Modern young fellas

OneoOne1

Went into a bar today. Sat at the bar when a group of young fella, about 6 or 7, came in and sat behind me. I was considering moving as I expected them to be rowdy and loud. After a few minutes I had forgotten they were there as they were so quiet.. I looked behind me and saw all of them on their phones not saying a word. Two of them were even using earphones.

I just found it very sad.

Please tell me this is not normal.

Joeseph Balls

OneoOne1 wrote: »

Went into a bar today. Sat at the bar when a group of young fella, about 6 or 7, came in and sat beside me. I was considering moving as I expected them to be rowdy and loud. After a few minutes I had forgotten they were there as they were so quiet.. I looked behind me and saw all of them on their phones not saying a word. Two of them were even using earphones.

I just found it very sad.

Please tell me this is not normal.

Not in my local anyway, the young lads mix with the older, play darts, 25 etc. Rural setting

drunkmonkey

The young lads are just as daft as the auld lads, like Joe said probably a city thing.

Wheeliebin30

If they're happy and causing no harm what's the problem?

It's a sign of the times.

kerryjack

OneoOne1 wrote: »

Went into a bar today. Sat at the bar when a group of young fella, about 6 or 7, came in and sat behind me. I was considering moving as I expected them to be rowdy and loud. After a few minutes I had forgotten they were there as they were so quiet.. I looked behind me and saw all of them on their phones not saying a word. Two of them were even using earphones.

I just found it very sad.

Please tell me this is not normal.

What's normal, is a lad going in to a bar and horsing in to 10 pints like we did 20 ago normal, if you asked for a coffee you would be ran out of town, the whole industry is changing for the better some bars are slow to change and probably will close. Go with it.

eviltwin

It's not just lads who do this or young people either. I've been out with friends and they've spent the first twenty minutes or so updating facebook, posting photos of their pints etc. I know one lad who takes a photo of every location he is in and asks people to guess where he is. He's 40. I've been out with people who communicate through FB even though they are sitting at the same table. Bonkers stuff. It's attention seeking crap. But it seems to be the norm.

HandsomeBob

I'm 30 and have been guilty of it. I've always loathed the social media craze but at the same time it's quite difficult not to be swept up with it, as it's huge even with my own peers.

As I'm getting older I'm trying new things to actually leave the phone at home. Little things like buying a watch so I know the time.

But it is still quite difficult. The way society is with smartphones you're at the beck and call of people and family 24/7. So there's always the concern about missing an emergency or a request for help from someone should I leave it at home.

But I am going to plough on with using it less in 2018. It's something I need and want to do.

Wanderer78

HandsomeBob wrote:

But it is still quite difficult. The way society is with smartphones you're at the beck and call of people and family 24/7. So there's always the concern about missing an emergency or a request for help from someone should I leave it at home.

In the total amount of phone calls I have received throughout my life, I've only ever received a couple of true emergency calls, phones are not really that important, but we are being made to think and feel they are, and it's working.

I'm largely uncontactable, phone is regularly turned off, and no where in my company, my life is fine, and strangely I miss very little

irishman86

kerryjack wrote: »

What's normal, is a lad going in to a bar and horsing in to 10 pints like we did 20 ago normal, if you asked for a coffee you would be ran out of town, the whole industry is changing for the better some bars are slow to change and probably will close. Go with it.

I'd be delighted with the quiet lads rather than the bravado arent we great getting ****ed lads. Like you said the times are changing

People in general are hooked to their phones now. Sure, there are some people who rarely check their phones but most people are completely wired into checking their social media apps regularly. Get used to it. And it's not just these guys in the pub. You'll see it in restaurants, nightclubs, and even performances. While originally I thought women were more likely to behave like this, I'd guess its rather equal amongst the genders now.

On a side note, the bars in my hometown are mostly dead in the evenings. I can definitely see why a group of guys might turn to their phones when they hit the bar. Any real fun is happening at house parties in my area.

source

jobless

Fcuk the phones, it's the no socks trend I'm confused as fcuk about... Where did this originate from

Dakota Dan

Young men nowadays are turning into pansies.

emeldc

My OH goes to China for work a few times a year. She was in an up market restaurant one night and noticed that the four people at the table beside her were on their phones for the entire night without hardly speaking a word to each other. When she asked one of her Chinese colleagues what was going on she told her that they were playing an online game with each other

xabi

emeldc wrote: »

My OH goes to China for work a few times a year. She was in an up market restaurant one night and noticed that the four people at the table beside her were on their phones for the entire night without hardly speaking a word to each other. When she asked one of her Chinese colleagues what was going on she told her that they were playing an online game with each other

That’s no different than a group of kids playing PlayStation together. We did that 20 years ago.

bob50

jobless wrote: »

Fcuk the phones, it's the no socks trend I'm confused as fcuk about... Where did this originate from

Yeah was wondering that too whats the story ? does anyone know ?

