Girlfriend and I at a crossroads.. Advice plz

John.henry

guys/girls john here...
I'm 27 my gf is 26 we have been together 4 years now , have had huge ups and downs but have stuck it out together..
She's a real lady and genuine honest caring person with a great job..
I have been in and out of jobs and can't seem to settle , I smoke (her huge pet hate) and I although I don't drink only couple of weekends a month she says she doesn't feel comfortable while I do... I can veryly drunk if i m left at it and have a kink were I pass out while getting sick, while this doesn't always happen..

HER WANTS
1. She wants me to get a course settle down and get a steady job..
2. STOP smoking (hates me for it)
3. Consider not drinking anymore

I'm happy with her and us apart from on my part I have a huge sex drive and sometimes it often gets in my way of life, we only have intercourse once every 2 weeks ,..
She's very reserved and vanilla and I'm the opposite,, I love lingerie and purchase it for her and she often says that's all that bothers me and sometimes she's right... She has has a very close relation be very sick for some time now and that's added pressure..

MY WANTS
1. Have a better sexier sex life and how to go about it..
2. Quit smoking
3. Control drinking and sexual urges
4. Get a career and keep my gf..

Sorry there's alot of reading , and we are meeting tonight to discuss us, I have lied in the past about drinking and giving up smoking..
Just want advice I'm really down bout it all..

P.s we have talked and tried these changes before

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

McMurphy

Chore sex guy would love this thread.

Kivaro

First of all, before we go further in our provision of solutions to your dilemma:
Should we call you John or Henry?

wexie

John, there's a lot of advice I could give you.

Right now though, the best advice I can give you (if this is a genuine post) is to go ask elsewhere. Pretty much anywhere other than AH

irishgrover

John.henry wrote: »

guys/girls john here...
I'm 27 my gf is 26 we have been together 4 years now , have had huge ups and downs but have stuck it out together..
She's a real lady and genuine honest caring person with a great job..
I have been in and out of jobs and can't seem to settle , I smoke (her huge pet hate) and I although I don't drink only couple of weekends a month she says she doesn't feel comfortable while I do... I can veryly drunk if i m left at it and have a kink were I pass out while getting sick, while this doesn't always happen..

HER WANTS
1. She wants me to get a course settle down and get a steady job..
2. STOP smoking (hates me for it)
3. Consider not drinking anymore

I'm happy with her and us apart from on my part I have a huge sex drive and sometimes it often gets in my way of life, we only have intercourse once every 2 weeks ,..
She's very reserved and vanilla and I'm the opposite,, I love lingerie and purchase it for her and she often says that's all that bothers me and sometimes she's right... She has has a very close relation be very sick for some time now and that's added pressure..

MY WANTS
1. Have a better sexier sex life and how to go about it..
2. Quit smoking
3. Control drinking and sexual urges
4. Get a career and keep my gf..

Sorry there's alot of reading , and we are meeting tonight to discuss us, I have lied in the past about drinking and giving up smoking..
Just want advice I'm really down bout it all..

P.s we have talked and tried these changes before

I would revaluate the sequence of what is important to you.
If the sequence as is accurately reflects your feelings then you should break up

jimgoose

She'd find you a lot more sexually attractive if you had a job, didn't reek of cigarettes and held your liquor like a grown man. See to it. Failing that, she's going to chop you in for a better one and I don't blame her.

McMurphy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0Ek3b0dnhE

s7ryf3925pivug

You ****ing cradle snatcher

Birneybau

wexie wrote: »

John, there's a lot of advice I could give you.

Right now though, the best advice I can give you (if this is a genuine post) is to go ask elsewhere. Pretty much anywhere other than AH

I agree. And sell Liverpool FC.

NickNickleby

What are you drinking that ends up in you passing out??
I've no problem with you having a few pints, even to the point of 'merriment', but more than that is both gluttony and dangerous. However, perhaps you naively think you can drink spirits or wine at the same rate as beer. Bad move and would result in vomiting/passing out. Again, gluttony and dangerous, your liver is in danger, so stop now. I say this as someone who goes to the pub twice a week and has 4 pints each visit. That's my limit, more and I get silly, much more and I'll be sick.

So , that alone is enough cause for concern on your girlfriends part. Your apparent easygoing approach to earning a living is another. If she was my daughter I'd tell her to get rid of you.

Finally, you won't take advice from her, us, and probably anyone in your family. But you are definitely in need of serious advice. Go to your doctor, you may be suffering from depression. Or borderline alcoholism.Go now.

AmberGold

Most important thing here is to stop smoking. Period.

I was where you are many years ago, continued smoking and drinking, finished with the significant other. It amazing how your priorities change as you get older.

Do you want to be someone who goes thru life smoking, drinking and in and out of jobs?

