Do I have grounds for a complaint (reg. job interview?)

Jenneke87

Hey there,
To keep things short: I had an interview on Wednesday and I was told by one of the managers that I came across as " fragile". I think this is a highly bizarre and frankly insulting thing to say to a candidate and considering I'm anything but. Apparently she based this on the " fact" that I came across as "very calm" and that non-verbally I wasn't very expressive. Whether true or not, to label that as fragile I think is way of the mark and to be honest I feel insulted by her remark. Could I send and e-mail to HR regarding this statement?
Thanks for your help

endacl

To what end?

wildlifeboy

now you are actually being fragile so the person was quite astute, leave it be and move on.

Hitman3000

Jenneke87 wrote:

Hey there, To keep things short: I had an interview on Wednesday and I was told by one of the managers that I came across as " fragile". I think this is a highly bizarre and frankly insulting thing to say to a candidate and considering I'm anything but. Apparently she based this on the " fact" that I came across as "very calm" and that non-verbally I wasn't very expressive. Whether true or not, to label that as fragile I think is way of the mark and to be honest I feel insulted by her remark. Could I send and e-mail to HR regarding this statement? Thanks for your help

Is this applying for a new job or a promotion?

Diziet

No, calling you 'fragile' is not appropriate. But I am not sure there is anything to gain by emailing them,

lawred2

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Hey there,
To keep things short: I had an interview on Wednesday and I was told by one of the managers that I came across as " fragile". I think this is a highly bizarre and frankly insulting thing to say to a candidate and considering I'm anything but. Apparently she based this on the " fact" that I came across as "very calm" and that non-verbally I wasn't very expressive. Whether true or not, to label that as fragile I think is way of the mark and to be honest I feel insulted by her remark. Could I send and e-mail to HR regarding this statement?
Thanks for your help

time to complain was when the comment was passed not a few days later using a faceless email message

let it go and be glad that you won't have to work for such a person

Dial Hard

Unless you were discriminated against on the basis of one of the "big nine", then no, you don't have grounds for complaint.

An interviewer once told me he thought I'd be hard to manage. Should I have complained about him? Either take on board or dismiss what they said and move on.

DrPhilG

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Hey there,
To keep things short: I had an interview on Wednesday and I was told by one of the managers that I came across as " fragile". I think this is a highly bizarre and frankly insulting thing to say to a candidate and considering I'm anything but. Apparently she based this on the " fact" that I came across as "very calm" and that non-verbally I wasn't very expressive. Whether true or not, to label that as fragile I think is way of the mark and to be honest I feel insulted by her remark. Could I send and e-mail to HR regarding this statement?
Thanks for your help

And the prosecution rests...

Gravelly

It's weird to describe you as fragile based on the cues you mentioned, but I'm wondering if she actually based it on something else - perhaps she'd spoken to a previous employer or work colleague. The only thing you'll gain by emailing now is to confirm her suspicion.
She has a pair of rocks on her to say it to you, I'd be afraid I'd get sued for some kind of -ism if I said that to a candidate. Suppose the fact she's female helps.

TallGlass

What the hell?

She said you where calm and collective from what you are saying and she calls you fragile.

Whats the HR expecting or wanting, a wrestling match during the interview?

What a loon, just move on with it. Or send them a smart arse email.

cornflake1

I was once told in an IT interview that they thought that I wasn't geeky enough.

_Brian

If this is an internal interview it would be awfully unwise to make a complaint, now you could have cut that manager off by saying at the time you thought the comment was inappropriate, but that opportunity has passed. Complaining now could very well put a stop to you getting subsequent jobs.

If it was an external interview then belt away and complain to your hearts content, they don’t want you anyway so you’ve nothing to loose.

fritzelly

Take it on the chin and use the comment to better yourself in the next interview

This is telling

Jenneke87 wrote: »

and that non-verbally I wasn't very expressive.

Interviewers expect some kind of reactions throughout the interview, things like head cocked, nodding, smiling etc - maybe you weren't doing any of that and were just staring straight at them. Still calling you fragile because of that is a weird use of the term.

Ohmeha

Move on from it. Saying to any candidate that they come across as fragile is a stupid comment to make by any interviewer, stupid but doesn't warrant a complaint

Would you want to work for her? No. Will you ever have to sit in the same room again her? No.

