Family Finance

Dumb Juan

Hi,

I was wondering what arrangements people do for family finance? Myself & herself both work and we get paid into our own bank account & then we put an agreed amount of money into a joint account for all the household bills. Does everybody else do that or do you just have one account where both your wages go into and all the bills and your own spending money comes out?


I just curious about what people do and do couples share everything?

King George VI

I'd do something like a joint account if I had a family, for sure. Also if someone loved me.

and if I had any money.

Boom_Bap

I like to debit my credits

Akrasia

Joint account is the only way that makes sense in a healthy marriage.

If one person has a very expensive hobby collecting expensive handbags or star wars figurines, and the other is struggling to pay for a basic 'luxuries' like a decent pair of shoes, it's only a source of resentment to see your partner throwing away money while the other scrimps and saves for something they need.

Also, when it comes to things like household chores, caring for children/pets/relatives home improvements, basic maintenence of the property, it's impossible to divide out these chores equally according to the monetary value of each task. If Spouse A does 10 hours overtime and gets lots of extra cash, while spouse B paints the garden fence that takes 10 hours but doesn't get any extra money... If spouse A treats his/herself to a luxury Item from the overtime payment and justifies it by saying 'Its my money, I worked for it', spouse B might feel taken advantage of.

Not to mention when children are involved, or if one person gets sick and can't work, or one partner gets made redundant and needs to go back to retrain in a different career...

Your Face

Paulie Walnuts

Akrasia

Paid into our own accounts and transfer money to a joint account as required to keep enough in there for common things like bills and shopping etc (or if common things are paid from a personal account it's tracked and totted up every so often to see who owes who). The bulk of each of our wages is kept individually and spent/saved as you want. I'd be quite opposed to the whole scale combining of wages and much prefer to keep everything separate aside from common expenses.

Akrasia wrote: »

If one person has a very expensive hobby collecting expensive handbags or star wars figurines, and the other is struggling to pay for a basic 'luxuries' like a decent pair of shoes, it's only a source of resentment to see your partner throwing away money while the other scrimps and saves for something they need.

I'd see the fully combined salaries way of doing things as a much bigger potential for resentment. For example if one partner has more expenses than the other then one partner will always feel their money is being spent on things they aren't buying/benefitting from.

You earn your money and you should have full control over your salary aside and from common expenses and essentials you should be able to spend/save it as you want, treat yourself when you want etc etc.

OU812

First thing to do is draw up a family budget. Have an agreed amount for everything and make sure everyone is aware of it. You know how much your mortgage/rent/utilities are. Groceries can be variable, so try to recall how much your most expensive was.

Now add 10% for contingencies.

Now put that much money a month into a joint account and everything should balance out (or work out the weekly equivalent if that better for you).

That’s how we do it & it works well.

For 2018 we’re trying a new approach which is to pay ourselves a “wage” each week out of co-mingled funds.

Due to a change in circumstance one of us makes more than the other. So we’re each putting in 100% of salary & each receiving €100 a week for ourselves. Everything else will go on family expenses & whatever is left at the end of the month will be split equally between a savings account & emergency fund.

Dumb Juan

Hi,
Sorry what do you mean by a 'joint account'? Is it one account with both wages and spending coming out of or do you mean each with your own separate account who then pay agreed budgeted money into a separate family joint account for paying all the household bills out of?

BTW thanks for taking the time to reply.

Akrasia wrote: »

Joint account is the only way that makes sense in a healthy marriage.

If one person has a very expensive hobby collecting expensive handbags or star wars figurines, and the other is struggling to pay for a basic 'luxuries' like a decent pair of shoes, it's only a source of resentment to see your partner throwing away money while the other scrimps and saves for something they need.

Also, when it comes to things like household chores, caring for children/pets/relatives home improvements, basic maintenence of the property, it's impossible to divide out these chores equally according to the monetary value of each task. If Spouse A does 10 hours overtime and gets lots of extra cash, while spouse B paints the garden fence that takes 10 hours but doesn't get any extra money... If spouse A treats his/herself to a luxury Item from the overtime payment and justifies it by saying 'Its my money, I worked for it', spouse B might feel taken advantage of.

Not to mention when children are involved, or if one person gets sick and can't work, or one partner gets made redundant and needs to go back to retrain in a different career...

bazz26

Would this not be better answered over here > https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=544

Alun

We've had a number of these threads before, and there was never any real consensus. Personally we have 1 account in joint names, and always have, coming up to 35 years married, and the thought of having separate accounts, with 'my' money and 'her' money just seems weird to me. Each to their own, of course.

mark_jmc

Married 1 years,
we have always had our own accounts but also a joint account, we put a set amount each into the joint account each month to cover mortgage/all bills etc. Has always worked well

Dumb Juan

Interesting & thanks for replying, I was just wondering have both you & your partner always worked outside the home & always combined your income?

