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planning on dropping out, need advice

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  • 04-11-2017 1:29am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 9


    I plan on dropping out as soon as is legally possible. Unfortunately, this will be after my Junior Cert. My boyfriend, mother, SNA, and several teachers are insisting that I do a year of LCA first.
    I don't think this is a good idea. I'm willing to do a couple months, but I don't think I will survive another year of school. How can I convince them that I'm making the best decision?
    I know it's not a good decision, but from my perspective it only looks like I'm going to destroy myself trying to do the Leaving Cert.


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 21,524 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    arroyo wrote:
    I plan on dropping out as soon as is legally possible. Unfortunately, this will be after my Junior Cert. My boyfriend, mother, SNA, and several teachers are insisting that I do a year of LCA first. I don't think this is a good idea. I'm willing to do a couple months, but I don't think I will survive another year of school. How can I convince them that I'm making the best decision? I know it's not a good decision, but from my perspective it only looks like I'm going to destroy myself trying to do the Leaving Cert.

    You will be severely limited with respect to future education and job opportunities without the leaving. All those telling you to try it are thinking of the bigger picture.

    That being said, it's your life and you are entitled to live it as you wish but unless you've a reasonable career plan in front of you which will give you the quality of life you want, you really should try to complete it.

    Try to identify why you hate school so much and see if you can improve those situations. Talk to the people who might be able to support you with that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 78,352 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    arroyo wrote: »
    I don't think I will survive another year of school.
    Could you explain this a bit more?

    Would an alternative education path be attractive?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    So what's your plan if you drop out? Tbh, if your CV came in through my door and I saw you'd not managed to do the leaving cert I'd bin it on the spot. It'd mean you're dim or that you've no work ethic. Or both.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9 arroyo


    Victor wrote: »
    Could you explain this a bit more?

    Would an alternative education path be attractive?
    School, so far, has been nothing but a nightmare to me. My mental health has plummeted in the past few years and if I were to continue secondary school to Leaving Cert it'd be highly unlikely that I would live to see my seventeenth birthday. The current school system is not tailored at all to handle anyone who is disabled or mentally ill in a way that isn't "useful".


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,893 ✭✭✭Canis Lupus


    And when you leave school for mental health reasons and are effectively unemployable and just lurking around your house while anyone you consider a friend continues their education and likely forgets about you because you're not in school with them anymore how will your mental health be then?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 788 ✭✭✭rustynutz


    I dropped out of school when I was 15, straight after the junior cert. Learn something from my heard earned life lesson and stay in school, and university too if you can. I went from one dead end job to another, always felt inadequate compared to others that were more educated, 22 years after leaving school, that decision was still holding me back until I eventually went back recently and done a degree course.

    I actually enjoyed learning at school, but I was a troublesom teenager and hated authority, and didn't get on with the teachers, so I left. Looking back I should have just kept my head down and finished the two years to leaving cert. University is a lot different to school if you go down that route.

    As someone else pointed out, leaving will likely be a lot worse for your mental health, you could feel like you are being left behind as your classmates get on with their education.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Are you being treated by mental health professionals? What do they have to say? Have they come up with any possible solutions?

    Blunt and all as my earlier post was, I still stand by it. Unless you've got an alternative plan of action (e.g. a trade or a course that'll lead to a qualification) you're storing up a whole world of hardship for yourself. Take a look at job websites and see what they're looking for as a minimum. Make no bones about it, employers who don't know you from Adam will judge you. They will ask questions about why you dropped out. They'll most likely plump for someone who stayed on in school, has a leaving cert and possibly further qualifications.

    Life on the dole is depressing as hell - I know because I was out of work for 8 months a few years ago. I never ever want to go there again. Working minimum wage, zero hour jobs can be rough too. How to you feel about cleaning toilets for a living, or boning cows heads or being on your feet for hours on end as you wait tables. Make no mistake about it, you're making a rod for your own back here. It could make your current predicament resemble a walk in the park.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,768 ✭✭✭✭tomwaterford


    Unless you have an apprenticeship lined up...don't even think on it


  • Registered Users Posts: 37,297 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    You shall either do dead end jobs, or you do the LC. Heck, even if you do trade, by law if you do trade before 18, you still must do LC.

