Any advice from fellow pro lifers?

Just her

I've been struggling with some relationships since the referendum. Maybe struggle isn't the right word but there's a constant undercurrent to some of my interactions since the referendum result. I'll be having a normal conversation and it will pop into my head their stance on the issues. Can anyone relate, and how do you deal with it? It's just colouring my view of them negatively. Any constructive, respectful advice is welcome.

Sesame

I kind of understand from the other side. There are some people I deal with, who had prolife stickers on there car and others with ranting prolife Facebook posts who actually seemed quite normal before. Now I talk them and think, as a women, how little they must value me and my opinion. As they think it has the same worth as an embryo. How insulting! So I notice I generally don't give them the time of day, as I may have done before.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Just her

Sesame wrote: »

I kind of understand from the other side. There are some people I deal with, who had prolife stickers on there car and others with ranting prolife Facebook posts who actually seemed quite normal before. Now I talk them and think, as a women, how little they must value me and my opinion. As they think it has the same worth as an embryo. How insulting! So I notice I generally don't give them the time of day, as I may have done before.

Yeah but I definitely don't want to take the attitude of not giving them the time of day. I don't really want to rehash the 8th threads, I'm just looking for constructive advice from either side I suppose if it's going to be helpful to me

Lu Tze

I didn't decide how I was going to vote until the last few days, it seems most people on both sides saw it as a black and white issues, where as I had serious misgivings about both options. Regardless of the result I didn't think anybody would consider it a win.

I just wonder how everybody seems to know the stance of your friends? Were they campaigning? Or were you campaigning and not getting the reaction/support you hoped?

Don't know what I can suggest, other than get over it, or cut them out if you feel that strongly about it.

Just her

Just her wrote: »

It's just colouring my view of them negatively

Let it. If people hold fundamentally opposed beliefs about what is right and wrong, it’s okay to view that negatively. It’s okay to judge people and we don’t all have to get along.

Just her

Lu Tze wrote: »

I didn't decide how I was going to vote until the last few days, it seems most people on both sides saw it as a black and white issues, where as I had serious misgivings about both options. Regardless of the result I didn't think anybody would consider it a win.

I just wonder how everybody seems to know the stance of your friends? Were they campaigning? Or were you campaigning and not getting the reaction/support you hoped?

Don't know what I can suggest, other than get over it, or cut them out if you feel that strongly about it.

I wouldn't say everyone knows the stance of my friends, it's not very closely friends thankfully I'm talking about. Some people were just vocal, some put up Facebook posts, some campaigned. No I'm not looking to cut people off. I'm just looking for constructive advice on how other people are going on as normal with their relationships now.

Just her

JayZeus wrote: »

Let it. If people hold fundamentally opposed beliefs about what is right and wrong, it’s okay to view that negatively. It’s okay to judge people and we don’t all have to get along.

I would get along with them otherwise though, I would have really liked some of them and I hate that this is changing my view on them. Thanks for your advice though. I guess you are right.

Just her

Just her wrote: »

I've been struggling with some relationships since the referendum...Any constructive, respectful advice is welcome.

I relate. This has been a hugely divisive issue. I'm 8.5 months pregnant and pro life (not a Facebook user or one for bumper stickers) but I do have my views, which are well considered and deeply felt, for a wide range of reasons. My pro choice friends (which is let's face it, almost everyone in Ireland in my age range) have basically dropped me. In one case a friend of 17 years has completely ghosted me. There's not a whole lot I can do about this. My pro life friends are the only ones sharing the excitement around the baby and visiting me when I've been ill and in hospital etc. these last months (it's been a complicated and difficult pregnancy) I've found this really sad. One dogmatic hegemony (neoliberalism) seems to have simply replaced another (state enforced Catholicism). Dissenting views not welcome. I'm a non Catholic, for the record.

The only advice I can give you is to take time. The views between the two groups are worlds apart and that's very tough for both sides to swallow. Both sides hold their views with the best of intentions, so it's important not to demonise anyone in this. I expect the intensity from this period in history will die down as abortion is normalised here. Withhold your judgement and focus on ways to respond positively to what's happened. I'm looking into supporting a perinatal hospice in Ireland, to give one example.