If one is in paid employment & the other a full time career then I can see the logic of one account once everybody spends & saves the same way, if both of you spend & save differently then I could see it as being source of conflict.

Alun wrote: »

We've had a number of these threads before, and there was never any real consensus. Personally we have 1 account in joint names, and always have, coming up to 35 years married, and the thought of having separate accounts, with 'my' money and 'her' money just seems weird to me. Each to their own, of course.

Alun

Dumb Juan wrote: »

Interesting & thanks for replying, I was just wondering have both you & your partner always worked outside the home & always combined your income?

If one is in paid employment & the other a full time career then I can see the logic of one account once everybody spends & saves the same way, if both of you spend & save differently then I could see it as being source of conflict.

Sometimes it was when were both earning, other times only the one.

SusanC10

We opened a Joint Account when we bought our house (engaged at the time). We did not pool our finances at that time but agreed that we would once we were married. We were each paid into our own separate Accounts and transferred money for Mortgage and Bills into the Joint Account.

After we got married we both got paid into our Joint Account. We also have Joint Savings.

We see any Assets we have as "ours". Have done since we got married.
We have had different circumstances from me earning more than twice what he did (before he qualified), to us earning roughly the same, to me working part-time, to pay cuts during the recession, to him being a sole earner. We have both had small inheritances from our deceased fathers. We condider it all "ours". We don't spend more than €100 on ourselves or each other or the Kids without discussing it first.

We disagree on a few things but never on money. And I am glad that we made the decision to pool everything on marriage rather than making the decision based on changed or stressful circumstances etc.

Hector Bellend

I have a joint account with her.

All household bills are paid by direct debit and we split them 50 50.

Whatever is left is our own

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

We have always just operated from a single joint account.

suicide_circus

Separate accounts and dd a set amount into a joint regular account for bills and a separate dd into a joint savings acc.

I've an account, he's an account, and there are joint current expenditure and savings accounts that we both stick a certain % of our paychecks into.

uch

I just pay all Bills and Mortgage, Herself buys the Grub, jobs oxo

SusanC10

SusanC10 wrote: »

We don't spend more than €100 on ourselves or each other or the Kids without discussing it first.

That's the very type of thing I would want to avoid like the plague and where I'd see the pooling all money enivatebly leading (for many people). If I'm buying something expensive (from my own money I went out and worked for) I might mention it out of interest but there would be no discussion on it and vice versa.

*discussion meaning a debate on whether you can or cannot buy it

biko

I pay for everything.

Happy wife, happy life.

Mena

It’s all combined. Wouldn’t be a marriage any other way (from my perspective). Has worked for 21 years so far.

MadDog76

I pay all the bills as well as paying for essentials like food shopping etc.

MilesMorales1

King George VI wrote: »

I'd do something like a joint account if I had a family, for sure. Also if someone loved me.

and if I had any money.

Surely the lizard queen provides you with an extensive family?

andekwarhola

Paid into own accounts. No joint account. Contributions to outgoings based on pay so I pay a far higher proportion of bills, outgoings and mortgage.

Just because you don't have a joint account doesn't mean you're hiding stuff and you're still pooling resources with all the money for the household, not an individual.

SusanC10

Olivia Fancy Quadriplegic wrote: »

That's the very type of thing I would want to avoid like the plague and where I'd see the pooling all money enivatebly leading (for many people). If I'm buying something expensive (from my own money I went out and worked for) I might mention it out of interest but there would be no discussion on it and vice versa.

*discussion meaning a debate on whether you can or cannot buy it

*discussion meaning a debate on whether or not we could afford it based on priorities and upcoming unavoidable expenses.

We started this agreement in the Recession after I was made redundant and things were tight. My Husband's idea. We didn't have a lot of disposable income.
We still do it now though circumstances have improved. The answer is more likely to be Yes now than previously !

RhubarbCrumble

Alun wrote: »

We've had a number of these threads before, and there was never any real consensus. Personally we have 1 account in joint names, and always have, coming up to 35 years married, and the thought of having separate accounts, with 'my' money and 'her' money just seems weird to me. Each to their own, of course.

To me the thought of just having 'our' money seems weird. We have a joint account and then a separate account each.
Neither of us wanted what our parents had. In my case my parents had a so called 'joint' account but as my mother wasn't working the money going in was from my fathers wages and she always had to account for any money that she spent. My partner's parents were worse. His mother didn't work but his father had to hand over his entire wage packet to her so that she could 'run the house' and that was the last he saw of it. I don't think the poor man ever had a penny to himself.

eviltwin

No joint account. We earn roughly the same so bills are 50/50 and then our own money is our own.

