A 'Typical Lads Whatsapp Group'?

DublinLady22

Longtime boards lurker here.

I know no one wants another thread on the Belfast Trial, and I am only going to mention it as far as the whatsapp messages. For the record I agree with the verdict.

One thing that got me thinking was that a number of guys (both on boards and other social media) have commented that the whatsapp messages the accussed sent to each other were messages that were found in 'every lads whatsapp group'.

I am not naive - sexualised messages are commonplace in both men and women's whatsapp groups between friends, and while messages like 'I'd ride him/her' etc are perhaps vulgar, I don't find them particualrly problematic (as I said, both men and women do it).
 
However from my own experience as being part of several girls whatsapp groups, such messages, while sexual and often crass, are never hateful towards the opposite sex.

From talking to my many family members and friends who are guys, they say the same about their own groups.

The difference with the messages in the Belfast case I find is that they go past being typical vulgar banter and are extremely hateful e.g. talking about 'sluts' and how 'loose' a woman is.

From talking to my friends and family, this is not in anyway representative of the vast majority of men, which is why I am confused by the amount of guys on social media claiming it is.

So my question for the men of boards is, do you feel that such messages are typical of your own 'lads whatsapp group' (e.g. using terminology such as sluts/whores) or do they stay in the maybe crass but harmless category?

Note: I am in no way saying women are never hateful towards men, the question is simply based on the comments that it is 'typical' of lads groups.

DublinLady22

DublinLady22 wrote: »

So my question for the men of boards is, do you feel that such messages are typical of your own 'lads whatsapp group' (e.g. using terminology such as sluts/whores) or do they stay in the maybe crass but harmless category?

But sure wouldn't referring to someone as a 'whore' be crass but harmless?

A friend of mine always would refer to girls as whores amongst certain friends, but it wouldn't be in a harmful or aggressive way. It's just a 'go-to' word he uses a lot of time, for whatever reason. Same as how a lot of people would call someone a c'unt in day-to-day life without any ill-meaning at all.

Everything needs context.

I have only googled the whatsapp messages after reading this OP, so I'm not sure if I'm missing anything important, but messages can be very much taken out of context if they're read afterwards.

Go into your own phone and find a messenger chat with someone you haven't talked to in a year or two. Read a large portion of the conversation and a lot of it doesn't make sense or could be taken out of context.

Now read the same conversation again but this time pretend there's a premise that the person has been killed and you're a suspect. All of a sudden the mundane things you said can have a negative or menacing slant to them. It's easy to change the tone of a text-based conversation.




To give a more direct answer: As a general rule of thumb, within my own group of friends, sex would be talked about but rarely in-depth or with any intricate details.

Very few (none?) of the people I know would go into detail how they had sex with someone the night before, as if they were a cool kid at school. But perhaps my group of friends are just more mature. 'Jay' from the Inbetweeners comes to mind.

TheChizler

DublinLady22 wrote: »

The difference with the messages in the Belfast case I find is that they go past being typical vulgar banter and are extremely hateful e.g. talking about 'sluts' and how 'loose' a woman is.

You're making an assumption that most would agree this is hateful language. While it's not language I would use myself, and it's possibly problematic in attitudes towards women and I wouldn't encourage anyone to use it, I see nothing hateful there. It's laddish and boastful but I don't think any of them mean anything by it beyond getting a laugh out of the other guys and trying to fit in. It's poor form and not very respectful, but I wouldn't say hateful.

Edit: Northern Irish people: There were a few phrases in the chats I didn't understand. Was there much local slang used?

leggo

I’d have non-PC chats with my close friends in Whatsapp and in real life. During them there’d be space for us to make judgements and get stuff wrong without the expectation it’d come back to bite us down the line. That’s part of life and how you learn and become the perfect person everyone pretends to be once they speak publicly in the social media age.

Having said that, no I’d be uncomfortable if I was party to a conversation of the level revealed in the trial. Depending on my relationship with the person and the capacity I thought I’d have to change things vs just getting into a pointless argument, I may or may not call them out, but I’d definitely be distancing myself from someone who talked like that about women in general.

There's a serious amount of naivete going on around the WhatsApp messages.
For one thing up til a certain point it's pretty obvious they felt like they'd done nothing wrong.
The other thing is that if a group of lads are the type to try and get girls to share and take turns on then seriously, what the **** do people expect them to be texting like when they think they have privacy?