(For the record I'm not interested in debating my position with anyone on this thread... I've yet to ever state my position on this subject in any context without a pile on.)

ahnow

Hi there, it might help to read some of the stories from the In Her Shoes Facebook page, written by people who were affected by the 8th, it was one of the reasons I voted the way I voted, and I think it could help you to empathise with that side and reasoning behind why people would vote yes.
Maybe empathy is the way forward here.

If you find that too difficult to reconcile with is to just not think about it, and avoid subjects where it can be brought up, especially if it’s affecting your relationships. And try to seperate the person from that belief.

splinter65

Sesame wrote: »

I kind of understand from the other side. There are some people I deal with, who had prolife stickers on there car and others with ranting prolife Facebook posts who actually seemed quite normal before. Now I talk them and think, as a women, how little they must value me and my opinion. As they think it has the same worth as an embryo. How insulting! So I notice I generally don't give them the time of day, as I may have done before.

You, like many more, bought into the pro choice propaganda. So you must feel you’ve been insulted by 3/4 million of your fellow citizens, and many many millions more pro lifers world wide.
On any level that’s going to make it difficult to function if your going to not give any of them “the time of day”.
What I’m finding amazing is the notion that pro life people would, or should, go away after the referendum. Even some suggesting that pro life rallies or protests should be “banned”.
This bolsters the notion that a lot of the pro abortion propaganda also advocated the idea that free speech only applies if your opinion matches that of the majority, and that a lot of people have a skewed view of how a democracy actually works.
There’s going to be a big pro life rally in a couple of weeks in Dublin, have you considered how you will cope with that?

I would use this as an opportunity to reflect.

One minute all sides were asking for a calm, level headed debate, the next, pro-lifers were calling me a murderer and hanging up pictures of dead babies, obviously way older than what the posters said they were. I won't forget those in a hurry.

I can't see a referendum happening again that will get so personal, thankfully.

As for your predicament, accept the result, put aside your beliefs for a few days and try to open up and understand where the opposing side are coming from, or simply make new friends.

double post

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

One minute all sides were asking for a calm, level headed debate, the next, pro-lifers were calling me a murderer and hanging up pictures of dead babies, obviously way older than what the posters said they were. I won't forget those in a hurry.

This shouldn't have happened, it was a disgrace. But where it did it was not endorsed by or part of the official Love Both campaign.

As a pregnant woman I experienced some shocking comments from the pro choice side once my position became apparent. It was also deeply upsetting to have yes campaigners at the maternity hospital doors dressed as angels and grinning when I was going in with a haemorrhaging unborn child. It did cut both ways, whether people like to admit it or not.

quadrifoglio verde

The thing is no one is going to force anyone who is pro-life to have an abortion. The status quo for you, your body and your child is the same today as it was 30 years ago. You're not going to have an abortion. No one is going to force it on you. That's what you have to look at. How does the 8 being removed affect you.

All that is changed is that those who face the reality of needing one, for whatever reasons, be they personal or medical have that option here in Ireland. They no longer have to travel to a foreign country to have a medical procedure carried out, or take their life into their hands using medication unsupervised which may come from a potentially dodgy supplier.

I'm male, I voted yes. Not because I think every young baby should have been aborted. Far from it. I never want to have to go down that road with my partner. However, should it be a road that we have to cross, I know it'll be much easier for her to be able to access it here than having to travel.

splinter65

Mystery Egg wrote: »

I relate. This has been a hugely divisive issue. I'm 8.5 months pregnant and pro life (not a Facebook user or one for bumper stickers) but I do have my views, which are well considered and deeply felt, for a wide range of reasons. My pro choice friends (which is let's face it, almost everyone in Ireland in my age range) have basically dropped me. In one case a friend of 17 years has completely ghosted me. There's not a whole lot I can do about this. My pro life friends are the only ones sharing the excitement around the baby and visiting me when I've been ill and in hospital etc. these last months (it's been a complicated and difficult pregnancy) I've found this really sad. One dogmatic hegemony (neoliberalism) seems to have simply replaced another (state enforced Catholicism). Dissenting views not welcome. I'm a non Catholic, for the record.