Try feel relieved that you're not the one who has been hired working for her and focus all of your energy towards your next interview

NinetyTwoTeam

go in and ask to talk to the person who made the comment. give her a piece of your mind. might make you feel better than making a useless complaint, and you can prove her wrong at the same time.

fiload

Move on and take the comments on board. Most interviewers don't care enough to give feedback, at least you know you have some areas to improve upon from it

NinetyTwoTeam

NinetyTwoTeam wrote: »

go in and ask to talk to the person who made the comment. give her a piece of your mind. might make you feel better than making a useless complaint, and you can prove her wrong at the same time.

Or, prove her wrong by not following the above advice and move on to the next opportunity/interview

Good luck

Avatar MIA

NinetyTwoTeam wrote: »

go in and ask to talk to the person who made the comment. give her a piece of your mind. might make you feel better than making a useless complaint, and you can prove her wrong at the same time.

The OP could, unless there's some paint drying that they could watch instead, which would be a more productive use of their time.

fritzelly

Checked your posting history - fragile is probably the last thing you are lol, brush it off

IvySlayer

Sometimes interviewers will say these things to rile you up and see how you react. A busy, high stress environment will often have people blurting things out.

Usually you would try and disprove their comments calmy. Explain they are wrong to make those assumptions and what experience you have etc

I would say move on and learn from it.

NinetyTwoTeam

Avatar MIA wrote: »

The OP could, unless there's some paint drying that they could watch instead, which would be a more productive use of their time.

OP asked about making a complaint, which as i said is also likely to be unproductive, but also give nothing in the way of personal satisfaction. going to a job interview is an opportunity to evaluate if someone is suitable for the role, and while this is certainly based on a variety of factors with plenty of grey areas, the candidate's experience, education, ability to work as a team/independently, possession of the right amount of confidence and competence, ability to communicate, and be appropriately presented for the job is what evaluations and feedback should be based on. in essence, their professional profile, not assumed secondary characteristics. feedback should not veer into insult, as it did here.

some may decide to let this unprofessional and rude behavior slide because, as you say, it may be unproductive to react. good for you.

but something doesn't have to be productive to be satisfying, does it? and while it is often prudent to pick your battles, there are far too many people who are getting away with abusive behavior due to being in a position of power, especially employers, landlords, teachers/lecturers, to the point that they are as casual about it as the OP's interviewer was. and it will continue if they are never pulled up on it.

so whilst it may not be productive, if i was told i was too fragile and didn't like it I would do something to let them know i didn't like it, and i would be sure to do it in a very non-fragile way.

NinetyTwoTeam

NinetyTwoTeam wrote: »

OP asked about making a complaint, which as i said is also likely to be unproductive, but also give nothing in the way of personal satisfaction. going to a job interview is an opportunity to evaluate if someone is suitable for the role, and while this is certainly based on a variety of factors with plenty of grey areas, the candidate's experience, education, ability to work as a team/independently, possession of the right amount of confidence and competence, ability to communicate, and be appropriately presented for the job is what evaluations and feedback should be based on. in essence, their professional profile, not assumed secondary characteristics. feedback should not veer into insult, as it did here.

some may decide to let this unprofessional and rude behavior slide because, as you say, it may be unproductive to react. good for you.

but something doesn't have to be productive to be satisfying, does it? and while it is often prudent to pick your battles, there are far too many people who are getting away with abusive behavior due to being in a position of power, especially employers, landlords, teachers/lecturers, to the point that they are as casual about it as the OP's interviewer was. and it will continue if they are never pulled up on it.

so whilst it may not be productive, if i was told i was too fragile and didn't like it I would do something to let them know i didn't like it, and i would be sure to do it in a very non-fragile way.

Where on earth do you find the time to address things this way.
Either address the comment at the time, or be bulletproof and move on, going back looking for satisfaction is being “fragile”

fritzelly

NinetyTwoTeam wrote: »

so whilst it may not be productive, if i was told i was too fragile and didn't like it I would do something to let them know i didn't like it, and i would be sure to do it in a very non-fragile way.