It's not a WhatsApp group but in person and a few mates online I'll be crass, vulgar, if one of us has bad luck with a women it's usually "So do you think she's a slut or a lesbian?". It's taking the piss, that's the end of it. It's usually someone the rest of us will never meet nor need to think about. Do I actually think anyone who turns me down is a slut or a lesbian? No, I think if I were them I'd do the same. It's generally taking the piss out of ourselves more than anything else.

EDIT: Not to tar anyone who has any kind of non-straight-missionary sex as all the same either. But the kind of "whhhheeeyyyy lads" are different to the swingers and kinks in my admittedly very limited experience.

leggo

leggo wrote: »

Having said that, no I’d be uncomfortable if I was party to a conversation of the level revealed in the trial. Depending on my relationship with the person and the capacity I thought I’d have to change things vs just getting into a pointless argument, I may or may not call them out, but I’d definitely be distancing myself from someone who talked like that about women in general.

I think that despite a lot of things that really get to me about my mates I at least have managed to not carry any to this point in my life who'd think I'd want to hear about a few of them with a girl. Don't have any who admit they would do group stuff but I'm sure there's bound to be at least one. :P

FranklinMint

I'm in WhatsApp groups for the kids soccer and scouts

I'd be totally paranoid about posting anything dodgy .
Don't like WhatsApp groups at all.

leggo

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I think that despite a lot of things that really get to me about my mates I at least have managed to not carry any to this point in my life who'd think I'd want to hear about a few of them with a girl. Don't have any who admit they would do group stuff but I'm sure there's bound to be at least one. :P

Yeah like I’d be the type of person who’d be very open talking about that stuff with mates, but at the same time I wouldn’t be into that and would feel weird if I was in a conversation with mates who were all into it and expected me to be too by default.

My gut instinct too, and this could be pure ignorance speaking so I’m open to correction here, is if straight lads who aren’t attracted to each other go out planning to have group sex together with a woman...there’s something else at play there. It seems to be about getting sexual gratification off your friend group having power over a randomer and definitely seems to be leaning towards sexual deviancy, even in cut-and-dry consensual situations where all parties are enthusiastic participants. So no, I’d probably leave the group if talk turned to roasting.

Skedaddle

My WhatsApp groups are quite literally about coordinating group projects for hobbies and hillwalking!

All of this stuff is news to me!

Skedaddle

Skedaddle wrote: »

My WhatsApp groups are quite literally about coordinating group projects for hobbies and hillwalking!

All of this stuff is news to me!

The only WhatsApp group I'm in has 3 people in it and hasn't been used since last year. :P

doolox

There was a time in the dim and distant past when people could communicate with each other in a very frank way either by talk or written word and it would gradually disappear. This is no longer the case as many people and job applicants have found to their cost.

People need to be ultra careful and thick skinned in their ventures into social media.

My daughter has been upset many times by conflicts and opinions expressed by her friends about each other on various social media.

Her older sister has helped her get over it and navigate through the maze that is modern social media.

People need to cop on to several things.

Certain jobs are very sensitive to opinions expressed in social media.

I would categorise these as caring jobs such as nurses, carers, teachers, child minders and jobs requiring a high level of trust such as police, accountants, bankers etc..

If you express odd or perplexing opinions or advocate unusual lifestyle choices you can expect to be challenged in your job and possibly fired.

This is more urgent if your company is run by churches or has church members on the board of management.

While it might be fun to party hard and get a kinky sexual experience with several partners in your late teens and early twenties, do not boast about it and go looking for a teaching job in a religious secondary school in your late twenties/ early thirties.

Anything you post will last forever if other people want it to, especially if you become famous in a sensitive profession.

source

doolox wrote: »

There was a time in the dim and distant past when people could communicate with each other in a very frank way either by talk or written word and it would gradually disappear. This is no longer the case as many people and job applicants have found to their cost.

People need to be ultra careful and thick skinned in their ventures into social media.

My daughter has been upset many times by conflicts and opinions expressed by her friends about each other on various social media.

Her older sister has helped her get over it and navigate through the maze that is modern social media.

People need to cop on to several things.

Certain jobs are very sensitive to opinions expressed in social media.

I would categorise these as caring jobs such as nurses, carers, teachers, child minders and jobs requiring a high level of trust such as police, accountants, bankers etc..

If you express odd or perplexing opinions or advocate unusual lifestyle choices you can expect to be challenged in your job and possibly fired.

