How can I help my friend?

suckmyloli

Hi

I’m not sure where to post this, but I’m sure it will be moved to a more appropriate place if mederatora feel the need.

I’m worried about my long term friend. She’s been out of work for about 4 years now, and did a fetac in a PLC 2016-17. Last year she went into a degree course but in October of last year she dislocated her knee.

Since then she’s been to a couple of Physio treatments but I feel she’s stalling on getting this treated. As a result she can barely walk and left college before Christmas. The gap in her cv is growing and she doesn’t have a lot of work experience despite being in her 30s. She hasn’t gone to college yet, as she’s not sure what she wants to do.

About 2-3 years ago she received a large sum of money which now I’m worried she and her partner are spending. He works but their lifestyle Is well beyond his monthly wage. She wanted to buy a house with the money (she got around 200K)but I’m worried she’s spending it now on a really hefty rent (1600) and various holidays.

She doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to get back to her fit self and study or work and I’m worried this is actually making her depressed.

Should I try to talk to her and voice my concerns or let her get on with her own decisions?

Thanks

A

duckmusic

How she spends her money isn't really your business to be honest.

Airyfairy12

Don't invest yourself in this. I had a friend like this for years, she sabotaged any opportunity that came her away, squandered any money she had and then blamed everybody and anything for her situation. If your friend wanted to get her life on track she would have done it years ago, the knee injury is another excuse in a line if excuses she's made throughout her life.
We all have problems and most of us could easily give up when things get difficult and blame our misfortunes on life events and bad experiences but somethings we have to struggle through because it means a better future.
She could have done online courses, you can do any third level course online through Universities.
A PLC in childcare, beauty therapy, social care or any number of subjects would have gotten her a job.
Anyone in this day and age who reaches their mid thirties, especially someone as financially secure as your friend, with no further education and limited work experience has only got themselves to blame.

I have friends with MS who are completing masters degrees, I studied with people who had been refugees and lived through war, had there families killed and witnessed brutal slaughters of family members and friends. A 50 year old woman in my postgrad broke her leg but arrived to college everyday, cast and all.

Your friend is full excuses and wont get anywhere she wants to go in life unless she changes her attitude and thats not your problem.

rainbowtrout

I'd stay well out of it as she is an adult and able to look after herself. If she has 200k in the bank and wanted to buy a house with it (wouldn't we all love to be in such a fortunate position?) she would have done so by now. Particularly when house prices were lower a couple of years ago. Again, if she has that type of money available to her, she can afford a few physio sessions. Physio isn't expensive in comparison to the need to visit a consultant or have surgery. With the state of our health service who would seriously go around not being able to walk when they have the means to get it sorted?

There are people who go through life making excuses for their failings or why they have achieved very little. She could probably get a job in a shop or a factory if she wanted to, she's choosing not to. That's really why you should stay out of it. You'll be told to mind your own business.

Emme

Friends like this will drag you down if you get too involved with their problems. She sounds like a self-sabotager and people like this sabotage those around them as well. Don't get involved with her problems. If you want to keep meeting her keep it very casual and keep the topics of conversation very general.