Lia_lia

We are not married but in a long term relationship. Living together for 4+ years.

Completely separate accounts here. I can't ever really imagine having a joint account, I know he would never be up for it anyway! I earn more than him but probably also spend more than him. We also have our own separate savings accounts.

With regards rents and bills everything comes out of my account (direct debit/standing order) and he transfers a lump sum of money into my account once a month. Could probably have a joint account for this but it works for us!

We even pay for food shopping separately! We go to the supermarket together and get a basket each and then pay for our baskets separately. Yes it's a bit odd but we have completely different diets. He eats meat, I don't. I eat a lot of food at the canteen at work, he eats more at home. He makes big meals at home, I usually make a snack for dinner.

Beasty

Joint account

I earn, she spends....

popa smurf

Joint account family of 6 everything is paid before I can enjoy a few pints might have a 100 quid for myself a week but I usually spend it with the kids anyway, money well spent, hope they spend a few bob on me when they get older.

myshirt

I'm an accountant, I like to do it by double entry.

myshirt

Beasty wrote: »

Joint account

I earn, she spends....

Sounds fair.

Mackman

We have 2 joint accounts and our own personal accounts. 1st joint account is where her pay goes into, pay for all our bills, mortgage, etc. 2nd joint account is where my pay goes into, that cover weekly expenses like food, petrol, kids stuff. We each get a 'wage' out of the weekly account to spend on whatever ourselves.

Works pretty well for us. Having totally separate account doesn't work for us as she earns a lot more than i do. We've had times where I was working and she wasn't, or vice versa so we've always pooled our money to get by.

Gelbgiallo

I have my own personal account, my wife has her own personal account and we have a joint account.All joint expenses are paid from the joint account, we each pay a predefined amoubt into the joint account on a monthly basis.

There is no way I could live with one shared account. I save 40% of my wages, my wife saves 0%. If we had a joint account she would just spend that 40% that I save. We would be fukced.

ardinn

Ironing!!

dreamers75

We get paid into one account which pays everything, savings moved into a savings account.

Basically whatever is in the main account the day before pay day goes into the savings account.


Works for us.

Dumb Juan

Thanks to all for sharing what you do. It looks to me that most people use two personal account & then have a joint account to run the house.

stimpson

myshirt wrote: »

I'm an accountant, I like to do it by double entry.

If you’re constipated do you work it out with a pencil?

sbsquarepants

We operate the grushy system.
Money comes in and whoever reacts quickest grabs it and spends it. It's not for everyone - but damn it if we don't make it work:D

_Brian

We’ve been together for 25 years and have operated a joint account all the time, including the years before we got married.
All money goes in and then bills and spending is taken out.

No agreement on how much either can spend on hobbies etc, if I were making a large spend I’d discuss but it’s a respect thing rather than a requirement.

Over the years it’s gone over and back as regards who is the larger earner, but that holds no sway over spending rights nor strength of opinion on where money is spent.

Some of our friends talk about your money and my money, you pay these bills etc, it’s very very alien to me but I respect it seems to work for them.

popa smurf

_Brian wrote: »

We’ve been together for 25 years and have operated a joint account all the time, including the years before we got married.
All money goes in and then bills and spending is taken out.

No agreement on how much either can spend on hobbies etc, if I were making a large spend I’d discuss but it’s a respect thing rather than a requirement.

Over the years it’s gone over and back as regards who is the larger earner, but that holds no sway over spending rights nor strength of opinion on where money is spent.

Some of our friends talk about your money and my money, you pay these bills etc, it’s very very alien to me but I respect it seems to work for them.

Ya thats our system as well its all about trust

Pac1Man

I don't think I could be with someone if I couldn't trust them with a joint account scenario.

Working out who owes who after a purchase is pathetic.

SusanC10

SusanC10 wrote: »

*discussion meaning a debate on whether or not we could afford it based on priorities and upcoming unavoidable expenses.

I know what money is needed for upcoming expenses etc and what I will need to contribute so if I have the money to contribute to this and buy the thing I want then I can afford it. Our own personal expenses would be higher than the joint ones anyway so knowing what expenses I have myself is usually the deciding factor in what I can/can't afford.

Pac1Man wrote: »

Working out who owes who after a purchase is pathetic.

Why is it pathetic? It works for many people us being one example. Its not like you do it after every purchase, you keep note of all spending and every so often tot up who owes who otherwise its just unfair imo. Having a joint account that both contribute to for shared expenses cuts out most of this though which is handy but that join account only gets topped up to cover joint expenses, nothing else. All other spending and all savings are totally seperate.