This is more urgent if your company is run by churches or has church members on the board of management.

While it might be fun to party hard and get a kinky sexual experience with several partners in your late teens and early twenties, do not boast about it and go looking for a teaching job in a religious secondary school in your late twenties/ early thirties.

Anything you post will last forever if other people want it to, especially if you become famous in a sensitive profession.

WhatsApp isn't social media, it's a private messaging app with a high level of end to end encryption. The only way to access the messages sent is to see them on one of the phones they have been sent to.

I'm part of a WhatsApp group, and I've seen stuff said in that which are a million times worse than what came out in the trial. Most of it is satirical, we have a pretty unique sense of humour when we're together and the same in that group.

The thing about private messages is that conversations are had in them which are not expected to be made public. Therefore people can often discuss things they wouldn't and use it as a way of being un-pc, my experience would tell me that no offence was intended in these messages and as noted above they've been taken out of context.

I know my friends and i would get in trouble if what we said in an effort to outdo each other became public.

bucketybuck

My private messages have never and will never read anything like that of Paddy Jacksons. But then I'll never play for Ireland or pick up women for threesomes either, so I'm not sure why the comparison is relevant. After all, there is a wide variation in that ethnic group known as "lads", or as I like to call them, "people".

I will say this though, any talk of "lads" whatsapp groups implies that lads groups are any different to ladies groups, when in fact many ladies only groups are every bit as explicit and sexually depraved as the likes of Jackson could only dream about. Its dangerous and naive to think otherwise. I've been shown crap in my female friends groups that was quite frankly offensive, so this narrative of inappropriate lads groups is rather selective in its outrage.

dhaughton99

I’m starting to think Ted Kaczynski was onto something.

Neyite

source wrote: »

WhatsApp isn't social media, it's a private messaging app with a high level of end to end encryption. The only way to access the messages sent is to see them on one of the phones they have been sent to.
...
The thing about private messages is that conversations are had in them which are not expected to be made public.

Letters are private messaging too. They can be legally or illegally intercepted or can be read after the recipient gets them, unless they are destroyed after reading. Probably when scrolls of papyrus were used thousands of years ago the folks that wrote on those got caught rapid too.

Why are text messages which is just a newer form of written communication deemed to be so sacred and secret? It's a bit daft considering how insecure phones actually are and how pretty much anyone from State agencies to random apps can monitor the data being sent.

For what it's worth, I don't know any men who's communications would be that level of 'lads banter' and these men would be well used to locker rooms. So I really think the whole concept of lads banter and locker room talk is a way of some men excusing they way they speak by claiming that all men do it. I've no doubt that the tone of some conversations can change in all-male company, but the men who wouldn't say hateful or derogatory things generally don't write them either.

TerrorFirmer

It's an interesting debate. I know for certain that if my Whatsapp group history was displayed in front of a public court, presented without context or in a certain light by a prosector, it'd paint me, and my friends, as utter arseholes.

Not in relation to talk about women granted but just in general, some of the jokes and comments made in the understanding that it's within the privacy of a closed, friends only group.

Reminds me very much of the case with the Garda recorded by the video camera in the back of the car.

irishman86

DublinLady22 wrote: »

Longtime boards lurker here.

I know no one wants another thread on the Belfast Trial, and I am only going to mention it as far as the whatsapp messages. For the record I agree with the verdict.

One thing that got me thinking was that a number of guys (both on boards and other social media) have commented that the whatsapp messages the accussed sent to each other were messages that were found in 'every lads whatsapp group'.

I am not naive - sexualised messages are commonplace in both men and women's whatsapp groups between friends, and while messages like 'I'd ride him/her' etc are perhaps vulgar, I don't find them particualrly problematic (as I said, both men and women do it).
 
However from my own experience as being part of several girls whatsapp groups, such messages, while sexual and often crass, are never hateful towards the opposite sex.

From talking to my many family members and friends who are guys, they say the same about their own groups.

The difference with the messages in the Belfast case I find is that they go past being typical vulgar banter and are extremely hateful e.g. talking about 'sluts' and how 'loose' a woman is.

From talking to my friends and family, this is not in anyway representative of the vast majority of men, which is why I am confused by the amount of guys on social media claiming it is.

So my question for the men of boards is, do you feel that such messages are typical of your own 'lads whatsapp group' (e.g. using terminology such as sluts/whores) or do they stay in the maybe crass but harmless category?

