People offering advice on new baby

tempnam

We recently had our third child. While chatting to one of our neighbours the other day the neighbour told my wife that she shouldn't hold the baby all the time and that she "shouldn't get him into that habit".

This lady has her own family, with her youngest now into his 20's.... and I know she meant well; so we just politely moved the conversation along.

Now, we're confident enough and comfortable enough with our parenting to do things as we see fit and to ignore any unwanted advice, but it got me thinking about all the times over the past few years where people have taken it upon themselves to tell you how you should be doing something.

Where does this come from? Why would someone think it alright to tell you how to raise your kids. I'd never dream of telling someone how to be a parent. I know we all have our own ways, and that my wife and I might completely disagree with some of the things other parents do - but we keep our mouths shut as we know people don't want unsolicited advice.

The best ones are the "you let them sleep in your bed?!?!" reactions of disbelief, and the "holding them spoils them" type nuggets of 'advice'. I won't even get into the whole breastfeeding thing!

The funny thing is that the people offering this 'advice' tend to feel very strongly about what they're telling you, and they take it as an insult if you don't agree with them. But it's stuff that in no way affects them! They're not raising my kids, my wife and I are.

What is it about having children that lets people believe they can start dishing out advice to others?!

Mikenesson

What makes people start up threads with this stuff?

*Mod warning*
Please stay on topic

PLL

People that give unasked for parenting advice, generally give unasked for advice in all areas of their life, I have found. Their is a couple of people on the in-law side that pride themselves on giving their opinion on everything. They just look like idiots to the average person.

Every day I see parents parenting in ways I wouldn't. Would I ever tell them? No way. Unless you believe a child is at risk, then you contact the relevant authorities. Otherwise, keep your opinion to yourself and go about your own life.

You try telling me not to cuddle my 21 month old, who is growing gigantic molars, and keeps following me around looking for affection to cheer her up. Not for anything. Crazy stuff not hugging babies.

sillysocks

There is always so much advice when a baby arrives-and most of it conflicting.
I remember clearly having issues with my first and reflux, hospital and midwife recommended some specific formula (can’t remember which), public health nurse called before I started using it and saw the box on the table. “Ooooh I wouldn’t use that formula. It’s not recommended and causes issues”. Now as a first time mother who do you listen to!? I since found out the PHN is a clown and now ignore everything she says anyway! And my logic at the time was that there’s no way they could sell formula over the counter that did damage to the baby.

But I then discovered the best way to avoid advice is to nod and smile, and tell people what they want to hear! “Does baby sleep all night” “Oh yes”, do you feed her X? Oh yes.
Does she cry much? Oh no she’s great! Etc etc. Then people have nothing to give advice about!

tempnam

Mikenesson wrote: »

What makes people start up threads with this stuff?

Sorry if I offended you. But at least now you know that whoever you were dishing out advice to probably didn't appreciate it!

theyoungchap

I find that some people's advice I am all ears from, because they mean well and I value their opinion.
Other people I am like "yeah, now keep your opinion to yourself, you aren't an expert in parenting or the like".
It depends who it is coming from and how it is delivered.

bee06

Mikenesson wrote: »

What makes people start up threads with this stuff?

I think it’s a really interesting topic.

The best advice I was given after having my baby was from my mother in law. She told me you know your baby best, you spend all day every day with him so trust your instincts.

We’re a breastfeeding, co-sleeping family as well and I have a 6 month old who still takes his naps on me during the day. I’m sure there are plenty of people who would find this shocking and think he’ll be still napping on me in college but he’s happy and healthy so any unsolicited advice goes in one ear and out the other.

And my favourite question ... how does he sleep, my answer “oh great, he’s the best baby”. The reality sometimes is different but a stranger in the supermarket doesn’t need to know that.

tempnam

bee06 wrote: »

Mikenesson wrote: »

What makes people start up threads with this stuff?

I think it’s a really interesting topic.

The best advice I was given after having my baby was from my mother in law. She told me you know your baby best, you spend all day every day with him so trust your instincts.

