Should I be paying bills in home house at age 20!?

Flock Of Birds

So, I’m a 20 year old lad living at home. Tried college this year but it wasn’t for me. So I’ve taken a leave of absence until this September as it was my only option other than dropping out. (To be honest, it was to keep the aul pair happy for the mean time because they didn’t want me dropping out of college).

I’m a full time gigging musician and gig the weekends. I also teach Bodhran and Fiddle at the weekends also. It brings in about €360 a week which isn’t bad pay. I’ve no job but I do consider this to be a job in itself and I’ve made plans to expand onto primary school teaching music after school once my Garda vetting is renewed and have public liability insurance etc.

So recently, my dad had to move to London in search of work because as we all know, the building trade went bust. Work dried up and well, he had no other form of income other than the cattle on the farm. When times were good, he bought property abroad and took out a mortgage on a house he built back in 2006. He’s gotten himself neck high in debt and this also contributed to him leaving for London. (he’s been living with my brother who already lives in London, and not paying any bills)

Meanwhile at home, Mum works a 9-5 weekdays and sister has a full time job which she got her degree in. So it arose recently that since I’m home all the time now that I should be paying bills and buying my own food. Same goes for my sister. But she’s earning a lot, lot more a week than I am. Should I be paying bills? I’m also looking into buying my first car and getting insurance along with it and I’ve been saving up for ages. Will have to save quite a lot more though as I’ve tried getting a loan from bank but given my fathers past with the banks and his debt, they turned me down.

Should I be paying for my parents mistakes? While I’m trying to get my own life on track with my music career, why should I be footed with the house bills every month while I try to get my car and insurance? By the way, they’re not helping me with buying the car or contributing to paying insurance. In my sisters case, they bought her car.

I don’t know, I hope I’m not sounding childish in my expectations but when I see other people my age they don’t appear to be paying household bills. Any help and replies are really appreciated, I just need an outside opinion because my head can get really clouded at times.

Side note - If you give any abuse at all I’ll be reporting/deleting comments. I’m looking for advice, not reality checks. I know what the real world is like!!
Cheers!

** EDIT **
- I’ve been buying my own groceries for a while now before ye jump on the band wagon and agreed to pay 1/4 of esb bill.

njs030

Yes you should be paying your way with an income of €360 a week.
Your sister is earning and contributing, so should you.

If you don't want to be paying for your "parents mistakes" move out and support yourself.

Heres Johnny

360 a Week?
Absolutely you should be paying rent bills and groceries for yourself. Maybe an all in price of 100 a week would be suitable.
You've a bit of learning to do.
260 a week then for yourself. It's loads.

LegacyUser

You are correct, your head is clouded. If you've been asked to contribute to household bills you should.
Your not paying for anyone's mistakes by doing so.

TPD

Yup, you should be paying. You're an adult and earning money, you aren't entitled to have another adult spending money they've earned on you. Your friends are lucky to be getting a free ride, but you're not being hard done by being asked to pay your way.

elfy4eva

I wont lambaste you as some here will but yea at your age you certainly should be contributing. Bills and some rent. What you earn doesn't really matter. Consider it motivation to get the finances in order.

Good Luck!

Mooooo

In short yes you should contribute, agree a weekly or monthly figure.

SusieBlue

I'm degree educated and work full time and don't earn a whole lot more than that. I don't live with my parents, though. But just putting it into perspective that you aren't earning a meagre amount by any means. You are certainly earning enough to hand a portion up.

You absolutely should be contributing financially, its particularly selfish considering you are fully aware of your parents difficulties and are still reluctant to give anything.

When I lived at home and was in college working part time I never handed up much, my parents didn't expect me to but I still gave €50 a couple of times a month, whenever I could. As soon as I started working full time I gave consistent amounts each week for my keep.

You are earning the equivalent of a full time wage, yet you are the one using up most of the resources by being at home the most. Time to start paying your way and grow up, you are getting away with murder as it is.

.......

This post has been deleted.

OP it ain't what you ask it's the way that you ask it


You should be paying 120 quid a week imo and you shouldn't need to be asked let alone giving the attitude you do in your post

Tenigate

It sounds like you're expecting a bit of breathing room from your parents while you start out and hopefully save, and they've decided not to give you it. I can see why you're annoyed.

