Is it crazy that my 12 year old sister bullies Me?

jimd2

Mum and dad need to be involved here big time. We have 3 kids ranging in age from 25 down to 17. If there is stuff like this going on myself or my wife nips it in the bud.

kylith

Have you tried the old ‘I don’t have time for people who speak to others like that’ and getting up and leaving? Keep doing that every time she says anything nasty.

Big Bag of Chips

leggo wrote: »

BBOC.. Where are you getting this for example?

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

The 12 year old has no interest in seeing the error of her ways. Her parents have no interest in showing her. The OP has no chance of having her listen to her.

I don't see how you could possibly know this from what we've been told.

The OP says all of this...

Kilduffyras1 wrote: »

She has an answer for everything.

if I ask my mother to tell her to stop she will just say "I don't believe she is saying them things to you?"

Kilduffyras1 wrote: »

she said "I don't hurt their feelings, I just hurt yours"

I have sisters! I have a 9 year old who will sometimes say very hurtful things to his siblings. Sometimes he'll give a sob story to get himself out of trouble. Eventually he'll just admit that he enjoys annoying them. It is always pointed out to him that it is not nice. That he wouldn't like the same being said/done to him. It works for a (very)short time and he's back to deliberately annoying them again. Some children (my others!) are naturally good natured and kind hearted. Some children have a selfish streak and are only interested in getting what they can for themselves (my 9 year old!).

He's not all bad. He's a lovely child and can be kind and can be worried about his siblings at times. But that doesn't mean that he is not mean to them just for the sake of being mean. Talking, explaining, pleading, doesn't work.

Ok, I'll take it back that the child is "a bitch" - but she most definitely is "bitchy". And it is equally as likely that she is bitchy just because she wants to be, as it is because she is insecure or whatever.

And it's up to the OP to take or disregard any advice she deems appopriate or otherwise.

LolaJJ

Hey OP,


She's 12, not 6...


I'd just laugh when she slags off your smile or your looks, make out like you find it funny and stupid and don't let her think you're taking it to heart....Just be concerned as to why she's being so nasty.

If you want to bring it up with your mum, I'd approach it from a place of concern for your sister - and not from the place that you feel victimised, that way I think your mum might take it more seriously.

Just be like - "I'm concerned she's going to really hurt and offend someone, it's not normal to go around saying things like that"

I'd also be pretty confident your sister has her own insecurities about how she looks which is where this is coming from

valoren

The next time she says something nasty call her out on it. I'd recommend the following.

Say she says something like "You look like a downs syndrome", don't lose the head but calmly take out your phone, open the camera function, press record and ask her to repeat what she just said. Either two things will happen. She will instinctively know she is being recorded;

1. She brazenly repeats it on camera. You now have evidence to show your mother that she is actually being nasty if needs be. If she repeats it, then tell her that the next time she says something nasty to you again, that you will post the video to her instagram or whatever app she uses which is flavour of the month to shame her and show people what she is really like. See if that threat improves her behaviour.

2. She refuses to repeat what she said. If that happens tell her that she is being a coward. Explain to her that bullies are cowards and that she is being a bully. That you won't tolerate a bully so she better cut it out in future. Repeat this whenever she says something nasty. She'll get tired of it eventually.

cbyrd

A swift "at least I'll never look as ugly as you sound" and walk away.
Attention good or bad is what she's after. Don't give it to her.

Katgurl

I echo the poster who suggested taking out your phone and asking her to repeat it then asking her why she won't.

Also keep hammering home points like "your language is ugly and you will look ugly to people who hear your words" or say "I am not going to listen to you while you are being so nasty."

Absolutely do not get into the ring with her ie. Get into any kind of a slagging match. You are the adult here. That is appalling advice, will hurt you and her and only exacerbate the situation.

I am not suggesting for one second by the way that there is something strange about you feeling hurt - you are human but try to detach yourself from what she is saying and remind yourself it's about her not you.

The sad reality is that maybe she will continue to be nasty and grow into a nasty adult who you are never close to. It's not your job to stop or fix this and your parents are unfortunately taking the lazy option.

LynnGrace

My immediate thought when I read your post - was to record her. Sometimes when someone is asked to repeat something nasty, it takes the wind out of their sails. It would be useful also to replay to your mother, should you decide to do so.

As others have said, work on laughing it off, and saying stuff like haha, that's right. You are right, hahaha!

Why should her opinion matter to you... And I don't mean that in a negative way towards you. She is a twelve year old kid. Of course, she shouldn't be saying such horrible stuff. And if unchecked, she surely has a lonely road ahead. Because nobody likes people like that.

Meanwhile, practise telling yourself, her opinion DOES NOT MATTER. It doesn't you know.

All the best.

cazzer22

Kilduffyras1 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the comments. I would record her and let my mother listen but I wouldn't waste my time because she would say "she's only messing ignore her" simply because she is let away wit murder coz she is the younger out of 5 children with a gap of 15 years between oldest and youngest.
I said to Her one day "you know clodagh you can't say them things to people they are not nice and you won't have a friend left coz they won't want a friend who hurts their feelings" and she said "I don't hurt their feelings, I just hurt yours" . But My little brother is 16 and she said to him the other day his teeth were yellow and no girl would "shift" him with teeth like that. And he said nothing and just walked away. They were not even fighting. They were talking about their iPhones storage and she just comes out with that comment.
My worst fear is if it continues on in school with poor vulnerable girls with no confidence.
Her main comments about people are on their physical appearance. She goes through people's Instagram pictures and their faces with a fine tooth comb and says "she's pretty but she has such a massive forehead". She even knows who has black heads on their chin and who doesn't. She is OBSESSED with physical appearances and notices every flaw. What do you make of this?

Whatever about what she says to you, you cannot let it affect you. You need to have statements that you say to yourself in your head to combat her nasty comments. She might say 'You're fat' and in your head you need to respond with 'I know I'm not. She is saying this to hurt me and she is not going to succeed.' Don't entertain her whatsoever. She is 12 years old and you need to have more self- belief and confidence to know that the things she is saying just simply aren't true. She is quite clearly self-obsessed and just don't give her the time of day. If she insults people on Instagram, it's only because they're internet people and she wouldn't probably have the courage to say it to them in real life.

GuessWhoEh

Tell her she's adopted. That will shut her up.

On a serious note, you need to reason with her. Ask her if she wants a girly day together and ask why she's like that with you.

splinter65

Put your arm around her, tell her that you love her very much. Tell her that she can come to you and tell you anything and you’ll do whatever you can to help her. Kiss her on her forehead and walk away into another room.
Keep doing this every time.
Trust me.

Sardonicat

OP, my sister was just like this at 12. She is in her fifties now and she's still like this. Unless your parents step in and tackle her behaviour, whatever its root cause, your sister is in danger of growing into a nasty, shallow adult. It is up to your parents though, not you.

In the meantime, the next time she directs a disparaging comment to you on your appearance or you overhear her commenting on someone else"such a shame to hear a pretty little girl express such ugly thoughts" is all you need to say. Then walk away.