We’re a breastfeeding, co-sleeping family as well and I have a 6 month old who still takes his naps on me during the day. I’m sure there are plenty of people who would find this shocking and think he’ll be still napping on me in college but he’s happy and healthy so any unsolicited advice goes in one ear and out the other.

And my favourite question ... how does he sleep, my answer “oh great, he’s the best baby”. The reality sometimes is different but a stranger in the supermarket doesn’t need to know that.

Another neighbour asked "Is he sleeping through the night for ya?" - he was 3 days old at the time! When people give their wisdom about not allowing kids to sleep in your bed and look horrified when we say that we let them in beside us, I sometimes say "it's only a couple of years that they're young. It's not liked they'll want to sleep in with us when they're teenagers" etc. - that either shuts them up as they know I'm right, or else it horrifies them!

But it's not as if we're inflicting our methods on anyone outside our house/ family - so why do others care so much?!

splinter65

It’s human nature plain and simple. The human brain sees you with a baby and even though you’ve already had 2 other babies and you’ve managed not to break them, this other persons human brain says “I’ve had some babies/I know people who’ve had babies, I must tell this person how to mind that baby. I’m being very helpful and that person will be very grateful”.
It’s the same if you get a “big ticket” new anything really. A car a house a horse.
The urge to dole out advice is totally overwhelming in some people.

Loveinapril

It is funny how people feel that they can impart their expertise onto parents. I found it hard at the start as I am a first time mother. We shared our bed, wore our son in a sling and I breastfed. We had lots of unwarranted advice about habits/ spoiling our son etc. I was told it was good for his lungs if he was left to cry (he was 4 weeks old at the time) and was encouraged to put him on formula to get him to "thrive" and start feeding him baby rice at 6 weeks to get him to sleep through the night. My kid is 7.5 months now and I have a stock phrase of "that won't/ doesn't work for our family" when people start querying our choices.

tempnam

Loveinapril wrote: »

It is funny how people feel that they can impart their expertise onto parents. I found it hard at the start as I am a first time mother. We shared our bed, wore our son in a sling and I breastfed. We had lots of unwarranted advice about habits/ spoiling our son etc. I was told it was good for his lungs if he was left to cry (he was 4 weeks old at the time) and was encouraged to put him on formula to get him to "thrive" and start feeding him baby rice at 6 weeks to get him to sleep through the night. My kid is 7.5 months now and I have a stock phrase of "that won't/ doesn't work for our family" when people start querying our choices.

One of my brothers gave me some good advice when we were expecting our first, and it's about the only decent advice we ever got: "listen to what everyone has to say, but do your own thing in the end - everyone is different so do what suits you".

Re: baby rice to get them to sleep through the night.... isn't sleeping through the night rare, not just for babies, but for everyone? Don't sleep cycles last a couple of hours each and lots of people naturally wake at different stages? I often wake during the night to go to the toilet or just to turn over into a more comfortable position or whatever! What's the obsession with sleeping through the night?!

bee06

tempnam wrote: »

Re: baby rice to get them to sleep through the night.... isn't sleeping through the night rare, not just for babies, but for everyone? Don't sleep cycles last a couple of hours each and lots of people naturally wake at different stages? I often wake during the night to go to the toilet or just to turn over into a more comfortable position or whatever! What's the obsession with sleeping through the night?!

That’s exactly what I say when someone talks to me about sleeping through the night!

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

"What was the infant mortality rate when you raised your children", mostly to older generation who give unwanted, and very outdated, advice. Thankfully I can be straight with my parents and can literally tell them that I don't want to hear it. One woman said that our baby should sleep on his stomach and not on his back. Same woman insisted he's going to have a full head of hair as the OH had heartburn, he came out bald as an apple.

Old neighbor across the road shouted over to us "maybe he's hungry" when we went for a walk together, and he was crying. Yea, or maybe you could mind your own damned business. I don't even know this person, only living here a couple of months. These people mean well, but they're still gobshítes.

_Brian

We just agreed vehemently with whatever piece of crackpot advice and kept doing our own thing.