On the other hand, your parents seem to struggle for cash to pay for food and bills, without having to pay your food and bills too.

Take the emotion out of the situation and then make your decision. How much are your parents asking, vs how much you would pay if you weren't living at home.

You might find that, despite being financially better off at home, your parents are taking enough money that there is little reason to stay put while you save (as saving is impossible), therefore there's still no reason to live at home. In which case, you're 20. Move out. Work extra hours if you need more money.

One small point about you not being able to get a loan because of your dad.. Pull the other one. Your reason for not getting a loan is likely because you have not been saving, therefore have no evidence of your ability to repay a loan; or maybe because you're not in permanent employment. you can't blame your dad for that.

Ninjini

The stance I will be taking with my children is that while they are in full time education, any money they make is their own. If they choose not to go to college, or once they finish college and start working, they pay at least a token amount.
Once you have a job/ are no longer a student, it’s time to join the real world and that means paying your way.

kylith

Yes, you should.

You will be paying rent/mortgage and bills at a much higher rate than your parents are looking for for the rest of your life, better get used to it.

eurokev

Is this a p*ss take.
Of course you should be paying and you should actually be over the moon to be in a position to help your folks.
Go out and get a weekday job in a shop or something too.
Not saying that you won't make a living out of music, but it is definitely a very very difficult industry to make money in.
You are in some savage need of a reality check.
The bank won't give you a loan because you probably have no regular income or savings, not because of your dad, I don't know where you plucked that nugget from

Flock Of Birds

[Deleted User] wrote: »

OP it ain't what you ask it's the way that you ask it


You should be paying 120 quid a week imo and you shouldn't need to be asked let alone giving the attitude you do in your post

No attitude here dude just sick of the way things are.

Flock Of Birds

eurokev wrote: »

Is this a p*ss take.
Of course you should be paying and you should actually be over the moon to be in a position to help your folks.
Go out and get a weekday job in a shop or something too.
Not saying that you won't make a living out of music, but it is definitely a very very difficult industry to make money in.
You are in some savage need of a reality check.
The bank won't give you a loan because you probably have no regular income or savings, not because of your dad, I don't know where you plucked that nugget from

Good point. But I didn’t ‘pluck’ any nuggets here. It’s facts, and maybe you’re the one who needs the reality check. I’ve been to the bank and credit union. They look for parents pay slips and statements of the last 6 months. Couldn’t provide one for dad and mums didn’t meet requirements.

I shouldn’t have to pay for others mistakes full stop.

Gatling

Absolutely you should be paying your way living in Your Parents Home ,
Keyword their home ,
Can't see why wouldn't considering how much your getting from gigs,

eviltwin

How is contributing to the household paying for your parents mistakes? It's the decent thing to do and I'm surprised you even have to ask. Grow up and start paying your way, you are 20 ffs

MouseTail

Are you expecting your parents to go guarantor on your loan, that is the only reason they would look for parental income from another adult? Apply in your own name without a guarantor.

And of course you should be paying a share of bills.

Mooooo

Flock Of Birds wrote: »

Good point. But I didn’t ‘pluck’ any nuggets here. It’s facts, and maybe you’re the one who needs the reality check. I’ve been to the bank and credit union. They look for parents pay slips and statements of the last 6 months. Couldn’t provide one for dad and mums didn’t meet requirements.

I shouldn’t have to pay for others mistakes full stop.

I'm gonna call bull****, gotten loans at that age all that was asked was my own info

amcalester

Mooooo wrote: »

I'm gonna call bull****, gotten loans at that age all that was asked was my own info

Credit Union asked me for a guarantor for my first loan at 24.

I was in full time employment, had payslips and bank statements etc.

This was in boomtimes too.

To the OP - Paying for rent and bills isn’t paying for your parents mistakes. Those are living expenses.

henryporter

Is that 360 a week after tax?

Conor Bourke

Paying for the mistakes of your father has nothing to do with anything. Even if he’d never put a foot wrong and your parents were comfortable financially you should absolutely still be contributing.

ETA I have no idea why the bank is looking for your parents payslip, it sounds absurd since you’re an adult in your own right but they’re the only ones punishing you, your parents are not.

TitianGerm

Flock Of Birds wrote: »

Good point. But I didn’t ‘pluck’ any nuggets here. It’s facts, and maybe you’re the one who needs the reality check. I’ve been to the bank and credit union. They look for parents pay slips and statements of the last 6 months. Couldn’t provide one for dad and mums didn’t meet requirements.

