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Married to an Asexual man - no sex in 10 years.

LegacyUser · 2018-06-11 20:46:27

I’ve been a Boards regular for many many years but I’m going unregistered for this. I’m turning forty this year and I’ve been happily married for 15 years to a wonderful man. He is incredibly hard working, loyal and kind. He is a fantastic father and we have a good life. On the face of it we have everything. We have a…

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#32 21-06-2018 10:10am
TerrorFirmer

Closed Accounts Posts: 29,930 ✭✭✭✭

Join Date: February 2005

Posts: 28578

professore wrote: »

He's been like this for 15 years - and even before they got married. This isn't a new thing.
I think he's quite possibly gay.

This is what I thought too. Anyone who goes the best part of two entire decades without sex is 100% actively aware of that fact, despite suggestions that 'maybe he doesn't realise'.

Couples not having sex for six months to a year is a serious problem but one that could be attributed to 'he/she didn't realise'. A relatively young couple that hasn't had sex in almost two decades is just off the charts dysfunctional.

Asexual people still have sex with partners. Being asexual doesn't mean you don't have sex, it means you don't have interest in it. It's not an excuse for no sex for 15 years, unless both partners have a mutual understanding/are both asexual.

I do feel for the OP, that long denied intimacy is a terrible thing - and not just denied intimacy, but denied it with the one person you want it most with.

I understand you said you get along, but I cannot for the life of me fathom how too people apparently so close could leave an elephant this huge in the room for literally a lifetime.

It is time for a serious conversation. Not a half-baked one, or one that skirts around the issue.

Possibly he is gay. Simply being asexual is not an excuse to not have intimacy with partner, unless it was previously understood and agreed, or you share part of the blame by never addressing the issue or insitgating sex if it is a matter of being asexual.

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