Note: I am in no way saying women are never hateful towards men, the question is simply based on the comments that it is 'typical' of lads groups.

If you are offended by these messages well im sorry but you have lived a very sheltered life or are easily offended
Ive seen way worse in groups i'd be part of.
There was nothing hateful said from my recollection of the texts
He loved Belfast Sluts
Certainly arent charming messages but this happens in nearly every whatsapp group of men
You forget they are in there early twenties and single boys living with bravado all around them

Sleeper12

I played sports for 15 years and spent another 15 years going to the gym. I have never heard men speak about women in this way. It's the same with Trump. It's not locker talk to say that you grab them by the.... There have been some twee from well known GAA players speaking equally as bad as about women.

Before I was married the lads would boast about who or what they got up to the night before but never anything disrespectful like these pillars of society have come up with.

bucketybuck

irishman86 wrote: »

but this happens in nearly every whatsapp group of men

I think this is the part that the OP is questioning, this idea that every group of men everywhere is talking about sluts and whores. It simply isn't true.

Lots of men and lots of women have private group chats with content that could be considered questionable, but the idea that whatsapp is flooded with explicit messages is overstating things, life is far more mundane than that.

drunkmonkey

Yea it’s hardly 24hr non stop sluts and split roasts chat, it was Sunday morning banter with the boys in a private chat meant for nobody else.
They were all shocked at Trump, now there all shocked at Paddy, can we give it a rest and women stop being so friggin fragile and getting offended at mens private conversations.
There private conversations, you have no right to be offended. You have no right to even hear it existed as far as I’m concerned, a complete miscarriage of justice you found out the content of them.

Simple matter or fact is guys like girls, how they describe them is up to that private group and nobody else. Ruth Coppinger and her merry band of I believe hers are constantly trying to destroy masculinity. They should never ever get to dictate to men how they should or should not act in private.

We’re all probably connected via what’s app so it’s fair to say that there’s a very dark sense of humour out there the average feminist would like to see us cruicified for. The what’s apps floating around about the Jackson trial were a lot more trigger inducing than the ones that actually came out during the trial.

It’s all a bit of fun until somone gets offended, used to be sticks and stones done the damage.

jr86

DublinLady22 wrote: »

The difference with the messages in the Belfast case I find is that they go past being typical vulgar banter and are extremely hateful e.g. talking about 'sluts' and how 'loose' a woman is.

Just to clarify here the "loose" message was sent by a team-mate, early on the morning after the night in question

"She" was referring to the night itself, "CG" had no idea that any sort of activity took place with anyone

This was approached in-depth during Stuart Olding's cross-examination

duffman13

I'm in a number of WhatsApp groups and the ****e that gets written in them is ridiculous. Lots of derogatory terms used but it's always harmless, my mates are lates 20s, some single, some married. I know not one of them would like some of the stuff they've written in there read back to them. It's the same as lads ****e talking in a pub except it has the potential to be shared and can't really be denied.

By contrast I've seen a ladies WhatsApp group recently about a hen party that was upcoming. The stuff in there made the lads look tame, it's all relative and some people will be disgusted or never seen this stuff and for others it's the norm.

source

Neyite wrote: »

Letters are private messaging too. They can be legally or illegally intercepted or can be read after the recipient gets them, unless they are destroyed after reading. Probably when scrolls of papyrus were used thousands of years ago the folks that wrote on those got caught rapid too.

Why are text messages which is just a newer form of written communication deemed to be so sacred and secret? It's a bit daft considering how insecure phones actually are and how pretty much anyone from State agencies to random apps can monitor the data being sent.

For what it's worth, I don't know any men who's communications would be that level of 'lads banter' and these men would be well used to locker rooms. So I really think the whole concept of lads banter and locker room talk is a way of some men excusing they way they speak by claiming that all men do it. I've no doubt that the tone of some conversations can change in all-male company, but the men who wouldn't say hateful or derogatory things generally don't write them either.

All of which is accurate, however my point is that people will say things and embellish details in a private forum which they would never do in public forum.

Also people should be free to do so and not be judged for their private utterances which may or may not be taken out of context.

StringerBell

From my own experience, I have multiple group chats, some to do with kids activities such as gymnastics or scouts, some work related, college related and there is two that are basically just for posting and laughing at pretty non pc stuff. They are smaller groups of people with the same kind of sense of humour.