I shouldn’t have to pay for others mistakes full stop.

How old are you? I'd suggest you offer your mam €50 a week for rent. If you moved out you'd be paying a lot more.

The only way a bank would require your parents salary details is if you have applied to have them go guarantor, if you applied for a loan in your own right they wouldn't ask for parents payslips.

Another point that I haven't seen mentioned is in relation to income tax. You are technically self employed and will be required to disclose your earnings and file a return

eurokev

Flock Of Birds wrote:

Good point. But I didn’t ‘pluck’ any nuggets here. It’s facts, and maybe you’re the one who needs the reality check. I’ve been to the bank and credit union. They look for parents pay slips and statements of the last 6 months. Couldn’t provide one for dad and mums didn’t meet requirements.

Flock Of Birds wrote:

I shouldn’t have to pay for others mistakes full stop.

The problem there must be that you have no history with any institution that give loans I'd imagine??.
Is your gigging cash in hand?? As in you don't have a bank account with any wage going in, or any history of savings anywhere.
Can you go and work a regular wage paying job at the mo??
When I was your age I had a job in a shop and bar part time, went to college full time, and was able to take out a loan to buy a car and go traveling, no problem. I know countless other people who've done this in the intervening years too.

In short, go and get a regular wage paying job in a bar/shop/factory/ warehouse etc. Keep doing your gigs and teaching music. You'll be clearing 700-800 a week. You'll have a car bought in no time.

Airyfairy12

I lived with my parents for 2 and a half years after college (which my parents didn't pay for), I couldnt find work so signed on the dole - it was 188 a week then, I payed 50 euro a week to my mother from my social welfare towards bills and bought my own groceries while I tried to save up to move out - I was left with about 80 a week which went straight into my credit union account, both my parents work full time btw and at 30 I still cant drive and cant afford lessons never mind insurance, a car at age 20 was a pipe dream for me as it was for my siblings. As someone who has never been given a hand out from my parents but has had to hand up any bit of extra money I had your post comes across quite entitled from where im standing.

Youre on a full time wage, if you dont want to contribute then move out.

As for the loan if youre over 18 you can take out a loan without any information from your parents, what have they got to do with it? unless youre taking a loan through their bank account or guarantor??

You may have no history with saving in a bank or credit union, if thats the case then thats your own fault not your parents.

Needs Must

You should contribute to the household, or move out and get your own place. It's not called paying for other people's mistakes, it's called not being a free loader.

Stroke Politics

€360pw is about €500 after tax and deductions. €26k pa is a decent income, if my son got that for his first job I’d expect a contribution towards running the house....

pjohnson

I hope/doubt the OP is serious.

badboyblast

Of course you should , its not about the money, it's about respect, I would give every penny to pay for my family to eat, pay their mortgage etc. If I had the opportunity.

I will teach my kids from a young age how to treat money and manage it .

No disrespect to you but the so called millennials have a sense of entitlement I have never seen before , I experienced it recently in the work place and you gotta learn to walk before you run

jon1981

The sense of entitlement! Holy f**k OP. I'm sure your parents "mistakes" were only good intentions to ensure a better life for you and sadly it didnt work out that way. Have you ever thought about that?

You believe you are entitled to live there for free , why?!?

You have a job, pay your way and stop whining.

Also good luck with making no "mistakes" in life.

SimpleDimples

I'm not sure if you are being serious?

Look at it this way, you are a currently costing your parents, who are already struggling financially, money.

Food, heat, electricity, etc all cost money!!!

Should your parents have to suffer the fact you haven't grown up, emotionally matured, found yourself a job and are self entitled beyond believe.

Are you really so unaware that you don't realise how good you have it?

Imagine if the ask you to move out and live in the real world - rent, household bills etc.

You should be ashamed of your attitude

dudara

@pjohnson - if you don’t offer advice , then please don’t post. If you suspect a post to be trolling, please use the Report Post function.

@jon1981 - dial it back please

dudara

OP - yes, you should absolutely be contributing. Once you start earning, you start paying. Well done for earning as much as you do. You’re clearly not idling around, but you do need to contribute.

Big Bag of Chips

Flock Of Birds wrote: »

I shouldn’t have to pay for others mistakes full stop.

