How to prevent social media sharing of our wedding pics

dinnyhw

Getting married next year and would prefer if pictures of our wedding were not shared on social media. I have social media accounts, but don't post personal stuff. My other half is not on social media at all and really dislikes it.
We have been at two weddings in the last year where the couples asked for photos not to be shared, but their request was ignored. One couple had it on the invitation the others had a sign at the entrance to the church.

Anyone any tips on how to manage this? I know it's not something we can have total control over and some may just go ahead and post them anyway, but would like to keep it to a minimum if possible!

TallGlass

You can't. If you did figure out a way, let the film and music companies know.

Life is to short for worrying about little things like this. It's a few pictures, be happy that people are happy for you and want to share them moments.

Failing that, invite nobody.

kunst nugget

I would say accept it's going to happen and just concentrate on enjoying your day rather than obsessing about something you're not really going to be able to control without looking like a bit of a tyrant.

This is from somebody who has given up on facebook and deactivated my account. If someone posts a picture I'm not going to know about it and frankly I wouldn't really care. Ignorance is bliss tbh.

stargazer 68

Only thing you can do is ask people not to post to social media but as you know this doesn't work. My sister asked that photos weren't posted until the following day but that didn't work either.

wexie

Nothing you can do other than politely ask and hope it's respected. Unless you want to somehow try to enforce a ban on phones and cameras at the wedding but I wouldn't imagine it would earn you much good will.
I think on Facebook at least you can prevent people from tagging you in pictures but beyond that not a whole lot you can do.

aj89

We just had a line about it on the bottom of our invitation, and thankfully nobody posted anything!

kunst nugget

Out of curiosity, why do people get their knickers in a twist about it?

meeeeh

You can't do more than ask either on invitation or ask whoever is marrying you to mention it at the beginning of ceremony. I think it's a bit ridiculous if people can't respect simple request like that but some moron might do it anyway and there is no point stressing about it.

wexie

meeeeh wrote: »

You can't do more than ask either on invitation or ask whoever is marrying you to mention it at the beginning of ceremony.

At a guess I think that might be more successful if people were asked not to share pictures of the bride and groom and cake and stuff, rather than no pictures at all.

I've never been asked not to share any pictures of a wedding (in fact usually it's the bride and groom asking can they have all the pictures) but I do always make it a point not to post anything for a few days, or until I've seen the couple post stuff themselves.

Mrs OBumble

Book your wedding in a registry office, don't invite anyone, pull a randomer off the street to be a witness - choosing someone who looks like they won't know how to use a smartphone.

That's the only guaranteed way.

verycool

kunst nugget wrote: »

Out of curiosity, why do people get their knickers in a twist about it?

Various personal reasons... Bullies from the past tracking you down, family members you didn't want there or who you didn't want to tell cos they are tough to deal with...


Those would be my two.


As other posters said this is very hard to do. A line on the invitation would help but not stop it completely.

ARNOLD J RIMMER

kunst nugget wrote: »

Out of curiosity, why do people get their knickers in a twist about it?

Because some people don't like pictures of themselves on the internet and like to keep there private lives private

Wabbit Ears

You can ask but no-one is under any sort of obligation to respect those wishes.

You can request that pictures not be taken in the church but everywhere else is fair game.

Your guests will be spending a lot of money on your wedding. they'll have their glad rags on, spent loads of hair and make up so of course they should be allowed to take and post pics.

But of course you only see it as your day and you don't like social media so everyone should follow your out of kilter wishes.

Your wedding day is as much your guests day as yours. That's the core if being a good host.

So, IMHO, suck up that bridezilla BS and stop obsessing about how best to make it all about you.

Bandana boy

I got an invite to a wedding of somebody whose brother was famous back in the early noughties , before prevalence of Camera phones , and the invite included a note to be signed as part of the RSVP that was a commitment not to take any pictures at the wedding.

I thought it was pretty obnoxious myself and as I did not know her that well I just turned down the invite but you could try that .

wexie

verycool wrote: »

Various personal reasons... Bullies from the past tracking you down, family members you didn't want there or who you didn't want to tell cos they are tough to deal with....

While you can't really stop people posting pictures, you can stop them from tagging you in them. Or at least you can on FB.

Which might help with those issues.

verycool

wexie wrote: »

While you can't really stop people posting pictures, you can stop them from tagging you in them. Or at least you can on FB.

Which might help with those issues.

True, and it's a good deterrent. Although I think it still wouldn't stop someone from stumbling across the pics tagged or not.


"Your friend has uploaded a new album / photos!"
*clicks through*
"OH! X got married!"