    Other than job, you do nothing. Before 24, you get very little dole. Parents take some of your dole money to support you. You have some dole money, but not enough to do anything.

    Consider counseling or medication because otherwise it'll be lifetime of pain, rather than 2 more years of pain.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9 arroyo


    rustynutz wrote: »
    As someone else pointed out, leaving will likely be a lot worse for your mental health, you could feel like you are being left behind as your classmates get on with their education.
    If leaving makes my mental health worse, so be it. If that's the case, then it'll turn out the same way it would if I stayed. I'm going to die either way, so it really doesn't matter that much to me if it's sooner or later. I'd prefer it to be later, which is why I want to drop out, but if that makes things worse it just ends the same way.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭irishgrover


    arroyo wrote:
    If leaving makes my mental health worse, so be it. If that's the case, then it'll turn out the same way it would if I stayed. I'm going to die either way, so it really doesn't matter that much to me if it's sooner or later. I'd prefer it to be later, which is why I want to drop out, but if that makes things worse it just ends the same way.


    Pieata house - 1800247247
    Samaritans - 116 123

    Phone either of the above two numbers and have a chat with someone.
    There are always options and there is always hope and the potential for a much better future


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 176 ✭✭nigel_wilson


    For those guys trying to scare the OP, do you know of any anecdotal stories of people you know personally or have heard of around his age?

    I'm 'in' the same situation...well i didn't drop out. I have my LC which is piss-poor but I'm going to a Further Education Institute; suffered from health problems and my parents gave me the ol 'You're life will be so much worse if you drop out' which I accepted and still do accept but tbh, I can see where the OP is coming from. He's in a psychological conundrum. The 'lesser of two evils'.

    Honestly, it's better you stay since I know don't see myself going anywhere past the age of 25 in life though I don't regret my decision for the school to home-school me. I think a psychiatric counselor would have been best but my parents and guidance counselor tried to dish out 'tough love' which really hasn't done much.

    You should look at how much hardship you're willing to tolerate for the distress you experience. As people above have said, we can't force you and in the end, it's ultimately up to you


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 176 ✭✭nigel_wilson


    Pieata house - 1800247247
    Samaritans - 116 123

    Phone either of the above two numbers and have a chat with someone.
    There are always options and there is always hope and the potential for a much better future

    To be fair, I don't think phone numbers are going to help the OP. He should call them if he wants, but I've done it in the past and it didn't help.

    The OP from what he says needs a real solution..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 90 ✭✭nilescraneo


    arroyo wrote: »
    If leaving makes my mental health worse, so be it. If that's the case, then it'll turn out the same way it would if I stayed. I'm going to die either way, so it really doesn't matter that much to me if it's sooner or later. I'd prefer it to be later, which is why I want to drop out, but if that makes things worse it just ends the same way.

    You are ridiculously young and obviously intelligent judging by your grammar and writing style. You and your parents need to sit down with the school and whoever is supporting your mental health situation (community mental health, social worker, adolescent mental health services etc) and work out a practical solution to keep you in the education system, because if you drop out of school before the leaving you are making life ridiculously hard for yourself.

    Sometimes in life you have to take short term pain for long term gain, and seeing out the final two years of schooling is one of times. You've managed 10+ years so far, what's another two in the grand scheme of things?

    I have suffered with mental health difficulties since I was 14 and am in my 30's now (bulimia, depression and anxiety) and things can seem impossible at times especially as a teenager as your body and mind are going through so many changes, but they always get better. Always.


  • Registered Users Posts: 263 ✭✭eet fuk


    OP, you seem intelligent and erudite in your posts - you are clearly an intelligent person with self awareness who could do very well in life. I don’t know what mental illness or disability you are dealing with but I hope you know that you are more than capable of passing the LC.