Dakota Dan

bob50 wrote: »

Yeah was wondering that too whats the story ? does anyone know ?

It's as strange as the undersized suits a few years back.

Goodshape

xabi wrote: »

That’s no different than a group of kids playing PlayStation together. We did that 20 years ago.

PlayStations while you ate? In a restaurant?

StupidLikeAFox

Dakota Dan wrote: »

Young men nowadays are turning into pansies.

Please describe your ideal man

Dakota Dan

StupidLikeAFox wrote: »

Please describe your ideal man

Women are more my taste.

Bullocks

jobless wrote: »

Fcuk the phones, it's the no socks trend I'm confused as fcuk about... Where did this originate from

Must be the most uncomfortable way to wear shoes

emeldc

emeldc wrote: »

My OH goes to China for work a few times a year. She was in an up market restaurant one night and noticed that the four people at the table beside her were on their phones for the entire night without hardly speaking a word to each other. When she asked one of her Chinese colleagues what was going on she told her that they were playing an online game with each other

It's very common to see a large group of 15-20 people at a table in a nightclub where everyone will be on their phones throughout the whole night. I used to go out with large groups and I was the only one to go dancing. The remainder would sit playing with their phones, checking wechat and qq, or seeking matches on the "lookaround" for dating.

Most of the modern dating is done through phone apps too. I know a girl who met her bf on a phone app, they spoke for almost three months on the phone without meeting (they're in the same city), met after that a few times, and now they're engaged.

China is nuts about social media and phone apps.

emeldc

xabi wrote: »

That’s no different than a group of kids playing PlayStation together. We did that 20 years ago.

At €100 a head?

kerryjack

Dakota Dan wrote: »

Young men nowadays are turning into pansies.

I think you might have watched too much of Rambo over the Christmas.

El_Duderino 09

Dakota Dan wrote:

Young men nowadays are turning into pansies.

Harsh. A poster told me that the current man hating culture makes him feel awful about himself. I presume he was blaming feminist but this sheds light on what he was talking about. It's sad really.

Your by your grandfather's standards, your probably don't measure up to much either. Things change. Leave the young lads alone if they're enjoying themselves and not causing any harm.

Dakota Dan

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Harsh. A poster told me that the current man hating culture makes him feel awful about himself. I presume he was blaming feminist but this sheds light on what he was talking about. It's sad really.

Your by your grandfather's standards, your probably don't measure up to much either. Things change. Leave the young lads alone if they're enjoying themselves and not causing any harm.

If there is ever a man made or natural disaster that will mean people will have to go back to basics the pansies will be the first to die out.

Jerichoholic

xabi wrote: »

That’s no different than a group of kids playing PlayStation together. We did that 20 years ago.

At a restaurant yeah?

kerryjack

Dakota Dan wrote: »

If there is ever a man made or natural disaster that will mean people will have to go back to basics the pansies will be the first to die out.

LOL your right there Dan the ****e would hit the fan

silverharp

Deleted User wrote: »

It's very common to see a large group of 15-20 people at a table in a nightclub where everyone will be on their phones throughout the whole night. I used to go out with large groups and I was the only one to go dancing. The remainder would sit playing with their phones, checking wechat and qq, or seeking matches on the "lookaround" for dating.

Most of the modern dating is done through phone apps too. I know a girl who met her bf on a phone app, they spoke for almost three months on the phone without meeting (they're in the same city), met after that a few times, and now they're engaged.

China is nuts about social media and phone apps.

puts on fuddy duddy hat , not in favour of young people using dating apps. You have to hone your dating skills at the coal face, feet to the fire and all that. came across it somewhere recently that young people are losing subtle skills like body language or even basic flirting skills.

King of Kings

kerryjack wrote: »

I think you might have watched too much of Rambo over the Christmas.

and rightly so.
too many low testosterone young lads knocking about.