To an extent the laddish, braggish, bravado laden comments in their whatsapp group with the vulgar language would not look too out of place in one of the group chats I'd be a member of but maybe not quite to the extent. The discussion of sex, men, and women can be very OTT at times using language designed as much to get a reaction as they are indicative of true feelings.

leggo

I’d say the rugby lads probably privately feel they’re hard done by, that their particular conversation which is in line with what everyone else says just happened to get publicly exposed and that they’re no more guilty than any other group of lads who carry on the same but act like they don’t in public...and if they don’t sure it’s probably because they can’t get girls to roast to begin with.

But I think that’s kinda the point that’s sparking the outrage we’re seeing: there’s a line we’re seeing broken here and it’s dividing people who see it and don’t.

I’m in group chats with lads and women. Sure, in both cases, we’d chat frankly about if we got lucky the night before, tell off-colour jokes and have a laugh in a judgement-free zone. There’s a difference between that and going on about people in a dehumanising, objective way. “Love Belfast sluts” and the like is a different level.

Like I’ve known people, particularly people I’ve worked with who I didn’t really get to have a say about having in my life, who’ve forced sexual ‘banter’ on me and I’d be expected to go along with it because that’s how lads talk. One manager that was in his 50’s when I was 19 used to regale me every morning with explicit details after he’d have sex with his missus until I told him I didn’t want to hear it anymore. That was the end of me picking when I went on my break. I remember once giving out to a bloke I know saying, “Nobody wants to hear about your penis! Nobody gives a **** if you’re horny! Don’t tell anyone this stuff unless they specifically ask, ever!” I could tell both of these examples didn’t have a clue their behaviour could be bothering someone, in particular the older manager seemed to just shrug me off as sensitive or prudish.

This stuff is creepy and, though I think we don’t understand how to put our finger on what exactly it is yet, most of us can identify it when we see it. Unfortunately I think it is normalised for a lot and that’s how you end up with even outwardly successful, normal people like these lads ending up in situations like this.

OwlsZat

Well picked up on. Discussed with this with a few males friends.
The only person who could relate to the sharing of similar messages was a friend that plays Rugby. I'm not sure why disrespect of Women comes into "Rugby Banter" but I having played the other common grass team-sports across a number of teams with active WhatsApp groups, I've never seen anything similar.

Ash.J.Williams

these guys have an endless queue of women literally lining up for them everywhere they go, they probably stopped seeing them as humans after a while. Sure they were at it the night after the alleged incident too.

Guy:Incognito

Paddy Jackson is getting the brunt of it because he's the most famous ( of the 2 that are famous), but there were very few of his messages in what made it to court . 2 I think ?

al87987

In multiple groups with lads and stag do groups too. This is pretty normal behaviour for a private message group between friends I would say. Don't really get why people think they should be allowed dictate how friends interact with each other at all.

I wouldn't want any of my whatsapp groups being aired publicly as pretty much everything I say in them is to get a laugh, when taken seriously or out of context, I would be described like the lads here and crucified by a bunch of randomers but its just the way some friends communicate with each other.

PrettyBoy

It's quite apparent that most of you are from a different generation. The content of those messages showed nothing out of the ordinary for a group of lads in their early 20's discussing a night that involved group sex with a girl they just met. Most men and women in their 20's have, at some point, been a part of a Whatsapp group that if the content was made public and seen by all of their family, friends, colleagues, etc. they would not be proud of. This is no different. It was actually relatively tame to be completely honest.

The ironic thing is that, from my experience, the term "slut" is more commonly used in group chats by women describing other women, as opposed to men describing women.

drunkmonkey

You hit the nail there, women are a lot harder on women than men are even though mens language may be more colourful.
There so critical of each other it’s unreal.

QuietMan2010

PrettyBoy wrote: »

It's quite apparent that most of you are from a different generation. The content of those messages showed nothing out of the ordinary for a group of lads in their early 20's discussing a night that involved group sex with a girl they just met. Most men and women in their 20's have, at some point, been a part of a Whatsapp group that if the content was made public and seen by all of their family, friends, colleagues, etc. they would not be proud of. This is no different. It was actually relatively tame to be completely honest.

The ironic thing is that, from my experience, the term "slut" is more commonly used in group chats by women describing other women, as opposed to men describing women.

The complainant described the other three women at the party as 'slutty' in a whatsapp message to her friend.

LolaJJ

I would echo what others have said about context...