The only advice I can give you is to take time. The views between the two groups are worlds apart and that's very tough for both sides to swallow. Both sides hold their views with the best of intentions, so it's important not to demonise anyone in this. I expect the intensity from this period in history will die down as abortion is normalised here. Withhold your judgement and focus on ways to respond positively to what's happened. I'm looking into supporting a perinatal hospice in Ireland, to give one example.

(For the record I'm not interested in debating my position with anyone on this thread... I've yet to ever state my position on this subject in any context without a pile on.)

The only comfort I can offer you is to say that the pro side propaganda misinformation and brainwashing was extremely professional and a lot of people got swept up by it and totally bought into the whole “my body my choice” bit in particular .
At least you know now who your real friends are. You really don’t want the shallow easily corruptible people around you at this time in your life, or any time in your life. You won’t miss people who have so little compassion for you or your baby (“”compassion”, the slogan word of the pro abortion campaign. The irony, eh?) that they can just walk away from you in your time of need.
I wish you all the best love and care in the upcoming weeks. Don’t forget there are millions and millions out there who share your values.

OldMrBrennan83

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Just her

Mystery Egg wrote: »

I relate. This has been a hugely divisive issue. I'm 8.5 months pregnant and pro life (not a Facebook user or one for bumper stickers) but I do have my views, which are well considered and deeply felt, for a wide range of reasons. My pro choice friends (which is let's face it, almost everyone in Ireland in my age range) have basically dropped me. In one case a friend of 17 years has completely ghosted me. There's not a whole lot I can do about this. My pro life friends are the only ones sharing the excitement around the baby and visiting me when I've been ill and in hospital etc. these last months (it's been a complicated and difficult pregnancy) I've found this really sad. One dogmatic hegemony (neoliberalism) seems to have simply replaced another (state enforced Catholicism). Dissenting views not welcome. I'm a non Catholic, for the record.

The only advice I can give you is to take time. The views between the two groups are worlds apart and that's very tough for both sides to swallow. Both sides hold their views with the best of intentions, so it's important not to demonise anyone in this. I expect the intensity from this period in history will die down as abortion is normalised here. Withhold your judgement and focus on ways to respond positively to what's happened. I'm looking into supporting a perinatal hospice in Ireland, to give one example.

(For the record I'm not interested in debating my position with anyone on this thread... I've yet to ever state my position on this subject in any context without a pile on.)

I'm really sorry to hear some of your friends have dropped you, that's awful. You are right it is so divisive, through families, couples and friendship's. Thanks for your advice. I'm hoping time will help but the repercussions of the vote will go on forever , it's hard to get your head around it all. The best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

dudara

Splinter65 - that’s enough of the propaganda/brainwashing spiel. Personal Issues is about helping the OP with constructive advice. If you can’t do that, then please don’t post

dudara

splinter65

Just her wrote: »

I would get along with them otherwise though, I would have really liked some of them and I hate that this is changing my view on them. Thanks for your advice though. I guess you are right.

Relationships end or change over the course of your lifetime anyway. Your opinion of both family and friends is affected by circumstances on a rolling basis. You have your values and you have to accept that they have different values. Gravitate towards the people who’s values best match your own, and AWAY from the ones who don’t.
I

Just her

ahnow wrote: »

Hi there, it might help to read some of the stories from the In Her Shoes Facebook page, written by people who were affected by the 8th, it was one of the reasons I voted the way I voted, and I think it could help you to empathise with that side and reasoning behind why people would vote yes.
Maybe empathy is the way forward here.

If you find that too difficult to reconcile with is to just not think about it, and avoid subjects where it can be brought up, especially if it’s affecting your relationships. And try to seperate the person from that belief.