Already flown the coop and do you really advise someone to challenge an aside, made either wrongly or not, in a country where the chances of the next interviewer/employer knowing the previous prospective employer

Move on, simple as. Life is too short to worry about comments like that

davidind8

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Hey there,
To keep things short: I had an interview on Wednesday and I was told by one of the managers that I came across as " fragile". I think this is a highly bizarre and frankly insulting thing to say to a candidate and considering I'm anything but. Apparently she based this on the " fact" that I came across as "very calm" and that non-verbally I wasn't very expressive. Whether true or not, to label that as fragile I think is way of the mark and to be honest I feel insulted by her remark. Could I send and e-mail to HR regarding this statement?
Thanks for your help

If its an internal interview for a promotion etc. particularly with a large employer there should be clear scoring criteria for getting the role, you could reasonably challenge them for not following these and relying on comments like that. Challenging arbitary and unclear feedback from a manager isnt being fragile. Certainly in larger unionised companies it wouldnt be unusual for employees to appeal a promotional decision on these sort of grounds by taking a grievance. Obviously you know your company better than me and can figure out if thats worth doing in your situation.

An alternative could be to ask for a meeting with the manager in question to talk about it, being honest and saying this is bugging you and youd like an explanation isnt unreasonable, particularly if you tone the request for the meeting correctly.

the_syco

Jenneke87 wrote: »

I had an interview

Jenneke87 wrote: »

was told by one of the managers that I came across as " fragile"

Jenneke87 wrote: »

non-verbally I wasn't very expressive.

Jaysus. Someone tells you why you did sh|te in the interview, and the first thing that comes across your mind is how to fcuking have them lynched?

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Whether true or not

Perhaps in the next interview, be less "fragile", and you may get the job!

Minnie Snuggles

God I feel old reading this thread, there was a time when instant feedback from an interviewer meant you had a serious chance of getting the job this was your chance to stand out from the other favoured candidates, I always loved this type of comment.

Minnie Snuggles

Minnie Snuggles wrote: »

God I feel old reading this thread, there was a time when instant feedback from an interviewer meant you had a serious chance of getting the job this was your chance to stand out from the other favoured candidates, I always loved this type of comment.

In fairness to the op, it was an insult. And nobody should be insulted in a job interview. Constructive criticism/ feedback fair enough, but not an insult

The interviewer was not being professional, they were being a dick. Everyone makes mistakes so maybe it was simply a slip of the tongue.

But the op should just forget it and put all of their energy into the next interview, not dwell on the last one.

TG1

I'm really not sure it was an insult... In my second interview for my current job the manager told me he had concerns around my ability to have the tough conversations I would need to have, which is pretty close to the ops scenario. Possibly phrased better but similar.
Him saying that was an opportunity for me to give examples of where I'd done it in the past, and to discuss that aspect of the role in depth and get a feel for if it was something I wanted and for him to get a feel for whether I could actually do it or not.
No interview is going to be totally plain sailing and no one is going to be a 100% fit for a job, so a hiring manager is within their rights to discuss areas they fear are a mismatch.
OP maybe have a look at how you dealt with it at the time and use the experience to figure out how to react to being challenged in an interview.
I don't think at this stage you will benefit from any further communication with the company.

TG1

TG1 wrote: »

I'm really not sure it was an insult... In my second interview for my current job the manager told me he had concerns around my ability to have the tough conversations I would need to have, which is pretty close to the ops scenario. Possibly phrased better but similar.
Him saying that was an opportunity for me to give examples of where I'd done it in the past, and to discuss that aspect of the role in depth and get a feel for if it was something I wanted and for him to get a feel for whether I could actually do it or not.
No interview is going to be totally plain sailing and no one is going to be a 100% fit for a job, so a hiring manager is within their rights to discuss areas they fear are a mismatch.
OP maybe have a look at how you dealt with it at the time and use the experience to figure out how to react to being challenged in an interview.
I don't think at this stage you will benefit from any further communication with the company.

I’m sorry your example is completely different, and the interviewer was clearly giving you some specific points to address and it sounds like a completely normal type of question to be asked in an interview.

You were not insulted, you were given the chance to address a tough aspect of the job you were applying for. The op was simply labeled as fragile based on their interview performance.

A question is expected, an insult isn’t.

TG1

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I’m sorry your example is completely different, and the interviewer was clearly giving you some specific points to address and it sounds like a completely normal type of question to be asked in an interview.

You were not insulted, you were given the chance to address a tough aspect of the job you were applying for. The op was simply labeled as fragile based on their interview performance.

A question is expected, an insult isn’t.

Yes but my point is that we don't know the context it was said in as we were not in the interview and nay actually have been said to give the op an opportunity to defend themselves.

If they floundered and didn't take the opportunity then they were proving the interviewer right.