I'm not sure if this is still the case as I'm one of those who closed my account ages ago, so they might have updated their privacy policy since.

kunst nugget

ARNOLD J RIMMER wrote: »

Because some people don't like pictures of themselves on the internet and like to keep there private lives private

Could you really consider a wedding where you invite people so that you can recite vows publicly in front of them and drag them to a meal afterwards part of your private life?

And like another poster said, your guests are paying a lot of money to attend your wedding- dresses, make up, gift, accommodation, etc... - why would you tell them they are not allowed to post pictures of themselves up on facebook if they want to. I think a line saying something like 'Please feel free to share pictures of yourselves and your friends on the day but the bride and groom would prefer if any pictures taken of them were not shared on social media' might be a decent compromise.

razorblunt

I've been to a few weddings that requested this and it was always adhered to.
I also understood it as no photos of the bride and groom, bridesmaids etc. If the guests want to upload pics of themselves together that an entirely understandable thing. Is that not the case?

ARNOLD J RIMMER

OP I suggest that you request no photos of the Bride and Groom to be taken and also not to be tagged in any social media

DaeryssaOne

razorblunt wrote: »

I've been to a few weddings that requested this and it was always adhered to.
I also understood it as no photos of the bride and groom, bridesmaids etc. If the guests want to upload pics of themselves together that an entirely understandable thing. Is that not the case?

Same here razorblunt, have seen it at multiple weddings so always made sure to only upload pics of friends etc but not the actual bride & groom etc.

For our own wedding, we had our celebrant ask that the congregation not take photos during the ceremony - this was only so everyone could watch the wedding with their own eyes rather than through a lens but most people seemed to take that to mean that they also wouldn't upload pics from the wedding which was fine with us!

Where the OP says people were asked not to upload pics of the bride / groom and they were ignored that's pretty bad - I would never upload a photo of somebody who has specifically asked me not to! Though I wouldn't hesitate to upload one of myself and my friends - they don't get to dictate that!

eviltwin

I've no photos of my wedding on FB and asked others not to do the same and all obliged. A few people have photos of themselves but I'm not in them so that's okay. I can't understand someone ignoring a request not to have pics on social media but some people live their life online. I had to ask people to remove photos of my children over the years, luckily once I ask they are OK.

jimmycrackcorm

kunst nugget wrote:

Out of curiosity, why do people get their knickers in a twist about it?

99 percent of the time it's because of bridezillaism.

meeeeh

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Where the OP says people were asked not to upload pics of the bride / groom and they were ignored that's pretty bad - I would never upload a photo of somebody who has specifically asked me not to! Though I wouldn't hesitate to upload one of myself and my friends - they don't get to dictate that!

Even if the couple don't want photos of the venue uploaded? Not to mention some wouldn't want their wedding advertised online because of the risk of someone breaking into their house. Nothing worse than making sure you don't post about your destination wedding and then someone else does it for you.

I don't feel the need to share my life on social media so I really don't get how someone would be incapable to adhere to a simple request of no photos online. Personally I'm not fussed about photos but it really isn't a big ask not to do it.

seannash

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

99 percent of the time it's because of bridezillaism.

Id say it more that the bride wants the first photos of her in her wedding dress that people see is one shes happy with, not one where she has a big double chin and is posing unflatteringly.

DaeryssaOne

meeeeh wrote: »

Even if the couple don't want photos of the venue uploaded?

I have never been asked not to share photos of a venue, that's fairly ridiculous in my opinion - I'm attending a place with friends for a night, we're all dressed up and rarely get to see each other, I'm likely to take a few pictures of us and might throw one or two up on social media the next day. I am by no means a social media wh*re - I very very rarely upload pictures and don't feel the need to document my life for all to see but I am entitled to put up some nice photos with my friends if I want.

Edited to add - I have also been at weddings where the opposite has been encouraged - hashtags for instagram, frames for facebook photos - sometimes the bride and groom want to be all over their own page with other people's posts, I do prefer a happy medium I have to say...

ARNOLD J RIMMER

kunst nugget wrote: »

Could you really consider a wedding where you invite people so that you can recite vows publicly in front of them and drag them to a meal afterwards part of your private life?

And like another poster said, your guests are paying a lot of money to attend your wedding- dresses, make up, gift, accommodation, etc... - why would you tell them they are not allowed to post pictures of themselves up on facebook if they want to. I think a line saying something like 'Please feel free to share pictures of yourselves and your friends on the day but the bride and groom would prefer if any pictures taken of them were not shared on social media' might be a decent compromise.

Is a wedding not a private event where guests are invited?

Bacchus

kunst nugget wrote: »

Could you really consider a wedding where you invite people so that you can recite vows publicly in front of them and drag them to a meal afterwards part of your private life?