Some of the last messages in a girls whatsapp group I'm in (not sent by me) are

"He's a ****ing prick and i swaer i hope his tiny useless dick falls off"

"Haha, I wish"

"They are all ****, ALL OF THEM"


We can be pretty horrible and disrespectful too

Neyite

source wrote: »

All of which is accurate, however my point is that people will say things and embellish details in a private forum which they would never do in public forum.

That was Graham Dwyer's whole defence - that it was private correspondence of a fantasy nature and that he never acted on those fantasies.

wrote:

Also people should be free to do so and not be judged for their private utterances which may or may not be taken out of context.

True, but people will always taken things out of context, long before messaging. If I rant to my in-laws saying "I'm so mad I could kill him" a thousand times without them heeding, maybe even agreeing with me but if I said them and my partner then turned up with a bread knife sticking out of him, you can be sure that those remarks would be remembered by them and probably form the basis for intent in any trial.

OwlsZat

OwlsZat wrote: »

Well picked up on. Discussed with this with a few males friends.
The only person who could relate to the sharing of similar messages was a friend that plays Rugby. I'm not sure why disrespect of Women comes into "Rugby Banter" but I having played the other common grass team-sports across a number of teams with active WhatsApp groups, I've never seen anything similar.

Some team sports have that weird thing going on, similar to what leggo was saying about straight lads getting gratification either from "using" a woman together or maybe it's just that they want to prove to the others they can do it to.

I dunno. I keep online stuff fairly low-key tbh. And if someone ever sends me a screenshot of a message someone else said then I'll be saying even less to them in future. :P

H3llR4iser

A premise is due here - the "lads" involved in this case do belong to a very specific subgroup of young men, those to which life is currently (and probably briefly) throwing money and women at, and they are hardly representative of guys at any level, positive or negative. Most guys don't have women lining up for them every night, don't take part in orgies and most importantly, don't have sex with their "mates" in the room!

That said, I wouldn't exactly be a part of a "lads" group; Yes, I'm a single guy, but I'm also in my late '30s. The closest thing I could relate to a "lads group" I'm part of is a gaming community - which, as it's often the case with these "nerd hobbies", just happens to be made up entirely of guys. Any woman, should she want to join, would definitely be welcome in it. Even when I was younger, when "lads banter" was held in sports bars and not online chats, while there would be the "guys jokes" and the odd sexual heavy handed comments, it wouldn't be anything to be taken seriously.

Talking in general, not in reference to the court case, we (guys) say a lot of stupid sh1t that can't be interpreted literally by anyone with an ounce of gray matter in their heads. Be it for camaraderie, boasting or just plain laughs, there can be a tendency for hyperbole - especially when it comes to sexual themes; You know the old saying: when you ask a man how many women he slept with, take the number and divide by 3 to get the correct figure. Same thing.

One important thing to know: average men hardly ever discuss actual sexual matters between each other, unless one of them is a doctor; We basically never ever tell our "mates" what we did last night in the bedroom, be it with our partners or a one-night-stand (we might tell about having said ONS, but that's normally where it ends). Most of the "sports bar discussion" happens in a completely fantasized, abstract context, in which even the terminology has a relative meaning; It's difficult to explain and I don't expect it to make much sense.

aaakev

Myself and the brother in law were chatting over the weekend and made a pact that if one of us drops dead the other will destroy their phone straight away!

Like a few others, if my WhatsApp messages were read out in court without context myself and some friends would be made out to be maniacs when nothing could be further from the truth

irishman86

bucketybuck wrote: »

I think this is the part that the OP is questioning, this idea that every group of men everywhere is talking about sluts and whores. It simply isn't true.

Lots of men and lots of women have private group chats with content that could be considered questionable, but the idea that whatsapp is flooded with explicit messages is overstating things, life is far more mundane than that.

I agree but its happens in a lot of groups
Im shocked that people are shocked by these messages
The messages are using your word mundane!
They are for me typical messages in any group for me

FranklinMint

I wouldn't like to try juggling a mix of business/sports groups with the less salubrious groups here.

One mistake and half the community has seen it

Franz Von Peppercorn

irishman86 wrote: »

I agree but its happens in a lot of groups
Im shocked that people are shocked by these messages
The messages are using your word mundane!
They are for me typical messages in any group for me

Want my advice? Don’t assume your WhatsApp will always remain confidential.

listermint

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Want my advice? Don’t assume your WhatsApp will always remain confidential.

Best advice is don't open your mouth ever.

