How to deal with Neighbour

makemineawine

Ok - so we don't get on with one of our neighbours. Things were fine until we got planning permission but trouble soon followed. Building work completed years ago at this stage. No one was wronged and no property was damaDespite attempts to resolve matters, they stood firm. Now I'd quite happily just get on with things and completely ignore them, safe in the knowledge we tried eveything but they are not happ. Few minor skirmises since then (always initiated by them - usually her).



So yesterday morning returning to my house in the car about 7.30. She was standing at her front door. She started gesticulating at me - middle finger, V-sign etc and mouthing (I think) phrases like "**** you" ETC> Question is this: should I just ignore this behaviour or confront her head on and ask her why she is doing this? Any help appreciated.

margo321

i think best to ignore. People like that like a reaction. On the other hand be prepared to put her in her place as she sounds like a bully and a bully will only bully when the can get awsy with it. Unfortunate situation.

makemineawine

I accept what you say and do try to ignore her. However, she did every kind of gesture including waving her arms at me to get my attention ........................rock ................ hard place!

ILikeBananas

Probably best just to give her a smile and a thumbs up. Anything else is just going to escalate the situation and play into her hands.

miamee

ILikeBananas wrote: »

Probably best just to give her a smile and a thumbs up. Anything else is just going to escalate the situation and play into her hands.

Exactly, a smile and a wave or thumbs up and go about your business. If she actually has something to talk to you about, let her use her words like a big girl

Ghekko

Hard to ignore so just smile, wave and say hi and keep walking into your house. It'll probably p*ss her off more than getting involved in a street brawl, which is obviously what she is angling for.

spaceHopper

If she had something constructive to say she'd approach you and get it off her chest, I wouldn't approach her she's not looking to make peace she's trying to start a fight and twist things so that you will be the baddie in the neighbourhood.

Gumbo

I'd wave, smile and say heya Mary everytime. It will annoy them more that 1. you are waving hello, and 2,. you are calling her Mary.

*obviously replace Mary with Sandra if her name actually is Mary

Realistically OP, you are not going to change the behaviour of these people and they are not going to wake up some morning and say, "lets be friends" so best to move on and forget.

Dr Turk Turkelton

kceire wrote: »

I'd wave, smile and say heya Mary everytime. It will annoy them more that 1. you are waving hello, and 2,. you are calling her Mary.

*obviously replace Mary with Sandra if her name actually is Mary

Realistically OP, you are not going to change the behaviour of these people and they are not going to wake up some morning and say, "lets be friends" so best to move on and forget.

This is a fantastic idea.Well played sir, well played.
I'd also use a different name every time!

mcmoustache

Install a camera that covers your driveway. These people sound like they wouldn't be above some petty vandalism. They might complain about the camera but at this point, the relationship is beyond repair.

wexie

The smiling and waving tends to work well alright.

Of course there's every chance that she'll just get angrier and angrier as people like that tend to do.

But screw it, doesn't sound like there's much of a relationship to save there. At least if you smile and wave you'll achieve 2 things.

1) you'll be the bigger/better person and
2) you'll make it very clear they're not getting to you. \

(on the names, may I suggest Shirley? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhFbUsPrgIQ)

LollipopJimmy

Send them a bottle of wine and chocolates. Be gas craic

bmc58

Dr Turk Turkelton wrote: »

This is a fantastic idea.Well played sir, well played.
I'd also use a different name every time!

I think this is a very poor suggestion from a Mod.These actions can and will lead to more confrontations in the future.My suggestion is to just ignore her and get on with your life.Do not descend to her level with any petty hand gestures or name calling.She doesn't like you,but you have to live beside her.Be the better person,ignore her and get on with your life.

judeboy101

Fit cars with dash cams and get cam for house pointing at door area and front gate. Trust me I know where this is going

mcmoustache

judeboy101 wrote: »

Fit cars with dash cams and get cam for house pointing at door area and front gate. Trust me I know where this is going

And even if the neighbours don't do anything, cams don't cost much and they can be very handy if others are checking out your property both as a deterrent and a record.

makemineawine

Actually, we already have cameras - not because of her - hang on .............. that's probably what is pissing her off!

makemineawine

Loving theses ideas .............. any other names or suggestions very gratefully accepted. Feel so much better guys just being able to vent about it all. Not sure what her game plan is but really don't have the headspace for it all. Have had a rough year personally, and don't need this nonsense on top of it all. Personally, if I don't like someone I just give them a wide berth. My neighbour is just a nasty, bitter person who does not give one thought to how hurtful she is being to others. It's sad that we have to deal with people like this at all.

makemineawine

Wait judeboy 101 - do you know my neighbour?!

makemineawine

Okay bmc58 - I hear what you are saying. In my defense I do normally ignore her. That said, when someone is waving in a very exaggerated fashion, using obscene gestures and shouting profanities it is hard to ignore. She is trying to get my attention to tell me to stop paying her attention - she previously has mentioned her "private property" - aka as her front garden - I'm not allowed to look at it and if I see her anywhere at all, I am apparently minding her "private business". You can't win with someone like this as afar as I can see.

pgj2015

if this bint keeps harassing you, don't hesitate to report her to the gardai, you shouldn't have to put up with that in your own home.