One thing I notice in the gym is that their are young lads training together but wearing headphones...reasonable thing to do when you are on your own but training in pairs...wtf...

qwerty ui op

eviltwin wrote: »

It's not just lads who do this or young people either. I've been out with friends and they've spent the first twenty minutes or so updating facebook, posting photos of their pints etc.

You have a change in this first 20 mins in that this is what could happen but everybody could sit down and chat just like before and that wouldn't be unusual.

eviltwin wrote: »

I know one lad who takes a photo of every location he is in and asks people to guess where he is. He's 40. I've been out with people who communicate through FB even though they are sitting at the same table. Bonkers stuff. It's attention seeking crap. But it seems to be the norm.

This isn't the norm it's unusual

I think people born here in the 30's and 40's saw much greater changes than those born in the 80's 90's 00's.

freshpopcorn

Sometimes groups of people can be messing on their phones and talking to one another but a lot of the conversation would involve phones. Sometimes tough people go out with one another and don't have much interest in one another and the phones pass the time.
My only issue with modern young fella is guys who go around with a short pants and their bare ankles hanging out.

El_Duderino 09

Dakota Dan wrote:

If there is ever a man made or natural disaster that will mean people will have to go back to basics the pansies will be the first to die out.

kerryjack wrote:

LOL your right there Dan the ****e would hit the fan

Nonsense. The old and sick would be the first to die off and the ones who are unable to adapt would be next. The young lads could adapt to the reality. Could you?

As above, your grandad probably would have said he and thing about you and your generation. Things change.

Lemsiper

Those fūcking ankles, in winter FFS.

El_Duderino 09

silverharp wrote:

puts on fuddy duddy hat , not in favour of young people using dating apps. You have to hone your dating skills at the coal face, feet to the fire and all that. came across it somewhere recently that young people are losing subtle skills like body language or even basic flirting skills.

I would prefer the old way of dating because it's what I'm used to. But before criticising them, it's worth considering whether you would be able to get a date if you found yourself single again.

My mother is single for the first time in decades and she doesn't know where to start with online dating. The world is very different from the one in which she last dated.

So would you be able to adapt to the reality where your skills like body language and basic flirting are less important in getting dates?

kerryjack

Well lads I came from the top of mountain where women were scarce and sheep were nervous so anything to help you get laid or what ever ye call it these days was helpfull

silverharp

silverharp wrote: »

You have to hone your dating skills at the coal face, feet to the fire and all that. came across it somewhere recently that young people are losing subtle skills like body language or even basic flirting skills.

I'm single at 40 and never married. I've been single most of my life with short-term relationships (6mths to 3yrs) scattered throughout the years. Never been particularly interested in marriage nor have I met someone that we still clicked after a while of being together. Just the way things are for some people.

silverharp, I learned dating as you suggest. I went out, did my cold approaches, learned to read body language, practiced my tonality, dabbled with NLP/Psycholody textbooks for help, and read heaps of dating manuals to improve my success rate. And I was/am relatively successful.

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

So would you be able to adapt to the reality where your skills like body language and basic flirting are less important in getting dates?

I don't think many people really understand how the dating landscape has changed. It's fine if you're still within your native social circle (school/college friends/family). Dating consists of meeting people referred on by friends/family, or you're semi-aware of the person from the past. There is the obvious connection, which is very much the traditional views on dating. We all went through it at various stages of our lives.

However, time has moved on, and so have people. Many of us are living in places other than our home area, and don't have the support from our friends, etc. Even when you do return to our hometowns after years away, you'll often find that most of those you knew have moved away to greener pastures. And traditionally, we hit the bars and nightclubs to meet someone. Or went to activities or events to meet those who might share interests. That's still very much part of dating, especially as we get older.

Alas, things have changed. This suspicion that has been pushed by the media or women's rights groups against men, has created a perception of fear in many men. This movement that suggests that the male gender is dangerous in terms of abuse, or harassment. And many of the (single) men I know won't engage in the previous methods of meeting and dating women because it can be misinterpreted so easily. There is such a fine line between approaching a woman and being accused of harassment.

Now, I've heard so many objections about this from the supporters of the female rights, and I can't be bothered rehashing the arguments again. Apparently, all men are to be held accountable for the behavior of a minority.

Just to say that many men are turning to online dating apps because they believe they can establish the interest of the female before any dating is begun. It reduces the risk to the men because there is an obvious paper trail to show their own side of the story should things go crappy. The sexual side of things is a whole different ballgame though.