I did read some of them in the run up but I kept thinking there's another side to this story I'll never hear. Thanks for your advice though.

ted1

quadrifoglio verde wrote: »

The thing is no one is going to force anyone who is pro-life to have an abortion. The status quo for you, your body and your child is the same today as it was 30 years ago. You're not going to have an abortion. No one is going to force it on you. That's what you have to look at. How does the 8 being removed affect you.

I’m not taking the pro life side on this, but that comment is what Wind’s them up.

Pro life are trying to protect the baby. They know it doesn’t affect them , but they see it as affecting a baby who doesn’t have a vote.

strandroad

Mystery Egg wrote: »

My pro life friends are the only ones sharing the excitement around the baby and visiting me when I've been ill and in hospital etc. these last months (it's been a complicated and difficult pregnancy) I've found this really sad.

Are you implying that your pro-choice friends have no appreciation for babies and pregnancies? Have you considered that for a friend the position you projected meant that you'd rather have them suffer or travel if they cannot continue in a crisis situation similar to yours? That's not a nice thing to learn about how you see your friendship and the value of the other person. I wouldn't be sure at all how to communicate with a friend who expresses this opinion of me. I would probably back off and reevaluate a lot of things around support and trust. I'm not sure at all if I could act natural around this person knowing that they wouldn't have my back if something happened. I could be polite surely, but my trust would be gone knowing how they really see me.

And I have supporters of every party and none among my friends. This is different. This is what you're happy for me to go through if things go bad, or for my husband to witness. Would I attack you? Absolutely not. Could I share my joys and problems with you anymore? Not really. Would I therefore back off and return to an acquaintance level at best? Very likely.

Caranica

You asked for advice from both sides. My advice is that you're going to have to live with this and move on.

Speaking personally I'm deeply upset that some people I considered friends decided that they had the right to take away my right to deal with issues that affect my health. It's very possible your friends are hurt too.

I've pulled back from people who openly were no voters. Yes I'll miss some of them but I cannot let people who wanted to stop me making my own choices get close again, they will never have my best interests at heart. I'm moving on, I'd recommend that you do too.

Big Bag of Chips

Just her wrote: »

I did read some of them in the run up but I kept thinking there's another side to this story I'll never hear.

What do you think is the other side of women's personal experiences and stories?

You cannot deny another person's experience. It is personal and it is theirs. I would be doubtful of your position that you have lost friends because of the referendum. I have friends/colleagues/acquaintances who all had their own differing opinions. Some were definite for yes. Some were definite for no. Some were undecided and I have no idea how any of them voted. I honestly cannot say that my relationship with any of those people has any way changed or altered in the last 3 weeks.

But, you are claiming that this has affected your friendships and relationships. I can't help thinking there's another side to this that we'll never hear.. but if you say that is how you feel and that is how your life is affected, who am I to tell you you are wrong, or question your experience.

Same was as you cannot possibly disagree with those women who shared their stories. Your perception of what happened might be different to theirs but you cannot argue that a woman's personal experience, and her perception of that experience both during and after the event are wrong, or that there's a side you'll never hear.

I think you are probably over thinking this far more than the people you find yourself distanced from. I have now read quite a few posts from pregnant woman who somehow feel the "yes" side are mocking them, and disgusted that they're pregnant. That is simply untrue. Repealing the amendment doesn't mean that people no longer want babies to born. Or that they no longer want women to be pregnant. And anyone who claims to feel that their friends/colleagues are looking at them in that way are certainly jumping to their own conclusions.

Just her

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

What do you think is the other side of women's personal experiences and stories?

You cannot deny another person's experience. It is personal and it is theirs. I would be doubtful of your position that you have lost friends because of the referendum. I have friends/colleagues/acquaintances who all had their own differing opinions. Some were definite for yes. Some were definite for no. Some were undecided and I have no idea how any of them voted. I honestly cannot say that my relationship with any of those people has any way changed or altered in the last 3 weeks.