I think you are too fragile to deal with x and y which are large parts of this role for example, isn't an insult in my opinion, it's a discussion starter in an interview setting. Yes, I personally wouldn't use the word fragile, but it's not an insult and there is nothing in it to complain about.

You're too fragile thrown in at the end of an interview, again perhaps not the best phrasing, but not an insult either. It's giving a candidate feedback, so they know how they performed so they can improve in the future.

I've had someone cry in an interview, and I told her there and then that while she was a great candidate I had to base decisions on interview performance and on this occasion that performance wouldn't cut it as I couldn't have someone who cried under pressure in a shop floor role.

I don't think that was an insult, but it was essentially saying she was too fragile in her interview for me to give her a job.

TG1

TG1 wrote: »

Yes but my point is that we don't know the context it was said in as we were not in the interview and nay actually have been said to give the op an opportunity to defend themselves.

If they floundered and didn't take the opportunity then they were proving the interviewer right.

I think you are too fragile to deal with x and y which are large parts of this role for example, isn't an insult in my opinion, it's a discussion starter in an interview setting. Yes, I personally wouldn't use the word fragile, but it's not an insult and there is nothing in it to complain about.

You're too fragile thrown in at the end of an interview, again perhaps not the best phrasing, but not an insult either. It's giving a candidate feedback, so they know how they performed so they can improve in the future.

I've had someone cry in an interview, and I told her there and then that while she was a great candidate I had to base decisions on interview performance and on this occasion that performance wouldn't cut it as I couldn't have someone who cried under pressure in a shop floor role.

I don't think that was an insult, but it was essentially saying she was too fragile in her interview for me to give her a job.

Why would you not use the word fragile?

TG1

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Why would you not use the word fragile?

For exactly this reason, i would use a phrase similar to what I was asked, because people are fragile or sensitive or however you want to put it and I wouldn't want the candidate to leave with a bad taste in their mouth.
But it's all about context, and it's a pity it's got to the point where someone takes fragile as an insult. In any interview anything said is in the context of a specific role. Some roles are going to be a struggle for sensitive/fragile people (and I say this as a sensitive person working in a role like that) and it does need to be discussed at interview stage.

Brian Lighthouse

Does anyone read between the lines anymore?

Interviewer - "You come across as fragile"

This is where you jump in and describe past experiences where it is clear that you are not fragile. This is where you assert yourself and prove to them that you are not.

The OP has told us nothing about the position, it could be for working behind a bar or it could be senior management whose team consists of a highly-skilled yet argumentative employee. It could even be for the firm's liaison with a union.

Don't think of it as an insult, it was an opportunity for you to demonstrate your ability to think on your feet and argue your corner (defend yourself) in a respectable and persuasive manner.

Anyway OP, mark it down to experience and be ready for the next test in an interview.

dudara

I would write a letter of complaint to HR. While you do not have grounds for complaint on the basis of the 9 discriminatory grounds, it was inappropriate and unprofessional. Any serious HR team would not want this kind of behaviour as it reflects poorly on their company and their ability to attract talent.

Long run - be thankful you are not working for a company that permits this.

davo10

dudara wrote: »

I would write a letter of complaint to HR. While you do not have grounds for complaint on the basis of the 9 discriminatory grounds, it was inappropriate and unprofessional. Any serious HR team would not want this kind of behaviour as it reflects poorly on their company and their ability to attract talent.

Long run - be thankful you are not working for a company that permits this.

I'd have to agree with some of the other posters, when they receive the letter of complaint, the interviewer will have a "told you so" attitude and assure HR they dodged a bullet by not hiring someone who is "fragile". The op had an opportunity to counter the interviewer assessment of him/her, instead he/she took to the interweb.

Minnie Snuggles

The first time I experienced a similar situation to the op it was for a job in credit control specifically collecting overdue accounts for 6 weeks. There were 15 candidates applying. I was told at the interview that I was far too soft for the position. My response was "if you give me a chance I will prove you wrong". The interviewer laughed. I started the following Monday.

I was very young at the time with very little experience and the job was a well paying one. When my 6 week contract was up they found another position for me and 6 weeks turned into 6 months. The only reason I left that job was because I was offered a permanent position with another company.

This was a fairly common tactic with interviewers to see how interested in the job you really were.

Dial Hard

Brian Lighthouse wrote:

Don't think of it as an insult, it was an opportunity for you to demonstrate your ability to think on your feet and argue your corner (defend yourself) in a respectable and persuasive manner.