The only advice I gave to a new parent is find what works for your kid and go with that, they’re all individuals.

awec

tempnam wrote: »

Another neighbour asked "Is he sleeping through the night for ya?" - he was 3 days old at the time! When people give their wisdom about not allowing kids to sleep in your bed and look horrified when we say that we let them in beside us, I sometimes say "it's only a couple of years that they're young. It's not liked they'll want to sleep in with us when they're teenagers" etc. - that either shuts them up as they know I'm right, or else it horrifies them!

But it's not as if we're inflicting our methods on anyone outside our house/ family - so why do others care so much?!

The "what about the sleep?" question is just the standard question anyone asks new parents because they can't think of anything else to ask.

Conservatory

Some people are just stuck for things to say and shoot the breeze with baby small talk they probably couldn’t care what you do with your baby.

I will say though I would never babysit a baby that gets constantly held ever again. I’m a father of 4 and myself and the wife got stuck with a baby who’s mother never put her down and the few hours felt like months. We have never taken the baby again.

fits

Conservatory wrote: »

I will say though I would never babysit a baby that gets constantly held ever again. I’m a father of 4 and myself and the wife got stuck with a baby who’s mother never put her down and the few hours felt like months. We have never taken the baby again.

It’s probably that baby’s personality as much as anything else. Some are just more needy than others. And need to be held more.

Conservatory

fits wrote: »

It’s probably that baby’s personality as much as anything else. Some are just more needy than others. And need to be held more.

Yeah usually the ones that always got held

bee06

Conservatory wrote: »

Yeah usually the ones that always got held

My baby cried when I put him down for the first 3 months so I held him all the time. Now he’s 6 months and he’s squirming to get out of my arms most of the time. Holding babies doesn’t make them needy.

Cakerbaker

My favorite question about a young baby, like a few weeks old young, that I was asked many times.... “is he good”. Ammm, yes, he’s great, he’s a tiny baby doing the things tiny babies need to do. If you mean is he sleeping through the night at 3 weeks then no, he’s obviously not “good” even though that’s not what 3 week old breast fed babies are supposed to do!!! Rant over!!!

Conservatory

bee06 wrote: »

My baby cried when I put him down for the first 3 months so I held him all the time. Now he’s 6 months and he’s squirming to get out of my arms most of the time. Holding babies doesn’t make them needy.

I just left them cry. After a night they were grand. Whatever you are into though. I’m not judging or telling you what to do.
If it worked it worked.

jlm29

Cakerbaker wrote: »

My favorite question about a young baby, like a few weeks old young, that I was asked many times.... “is he good”. Ammm, yes, he’s great, he’s a tiny baby doing the things tiny babies need to do. If you mean is he sleeping through the night at 3 weeks then no, he’s obviously not “good” even though that’s not what 3 week old breast fed babies are supposed to do!!! Rant over!!!

“No, he’s awful, wish I could give him back”. Or maybe “gosh no, he’s like that kid off “we need to talk about Kevin”. Lol. People ask the silliest things

catrionanic

I hate the unsolicited advice, but I also hate it when mums lie and say the baby is a great sleeper when he isn't. As a new mum, I was driven demented by a year of very little sleep. And to hear of suchandsuch down the road whose baby sleeps through at 4 months old used to make me feel worse. If people didn't lie about it and were just upfront and educated those idiots that babies don't sleep through until they're older, I think it would be better.

One eyed Jack

catrionanic wrote: »

I hate the unsolicited advice, but I also hate it when mums lie and say the baby is a great sleeper when he isn't. As a new mum, I was driven demented by a year of very little sleep. And to hear of suchandsuch down the road whose baby sleeps through at 4 months old used to make me feel worse. If people didn't lie about it and were just upfront and educated those idiots that babies don't sleep through until they're older, I think it would be better.

They may not be lying about their baby being what they might consider a great sleeper. In the same way, I could have a different understanding of the term 'sleep through' than you do when I say that I don't remember my child ever having any trouble sleeping. It depends on a number of different factors, and I'm not an ill-educated idiot just because I haven't shared your experience -

Baby sleep patterns: an evidence based guide


Honestly I don't mind people giving well-meaning advice at all, there's been plenty given and plenty I've learned from other people's experiences (even this forum is a great resource), but it's fairly easy to distinguish between someone trying to offer advice with the best of intentions, and someone clearly who's more interested in passing judgement on parents while feigning interest in the child or children's welfare.

lawred2

tempnam wrote: »

We recently had our third child. While chatting to one of our neighbours the other day the neighbour told my wife that she shouldn't hold the baby all the time and that she "shouldn't get him into that habit".