But, you are claiming that this has affected your friendships and relationships. I can't help thinking there's another side to this that we'll never hear.. but if you say that is how you feel and that is how your life is affected, who am I to tell you you are wrong, or question your experience.

Same was as you cannot possibly disagree with those women who shared their stories. Your perception of what happened might be different to theirs but you cannot argue that a woman's personal experience, and her perception of that experience both during and after the event are wrong, or that there's a side you'll never hear.

I think you are probably over thinking this far more than the people you find yourself distanced from. I have now read quite a few posts from pregnant woman who somehow feel the "yes" side are mocking them, and disgusted that they're pregnant. That is simply untrue. Repealing the amendment doesn't mean that people no longer want babies to born. Or that they no longer want women to be pregnant. And anyone who claims to feel that their friends/colleagues are looking at them in that way are certainly jumping to their own conclusions.

Like I said I don't want to rehash the 8th threads, partly why I asked for prolifers help at the beginning who can relate because I don't want the thread derailed.

To answer your question the other side of the story I'll never hear is the babies.

It was another poster who said they had lost friends, I don't doubt them. You only have to read the replies to me asking for advice where I've been told they have pulled back from no voters
they know, and don't give them the time of day anymore. It's just a little ironic that you would say you can't deny someone else's experience and in literally the next sentence day that you doubt the posters position that they have lost friends.

Sorry what do you mean you can't help thinking there is another side to this you'll never hear, are you repeating my response to another poster or is it aimed at my original post? If it's aimed at my original post I kept my opinions to myself with the people who I am referring to now. So there wasn't another side as in I wasn't sitting arguing with them about their views.

eviltwin

I can see this turning into another debate....

I voted and campaigned for Yes. I have two friends who did the same for No. One is no longer in my life. I cut out the person who made it personal and who couldn't see beyond my vote and who thinks I'm a terrible person.

The other person doesn't agree with my vote but can understand where I was coming from. Our relationship has carried on regardless.

If you can't respect people enough to see them in their entirety then do them a favour and leave them alone. As adults we should be able to be see beyond a persons minor beliefs. This referendum was not about you and you don't know what they have experienced to make them vote yes.

Wanderer2010

Just her wrote: »

I would get along with them otherwise though, I would have really liked some of them and I hate that this is changing my view on them. Thanks for your advice though. I guess you are right.

But how do you deal with other people in your life who hold a different opinion to you? Do you cut them out?

strandroad

Mystery Egg wrote: »

It was also deeply upsetting to have yes campaigners at the maternity hospital doors dressed as angels and grinning when I was going in with a haemorrhaging unborn child. It did cut both ways, whether people like to admit it or not.

Just to perhaps help to see it in a more positive light, angel campaigners were only present where these graphic abortion posters were put up in front of maternity hospitals by No campaigners. The whole idea was that angel campaigners wear wings that they can spread to cover up the posters. So in your situation, without the angels you would see very graphic photos of unborn children torn apart on the posters. They were in fact trying to protect the expecting or miscarrying mothers entering the hospital from the sights.
Hopefully it can show that sometimes what you consider hostile from the other side might not necessarily be so.

Just her

eviltwin wrote: »

I can see this turning into another debate....

I voted and campaigned for Yes. I have two friends who did the same for No. One is no longer in my life. I cut out the person who made it personal and who couldn't see beyond my vote and who thinks I'm a terrible person.

The other person doesn't agree with my vote but can understand where I was coming from. Our relationship has carried on regardless.

If you can't respect people enough to see them in their entirety then do them a favour and leave them alone. As adults we should be able to be see beyond a persons minor beliefs. This referendum was not about you and you don't know what they have experienced to make them vote yes.

Sorry what do you mean leave them alone. I haven't been bothering them at all. I would be confident they don't know how I voted or how I feel.

I suppose I don't see it as a minor belief so maybe that's part of the issue.

Yeah I can see people turning into a debate, there are threads still open in which they can debate is they wish.. I'm just looking for helpful advice from people who can relate.

GingerLily

Just her wrote: »

Sorry what do you mean leave them alone. I haven't been bothering them at all. I would be confident they don't know how I voted or how I feel.