Exactly. At the end of the interview where the manager said he thought I'd be difficult to manage, I asked why he thought that would be. He told me, I countered his concerns calmly and objectively and two days later I was offered the job. I didn't take it, but for money reasons, not because I had any issues with the interviewer.

Any "curveball" thrown at you is an opportunity to prove yourself. You may choose not to play them, you may decide they mean the company is not for you, but to decide that objective feedback such as being described as "fragile" is being insulted is beyond precious.

James 007

Brian Lighthouse wrote: »

Does anyone read between the lines anymore?

Interviewer - "You come across as fragile"

This is where you jump in and describe past experiences where it is clear that you are not fragile. This is where you assert yourself and prove to them that you are not.

The OP has told us nothing about the position, it could be for working behind a bar or it could be senior management whose team consists of a highly-skilled yet argumentative employee. It could even be for the firm's liaison with a union.

Don't think of it as an insult, it was an opportunity for you to demonstrate your ability to think on your feet and argue your corner (defend yourself) in a respectable and persuasive manner.

Anyway OP, mark it down to experience and be ready for the next test in an interview.

This is exactly what I taught too. Everyone else here seems to have taken the comments as an insult, move on etc. This is an interview, you are now put in the spotlight and need to address the question. The problem is people still expect to be asked the usual questions 'do you have any weaknesses'. You should of addressed the question starting by her/him judging your lack of expression, by stating i would never judge a book by its cover and progress to address the question asked turning it on its head.

Wake up and smell the coffee next time!!!

Mongfinder General

James 007 wrote: »

This is exactly what I taught too. Everyone else here seems to have taken the comments as an insult, move on etc. This is an interview, you are now put in the spotlight and need to address the question. The problem is people still expect to be asked the usual questions 'do you have any weaknesses'. You should of addressed the question starting by her/him judging your lack of expression, by stating i would never judge a book by its cover and progress to address the question asked turning it on its head.

Wake up and smell the coffee next time!!!

I’d tend to go the other way and allude to fragility in the interviewers work (if it’s an internal interview). You’re basically telling them to stick the job up their hole at that point. Insidious questions like the one posed to the op tells me that there’s probably another candidate favored.

fishy_fishy

Mongfinder General wrote: »

I’d tend to go the other way and allude to fragility in the interviewers work (if it’s an internal interview). You’re basically telling them to stick the job up their hole at that point. Insidious questions like the one posed to the op tells me that there’s probably another candidate favored.

Even so, to do nothing about it in the moment and then go online wringing your hands about being insulted and whether you should complain to HR is showing that there is merit to the fragility claim. Its also probably why, if there is a preferred candidate, the other person is preferred.

Anyone I know in work who I would consider fairly robust and not at all fragile would certainly address a comment like that in the moment.

Hang on a second,
I’m all for asking difficult questions, I’ll never try give someone an easy ride, but I’d never call an employee or a candidate “fragile”

Anyone who suggests this is ok is just treating people like ****.

If you can’t get skilled employees without insulting them at an interview, then don’t ask why you need to hire a replacement in the first place

Brian Lighthouse

@Brother Andy

I see the point you're making in your last post, however, we have only been supplied with one piece of information - The interviewer stated that the candidate came across as fragile. We have not been supplied with any contextual data which may colour our response and many of the responses appear to have been derived from each of the poster's personal experiences.

I and others read it as being a test of the candidate.
Others read it as being highly irregular conduct if it was an internal interview.
Other may have seen it as what might be termed a 'snowflake' reaction to a statement.

Either way, we don't know what position the interview was for, so I guess none of us were correct in our assumption of how the OP should deal with the situation.

In saying all this, I do believe that if you are being interviewed for a position and one where the chances of people attempting to persuade or browbeat you are high, then you should be tested in interview.

If you are being interviewed for a position where you will deal with no other persons apart from immediate colleagues then perhaps a test is not warranted.

Again, we had no context, no peg to hang our response on, so to speak.

B.A._Baracus

Hi op,
I get where you are coming from. Being called fragile is an insult and I think there may be an over reaction on here to this so far.

But nothing you can do. I get it that you took a few days reflecting on it and it's annoying you. Totally normal. But sending an email will just be laughed at by the person in question.

Live and learn and develop more of an instant reaction. If someone is calling you fragile after an interview you know right there you did not get the job without being told. Best to immediately give someone a piece of your mind if you feel so inclined.