This lady has her own family, with her youngest now into his 20's.... and I know she meant well; so we just politely moved the conversation along.

Now, we're confident enough and comfortable enough with our parenting to do things as we see fit and to ignore any unwanted advice, but it got me thinking about all the times over the past few years where people have taken it upon themselves to tell you how you should be doing something.

Where does this come from? Why would someone think it alright to tell you how to raise your kids. I'd never dream of telling someone how to be a parent. I know we all have our own ways, and that my wife and I might completely disagree with some of the things other parents do - but we keep our mouths shut as we know people don't want unsolicited advice.

The best ones are the "you let them sleep in your bed?!?!" reactions of disbelief, and the "holding them spoils them" type nuggets of 'advice'. I won't even get into the whole breastfeeding thing!

The funny thing is that the people offering this 'advice' tend to feel very strongly about what they're telling you, and they take it as an insult if you don't agree with them. But it's stuff that in no way affects them! They're not raising my kids, my wife and I are.

What is it about having children that lets people believe they can start dishing out advice to others?!

somebody's trying to be helpful - that's all

lawred2

catrionanic wrote: »

I hate the unsolicited advice, but I also hate it when mums lie and say the baby is a great sleeper when he isn't. As a new mum, I was driven demented by a year of very little sleep. And to hear of suchandsuch down the road whose baby sleeps through at 4 months old used to make me feel worse. If people didn't lie about it and were just upfront and educated those idiots that babies don't sleep through until they're older, I think it would be better.

I've three kids under 5 - every single one of them has had different sleep patterns..

Our first was a nightmare - awake every hour - he's still ridiculous where sleep is concerned. First to wake in the house every day.

Our 6 week old currently wakes just once during the night

Just because something doesn't tally with your experience doesn't mean that the person saying it is lying to you.

catrionanic

lawred2 wrote: »

I've three kids under 5 - every single one of them has had different sleep patterns..

Our first was a nightmare - awake every hour - he's still ridiculous where sleep is concerned. First to wake in the house every day.

Our 6 week old currently wakes just once during the night

Just because something doesn't tally with your experience doesn't mean that the person saying it is lying to you.

Just to clarify, when I said about educating idiots, I meant the ones in the super market telling you not to pick up your baby, that babies should be sleeping 12 hours straight at 3 weeks old, to feed a 6week old baby rice, etc.

I'm fully aware that different babies have different sleep patterns. My post was referring to a few comments earlier in the thread where people admitted to lying about their baby sleeping through to avoid unsolicited advice. It's great that it stopped the "advice" coming, but when the person you said it to goes and tells another new mum that your baby is sleeping for 8 hours straight, while the other mum's baby won't stretch beyond 2 hours, it's can be very tough for the new mum and set unrealistic expectations.

lawred2

catrionanic wrote: »

Just to clarify, when I said about educating idiots, I meant the ones in the super market telling you not to pick up your baby, that babies should be sleeping 12 hours straight at 3 weeks old, to feed a 6week old baby rice, etc.

I'm fully aware that different babies have different sleep patterns. My post was referring to a few comments earlier in the thread where people admitted to lying about their baby sleeping through to avoid unsolicited advice. It's great that it stopped the "advice" coming, but when the person you said it to goes and tells another new mum that your baby is sleeping for 8 hours straight, while the other mum's baby won't stretch beyond 2 hours, it's can be very tough for the new mum and set unrealistic expectations.

fair points

One eyed Jack

lawred2 wrote: »

fair points

I don't think they're fair points at all tbh. I think it's unreasonable to expect that other parents should care for someone else making comparisons between other parents and their children.