But honestly, while I did some dating when I returned to Ireland, I've decided not to continue. There really is too much suspicion involved, and I don't see it improving any time soon.

limnam

OneoOne1 wrote: »

Went into a bar today. Sat at the bar when a group of young fella, about 6 or 7, came in and sat behind me. I was considering moving as I expected them to be rowdy and loud. After a few minutes I had forgotten they were there as they were so quiet.. I looked behind me and saw all of them on their phones not saying a word. Two of them were even using earphones.

I just found it very sad.

Please tell me this is not normal.

If they were loud and brash you'd have got the hump.

They were not loud and brash and you got the hump

Grumpy old men :pac:

Adam1738

I try to avoid my phone as much as possible on a night out to enjoy the moment, will never understand the people who spend half the night on snapchat pretending they're having a good time.

limnam

Adam1738 wrote: »

I try to avoid my phone as much as possible on a night out to enjoy the moment, will never understand the people who spend half the night on snapchat pretending they're having a good time.

The great thing is you'll be so in your moment you can safely ignore them and not try to understand how other people enjoy their time

irishman86

Dakota Dan wrote: »

If there is ever a man made or natural disaster that will mean people will have to go back to basics the pansies will be the first to die out.

I'm guessing you would be one of the first gone then
As everyone knows what a fake hard man sounds like :rolleyes:

Katgurl

I thought the same about a group of girls in their early twenties I observed recently. They were at the airport bar waiting for a flight back to Dublin. If that had been my friends and I after a girls weekend we would have been talking and laughing so hard you would have moved bar to escape the noise pollution. It was depressing to watch them. They barely cracked a smile between them. The only time I noticed any activity was when they filmed something, presumbly for social media - three of them burst into life and started dancing in front of the camera. As soon as the camera was put away they slumped back into their chairs looking bored.

the purple tin

Adam1738 wrote: »

I try to avoid my phone as much as possible on a night out to enjoy the moment, will never understand the people who spend half the night on snapchat pretending they're having a good time.


The only time I noticed any activity was when they filmed something, presumbly for social media - three of them burst into life and started dancing in front of the camera. As soon as the camera was put away they slumped back into their chairs looking bored.

You've both hit the nail on the head. Having a fun night out or good experience is not the most important thing. Giving others the illusion that you've had a great night through social media is what really counts.

Dakota Dan

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Nonsense. The old and sick would be the first to die off and the ones who are unable to adapt would be next. The young lads could adapt to the reality. Could you?

As above, your grandad probably would have said he and thing about you and your generation. Things change.

Obviously the old and the sick would have someone to look after them, young lads nowadays could hardly chop wood never mind light a fire. As for my grandfathers both were born in the 1800's, one died a few months before I was born and the other died when I was 4 years old.

Dakota Dan

irishman86 wrote: »

I'm guessing you would be one of the first gone then
As everyone knows what a fake hard man sounds like :rolleyes:

Get a good nights sleep you'll feel better in the morning.

Captain Slow IRL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCc_Q60L0S8

El_Duderino 09

Dakota Dan wrote: »

Obviously the old and the sick would have someone to look after them, young lads nowadays could hardly chop wood never mind light a fire. As for my grandfathers both were born in the 1800's, one died a few months before I was born and the other died when I was 4 years old.

Lol. Load of rubbish. There’s a war on but it doesn’t affect elderly or sick care? You’re making up a rubbish scenario to have a go at Young fellas. As is always the case, the young people would do the heavy lifting so old codgers can sit around and complain.

Young fellas could adapt could you?

So your grandfathers who were born in the 1800s and died before you we’re born, would consider you a soft man by their standards. It’s just something old people say about young people. Says more about you than them.

NollagShona

live and let live OP?? Especially as they weren't impacting on you.

El_Duderino 09

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think many people really understand how the dating landscape has changed. It's fine if you're still within your native social circle (school/college friends/family). Dating consists of meeting people referred on by friends/family, or you're semi-aware of the person from the past. There is the obvious connection, which is very much the traditional views on dating. We all went through it at various stages of our lives.

However, time has moved on, and so have people. Many of us are living in places other than our home area, and don't have the support from our friends, etc. Even when you do return to our hometowns after years away, you'll often find that most of those you knew have moved away to greener pastures. And traditionally, we hit the bars and nightclubs to meet someone. Or went to activities or events to meet those who might share interests. That's still very much part of dating, especially as we get older.