Where are you getting that you are 'paying for others' mistakes'? As an adult who earns, eats, uses utilities, heat, water, electricity, broadband, television, washing powder, towels, bed clothes, etc of course you should be supporting yourself. Your parents are financially responsible for you until you are adult enough to provide for yourself. They no longer receive child benefit for you because you are no longer a child, and as you are no longer a child you don't need mammy funding you. Your parents now have less money coming in because you're an adult and the state has stopped subsidising you, because it is expected that as an adult you are in a position to start contributing to your own expenses.

Do you not understand that?

(Actually, are you claiming dole or working officially?)
I am a 40 year old mother of 4, and you are earning parttime, what I earn a week full time working a busy job. You are earning money. You just don't want to let go of it. If you don't want to pay anything towards your keep at home, move out and see how you get on!

Rubberchikken

My advice and you can delete it/ report it if you want is - youre earning enough to save for future and contribute towards household.
If you went out into the world renting, you'd have to pay a lot and im sure you realise that.
There's a tone of immaturity coming through your op that makes me think you've a bit more growing up to do. When this happens youll realise that everyone should play their part and pay their fair share.

uck51js9zml2yt

OP, the question isn't "should I be paying bills?".
It should be do I need to eat? Do I use electricity/ gas?
If the answer is yes then you have your answer.

Why do you think you shouldn't contribute when you being in the house is a cost.

As others have said. €120 should be the minimum. Apart from anything else, why do you want to be a burden on your mam? She already has enough on her plate with your dad having to emigrate to get work.

tedpan

Flock Of Birds wrote:

Side note - If you give any abuse at all I’ll be reporting/deleting comments. I’m looking for advice, not reality checks. I know what the real world is like!! Cheers!

Welcome to boards...

end of the road

hi op.
i would agree with you 100% that it's not up to you to pay for other's mistakes. you are completely correct on that stance. 100%
that's not what is happening here though, your parents are asking you and your sister to contribute seeing as you are both earning, which is fair enough. see it as contributing to what you use in the house, if you can, rather then paying for your parent's mistakes, because it really isn't that.

i think the reason you asked this question is due to seeing how your friends aren't contributing and understandibly you want to know what you should be doing. being honest, that's fair enough, if you aren't used to hearing this happening then it's not surprising you find it strange to you. it really isn't strange over all, most parents will ask for a contribution to the house if their children are living there and earning, completely fair enough. other parents don't and that's their opinion. my advice is to contribute something, how much will be between you and your parents. maybe try and work out the costs of what you do use in terms of electricity etc.

December2012

You refer to “paying for other people’s mistakes”. Even if that was the case (which I don’t see it is), you have to look at the flip side - you are benefitting from your parents hard work and the security they offer.

Are you like the little red hen - only taking and not helping?

TheSheriff

Thought this was a joke when I first read it !

If your not a student you should be paying. You are 100% benefitting from your parents success otherwise.

Ursus Horribilis

Of course you should. When I was your age and still living at home, I saw it as a way to hand something back to my parents. They gave me a great life and I never wanted for anything. Up to and including an expensive university education, So why not give them a few bob? If they were the ones who paid for your music lessons, it's especially churlish on your behalf.

utmbuilder

Having to pay bills that's outrageous

What next she won't have your washing done or dinner on the table

I'd get on to the local priest or child line or something

Hitman3000

I think someone is in for an awful shock when they get their own place.

end of the road

Hitman3000 wrote: »

I think someone is in for an awful shock when they get their own place.

far from it. the op is well aware he will have lots to pay out when he does live on his own. he's not stupid.

Hitman3000

end of the road wrote:

far from it. the op is well aware he will have lots to pay out when he does live on his own. he's not stupid.

Yet he has an issue meeting his responsibilities at the moment. Do you always take the contrarian view? Honest question btw.

end of the road

Hitman3000 wrote: »

Yet he has an issue meeting his responsibilities at the moment.

he has no issue in meeting his responsibilities. it's just up until now he didn't have the particular responsibility he is asking about in this thread. based on the fact it's not something he has come across, given his friends aren't expected to contribute to their households, he wanted to know if it was the normal and done thing to be asked to contribute money to his household. it was a fair question asked in good faith from someone who genuinely didn't know the answer.

