Extremely noisy neighbours

Blondie 1986

Hi Everyone,

I am looking for advice on the topic of noisy neighbours. We bought our house early last year and there is a family of four living next door to us in a semi-detached house. Both their children are autistic, one quite severely and has no speech at aged 8. We completely empathise with their situation and can't even realise how hard daily life is for them. The problem is the noise levels...the constant banging directly on our walls, screaming and this happens at any stage of the day/night. It is as if he is holding something metal and just constantly banging on our walls and that the parents do not seem to try and restrain him from doing this.

We appreciate the noise levels could be more elevated and empathise completely, but it is causing stress in our own house as peace and quiet is non-existent. Constantly have headaches from lack of sleep and being woken numerous times at night, or from 6am onwards at weekends. We both work fulltime and come home from work each day to constant loud noise and banging next door. It is affecting our health and moods which in my opinion is unacceptable. We are entitled to some peace and quiet in our own home. I have researched the non-verbal nature of autism and how there is a phrase called "stimming" which is extremely common and to be honest, it is mainly the constant banging on our walls is the issue.

We have not approached the parents as we do not want them to feel bad but it is getting to a point where we feel, for our own sanity we will need to, as it has gotten progressively worse since we moved in.

I would appreciate any advice from people out there as to how to approach this in a sensitive manner?

Doniekp

That's a tough situation to be in, have thought about sound proofing the side of the house adjoining them?

http://www.soundproofcow.com/soundproofing-101/how-to-soundproof-a-home-2/how-to-soundproof-a-wall-2/

Leilak

I really empathise with you both as that situation must be very difficult to deal with, I've never had noisy neighbours but I just want to say I really hope you can sort things out and can look forward to some peace and quiet soon

Wabbit Ears

First port of call is to just sit down with the neighbours and talk about it.

Trust me, they are aware of the noise and dread the inevitable conversation more than you do so just rip that plaster right off and be done with it.

thierry14

Doniekp wrote: »

That's a tough situation to be in, have thought about sound proofing the side of the house adjoining them?

http://www.soundproofcow.com/soundproofing-101/how-to-soundproof-a-home-2/how-to-soundproof-a-wall-2/

I don't think anything can soundproof against impact noises

That material might be good against general noise like music, talking etc but not impact noises

Especially at 4am when you can hear everything

Blondie 1986

Thanks everyone. I agree, soundproofing wouldn't work I don't think as it is really severe banging, it might drown out the screaming more but the banging is more problematic and disturbing for us. I think I am just delaying the inevitable of talking to the parents as it is a really difficult situation for them too but it is probably the only thing we can do. I just want to make sure we approach it in a matter where we are empathetic, but at the same time, them realising the effect it is having on us in our first home together, which we love. The noise is just so stressing when everything else about the place is perfect.

Thanks everyone, really appreciate any input or advice on this.

LookingFor

It's just a small piece of advice, but having endured noisy neighbours for some years, I came to very much appreciate bioears ear plugs at night.

I'm not sure how good they'd be with impact noise.. and I know some people don't like the idea of sleeping with ear plugs. In the end I had to resort to them though, and they're the best ones I could find.

tinkerbell

You would be amazed at what good soundproofing would do. Talk to a builder and see what they advise. Failing that, you will need to talk to the parents. Good luck.

seamus

thierry14 wrote: »

I don't think anything can soundproof against impact noises

That material might be good against general noise like music, talking etc but not impact noises

Especially at 4am when you can hear everything

Padding the communal walls (on the neighbour's side) in some kind of absorbent material might as least reduce the severity of the banging and absorb a lot of the noise though.

And I don't mean a full-on padded room like a 1950s mental hospital, just the one wall tastefully done.

But that may not be a solution, the child may react and just tear it off the walls.

OP, you are going to have to have a chat to them about it. Approach it as a shared problem - something you're willing to help them resolve - and they may be more receptive. For example, if there is something structurally they can do, you could offer to contribute towards the cost, if cost is an issue.

A lot of people would say that paying anything is ridiculous, but ultimately this isn't a problem that can be fixed by complaining.

Other approaches may be altering the layout of your own property so that all of the sleeping is done on the opposite side of the house, and with appropriate soundproofing on the neighbour-adjoined rooms, the bedrooms may be mostly silent.

Gatling

Does anyone have a cure for severe autism ?

Being honest there is not a lot the family can actually do , having spent the last 18 months working with kids including one non verbal child there is not a whole lot anyone can do ,
You can go and talk to them , unfortunately don't expect much to change ,
I know it's not exactly what you want to hear ,but bar the other family moving out your in a no win situation

Sleeper12

Soundproofing on both sides. Soundproofing on their side with insulation boards would be a good help. The child would be hitting plasterboard over foam and this will be a hell of a lot quieter than hitting solid concrete.

[Deleted User]

Gatling wrote: »

Does anyone have a cure for severe autism ?