It depends. I think church weddings are considered public but civil ceremonies on private grounds would be private events. If someone's going to be getting technical with you though and pointing out "ehem, this is public church wedding" well... they're just being a d*ck. If the couple don't want images posted online, it should be respected (even though it clearly often isn't).

To add to the various reason already pointed out, it can be a concern for people in certain jobs such as teachers or gardai who want to restrict their presence on social media as much as possible.

meeeeh

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

I have never been asked not to share photos of a venue, that's fairly ridiculous in my opinion - I'm attending a place with friends for a night, we're all dressed up and rarely get to see each other, I'm likely to take a few pictures of us and might throw one or two up on social media the next day. I am by no means a social media wh*re - I very very rarely upload pictures and don't feel the need to document my life for all to see but I am entitled to put up some nice photos with my friends if I want.

You are entitled to it, it would be just a bit self centred if you did it despite request. The couple might not want to advertise where their wedding was especially if it was more pricey venue or something similar.

eviltwin

meeeeh wrote: »

You are entitled to it, it would be just a bit self centred if you did it despite request. The couple might not want to advertise where their wedding was especially if it was more pricey venue or something similar.

Unless you are tagging yourself as being at a particular wedding I can't see the problem. It's totally unreasonable to tell guests they can't post photos of themselves to their own account.

Bacchus

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

99 percent of the time it's because of bridezillaism.

Wow, I'd love to hear more about this survey you conducted to come up with that figure. There are MANY reasons. Sure one is probably a very controlling bride (or groom) but they're plenty of other reasons too.

seannash wrote: »

Id say it more that the bride wants the first photos of her in her wedding dress that people see is one shes happy with, not one where she has a big double chin and is posing unflatteringly.

I'd agree with that one alright. Couple spends thousands of euro on professional photographer... spends the next few days having her feed filled with unflattering, blurry, badly lit photos from guests.

ARNOLD J RIMMER wrote: »

Is a wedding not a private event where guests are invited?

Church = public I think. I assume public areas such as beaches, parks, etc. would also be public. If it's on private grounds though, then it's a private event.

I'm open to correction on that though in case there is some rule about civil marriages being open to the public.

wexie

Maybe worth mentioning that OP hasn't actually specified whether or not she was referring to pictures of the bride and groom, pictures of the ceremony or just pictures taking on the day in general.

If it's pictures of the bride and groom or ceremony I would certainly understand.

Pictures in taken during the day in general.....would see me a lot less sympathetic

meeeeh

eviltwin wrote: »

Unless you are tagging yourself as being at a particular wedding I can't see the problem. It's totally unreasonable to tell guests they can't post photos of themselves to their own account.

They can post photos of themselves I'm not bothered by it but for example I have friends who wouldn't want drunken photos of them to surface on social media. It could affect their business and as such I would much rather see less photos from the wedding on social media so everyone can relax.

What photos people take before or after is their own business.

Bacchus

eviltwin wrote: »

Unless you are tagging yourself as being at a particular wedding I can't see the problem. It's totally unreasonable to tell guests they can't post photos of themselves to their own account.

I also agree that that would be a step too far. Requesting no photos of the B&G/G&G/B&B or of the ceremony is a reasonable and fair request. I don't think you can go dictating that no photos at all can be posted though... unless you're some rockstar celeb with an OK magazine contract and your guests have to sign an NDA

dinnyhw

Thanks for all your replies.

It's certainly not something I am obsessing about and has nothing to do with being precious about approving pictures etc. I have no problem with guests posting pictures of themselves on the day.

This is my second time round. My first marriage break up was extremely painful and bitter. So like a previous poster mentioned, I don't want to attract the attention of ghosts of the past.

DaeryssaOne

meeeeh wrote: »

You are entitled to it, it would be just a bit self centred if you did it despite request. The couple might not want to advertise where their wedding was especially if it was more pricey venue or something similar.

As I said earlier, I have never been at a wedding where the guests were asked not to upload any pictures at all. If asked to specifically not include details of the venue etc I wouldn't but would consider that to be the self-centred thing, like how important do you think you are that my friends would look at where I had been for a wedding and immediately jump to the expense of the venue?

wexie

dinnyhw wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies.

It's certainly not something I am obsessing about and has nothing to do with being precious about approving pictures etc. I have no problem with guests posting pictures of themselves on the day.

This is my second time round. My first marriage break up was extremely painful and bitter. So like a previous poster mentioned, I don't want to attract the attention of ghosts of the past.