Just don't talk

Theres always someone looking to be offended, its usually on someone else's behalf.

Try_harder

#banter

kill it with fire


WhatsApp Friend!

Franz Von Peppercorn

listermint wrote: »

Best advice is don't open your mouth ever.

Just don't talk

Theres always someone looking to be offended, its usually on someone else's behalf.

Well if you want to go around calling women bitches, whores & sluts in work be my guest.

I wouldn’t. But you have the free speech right to do that and your company the right to fire you for harassment.

Someday there will be a data breach in WhatsApp. That’s if they are not giving the data away already, which I doubt.

Their terms and conditions are contradictory

https://www.whatsapp.com/legal/

irishman86

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Want my advice? Don’t assume your WhatsApp will always remain confidential.

Thats a very paranoid view
Want my advice dont care what others think of your whatsapp group

ted1

FranklinMint wrote: »

I'm in WhatsApp groups for the kids soccer and scouts

I'd be totally paranoid about posting anything dodgy .
Don't like WhatsApp groups at all.

There parental groups. Not a group of friends , there’s a huge difference

FranklinMint

ted1 wrote: »

There parental groups. Not a group of friends , there’s a huge difference

Ya I know

I meant making a mistake and posting in the wrong group

irishman86

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Well if you want to go around calling women bitches, whores & sluts in work be my guest.

I wouldn’t. But you have the free speech right to do that and your company the right to fire you for harassment.

Someday there will be a data breach in WhatsApp. That’s if they are not giving the data away already, which I doubt.

Their terms and conditions are contradictory

https://www.whatsapp.com/legal/

Ya you super paranoid buddy
Who goes around calling women bitches etc at work that would be weird
The same applies for calling men names

c.p.w.g.w

I have in the past been member of group chats were some awful stuff got shared. Stuff that if to come out with make some of the lads look awful, but it is just very dark humour and in some cases vulgar humour. I left due to the numerous notifications driving me mad

Anne1982h

I asked my brother this same question as I find it hard to believe that it’s normal for men to talk like that amongst themselves. He said that him and the lads would speak in a similar manner sometimes about a girl they fancied from afar/a famous woman but that under no circumstances would they talk like that about girls they know or girls they were with (I.e if they took a photo with female friends or work colleagues they’re not sending it into a WhatsApp group titled ‘love workplace sluts’ - are those saying it’s the norm really saying they talk about the women in their life like that!?? ’) and would never talk about girls they slept with in such a disgusting manner. He was honestly very disgusted with the messages in that trial. And before someone says I’m naive he handed his phone over there and then and told me to scroll through the group for a look. Similarity my husband is very open with his phone - if there’s banter in a stag group he’ll regularly tell me to read it and I’ve never seen any as disgusting as what is said in those messages. Once someone posted in a video that was pretty bad and no other guy commented on it at all bar one saying ‘well I regret opening that’. I really think it’s a situation that is ‘not all men’!!! If I was my brother or husband I’d be v annoyed at people tarring me with the same brush as those rugby lads and saying ah shure that’s men for you.

I presume the reason some men are saying it’s all guys is because within their own group that type of language is used and given the similar mindsets of those in the group no one calls out the behaviour so it becomes normal and that becomes ‘everyone does it’ because within that peer group everyone does.

tretorn

These men are not normal men though, they head out for the night and they are ushered into VIP bars.

The women who are allowed into VIP bars are picked for their looks.

These men have promiscious women throwing themselves at them for a few crumbs so intimacy to them is meaningless, they have no respect for the women at all, its not that they dont have respect for other women in their lives but if women have no respect for themselves then other people wont have respect for them either.

These men wont have sex with women they dont know without using condoms, they know if a woman agrees to go to bed with them after a few minutes acquaitance then you can be sure she isnt very choosy about who she sleeps with.

Beta Ray Bill

I'm in a few whatsapp groups with a few different groups of mates.

There is plently of "Banter" but it's not usually directed at women nor is there loads of naked pics of women in any of the groups.
Usually when there is women it starts off with a savage looking woman but turns out to be a Transsexual, or cuts in to some woman screaming or ends up being a pic of a black lad with a 2 foot micky.

There have been one or two groups where I've just said Nnnnnope! stuff being posted was to much for me.
Not in terms of what they were saying about women, but other MAD stuff.

I've never sent an abusive message about someone (man or woman) that was not in the group. Because at the end of the day, people are thick and that message could get back to them