    What is it about school that makes you want to leave? Certain subjects? Teachers? Lack of freedom?

    What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?


  • Registered Users Posts: 9 arroyo


    ...because if you drop out of school before the leaving you are making life ridiculously hard for yourself.

    Sometimes in life you have to take short term pain for long term gain, and seeing out the final two years of schooling is one of times. You've managed 10+ years so far, what's another two in the grand scheme of things?

    If my life can get much harder than this it's not one worth living.

    These 10+ years have been hell, and I'm not able to take much more of it. If I continue to stay in school, there won't be any "long term gain" because I won't be around to witness it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9 arroyo


    eet fuk wrote: »
    OP, you seem intelligent and erudite in your posts - you are clearly an intelligent person with self awareness who could do very well in life. I don’t know what mental illness or disability you are dealing with but I hope you know that you are more than capable of passing the LC.

    What is it about school that makes you want to leave? Certain subjects? Teachers? Lack of freedom?

    What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

    I appreciate the sentiment, but you don't know anything about my academic situation and it's just a fact that intelligence won't get you very far with the school system as it is.

    The reason I want to leave school is because the expectations on me, the structure of it, and how badly I'm already doing in it is taking a serious toll on my already fragile mental health.

    I'm afraid I'm not sure why this is relevant, sorry.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 90 ✭✭nilescraneo


    arroyo wrote: »
    If my life can get much harder than this it's not one worth living.

    These 10+ years have been hell, and I'm not able to take much more of it. If I continue to stay in school, there won't be any "long term gain" because I won't be around to witness it.

    You need to sit down with parents, school and whoever is involved with your mental health situation and find a solution. Suicide is not a solution to any problem.

    That's all the advice I have to give you. Talk to your family and mental health caregivers. Best of luck.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    People don’t seem to realize that modern day 2nd level education is a nightmare for some people.
    It is worse now in some ways then it was when the nuns and the brothers were knocking 10 bells out of us.
    It’s all bloody points and dread and doom and the peer pressure is unbearable.
    OP if your parent and you can go and see the Principal on Monday and just sit there and tell them exactly how you feel don’t hold back get it all off your chest.
    There’s loads of options for you now.
    Your health is the main thing.
    Everything else can be sorted out.
    I promise you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9 arroyo


    splinter65 wrote: »
    People don’t seem to realize that modern day 2nd level education is a nightmare for some people.
    It is worse now in some ways then it was when the nuns and the brothers were knocking 10 bells out of us.
    It’s all bloody points and dread and doom and the peer pressure is unbearable.
    OP if your parent and you can go and see the Principal on Monday and just sit there and tell them exactly how you feel don’t hold back get it all off your chest.
    There’s loads of options for you now.
    Your health is the main thing.
    Everything else can be sorted out.
    I promise you.
    Thank you. I don't think the principal can actually do anything, but thank you for the suggestion anyway.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 14,382 ✭✭✭✭Arghus


    I concur with what people have been saying: it may seem unbearable now, but, in the grand scheme of things the length of time it will take for you to get to and complete your Leaving Cert will eventually feel like the blink of an eye. And things may be tough for you now - I don't know your situation and god only knows it was tough to be a teenager at the best of times - but you - cliche alert - honestly do have your whole life ahead of you.

    Once you leave the environment of secondary school, it's hard to emphasisze how much life changes, and at your age the potential that you have to do whatever you want and go wherever you want is sky high.

    But right now, if you decide to drop out, by making what seems to you to be the most obvious choice, you are sacrificing long term prospects and potential happiness for short term gain. It's tempting, but you shouldn't do it. The Leaving Cert is just the beginning of your journey in life. And two years may feel like an eon to you now, but you will be amazed how quickly two years passes - and from then on, life really begins


  • Registered Users Posts: 270 ✭✭jones 19


    Did you do any practical subjects in school.? Metal work, construction science etc, if not would you have liked to? Any trades interest you.? Mechanic, carpentry etc, hairdressing bla bla bla? Acting?