Being honest there is not a lot the family can actually do , having spent the last 18 months working with kids including one non verbal child there is not a whole lot anyone can do ,
You can go and talk to them , unfortunately don't expect much to change ,
I know it's not exactly what you want to hear ,but bar the other family moving out your in a no win situation

Even something as simple as restricting access to the common wall would at least help and that should be too difficult to do. The banging on this wall sounds like one of the biggest issues and one that could be solved with a little thought.

Sleeper12

Kaelyn Inexpensive Flag wrote:

Even something as simple as restricting access to the common wall would at least help and that should be too difficult to do. The banging on this wall sounds like one of the biggest issues and one that could be solved with a little thought.

I've read posts here from parents of autistic children. Some have said that they expect to have to put their child in care as they get older. Some kids have attacked their parents with knives.

There's lots of different levels of autism and some also have adhd or other issues. It might not be possible to just keep the child away common wall

seamus

sugarman wrote: »

Of course there is! The parents could possibly move the child to the other side of their bedroom or even swap bedrooms with them their selves so they could be on the opposite side of the house.

Unfortunately the solutions here are not so simple. An child with special needs can't just be moved around and "get over it" as you would do with a normal child. You could move their bedroom and the child loses their mind, screaming for months, making the problem worse and not better.

Likewise any change to their room, such as padding a wall, could elicit a negative response from the child and make things ten times worse.

A normal child can be disciplined, encouraged, reasoned with. A severely autistic child often cannot.

Certainly the OP should explore with the other party things that can be done, but should be under no expectations that they'll be easy fixes.

Averagevegan

Is moving an option? it's expensive but probably cheap than soundproofing etc

Mrs OBumble

Approach the parents. If they can say that the neighbours are complaining, it's one more argument for them to use in getting appropriate sedation from the medical professionals.

The_Conductor

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Approach the parents. If they can say that the neighbours are complaining, it's one more argument for them to use in getting appropriate sedation from the medical professionals.

Really?
You're suggesting sedating the kids?
These are autistic children- they are children nonetheless.
I'm appalled that you'd suggest sedating them.

The OP has had some very reasonable suggestions thus far- including exploring soundproofing- alongside the obvious and cheap option- getting the earplugs.

It is messy living next door to a family such as these- however, the idea that you medicate the kids until they're comatose- is one of those instances where the medicine is worse than the cure.

It is not an appropriate suggestion.

Spanish Eyes

I am sure the family are totally stressed by this themselves, and have not factored in the impact it might have on the attached neighbour yet.

A gentle word with them might help, but be prepared for frazzled parents, and who can blame them.

Anyway, if approached in the right way I think a solution can be found. I am sure the family are demented with the noise themselves and just do not have the space in their heads to figure out a way to sort it.

It would be a win win if for example, foam based soundproofing could be installed on both sides of the attached wall.

I am with both parties here, but there is a mutual solution to this, if explored reasonably I think.

TheChizler

Could be something as simple as a bed post or rail knocking against the wall or floor. Moving the bed an inch or two or even a small strip of padding could fix that. Optimistic I know but absolutely worth talking to them about.

Max Prophet

Its a semi-d? Can they not move kids to other side of house

Mrs OBumble

The_Conductor wrote: »

Really?
You're suggesting sedating the kids?
These are autistic children- they are children nonetheless.
I'm appalled that you'd suggest sedating them.

The OP has had some very reasonable suggestions thus far- including exploring soundproofing- alongside the obvious and cheap option- getting the earplugs.

It is messy living next door to a family such as these- however, the idea that you medicate the kids until they're comatose- is one of those instances where the medicine is worse than the cure.

It is not an appropriate suggestion.

Nope.

I'm suggesting that the parents need to talk to the medical professionals about what's appropriate to ensure that the kids and adults get adequate rest. To have this conversation properly, the parents need to know about the effects on the neighbours.

Like it or not, sedation is one of the options which is sometimes used.

The OP doesn't tell the neighbour "do X with your kid" (move it's bedroom, sedate it, build a sensory wall, take it for a long walk at 8pm ... etc). They just say "we have this problem, can we do anything to help you fix it - because you, Mr / Mrs Parent, need to get it fixed" - more gently than that, of course.

Not having the conversation is just ostracising the parent, and causing more problems as tempers get frayed. Classic passive-aggressive behaviour, which solves nothing.

the_syco

Blondie 1986 wrote: »

I am looking for advice on the topic of noisy neighbours. We bought our house early last year and there is a family of four living next door to us in a semi-detached house.

Who was there first; you or them?

Dr_Kolossus

There may be nothing you or the neighbours can do. Likely hood is that they are 10x as stressed as you and have tried lots of solutions. With severe autism, sometimes there really is nothing that can be done.