Alas, things have changed. This suspicion that has been pushed by the media or women's rights groups against men, has created a perception of fear in many men. This movement that suggests that the male gender is dangerous in terms of abuse, or harassment. And many of the (single) men I know won't engage in the previous methods of meeting and dating women because it can be misinterpreted so easily. There is such a fine line between approaching a woman and being accused of harassment.

Now, I've heard so many objections about this from the supporters of the female rights, and I can't be bothered rehashing the arguments again. Apparently, all men are to be held accountable for the behavior of a minority.

Just to say that many men are turning to online dating apps because they believe they can establish the interest of the female before any dating is begun. It reduces the risk to the men because there is an obvious paper trail to show their own side of the story should things go crappy. The sexual side of things is a whole different ballgame though.

But honestly, while I did some dating when I returned to Ireland, I've decided not to continue. There really is too much suspicion involved, and I don't see it improving any time soon.

Well that’s the question I asked. How would you adapt to the modern dating culture if you found yourself single through one circumstance or another. Your answer is that you’ve given up dating which I think shows the point. Lots of people manage to date successfully in the modern world.

So if it’s a matter of survival of the fittest, then is the problem really with the culture or the individual who can’t adapt to the culture?

You didn’t take long to blame feminists for the fact that things have become harder for men... while posting on a thread which was started by men, with mostly male posters, and is about bashing young men for being young men.

I knew it was the feminists. Even when it was the men, I knew it was the feminists.

El_Duderino 09

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

You didn’t take long to blame feminists for the fact that things have become harder for men... while posting on a thread which was started by men, with mostly male posters, and is about bashing young men for being young men.

I knew it was the feminists. Even when it was the men, I knew it was the feminists.

Blame? We are all to blame for allowing it to get this far.

You asked about dating. I was dating until recently. I have many friends who feel the same way from their own experiences while dating. There is a real fear of what response you will receive from a woman in an approach, during the dating process and when/if the dating extends to intimacy. The discussion on the metoo campaign highlighted many of those fears, for example, when there were submissions by women who believed a man approaching them for a date consisted of harassment simply because she wasn't interested.

When women can reinvent the meanings of harassment to include the manner in which men approach women for the purposes of dating, that's going to generate concern.

But it's fine. I understand that you're a staunch feminist, and you'll see it as an attack on feminism. It's not. I'm simply referring to the side-effects of these movements on dating.

Well that’s the question I asked. How would you adapt to the modern dating culture if you found yourself single through one circumstance or another. Your answer is that you’ve given up dating which I think shows the point. Lots of people manage to date successfully in the modern world.

Yup. Many people are indeed dating successfully in the modern world. And there are many different circumstances for their positive or negative experiences. Personally, I didn't have any issues with dating until I returned to Ireland, and if I can't adapt to the changing environment, you're right in believing it's my own responsibility.

So if it’s a matter of survival of the fittest, then is the problem really with the culture or the individual who can’t adapt to the culture?

survival of the fittest? why insert that? I didn't.

As for adaptation... I did point out my opinion for the rise in the use of dating apps/websites... rather than using the more traditional ways of meeting women, and establishing a relationship. Culture though is always a definite factor.

Wibbs

Deleted User wrote: »

Blame? We are all to blame for allowing it to get this far.

Yep, god forbid people are equally responsible. Though on the concern about some random woman taking offence because you attempted to chat her up, I see that as a great litmus test that a) she's a bloody loonie and b) better to find out now rather than later(stealth loonies of any stripe are much worse) and c) an opportunity to say "Next!". There's a few billion women in the world, if you're in a fairly big urban area there's many many thousands. They're not exactly rare. Ditto for men.

Culture though is always a definite factor.

It's a huge factor. And I'd not "blame" feminism are any other ism in particular for it. It's more about the increasing self involved and self isolating and self perpetuating sensitivity of groups within society in general.

Modern "feminism" is a perfect example of a victimhood church, but by god it's not the only one. MRA types mirror them very well, MGTOW even moreso. Even though their notions are mostly BS and paranoia, I'd have some respect for "red pill" types, as at least their credo is based on the notion that "this is how the world really works and we must acknowledge it, adapt to it by (dubious) self improvement and use it to our advantage". It's active, not passive and it's not sacred victimhood to the same degree.