Her life is ruined

Sile Na Gig

Keep hearing the above in relation to the Belfast girl/victims of sexual assault. While I don’t agree that her life is over, and there’s a certain depressing undertone to the statement, sexual assault does leave its mark.

Some of the consequences for me have been:
- starting to feel panicked/short of breath if I’m in a confined space with a man. Doesn’t matter who he is. I need to manage by focusing on my breathing and calm self talk. If I need to have a work meeting with a man I’ll try to keep the door open.

- complete inability to handle play fighting, just don’t put myself in that situation.

- before I had therapy I’d get to a certain stage in labour then freeze up, not able to birth naturally. Luckily I had a great midwife who helped me identify the problem and get help.

- certain media makes me feel physically unwell. The Deuce, Rick & Morty (weirdly)

It’s not great but it’s far from life ruining stuff.
What are some consequences that others are comfortable sharing?

(Apologies if this is inappropriate for here or anywhere)

Mtx

Why the door open? All men aren't predators!

Sile Na Gig

Mtx wrote: »

Why the door open? All men aren't predators!

I know. It’s completely irrational. But it will help me not to have a panic attack and focus on my work rather than having to consciously breathe deeply and slowly tell myself that all men aren’t predators, that I’m safe. It’s very distracting.

meeeeh

I think I was a bit messed up for next few years but for me time was a big healer. I don't I feel any major consequences except allergic reaction to to usual 'she/he was asking for it' morons.

eviltwin

I have a few triggers that I avoid as much as I can. For a long time I was afraid of men but meeting my husband and therapy helped a lot with that. I have a low tolerance for sexual harassment and I'd always stand up to it if I see it. One thing that is still an issue for me is strange men in the house when I'm alone ie workmen. I have to have someone there. Mostly I'm okay but it's changed me which I regret. But it hasn't ruined my life, far from it.

Sile Na Gig

I used to struggle with workmen in the house too- I spent a lot of time at the washing line or ‘doing the garden’ (total joke- I’m shyte at gardening) but since I got a dog it’s done wonders for me. I even go walking/running in the dark. He’s a real sweetheart who would probably lick someone to death but he gives me courage.

eviltwin

I've a big dog who I walk at night, he gives me a bit of reassurance but I'm still wary. I'm constantly on alert and making judgements about my safety, it's subconscious at this stage but I'm aware it's happening.

kylith

Mtx wrote: »

Why the door open? All men aren't predators!

It's amazing how if someone says "I was bitten by a dog a few years ago and now I'm wary of dogs" everyone accepts that, but if you say you were sexually assaulted by a man and now feel uncomfortable around men you don't know suddenly people start coming out with stuff like this ^.

Sile Na Gig

I think because I was raped indoors by someone I knew that’s more of a trigger for me than being out in the dark. That experience of watching someone turn before your eyes is terrifying.

Neyite

NAMALT in the second post. Think that's a record ladies.

It would be nice to at least have a bit of discussion before the men swing by to tell tell a rape victim she's doing the aftermath of her rape wrong.

Fcuk sake.

metaoblivia

I heard a quote once that seems to sum up trauma that is along the lines of rape and sexual assault: "Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."

For me, I'm very aware of my surroundings. I know every exit and have an escape plan for every building I'm in. I always keep my blinds drawn.

Prior to becoming an adult and experiencing sexual assault, I grew up in violent household. Sometimes people who grow up in those environments have difficulty recognizing potentially violent situations. I can come across as very cool and calm, but there are moments when I wish I had quicker response time (so that I could act on my aforementioned escape plans more quickly).

On the other hand, I can spot manipulative/red flag behavior almost within the moment.

flowerchild

I panic inside when I see a man wearing riding boots.

I have high levels of empathy and concern for others, and will always quickly act if someone has a problem or is in danger.

goose2005

kylith wrote: »

It's amazing how if someone says "I was bitten by a dog a few years ago and now I'm wary of dogs" everyone accepts that, but if you say you were sexually assaulted by a man and now feel uncomfortable around men you don't know suddenly people start coming out with stuff like this ^.

well, what if you said "i was mugged by a black man, so now I always keep away from them"?

Sile Na Gig

goose2005 wrote: »

kylith wrote: »

It's amazing how if someone says "I was bitten by a dog a few years ago and now I'm wary of dogs" everyone accepts that, but if you say you were sexually assaulted by a man and now feel uncomfortable around men you don't know suddenly people start coming out with stuff like this ^.

well, what if you said "i was mugged by a black man, so now I always keep away from them"?

I think you’d probably have an initial reaction that you’d have to suppress with your rational brain. I don’t knee my unsuspecting male colleagues in the balls and run out of the room if someone happens to close the door on a one on one meeting. I breathe deeply and soothe myself with rational self talk. I’m certainly not blaming all men for what happened to me, it’s just a ****ty side effect.

Appledreams15

Sile Na Gig wrote: »

Keep hearing the above in relation to the Belfast girl/victims of sexual assault. While I don’t agree that her life is over, and there’s a certain depressing undertone to the statement, sexual assault does leave its mark.

Some of the consequences for me have been:
- starting to feel panicked/short of breath if I’m in a confined space with a man. Doesn’t matter who he is. I need to manage by focusing on my breathing and calm self talk. If I need to have a work meeting with a man I’ll try to keep the door open.

- complete inability to handle play fighting, just don’t put myself in that situation.

- before I had therapy I’d get to a certain stage in labour then freeze up, not able to birth naturally. Luckily I had a great midwife who helped me identify the problem and get help.

- certain media makes me feel physically unwell. The Deuce, Rick & Morty (weirdly)

It’s not great but it’s far from life ruining stuff.
What are some consequences that others are comfortable sharing?

(Apologies if this is inappropriate for here or anywhere)

One effect for me: All of my male friends are physically smaller than me. I conciously chose this, as in my mind, I would be able to take them in a fight.

Appledreams15

Mtx wrote: »

Why the door open? All men aren't predators!

Mtx I can forgive you for saying this as you dont know.

But when you are raped your body kind of retains a visceral fear of men. A 'muscle memory'. So when I was alone around men afterwards I would physically shake.

I still now avoid being alone with a man as much as possible, and always look for the exits.