Time for a reality check.

Outlaw Pete

Buy a GPS.

Dtp1979

OP, There’s a forum for relationship issues here on boards. Get the fcuk out of afterhours before you’re eaten alive

degsie

at a crossroads

hmmmmm...

OP.. You have a choice. Grow the Fcuk up and stay with her. Or continue as you are and be single.

Personally, I think you're being a muppet, and you're treating that woman badly. Far better that she finds someone committed to being with her, and if you had any respect/love for her, you'd recognise that.

manonboard

I dont see the problem here OP.

She wants three things. (Job, less drinking, no smoking)
You want four. (Job, less drinking, no smoking, more sex)

Three of your four are the same things.

If you do those three, and stop bad habits that annoy your girlfriend and look after your health. You will likely have more sex (the fourth thing).

jimgoose

manonboard wrote: »

I dont see the problem here OP.

She wants three things. (Job, less drinking, no smoking)
You want four. (Job, less drinking, no smoking, more sex)

Three of your four are the same things.

If you do those three, and stop bad habits that annoy your girlfriend and look after your health. You will likely have more sex (the fourth thing).

OP, this is what I'm saying. Do as above, and you will be healthier, happier, stronger, better-looking and more interesting. This will result in more and better-quality nookie (once every two weeks?? Jaysis!! Looks like us old fogies could show some of ye t'young folk how it's done! :pac::pac::pac:), as well as a better and happier life generally. I further suggest you take up some physical activity like swimming or football or somesuch.

Hector Bellend

Have a few pints whilst you contemplate your next move.

LithiumKid1976

if anything, you should drink more, really go to town on it, like a lost weekend, 3 day bender, and dont contact her for days,
if she still comes back to you after that, then your on easy street.

also, maybe look for a job that encourages drinking, maybe try the Guinness store house?

finally watch all but the last season of scrubs, that had loads of "will they / wont they" dilemmas etc that might well answer some of your questions.

SEPT 23 1989

give her an inch and she will take a yard

donegaLroad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE9HvSdcaL4

NickNickleby

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Buy a GPS.

First time I read it, I thought ".....huh??..."

hehehe, should have read it in the context of the thread title.

I've been thinking about my previous rather serious post in this thread. After all, who in their right mind would come to AH and describe what sounds like a calamitous relationship problem, and expect to receive serious replies.

so, OP, on those weekends that you go on the batter, can you not find a stand in nympho alcoholic rich girlfriend. With cigarettes.

.... must try harder when attempting a witty response..:o

Sin City

Buy a vape
fap more
do a course

problem solved

diomed

Take up gambling.

Fr_Dougal

John.henry wrote: »

guys/girls john here...
I'm 27 my gf is 26 we have been together 4 years now , have had huge ups and downs but have stuck it out together..
She's a real lady and genuine honest caring person with a great job..
I have been in and out of jobs and can't seem to settle , I smoke (her huge pet hate) and I although I don't drink only couple of weekends a month she says she doesn't feel comfortable while I do... I can veryly drunk if i m left at it and have a kink were I pass out while getting sick, while this doesn't always happen..

HER WANTS
1. She wants me to get a course settle down and get a steady job..
2. STOP smoking (hates me for it)
3. Consider not drinking anymore

I'm happy with her and us apart from on my part I have a huge sex drive and sometimes it often gets in my way of life, we only have intercourse once every 2 weeks ,..
She's very reserved and vanilla and I'm the opposite,, I love lingerie and purchase it for her and she often says that's all that bothers me and sometimes she's right... She has has a very close relation be very sick for some time now and that's added pressure..

MY WANTS
1. Have a better sexier sex life and how to go about it..
2. Quit smoking
3. Control drinking and sexual urges
4. Get a career and keep my gf..

Sorry there's alot of reading , and we are meeting tonight to discuss us, I have lied in the past about drinking and giving up smoking..
Just want advice I'm really down bout it all..

P.s we have talked and tried these changes before

Welcome to boards, brand new poster.

degsie

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Welcome to boards, brand new poster.

Or is it just far away?

wexie

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Welcome to boards, brand new poster.

Always find it fascinating to see when new posters manage to find AH.

Browse through the various forums and decide to settle on AH to ask an allegedly serious question....

Mad that :pac:

corner of hells

Hire a P.I. to follow and see where she gets up to when you're not around and any chance we could see her in the lingerie ?

NickNickleby

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Welcome to boards, brand new poster.

well, that's google for you

Google Search "where to get sound personal development/medical/relationships advice"

1. Boards.ie/After Hours
2. Donald Trump*
3. Health care professional

* may be misleading, AFAIK he doesn't drink or smoke and he has a hot wife

marcbrophy

OSI wrote: »

That's the weirdest kink I've ever heard. :eek:

Could he have meant "quirk"?

