas in the best possible company, with yourself.

biko

I think many of the "don't care what people think" posters here could very possibly start the same thread as OP if they actually were in the same position.

It is a sucky situation to not wanting be with family on this the familiest of holidays.
Can you blame work or studies?

1800_Ladladlad

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

I wish I was, spending time with an abusive alcoholic is no fun, you're better off out of there if youre going to be bullied and abused, I'd rather spend Christmas alone than put up with that crap.

I spent two Christmases alone in my mid teens, no abuse tho , the alcoholic passed out in his own p*ss both years funnily enough. Sat and watched Movies, eating a box of snowballs and tesco value cornets. As an adult its harder to go back to that. The independence was nice

Stevecw

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

He can't drive and he relies on buses, so that won't work on Christmas day.

Driving lessons for Christmas then seems like a handy & useful present!

Jim 77

Christmas can be very stressful for many people, and I think a lot of those asking you what you're doing for Christmas would actually be envious of the fact that you get to spend it on your own but of course they won't say that because misery loves company.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I throw an orphans Christmas party every year fit this very reason.

the_syco

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

This is possibly the worst week ever for people not going home for Christmas. I'm getting so much questions asking me if I'm going home for Christmas.

It may be too late, but ask SVP and other charities if they want help on xmas day.

Then, if anyone asks what you did on xmas day, you can say you helped in a soup kitchen, etc.

BeerWolf

No friends to join a Christmas dinner at? We often invite some non-Christian friends over.

Edgware

BeerWolf wrote: »

No friends to join a Christmas dinner at? We often invite some non-Christian friends over.

Would you have room for Mags Cash and kids or is she not ethnic enough?

BeerWolf

Edgware wrote: »

Would you have room for Mags Cash and kids or is she not ethnic enough?

I said friends, not charity. And what does ethnicity got to do with what I said? o.O

engiweirdo

It's only a day OP. Means sod all tbh unless you are profoundly Christian, in which case celebrate in line with your Faith, or have young children, Santa toys etc. Wouldn't be bothered with it me self at all only for have a little one so can enjoy that aspect of it. I wouldn't be too pushed on seeing most of the family for the other 364 days of the year, the extra one doesn't make any difference. Think of it as an extremely boring Sunday and plan accordingly ; Junk food, Netflix/boxset marathon.

Shop40

Edgware wrote: »

Would you have room for Mags Cash and kids or is she not ethnic enough?

Em yeah, to get robbed blind..

OP it’s only people making conversation. Just say you’ll be at home (truth) and they’ll probably ask nothing more. I haven’t spoken to my sibling for years, and I dread the questions about him. So I feel your pain somewhat.
As I get older, I say “oh I don’t talk about him anymore”, and that wraps up the subject nicely.

Teyla Emmagan

Edgware wrote:

Would you have room for Mags Cash and kids or is she not ethnic enough?

She is not honest enough.

Mrs OBumble

biko wrote: »

I think many of the "don't care what people think" posters here could very possibly start the same thread as OP if they actually were in the same position.

It is a sucky situation to not wanting be with family on this the familiest of holidays.
Can you blame work or studies?

Not caring what people think is a lot easier when you get older. It's hard going in your 20s and even 30s when most peope still have parents alive and have no idea that life isn't the same for everyone. Gets easier after that.

If you don't want to draw attention to yourself, then just have some bland replies that are non gender specific and non numeric - and immediately turn the question back at them or chanhe the subject (eg "we'll be at home, what are you doing on the day?").

When an insensitive wagon then tries to probe, turn it into a joke eg "shure next thing you'll be asking what I had for breakfast this morning!".

Also have some pre-prepared joke answers for what presents you got. Ones so ridiculous that they cannot be true are good for deflecting conversation off you. Eg an all expenses trip to the moon (or your nearest holiday suburb).

sbsquarepants

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Could the boyfriend not bring you to spend a few days with his family over the Christmas?

This is exactly what I was thinking - there's no way I'd leave my girlfriend on her own at Christmas to visit my family, I'd either bring her with me or visit them some other time.

Edgware wrote: »

Would you have room for Mags Cash and kids or is she not ethnic enough?

Too ethnic for my tastes. I'd like the kids to keep their toys for a while.

Outlaw Pete

What annoys me is that Santa Claus was never informed of my new address after I left home so it's quite my they never bothered telling him just so they could keep my future presents for themselves. Fair enough, I'm in my 40's now but still, that doesn't mean I'm not curious as to what kind of gifts Santa brings men my age. My family are scum.

Zorya

Just go the whole hog and tell nosey feckers that you will be on a silent mescaline retreat for the duration, making a final flat out burst for full enlightenment. Then say, and what about yourself?

LollipopJimmy

I'm considering spending the day by myself, I normally spend it with my mother but she's gone away with pals, which i was happy about. For me, I am in the middle of fight camp and don't want to drink and certainly don't want to eat loads of ****e - I know it's one day but this sets the ball rolling for the following days.

I know if I go to family I'll be having drink shoved at me all day and tbh I could do with the peace and quiet

Thoie

Little Less Conversation wrote: »

This is possibly the worst week ever for people not going home for Christmas. I'm getting so much questions asking me if I'm going home for Christmas. I have a highly dysfunctional family and people just don't get it. There's an expectation that you should go home for Christmas. They think there's something wrong with you for not going home so I can't tell them I'm not. But I'm not going home to abuse and to be bullied and it's far from a little fight over Scrabble that I'm talking about. My boyfriend is busy with his family, friends are with their own, so it's another year of being on my own. I can't cope with the questions this week. Anyone else not spending Christmas with their family? And what do I say when I'm being asked.

Simple answer that will move the conversation on "We're spending Christmas at home this year, can't wait!".

You don't need to get into the specifics of "we" or "home" (or that fact that "we" will be in two different "homes"). People are just making conversation, and that response will generally elicit a "that sounds lovely" response.

People seem to feel vaguely duty bound not to let people spend Christmas alone, even when those people live alone all year round. I usually sleep at the family house over Christmas, but this year, for boring practical reasons, I'll be sleeping in my own house, and travelling the very short distance over there. Someone lovely that I barely know, thought that meant I was spending Christmas day alone, and immediately invited me to eat dinner with them. Lovely gesture from them.

I adore my family, but if I had to spend Christmas by my self I would be grand.

These things have power because people won't be honest the next person who asked the op are they going home the op should tell them no they are not going home they don't want to spend the day with their family the end of the conversation. Its amazing how much that would free the op from the pressures of pretending.

Then spend the day treating yourself while being warm and cosy

Grayson

My family is the type that always argues. I love them to bits but having them all in the same room because of a sense of obligation just makes everyone uncomfortable. Then the arguments start. Part of me wishes that i could just stay at home by myself, microwave a meal and play my console all day.

Edit to add: And the transport system over xmas is terrible. No trains on stephens day? It means that I have to travel down for at least 3 days.

Carlingford Locked

I'm getting stick at work for not having decorations on my desk. I don't have a tree or anything at home either. My parents and sibling all live abroad. I actually don't celebrate Xmas now that I think of it. I just see it as a disgusting exercise in consumerism.

Grayson

Carlingford Locked wrote: »

I'm getting stick at work for not having decorations on my desk. I don't have a tree or anything at home either. My parents and sibling all live abroad. I actually don't celebrate Xmas now that I think of it. I just see it as a disgusting exercise in consumerism.

I live by myself and don't decorate at all. People seem to think I'm a grinch. I jus don't see the point of buying all that stuff, spending all that time decorating my apt, just for myself as I sit there and watch TV.