I couldn't get my head around this "our money" idea some people have at all. My salary is my money, shared expenses are covered and the rest is mine to spend/save as I choose.

SusanC10

Olivia Fancy Quadriplegic wrote: »

I couldn't get my head around this "our money" idea some people have at all. My salary is my money, shared expenses are covered and the rest is mine to spend/save as I choose.

I couldn't even imagine "my money" and "your money" with my Husband at this point.

Just out of curiosity do you earn roughly the same ? And do you have Kids ?

For the majority of our marriage one or other of us has been earning significantly more than the other for one reason or another. There was only a short period of time where we earned roughly the same. Most of our expenses are Joint or to do with the Kids - we have relatively little to spend on ourselves alone.

How would you deal with a situation where one of you lost your Job or had reduced income through illness ? Or decided together that one of you would work part-time ? I know that when I went part-time after the Kids were born and when I was made redundant I was glad that we had been pooling our money all along as it reduced the stress although when we first started doing it I was by far the greater earner.

Amongst our friends the majority would pool their money and the only couples we know who have difficulties or argue about money are the ones who don't pool.

Couple #1. Husband working. Wife SAHM. 3 Kids. He gives her a monthly allowance to run the house and to pay for anything for the kids and herself. He keeps the rest himself and has several expensive hobbies. She never has enough to last the month and is an extremely frugal person. He has told her that if she wants to return to work that she must fund all childcare from her own salary.

Couple #2. Both were working. Husband own Business. Wife well-paying job. Everything split 50/50. 2 Kids. Wife gets made redundant during Recession. No redundancy payment as not long enough in the job. Husband told her he still wanted everything split 50/50. She had to borrow from her Parents when her own Savings ran out as he kept track of what she owed him. She is now employed by him.

Couple #3. Both working. Wife earns significantly more. 3 Kids. All expenses 50/50. He constantly has no money. They go out to Dinner with friends one night but he can't afford it as he has not been paid yet . Wife agrees to pay (beforehand). Husband orders Steak and she is livid. When I asked why she replied that it was "her money" he was spending by ordering a Steak.

Personally I would hate to be in any of the above scenarios. These are all from within our own circle of friends.

I do also think though that having similar attitudes to money and spending helps. And agreement on priorities particularly when disposable income is tight.

McTigs

Beasty wrote: »

Joint account

I earn, she spends....

Lies. I've seen your bike stable

Alun

Gelbgiallo wrote: »

There is no way I could live with one shared account. I save 40% of my wages, my wife saves 0%. If we had a joint account she would just spend that 40% that I save. We would be fukced.

I'd say that if that's the way your marriage operates, you have bigger problems than just financial ones.

PandaPoo

Each have our own accounts, when I'm not working he gives me money each month and he pays for everything. When I am working he still pays the bills and I pay for the kids things and into their savings.

SusanC10

SusanC10 wrote: »

I couldn't even imagine "my money" and "your money" with my Husband at this point.

Just out of curiosity do you earn roughly the same ? And do you have Kids ?

No kids and salaries are fairly similar at the moment though to be honest we don't really know each others exact take home as its not something we really discuss especially as the number varies with increases, bonuses etc. As I said aside from common expenses we basically do out own thing with our money, no common savings and much of our expenses are individual rather than combined.

Sleepy

Despite Mrs Sleepy being a stay-at-home mum who works part-time, she didn't want to do the joint-account thing. While my account would have well over 90% of our income coming into it, all household expenses bar the weekly grocery shopping come out of it, and even that I'd often end up having to find money for...

Since we've pretty much spent our entire relationship living pay cheque to pay cheque money has never been much of an issue because neither of us has ever had enough of it to waste!

cruizer101

SusanC10 wrote: »

Couple #1. Husband working. Wife SAHM. 3 Kids. He gives her a monthly allowance .....

Couple #2......

Couple #3. Both working. Wife earns significantly more. 3 Kids. All expenses 50/50. He constantly has no money....

Personally I would hate to be in any of the above scenarios. These are all from within our own circle of friends.

They don't sound like proper marriages at all. I'm not in that position yet but think would envisage just having one joint account, maybe two separate with one joint for bills and that.

Aubriella Easy Mud wrote:

My salary is my money, shared expenses are covered and the rest is mine to spend/save as I choose.

I'm curious nox what would you do if one of you lost your jobs? you refer to the money you directly earned as your money, in many couples one person makes certain sacrifices to help the other earn more would you still view each individuals money as their own in that case