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I was responsible for a fatal road accident

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    #32
    El Gato De Negocios
    Registered Users Posts: 6,690 ✭✭✭El Gato De Negocios


    John Hutton wrote: »
    I'll preface this post by saying that I can only go on the detail that you have provided.

    You feel terribly guilty, which I sympathize with.

    You have also told us that you are being prosecuted and it's not exactly "black and white", but that you did nothing wrong and are sure you had your "eyes on the road". It would appear that the Gardai and DPP don't agree with that.

    Is it possible OP, that you are not being 100% honest with yourself? I say this because it is important to be sure, otherwise you will not get to the root of your feelings of guilt. There is a difference between a mistake, or an error in judgement, and an accident. But none of these things make you a bad person. This is a quite common outcome from a traumatic experience.

    You need to get to the root of things, and be sure that you are not in denial - it's important to explore this with a qualified counsellor

    Anyway, I hope things work out OP

    Over the course of my career I have read probably thousands of accident reports and the conclusion I have come to, as much as people dont want to hear it, is that sometimes accidents do just happen. We live in a society that constantly wishes to apportion blame to someone, anyone for every little thing that happens. Alot of the time someone is at fault, be it they were under the influence of something, were speeding, were engaged in a risky activity etc but sometimes, both parties could simply have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. The accident the OP describes as being at a dangerous junction, he could have been completely an utterly observing the rules of the road to the letter and the deceased could have walked out too far, could have stumbled or tripped and being completely the author of their own misfortune.

    Unfortunately when there is a road fatality involving a pedestrian and with no independent witnesses, more often than not a court case will be required, if for nothing else than to finalise a claim from the deceased partys family.

    OP, my heart goes out to you, I simply cannot imagine what you have gone through and continue to go through. Hopefully once the court case concludes it will give you at least a small element of closure and that you can begin to rebuild your life.

    Take care.


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    #33
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Devastated_1 wrote: »

    I went back to counselling recently and it did help, but I don't know how you ever let go of something like this, or make full peace with it. I feel like I never will.

    I'm not sure "letting go of" or "making peace" would be the goals, but I think you can still live alongside it without it defining your life, if that makes sense? (Not to say it defines your life.)

    I'd see it as needing a mixture of improving your self-compassion, and also acceptance that this event, however horrific, has happened and you can't change that, but you can commit to living your life despite it.

    Perhaps ask your therapist if they're trained in Compassion Focussed Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy? Or else the book I linked above would be a good self-help starting point, along with something like The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris or Life After Trauma.


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