I suppose I don't see it as a minor belief so maybe that's part of the issue.

Yeah I can see people turning into a debate, there are threads still open in which they can debate is they wish.. I'm just looking for helpful advice from people who can relate.

Okay so your problem is you don't know how to get on with people who don't have the same beliefs as you.
Have you had this issue before in any other parts of your life?

uck51js9zml2yt

Caranica wrote: »

You asked for advice from both sides. My advice is that you're going to have to live with this and move on.

Speaking personally I'm deeply upset that some people I considered friends decided that they had the right to take away my right to deal with issues that affect my health. It's very possible your friends are hurt too.

I've pulled back from people who openly were no voters. Yes I'll miss some of them but I cannot let people who wanted to stop me making my own choices get close again, they will never have my best interests at heart. I'm moving on, I'd recommend that you do too.

If we all did that to friends who disagreed with us, we'd have very few friends.

My department is dealing with the legislation on this. There are colleagues who fundamentally disagree with my point of view, and I theirs..and theirs still those who just weren't sure about it all.
We still sit down every morning for coffee and fix the worlds problems and sometimes our own.
Life's to short. We are where we are for good or bad....we just have to deal with it and move on.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

eviltwin

Just her wrote: »

Sorry what do you mean leave them alone. I haven't been bothering them at all. I would be confident they don't know how I voted or how I feel.

I suppose I don't see it as a minor belief so maybe that's part of the issue.

Yeah I can see people turning into a debate, there are threads still open in which they can debate is they wish.. I'm just looking for helpful advice from people who can relate.

What I mean is if its causing you that much distress you should distance yourself for the sakes of all concerned. Relationships shouldn't be a head melt

Caranica

Malia Shallow Armband wrote: »

If we all did that to friends who disagreed with us, we'd have very few friends.

My department is dealing with the legislation on this. There are colleagues who fundamentally disagree with my point of view, and I theirs..and theirs still those who just weren't sure about it all.
We still sit down every morning for coffee and fix the worlds problems and sometimes our own.
Life's to short. We are where we are for good or bad....we just have to deal with it and move on.

I have plenty of friends who I don't agree with on lots of matters. None of those matters involved them having a say in my health. Be it politics, vegetarians, vegans, sporting opposition etc we can agree to disagree but this one goes so much deeper.

People disagree about most things op but this one is so much closer to people's hearts, on both sides. I was always afraid that the referendum and aftermath could have civil war-esque repercussions, deep hurt and mistrust. Some may say that's melodramatic but it's the closest comparison I've been able to find for people with strong beliefs on both sides. It's early days but I don't think these divisions will heal for a long time.

That's not to say we should dwell on it, but accept the new normal and move on. You have a hugely exciting time ahead op, try not to fixate on those you've lost but rather those that are there to share this journey.

Big Bag of Chips

Ok, I suppose you are looking for advice on how to get past this. So you need to break down why you feel like this.

You say you will be talking to them and how they voted will pop into your head and will make you think negatively of them.

Why?

What do you think was their reason for voting 'yes'?

Or does it matter to you wh, or do you just believe that everyone who voted yes is a terrible person?

I will never have an abortion. I will never need an abortion. Whether another woman ever has/needs an abortion in her life will never have an affect on me personally. But the option to be able to have one or not, may impact on someone I love, my friend, my child, my sister.

I think it was most definitely not a black or white decision for a lot, and I would imagine that a huge majority from both sides could empathise with each other and a lot of people also went between voting yes and no. I know for a fact the undecideds that I know gave it a hell of a lot more thought and consideration than any of the people who decided from day 1 that their mind was made up. They listened to both sides. They read. They spoke to people. They looked inside themselves to try see personally how they'd feel. Some of them came out on the no side, some of them came out on the yes.

I would have a lot of respect for those people, even if they voted opposite to me, for at least giving it careful consideration and really really thinking about it.