Hector Bellend

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

give her an inch and she will take a yard

Give her nine inches and she'll sleep like a baby

NickNickleby

Hector Bellend wrote: »

Give her nine inches and she'll sleep like a baby

Perhaps THIS could be his real problem.

I suspect Hector, that you are in truth a psychoanalyst.

RocketRaccoon

To put it simply....

Stop smoking, stop drinking to the point of passing out in your own vomit and maybe, just maybe, you'll get the ride more than once a fortnight. She's probably repulsed by you.

claiomh solais

OP you should do your girlfriend a massive favour and end this relationship.

You are 27, which is still time to fix your life, but you are definitely treading the waters of becoming a 'loser.' Grow up and get a normal dependable job. It might take a while but it's worth it for the peace of mind and sense of purpose it offers. Give up smoking and drinking and sort out your pervy head. I recommend a therapist to help set your priorities for the next phase of your life.

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

Mackerel and Avocado Sandwich

AmberGold wrote: »

Most important thing here is to stop smoking. Period.

I wish the mods would introduce lifetime bans for that carry on. Full stop.
I have a couple of ciggies when I'm out, and sometimes drink too much, if someone was nagging me to stop I'd tell them to eff off personally. Do things on your own terms.

Tabnabs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMYAEHE2GrM

Mackerel and Avocado Sandwich

wildlifeboy

start doing coke then you wont pass out

Gary Gleeson

It's all about give and take.

But if you change by reducing your drinking and stop smoking she will appreciate that and feel valued. Then that is when the sex life improves.

Women generally need to feel loved to have sex.

Mrsmum

Girlfriend and I at a crossroads.. Advice plz


My advice is - you need to take one road and she needs to take another of those roads leading off the crossroad. Ye will never be happy together.

Wibbs

claiomh solais wrote: »

Give up smoking and drinking and sort out your pervy head.

I agree with the first two, but the last one? The guy has a sex drive and she's only into it once a fortnight, I don't see anything wrong with him wanting more. Not at 27 in a relationship. Hell at 37 or 47 in a relationship once a fortnight would have had me crawling the walls, or leaving. I don't "blame" her, or him. Maybe her natural drive is lower than his and that's fine, but a mismatched sex drive is going to cause problems for both and almost never goes away.

I recommend a therapist to help set your priorities for the next phase of your life.

Bloody hell, we've really bought the American therapist for every ill BS, seeing them almost as priest shamans for the modern age. Qualified and trained shrinks are a godsend for mental issues, illnesses and addictions, but IMHO and having known a few who've gone to them down the years, beyond that their usefulness tends to fall off a cliff.

Cleopatra_

I think I'm the female version of you, OP. Minus the smoking.

suicide_circus

You might get more sex if you didn't reek of cigarettes?

0lddog

Cleopatra_ wrote: »

I think I'm the female version of you, OP. Minus the smoking.

Right so !

JH and Cleo link up. I dont smoke or drink so, JH, dont worry about your treasure other half if shes a caring carer ask per to PM me

The One Doctor

OP, first you need to get control of your drinking habits. Your GF is rightly concerned by this, it'd be a deal breaker for a lot of people.

Second, change over to vaping.

Third, the job stuff... I have that problem too. It's a matter of persistence.

Quite frankly though, your GF is right to be asking serious questions. Heavy drinking is a bad sign, not only for a relationship, but for your life. Take a step back and a weekend off the drink. A lot of times drink is just a habit, not a crutch.

The discrepancy in sex drives can be a pain in the arse. Some people are just different. That said, if you control the drinking and smoking she WILL find you more attractive.

Hope this helps.

Your Face

Blast her with piss.

John.henry

The One Doctor wrote: »

OP, first you need to get control of your drinking habits. Your GF is rightly concerned by this, it'd be a deal breaker for a lot of people.

Second, change over to vaping.

Third, the job stuff... I have that problem too. It's a matter of persistence.

Quite frankly though, your GF is right to be asking serious questions. Heavy drinking is a bad sign, not only for a relationship, but for your life. Take a step back and a weekend off the drink. A lot of times drink is just a habit, not a crutch.

Hope this helps. And the lingerie thing... it's personal preference. My fiance loves the stuff, it's fantastic. But forcing it on her (by buying it independently)... it's not the done thing.

The thing is I don't go every weekend but randomly when I get on a session I make a dog of myself yano...
No I understand that pushing anything on her is not right either but that goes down to controlling myself and how too..

John.henry

Your Face wrote: »

Blast her with piss.

Yea?

wexie

Your Face wrote: »

Blast her with piss.

John.henry wrote: »

Yea?

Is that not what you meant when you said you wanted a more adventurous sex life?