Hitman3000

end of the road wrote:

he has no issue in meeting his responsibilities. it's just up until now he didn't have the particular responsibility he is asking about in this thread. based on the fact it's not something he has come across, given his friends aren't expected to contribute to their households, he wanted to know if it was the normal and done thing to be asked to contribute money to his household. it was a fair question asked in good faith from someone who genuinely didn't know the answer.

So you miss his mention of paying for his parents mistakes? He seems to equate having to pony up some cash for room and board as somehow paying for his father in particulars mistake. I find it inconceivable that a 20 year old would not be aware of having to pay his/her way whether in their family home or a rental. If however it was a post to incite a robust response it seems to have done the trick.

end of the road

Hitman3000 wrote: »

So you miss his mention of paying for his parents mistakes? He seems to equate having to pony up some cash for room and board as somehow paying for his father in particulars mistake.

i didn't miss it, i just simply took it for what it was, a belief by someone who genuinely thought children contributing to their family home wasn't the done thing.

Hitman3000 wrote: »

I find it inconceivable that a 20 year old would not be aware of having to pay his/her way whether in their family home or a rental.

to be fair, it can be very easy for a 20 year old who wasn't being asked to contribute, and who's friends don't contribute to their households meaning they aren't aware that it can be for the most part the done thing, not to know that it is possible they may be asked to contribute to their family home. he is actually paying his way, he buys his food and has agreed to pay a quarter of the ESB bill, and it's likely he will contribute more now he knows it's not a strange idea to be asked by his parents to help with the bills, and his sister has been asked as well. he is aware if he was living in a rental property he would have to pay rent and bills, but he isn't living in a rental property currently so there is no point in bringing it into the thread IMO. there is a little part of his post that shows us he does know what happens when he will be living out on his own.

Flock Of Birds wrote: »

I’m looking for advice, not reality checks. I know what the real world is like!!

Hitman3000

end of the road wrote:

i didn't miss it, i just simply took it for what it was, a belief by someone who genuinely thought children contributing to their family home wasn't the done thing.

He claimed he was expected to pay for his fathers mistakes.

end of the road wrote:

to be fair, it can be very easy for a 20 year old who wasn't being asked to contribute, and who's friends don't contribute to their households meaning they aren't aware that it can be for the most part the done thing, not to know that it is possible they may be asked to contribute to their family home. he is actually paying his way, he buys his food and has agreed to pay a quarter of the ESB bill, and it's likely he will contribute more now he knows it's not a strange idea to be asked by his parents to help with the bills, and his sister has been asked as well. he is aware if he was living in a rental property he would have to pay rent and bills, but he isn't living in a rental property currently so there is no point in bringing it into the thread IMO. there is a little part of his post that shows us he does know what happens when he will be living out on his own.

He's not paying his way. He only mentions he started to buy his own food and pay a quarter of the electricity bill. Did he forget laundry, internet, sky and a token amount of rent.
Also he claims to teach music, if he does for his parents home I hope he has paid for the revelvent increase in insurance as he is operating a business.
Lastly the OP despite his claims demonstrates no knowledge of the real world.

Tidyboii

Just a bit to add to this.
Sat my leaving cert at 17. So as soon as i was done it was out the gap to try find work. I had nothing full time at the time so it was odd jobs, days here and there etc. Lived in the mothers place for 3 years after leaving cert and was always made to hand up a share of cash at the end of the week, even if it meant having nothing for myself.
At the time i was thinking it was a bit unfair that if i made €50 for working 7am to 7pm and be made hand up that night.
But looking back 10 years on, its perfectly reasonable.
Having someone live with you can be costly in so many ways that you wouldnt imagine. And if you were footing all bills, i'd hedge a bet and say you would have your hand out too!
Just pay up a decent chunk of money. It'll be less hassle if you do. Be better than being told to move on! Plus its better at giving money actual value to yourself

Wexfordboy89

Simple move out if u dont want to pay its really that simple.ppl working full time barely earn 360 euro a week n pay rent bill etc u live at home n eat use esb internet watch tv etc n dont even offer to pay even 50 euro a week.does mammy do your washing aswell young ppl today have it far too easy tbh

Edit you should be help your poor mam out around the house a bit aswell if u arent.do you not even feel the least bit sad for your dad he has to leave the country to try n take care of his family by getting a job in a different country