NON-FATAL OFFENCES AGAINST THE PERSON ACT, 1997


10.—(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.

(2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another where—

(a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly, seriously interferes with the other's peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and

(b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other's peace and privacy or cause alarm, distress or harm to the other.

(3) Where a person is guilty of an offence under subsection (1), the court may, in addition to or as an alternative to any other penalty, order that the person shall not, for such period as the court may specify, communicate by any means with the other person or that the person shall not approach within such distance as the court shall specify of the place of residence or employment of the other person.

(4) A person who fails to comply with the terms of an order under subsection (3) shall be guilty of an offence.

(5) If on the evidence the court is not satisfied that the person should be convicted of an offence under subsection (1), the court may nevertheless make an order under subsection (3) upon an application to it in that behalf if, having regard to the evidence, the court is satisfied that it is in the interests of justice so to do.

(6) A person guilty of an offence under this section shall be liable—

(a) on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding £1,500 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 12 months or to both, or

(b) on conviction on indictment to a fine or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 7 years or to both.

Mrs OBumble

I wonder how the neighbour would tell the story. They usually have at least two sides.

BabysCoffee

Keep a note of all incidences in your diary

Edgware

Ignore her and get on well with all the other neighbours. That will really annoy her

molly09

Do you have children of similiar age or anything? That will maybe help to build bridges in the future, are ye if similiar age?
I can’t believe a grown woman would act like that on her own front door.
It’s certainly good you have cameras. Do you have other neighbors and if so what do they think of her (and her husband)?
People can be very strange........

mad m

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Keep a note of all incidences in your diary

This, very important. Note down everything.

power pants

If my neighbor was giving me the finger, I would ask her what her problem was

Would not be able to ignore it

littlevillage

I think a lot of the suggestions so far will likely only escalate things...and will inevitably end up in violence/property damage/court etc.

The root of this problem seems to stem from the original planning permission and build, so clearly this neighbour (she) was against it and tried to block it....planning authority ruled in your favour and you got on with the build etc. etc.

I presume the issue was some kind of boundary issue or over-looking scenario involving her 'private space' (front garden/back garden)

You now live there and she still resents this and probably feels you live a little too close for comfort and to top it off you have installed cameras presumably monitoring her ar at least part of her property.

Have you ever tried to get to the bottom of what her precise grievenaces are ...and see if theres any way you could solve or at least lessen them?

maybe involve a mutual friend or neighbour you both get along with .... some suggestions might be to take down the cameras, take down external lights, build a fence, plant shrubs or a hedgerow etc. The only way to decide any row is for both sides to compromise a little....or sadly for one side to suck it up (and probably bear a seething grudge forever). Its sounds to me like this neighbour has had to suck it up ...hence you have the situation you see today.

Jesus Shaves

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I wonder how the neighbour would tell the story. They usually have at least two sides.

Person applies for planning permission, neighbour objects, person gets planning permission, neighbour can’t get over it.

It really is that straightforward

Wabbit Ears

Just talk Ned Flanders to them all the time.

Or paint your gaff bright pink on the one side that faces them so light is reflected funny.

makemineawine

If she followed her usual pattern she would lie ........... it's what she does best! At the very least she is economical with the truth. I'm by no means saying I'm perfect but I don't interfere in her day to day life the way she does with me. I'd happily ignore her, and would be grateful if she could do the same. But the truth is she initiates the incidents.

makemineawine

Jesus Shaves wrote: »

Person applies for planning permission, neighbour objects, person gets planning permission, neighbour can’t get over it.

It really is that straightforward

That is it exactly. Unfortunately it is a case of jealousy. It certainly can't be that we damaged her property or she was somehow an injured party during the build - I know because I had to spend several thousand euro to get structural reports and legal advice at the time.

makemineawine

molly09 wrote: »

Do you have children of similiar age or anything? That will maybe help to build bridges in the future, are ye if similiar age?
I can’t believe a grown woman would act like that on her own front door.
It’s certainly good you have cameras. Do you have other neighbors and if so what do they think of her (and her husband)?
People can be very strange........

In answer to your question - yes. However, she used the children to exacerbate things rather than heal them. Well, that is from my perspective. Every other child in school / on the road was invited over for play dates, etc. etc. Never mine. Had a huge and devastating impact on what had previously been a friendship between kids. She killed that one - all on her own. And yes there are other neighbours. She has managed to fall out with many. Her most recent being an elderly lady that she and her husband actually threatened. Like many I find it hard to believe that someone can be this nasty and viscous, but I see it here on my road. On the plus side you will tend to find more good people than bad but I think this woman is not that unique. There are probably many of her kind. The mistake we make is letting them treat us badly to begin with. She is strange ............ very very strange!

D3V!L

Greet them with a cheery "Good morning" works great