To be perfectly honest I find this thread bizarre and cannot relate at all to parents being so precious about their own capabilities as parents that people whether it be simply passing judgement on them, or giving unsolicited advice, or even just trying to be helpful, would actually irk people to the levels being demonstrated in this thread.

splinter65

Cakerbaker wrote: »

My favorite question about a young baby, like a few weeks old young, that I was asked many times.... “is he good”. Ammm, yes, he’s great, he’s a tiny baby doing the things tiny babies need to do. If you mean is he sleeping through the night at 3 weeks then no, he’s obviously not “good” even though that’s not what 3 week old breast fed babies are supposed to do!!! Rant over!!!

That “is he good?” is a hangover from the days when 8+ kids to every mother was the norm.
So if you had that many then some hardly ever cried, didn’t need much winding, slept 18+ hours per day. A”good” baby.
The baby you had 16 months before hand never stopped crying never slept and never gave you a minutes peace when you wanted to go down to the milking parlour. That child was “wretched”.
They all got reared.

farmchoice

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I don't think they're fair points at all tbh. I think it's unreasonable to expect that other parents should care for someone else making comparisons between other parents and their children.

To be perfectly honest I find this thread bizarre and cannot relate at all to parents being so precious about their own capabilities as parents that people whether it be simply passing judgement on them, or giving unsolicited advice, or even just trying to be helpful, would actually irk people to the levels being demonstrated in this thread.

indeed, there are a lot of very self obsessed/self involved people here, i get the impression its no so much baby advice they struggle with as interacting in a normal way with other people in society.


ill give the first time parents a pass here because we were all new parents once and looking back i think we can all agree it turns the vast majority of people into self involved obsessive dickheads who think no one else was ever a parent before them.


what really surprised me about this thread was that the OP has 3 kids!!!! you would think by now they would be just glad anyone wanted to talk to them about their children.


by the time most people have 3 its hard to get anyone to come near you or your fabulous brood let alone engage in conversation about them.
i include close family and friends in this.

chocfan

catrionanic wrote: »

I hate the unsolicited advice, but I also hate it when mums lie and say the baby is a great sleeper when he isn't. As a new mum, I was driven demented by a year of very little sleep. And to hear of suchandsuch down the road whose baby sleeps through at 4 months old used to make me feel worse. If people didn't lie about it and were just upfront and educated those idiots that babies don't sleep through until they're older, I think it would be better.

I see the general point you're making but I think it's a bit much to say that people might be lying. Also, people are not idiots if they have experience of babies sleeping through the night at that age.

Sure, some might be exaggerating but not all. It caught my eye because I actually have a 4 month old (as of today!), he's exclusively breastfed and sleeps through from 10pm-8am. I am totally aware how lucky I am and we haven't done anything like sleep training etc etc, he has just decided that's his pattern. His sister did the same and frankly it used to p*ss me off when people told me to my face that it was impossible and said we must be letting them cry themselves to sleep at night or that we were basically lying.

We're too afraid to contemplate a third in case fate decides to give us a non-sleeper. Thanking our lucky stars here!

PS-in case anybody thinks we're too smug, he spews up like ALL the time and goes through about 6 changes of clothes a day! They all have their little ways

bee06

chocfan wrote: »

I see the general point you're making but I think it's a bit much to say that people might be lying. Also, people are not idiots if they have experience of babies sleeping through the night at that age.

Sure, some might be exaggerating but not all. It caught my eye because I actually have a 4 month old (as of today!), he's exclusively breastfed and sleeps through from 10pm-8am. I am totally aware how lucky I am and we haven't done anything like sleep training etc etc, he has just decided that's his pattern. His sister did the same and frankly it used to p*ss me off when people told me to my face that it was impossible and said we must be letting them cry themselves to sleep at night or that we were basically lying.

We're too afraid to contemplate a third in case fate decides to give us a non-sleeper. Thanking our lucky stars here!

PS-in case anybody thinks we're too smug, he spews up like ALL the time and goes through about 6 changes of clothes a day! They all have their little ways

Well, I’ll be honest, I have totally lied to strangers and said my boy sleeps great when in fact he may have woke every 2 hours the night before. I’m not going to get into a discussion about normal baby sleeping etc with some random old woman in the frozen food aisle.