Life isn't black and white. Yes/No vote doesn't mean that a person is black or white. If you like these people, accept their views and move on. Their life and their choices are unlikely to ever have any affect on your life. They are unlikely to ever have any impact on your life directly. So try not to think negatively of them.

The power is within you to accept opposing views, or avoid them.

LegacyUser

I think it's important to realise that the most basic reason for voting yes was not necessarily "my body my choice", but the horrific (unintended / unforeseen, presumably) effects of the amendment. I think this is visible in how huge the majority was: it was even greater than that of SSM, an arguably 'easier' referendum to win.

Look at it this way: I voted yes, but I do understand that it all boils down to whether or not we see the child as alive from conception. That's a simple impasse that does exist and which, I feel, the Yes side refused to address much, if at all -- it's not as simple as just 'not getting one' if you feel that people are actually being killed, and I think it's a reasonable apprehension to have.

The thing is, though, even if you *do* believe that the foetus is alive, that doesn't justify the horrific repercussions on women who encounter problems during their pregnancies. At all. The case that always comes to mind for me is that poor woman who was braindead on life support for weeks while lawyers over the legality of allowing her to die with dignity, with the unborn baby even having a lawyer. Her body was literally rotting as her children visited her, and had it not been for the fact that the pregnancy was ruled not to be viable, who knows what would have been the outcome? That is... something straight out of a horror movie, so no matter how many people viewed it, the bottom line was that the amendment *had* to be repealed. The lesser of two evils, in a way.

In that sense, pregnant women who cried out for the 8th to be retained remind me of people who refuse to be treated by doctors of other ethnicities... you're shooting yourself in the foot and denying yourself medical treatment you may very well need someday. Pro-lifers may not like the "just don't have an abortion then!" line, but the fact is that you will now have access to better medical care and better choice in your medical care, whether you appreciate it or not.

To sum up, just bear in mind that many people do not necessarily disrespect your personal views and, like I said, a huge reason the Yes vote was so sizeable was because of the basic, imperative need to be able to provide adequate healthcare to women regardless of whether they were pregnant or not, not so everyone could go off getting abortions willy nilly.

Just her

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

But how do you deal with other people in your life who hold a different opinion to you? Do you cut them out?

No I haven't cut anyone out that I can think of, unless they were being in some way abusive to me. I think I've just found this a majorly divisive issue, I can't think of any other opinion to compare it to that has similar repercussions.

strandroad

strandroad wrote: »

Mystery Egg wrote: »

My pro life friends are the only ones sharing the excitement around the baby and visiting me when I've been ill and in hospital etc. these last months (it's been a complicated and difficult pregnancy) I've found this really sad.

Are you implying that your pro-choice friends have no appreciation for babies and pregnancies? Have you considered that for a friend the position you projected meant that you'd rather have them suffer or travel if they cannot continue in a crisis situation similar to yours?

No. And yes. But thanks for polarising. I'm not going to be sucked into debating with you, it's pointless. And how does it help the OP exactly?

paw patrol

I am in the same boat as you OP

I don't mind people who voted yes tbh but people I know who campaigned for a Yes and were active in shouting about it are not people I share much values with . I have certainly gone off a few people I would have liked prior to the referendum.

My time is limited with family ,work and hobbies so I spend my spare time with people whose company I enjoy.

Maybe I see things in black and white but it's quite easy for me .

Just her

GingerLily wrote: »

Okay so your problem is you don't know how to get on with people who don't have the same beliefs as you.
Have you had this issue before in any other parts of your life?

No I don't think so, not about a belief someone held.

J Mysterio

Personally, I found most of the loud voices on either side distasteful. I didnt like to see the stickers on peoples cars or the badges on their lapels, be it 'love both' or 'yes'. I dont want to know the position of everyone on this.

What I did find interesting was that people tended to assume you shared the same view as them, no matter what side of the argument they were for. As if, 'you're an alright guy, so you must be on the right side of this'.

I understand people feel very strongly either way, and have a strong passion for campaigning for the vote to go their way, but the thing was a sensitive and nuanced topic. Protestors and dogmatic people screaming the house down on this turned my stomach.