However if you are going down the route of talking to them, some things can help the child. In the child's room often it is calming to have literally nothing in the room, no distractions, maybe. Some calming lighting or a colour the child likes e.g. paint the room green. Things like this can help. Sometimes certain things set off the child, other times it may seem random. Perhaps question the parents if they have noticed anything. Say it in a sympathetic, non condescending way, u never know something might hit them.

You sound like a decent person, ignore the comment from anyone suggesting drugs, and pray that any little soul never has the misfortune to be cared for by that type.

DoozerT6

I don't think anybody is suggesting drugging the child into a stupor, for the love of God! It's not the 1950's.

The child is most likely already on some sort of medication(s). It's likely that he/she may need some adjustments in meds to help with any possible improvements in this behaviour. There is also no diplomatic way to bring that subject up with the parents (you may be sure they are already aware that this is the case) so I would leave that conversation be, tbh.

I really do feel for you, OP. There is no easy way around this. Having lived beside extremely noisy children before, I can sympathise. In my case, (although they have since moved out) I knew that they would grow out of the EXTREME constant screaming and fighting stage eventually. In your case, it may only get worse

vikingdub

Blondie 1986 wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I agree, soundproofing wouldn't work I don't think as it is really severe banging, it might drown out the screaming more but the banging is more problematic and disturbing for us. I think I am just delaying the inevitable of talking to the parents as it is a really difficult situation for them too but it is probably the only thing we can do. I just want to make sure we approach it in a matter where we are empathetic, but at the same time, them realising the effect it is having on us in our first home together, which we love. The noise is just so stressing when everything else about the place is perfect.

Thanks everyone, really appreciate any input or advice on this.

Before having the conversation with the parents, I suggest that you contact one of the Autism support groups and ask for their advice on how best to approach the subject. It might even be possible to get a representative of one of these groups, or some suitable nominated by them, to accompany you or make an approach on your behalf.

OscarMIlde

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Approach the parents. If they can say that the neighbours are complaining, it's one more argument for them to use in getting appropriate sedation from the medical professionals.

That's a disgraceful attitude, autistic people are not objects to be hushed when inconveninent, they are people with feelings like everyone else.

OP, I can empathise with you from the other side. One of my brothers is non verbal autistic, and we had exactly this issue with a neighbour. It was extremely stressful for all of us, except our neighbour wasn't as understanding as you.

We eventually moved the issue, as it were. My parents were able to apply for a county council grant towards extending the house so that my brother had a soundproofed room away from any communal walls. I'm not certain how exactly it was obtained but it was definitely part paid for due to my brother's disabilty. It might be worth exploring the option and then approaching them for a chat.

amtc

My parents had a situation like this where an adult autistic son had moved back to his parents house. He had been living in assisted care but had moved to theirs when they moved from a different part of the country last year. It is a semi d house.

It wasn't so much banging and screaming in the house but outside in the garden. My mother wasn't that affected as she's out or away a lot but my dad was. He gardens and felt in a way threatened.

My dad is 79 and I had got the public health nurse to assess the bathroom for aids etc. as my mother spends up to six months away every year. In this I mentioned the screaming to her. On her second visit she could hear it She very nicely and gently approached the neighbours.

Now with a mixture of compromise and a realisation by neighbours...they had never lived in semi d house before...my parents now sleep in the front. The son has a kind of fully fitted out shed at the end of the garden ( there's is the end house so no neighbours). But it was the public health nurse who mediated it.

georgina toadbum

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Approach the parents. If they can say that the neighbours are complaining, it's one more argument for them to use in getting appropriate sedation from the medical professionals.

I find even the notion of sedating the kids incredibly upsetting.
What an awful thing to suggest.

gct

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Approach the parents. If they can say that the neighbours are complaining, it's one more argument for them to use in getting appropriate sedation from the medical professionals.

I just don't know how to reply to this. Shocking! As a parent of a child with autism I can tell You that its safe to say the OP's neighbours are well aware of the noise situation and will already be doing all they can to keep the noise to a minimum. You cannot tell an autistic child to keep quiet. They operate in their own universe.
I also think the OP will find the neighbours to be very approachable and by talking to them You will find that they are already doing everything possible to ease the situation. I don't think its fair to make them out to be the neighbours from hell.

Call me Al

Sleeper12 wrote: »

I've read posts here from parents of autistic children. Some have said that they expect to have to put their child in care as they get older. Some kids have attacked their parents with knives.

There's lots of different levels of autism and some also have adhd or other issues. It might not be possible to just keep the child away common wall

And yes those things are all possibilities, but the OP will only find out if he or she asks the parents. The parents next door may not have done anything to attempt to mitigate the situation. They may not even realise that the OP is having any problems with the current situation. There's only one way to find out.

listermint

This is one of multiple threads recently on noise levels. And whilst not authism specific it goes to show that folks buying SemiDs of any constructions should really give real serious consideration to sound proofing prior to moving in as a necessary budget item just as you would new windows.

Because at the end of the day sanity is important and some people are simply not used to noise.