Edited to add: Caitrionanic, that being said I do understand what you are saying. I’m always honest with other mothers who might be going through the same thing to open up the conversation. I also think that’s why a support network of other moms is so important, whether it’s on boards, Facebook, Cuidiu etc so we know we’re not alone.

chocfan

bee06 wrote: »

Well, I’ll be honest, I have totally lied to strangers and said my boy sleeps great when in fact he may have woke every 2 hours the night before. I’m not going to get into a discussion about normal baby sleeping etc with some random old woman in the frozen food aisle.

Absolutely! I wasn't suggesting for a second that there's any harm in a white lie to shut people up!

I think tbh I more took umbrage with the comment about people being idiots if they thought babies slept through the night at a young age like 4 months. Pretty sure I'm not an idiot

bee06

chocfan wrote: »

Absolutely! I wasn't suggesting for a second that there's any harm in a white lie to shut people up!

I think tbh I more took umbrage with the comment about people being idiots if they thought babies slept through the night at a young age like 4 months. Pretty sure I'm not an idiot

I do consider you to be very lucky with the sleep though! I’m very envious

chocfan

Yes but I need it in order to have time to put on the multiple loads of washing a day that we need to get through here My husband is thinking we should take out shares in laundry detergent, I shall look into it!

Big Bag of Chips

My babies all slept through the night by 4 months! I'm not lying. From 10-12 weeks we were definitely getting 8-10 hours out of them. By 4 months even longer! After that the only time they ever woke was when they weren't well for whatever reason.

People will always offer opinion. And will usually always be cliches. Just nod and smile and they move on. You can be absolutely certain that they've forgotten you and you baby as soon as they've walked away. So you should do likewise with them!

bee06

chocfan wrote: »

Yes but I need it in order to have time to put on the multiple loads of washing a day that we need to get through here My husband is thinking we should take out shares in laundry detergent, I shall look into it!

At least you have good drying at the moment!

Rubberchikken

Some advice is good and worth listening to but some is well meant but not acceptable. That goes for every thing in life.
If you dont agree with it then ignore it. Not difficult.

Cash_Q

First baby due in October and my head is melted with all the unsolicited advice already. Two good friends had babies 6 and 7 months ago and now that I'm pregnant they will only talk about everything I should do/buy/avoid including how I should plan the birth. I try in vain to change the topic and in the end I just agree with them to avoid an argument but it really pi$$es me off. I have another 6 friends who had babies in the past year and they don't bleet this stuff at me so I don't know why those two do. I know people mean well but it's as if we become public property the moment we announce our pregnancies. Also it's mostly all the dreaded stuff and how hard it is...thanks, I'm not going into this with rose tinted glasses but don't put me off the whole idea before the baby is even born.

sillysocks

chocfan wrote: »

We're too afraid to contemplate a third in case fate decides to give us a non-sleeper. Thanking our lucky stars here!

Off topic but we were the same with our first two-great sleepers from 8/10 weeks and never regressed. Now the third is one and a half and still doesn’t sleep well! Painful!!

chocfan

sillysocks wrote: »

Off topic but we were the same with our first two-great sleepers from 8/10 weeks and never regressed. Now the third is one and a half and still doesn’t sleep well! Painful!!

Yeah...our youngest is only 4 months so we haven't fully thought about the third yet but you're not selling it

Cash_Q

I have a first class honours degree in Montessori education 0-12 years, and would never dream of passing comment on the gizmos and gadgets and overwhelming stimulus offered by my friends to their babies - because it's none of my business, but I know those same two friends will want to pass on all that noisy crap and will heavily criticise the materials I provide my child. Just have to get used to it but it doesn't make it any less annoying!

Big Bag of Chips

Are they first time mothers by any chance? (some) Non-parents and (some) first time mothers seem to be the biggest experts. By the time you have 3 or 4 in your brood you tend to live and let live, as you learn that children and parents are all different, and everyone does what works for them.

Cash_Q

Big Bag of Chips wrote:

Are they first time mothers by any chance?

Yes they are but so are most of the other friends I have who've has babies in the past year. Both these friends gave LOTS of nieces and nephews so should know better than to be dictating to me but maybe that's all they heard from their siblings and are just doing the same..

eviltwin

I always take advice in the way it's intended so if it's said to be helpful and supportive I will take it graciously, if it's intended to judge or condemn then it's another story.