Wanderer2010

Have you got a wide and varied group of people in your life, OP? I think you need to accept that other people are going to have wildly different opinions and beliefs to you, even on subjects that make you uncomfortable. My oldest and dearest friend doesn't like animals at all and in fact is indifferent to them or if they suffer etc but I accept that is his mindset and we get on in so many other ways so I concentrate on that. You are going to be very lonely if you shut people out when you find out they see the world differently to you.

That's life, can you concentrate on their good points and just accept your differences?

khaldrogo

splinter65 wrote:

,......There’s going to be a big pro life rally in a couple of weeks in Dublin, have you considered how you will cope with that?

Personally, I won't give it more than a seconds thought and I'll carry on with my life absolutely unaffected by the rally, like the overwhelming majority.

khaldrogo

splinter65 wrote:

The only comfort I can offer you is to say that the pro side propaganda misinformation and brainwashing was extremely professional and a lot of people got swept up by it and totally bought into the whole “my body my choice†bit in particular . . ......

I just spat my tea out reading that........the pro choice side brainwashed people!!!!

Please explain, and give examples

J Mysterio

As for the OP... If you don't think you can have a friendship with people who hold a different view to you, that seems to be your problem.

Be more tolerant and get over it, or get new friends.

Interestingly, I was on the phone to my sister recently - who lives abroad - and she started talking about the referendum. Amazingly, she said that 'men shouldn't have had a vote, it has nothing to do with them'. Total bollocks of course, which is what I said to her.

We all share this country and we all have our own views, we have to get along together and try make democratic decisions with a view to improving society for all, but we don't need to shove our opinions down each others throats.

Like i said, I dont want to know everyones views on this, but if I disagree with someone or see a sticker on a coworkers car, I dont immediately think, 'oh, that person is actually a piece of shıt'. People have differing views based on their life experience, but their current opinion on any topic doesnt - or shouldnt - define them.

BuboBubo

Just her wrote: »

I've been struggling with some relationships since the referendum. Maybe struggle isn't the right word but there's a constant undercurrent to some of my interactions since the referendum result. I'll be having a normal conversation and it will pop into my head their stance on the issues. Can anyone relate, and how do you deal with it? It's just colouring my view of them negatively. Any constructive, respectful advice is welcome.

Genuinely sad for you after reading your post. I am pro-choice myself, but wouldn't dream of falling out with family or friends who voted 'No' in the referendum, they are as entitled to their views as I am to mine.

You need to think, maybe write down your thoughts in private, read them to yourself, and pin point the actual reason WHY your view is coloured negatively by their stance, and WHY it's on your mind so much it's distressing you.

Your close friends (and family) are likely concerned for you, is the undercurrent you're detecting really just your emotions, rather than their actions?

The referendum is still a topic that's discussed, it's very recent. You need to reach out to somebody and talk this through, regardless of my (and others) opinion, I hope you can work through this. If you're religious/spiritual you could go on a retreat, one of my friends does this twice a year and finds it very healing and uplifting.

You could channel your energies into doing something good. Coffee morning for a charity you support? Knitting clothes for stillborn babies? (Those are just ideas btw) Get your friends on board perhaps, do something good, and take care of yourself.

J Mysterio

BuboBubo wrote: »

Knitting clothes for stillborn babies?

What the hell? : o

BuboBubo

J Mysterio wrote: »

What the hell? : o

Yes, it's real. And a beautiful thing to do.

strandroad

Mystery Egg wrote: »

No. And yes. But thanks for polarising. I'm not going to be sucked into debating with you, it's pointless. And how does it help the OP exactly?

Polarising what? You seemed to have a related issue I could share some insights about. It's fine if you're not interested in hearing them but it's not a debate...

Just her

Patww79 wrote: »

In the nicest possible way, that's straying dangerously into 'get over yourself' territory. Have you even tried to just forget about it and get on with your life?

Do you mean I'm telling people to get over themselves? How? Or you're telling me to get over myself when you say forget about it and get on with my life?