Have a look through your SM account(s), at the very least you should be able to stop people tagging you in pictures (should the need arise) which will help with them gaining visibility.

verycool

wexie wrote: »

Have a look through your SM account(s), at the very least you should be able to stop people tagging you in pictures (should the need arise) which will help with them gaining visibility.

I think you can also approve of tags..? Is that still a thing?



Take 20 / 30 minutes to lock down your accounts privacy settings. Only thing you can do to look after yourself.


Hope you have a lovely day!

Bacchus

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

As I said earlier, I have never been at a wedding where the guests were asked not to upload any pictures at all. If asked to specifically not include details of the venue etc I wouldn't but would consider that to be the self-centred thing, like how important do you think you are that my friends would look at where I had been for a wedding and immediately jump to the expense of the venue?

People are complex beings. Their lives, their families, and their relationship are complex in ways you don't know about. Something trivial to you that appears self-centered, could be a real pressure point for them that is causing actual distress.

theyoungchap

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

99 percent of the time it's because of bridezillaism.

No it isn't. Probably 1% of the time it is bridezillaism (bearing in mind it is a small percentage who don't want photos shared). 99% of the time it is a couple deciding they don't want your 1k friends, 990 of which they don't know, seeing photos of their wedding - if they wanted them to see their wedding day, they would have invited them themselves.

We didn't want photos shared and added a line to the wedding information sheet "We kindly request that people refrain from posting photographs of our wedding to Facebook/Twitter/etc".

Everybody respected it and not 1 picture was shared.

JayRoc

meeeeh wrote: »

They can post photos of themselves I'm not bothered by it but for example I have friends who wouldn't want drunken photos of them to surface on social media. It could affect their business and as such I would much rather see less photos from the wedding on social media so everyone can relax.

What photos people take before or after is their own business.

At my stags, I think my best man (who warned everyone ahead of time) collected phones off everyone a few minutes into the night. A nice sober group picture was taken and then mobiles away.

We had a lot of people like teachers, youth coaches, a garda, etc there and it just meant everyone could relax and go a bit nuts without being afraid it would end up on facebook... and besides, it made for much better craic without people checking their fecking phones every two minutes.

splinter65

ARNOLD J RIMMER wrote: »

Is a wedding not a private event where guests are invited?

Weddings are public events by law.

ARNOLD J RIMMER

splinter65 wrote: »

Weddings are public events by law.

i didnt know that

splinter65

What seems to be popular is if the B&G set up a special closed Facebook group for wedding guests only and all the pics are posted there.
Details of the Facebook page are included on the invite.

woodchuck

splinter65 wrote: »

What seems to be popular is if the B&G set up a special closed Facebook group for wedding guests only and all the pics are posted there.
Details of the Facebook page are included on the invite.

I was just about to suggest this! I was at a wedding a couple of years ago and they did this. I can't know for sure obviously, but it seemed to work out well. People still got to share their pictures, but only in the private group/page where only other guests could see the photos.

It might be a good compromise OP?

dinnyhw

Yes, the closed group is certainly something I will consider. I know that some will probably still be posted, but would just like to minimise it.

Thanks for the suggestion.

.......

This post has been deleted.

theyoungchap

dinnyhw wrote: »

Yes, the closed group is certainly something I will consider. I know that some will probably still be posted, but would just like to minimise it.

Thanks for the suggestion.

Don't even bother, just say you don't want photos shared and anybody who does, after such a warning, is a **** and is not much of a friend. If I had seen anybody posting pictures of my wedding I would not have thought for 1 second about calling them out and asking them to take them down.

Effects

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

You can ask but no-one is under any sort of obligation to respect those wishes.

If you ask someone to follow a simple request at your wedding then they shouldn't have to be under an obligation, it's just common courtesy.

Effects

....... wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

What if someone climbed over your back fence, took photos of you sunbathing and posted them to a forum where you didn't know they were posted. Is that ok as you don't know about it?

woodchuck

dinnyhw wrote: »

Yes, the closed group is certainly something I will consider. I know that some will probably still be posted, but would just like to minimise it.

Thanks for the suggestion.

And if anyone does still post photos publically, they would have done so anyway no matter what you had done. Unfortunately all you can do is make the request, but you can't enforce it. I think a closed group should help minimise public photos though!

Art McCarrick

Get the priest or celebrant or whoever just to make an announcement at the start before she walks down the aisle something along the lines of "there's professional photographers here to document today, you won't get a better picture on your iPhone so keep the phones away and enjoy the occasion." I've seen that done and it works very well. Means there isn't a sea of camera phones pointing at the bride when she enters either. You can get people to sign something or have it in the wedding booklet but it's hard to beat just having someone say it for imapact.