I do think most advice is coming from a place of kindness and empathy, we all know how hard parenting is.

The thing that does grind my gears is new parents acting like they know it all when it comes to dealing with toddlers, tweens and teens. Again I just nod and think they have it all ahead of them so leave them at it.

shesty

Ditto, some first time parents can be the worst offenders.I mostly kept my mouth shut after my first came because honestly she was nothing like anyone else's baby (and I don't mean that in an adoring way!!....she hated carseats in the car or attached to the buggy, wouldnt lie in a pram, had reflux, was desperately alert so we had to basically clock watch and put her down for naps because there was no yawning or eye rubbing or anything, wouldn't be transferred asleep from car to house and only napped for forty mins at a time)....so I couldn't say much anyway!!A bit of me smiles secretly when I hear first time parents extolling the virtues of Gina Ford routines and the like, and I can't help thinking I hope it holds fine for them....
Cash_Q, grin, ignore and do it your way.Find excuses not to take their crap and if they insist,put it in storage, or send it to charity.
To the OP, we had our third recently too, and I have to say the general reaction is more along the lines of sure you know exactly what you're doing (I wish!!).But some people just can't help themselves.Easiest to smile and ignore.

tempnam

shesty wrote: »

Ditto, some first time parents can be the worst offenders.I mostly kept my mouth shut after my first came because honestly she was nothing like anyone else's baby (and I don't mean that in an adoring way!!....she hated carseats in the car or attached to the buggy, wouldnt lie in a pram, had reflux, was desperately alert so we had to basically clock watch and put her down for naps because there was no yawning or eye rubbing or anything, wouldn't be transferred asleep from car to house and only napped for forty mins at a time)....so I couldn't say much anyway!!A bit of me smiles secretly when I hear first time parents extolling the virtues of Gina Ford routines and the like, and I can't help thinking I hope it holds fine for them....
Cash_Q, grin, ignore and do it your way.Find excuses not to take their crap and if they insist,put it in storage, or send it to charity.
To the OP, we had our third recently too, and I have to say the general reaction is more along the lines of sure you know exactly what you're doing (I wish!!).But some people just can't help themselves.Easiest to smile and ignore.

That sounds just like our first! Our second was a little easier (but not much) and the newest addition (although only a week old at this stage) seems 100 times more relaxed..... he's sleeping more, is happy once fed, etc. etc. - to the point where we're now wondering if there's something wrong since he's not feeding for 2 hours at a time and sleeping for 40 mins between feeds - like the first!

We've also realised that other people who had their first child as easy to manage as our third, must have thought we were mad when we would talk about our first (not sleeping, feeding so much, hating the car etc.)

They're all different. Even as babies

Cakerbaker

Cakerbaker wrote: »

My favorite question about a young baby, like a few weeks old young, that I was asked many times.... “is he good”. Ammm, yes, he’s great, he’s a tiny baby doing the things tiny babies need to do. If you mean is he sleeping through the night at 3 weeks then no, he’s obviously not “good” even though that’s not what 3 week old breast fed babies are supposed to do!!! Rant over!!!

I don't understand the annoyance over this. Most people are curious and also just want to make conversation and show an interest in the child. There's nothing wrong with that. Any time I had my friends kids with me when they were babies I was asked all sorts of questions, strangers would see this tiny baby and oooh and ahh over her. Sure what harm?

Sleeper12

tempnam wrote:

The best ones are the "you let them sleep in your bed?!?!" reactions of disbelief, and the "holding them spoils them" type nuggets of 'advice'. I won't even get into the whole breastfeeding thing!

Ah kids in parents bed is no harm. Sure they'll grow out of it when they are ready! Nonsense. This is why we have a snowflake generation.

The breastfeeding is a good thing but for babies. It shouldn't go on for years with each child

Anne_cordelia

Sleeper12 wrote: »

The breastfeeding is a good thing but for babies. It shouldn't go on for years with each child

Wow thank you for your insight. You should definitely bring your research and peer reviewed studies to this organisation called the World Health Organisation. They are clearly misinformed as that’s exactly what they advocate - breastfeeding to age 2 and beyond.