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    arroyo wrote: »
    Thank you. I don't think the principal can actually do anything, but thank you for the suggestion anyway.

    First you’ve got to tell your parents how you feel
    Then you’ve got to let them help you
    You can’t do this yourself
    This is all only temporary
    It’s here now
    You will get help to deal with it
    Then it will pass
    The LC is not important
    School is not important
    Your health and your head is important
    People love you and want to help you
    You have to tell them what’s in your head
    It’ll be ok
    There’s lots of help for you
    All the education **** can be sorted out later
    There’s loads of time.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,700 ✭✭✭Mountainsandh


    Arroyo, the LCA is a program tailored to provide any student with an opportunity to achieve something. It's not just for students who find it hard to achieve the marks required for the other Leaving Cert, it's also for students who don't fit in to the school model very well, ie. students who are just suffering school until it's done, students who are not confident for other aspects of school or other programs, students who have heavy going stuff going on outside of school.
    It's a great program, I love helping students achieve something they didn't think they could. Two years later they're proud of themselves for getting through it, and they breathe a big sigh of relief.
    You can do it.
    I can see by your posts that you are able for it.
    I know, maybe you're not willing, maybe you feel it's going to be torture, but I can tell by your spelling, your grammar, your expression, and how you are able to analyze your own situation, that you are able for it.
    Don't see it as a situation where you are going to be in failure, because really, genuinely, it is meant to help you, not hinder you. It's not like people want to trap you, not the teachers, not your parents.

    It's just, you see the time as really long but we see it as it is, short. And at the end of the year, or even the two years if you stick with it, you'll be thinking the same.
    Never mind the Junior Cert, that makes no difference. It's no judgement on your person either, far from it.

    In an LCA class, there's generally a good mix of people who find the work hard, but they don't mind being there, and people who simply don't want to be there but who stick it because it's only a short time.
    You don't have to plan what you want to do after, just go along with it now.

    I stuck with a full year of college while I was badly depressed. It wasn't my best year I have to say, but somehow I made it through it, managed to do what I had to do. I went to a psychiatrist that year, I don't remember exactly how but I pushed through the fog and came out into a life where I kind of knew what I wanted to do.

    That's life for you, you think when you're in the moment that you can't do something, and next thing you know time has passed and you got through it.
    It's not always about getting brilliant marks, or a brilliant job, or brilliant prospects or whatever. It's not even about pleasing other people all the time.

    You seem to put a lot of pressure on yourself. Fair enough, in the worst case scenario you don't do good at the exams (remember, with LCA they are designed to help you, not slay you down), but you'll have ticked a few boxes, and given yourself time to think, it's not nothing, it's something.
    Even if the LCA exam system still didn't fit you, at least you'll have given it a go. I'm a teacher telling you this, teachers can see the good in someone staying in school in spite of the hardship. We respect that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭ger664


    You are not happy with school at the moment then drop out.

    You can always go back and get your leaving/qualification whatever down the line when you you have a better handle on your life.

    Priority at the moment is you. If your parents/peers dont support that then so be it. Hopefully someone in your life can see this and be your rock regardless.

    One of the best mechanisms to clear your head of all this crap is physical exercises so tomorrow get out and walk/run/cycle/swim whatever you enjoy most for 30 minutes and do this regular like every day.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 27,169 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    You do not have to be in a school to do your LCA or LC. There are a number of options. Sometimes people (even teachers and Principals in some schools) are not aware of the range of centres, from Youthreach to Adult Community Education facilities that are available.

    Is there anything about school you like? A subject, a teacher, a particular room?

    You do not have to do the LC/LCA straight away. Would you be interested in getting a qualification to do with farming/gardening/something outdoors related first?

    Please speak to either a good careers person who knows all the available options, or one of your local ETB (was VEC) Education officers (they might be called Education Directors now).

    There are many many paths through and out of the education system here. Don't give up on yourself. Look at how many people have responded to your thread in the middle of the night. People want you to get the best for yourself.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9 arroyo


    spurious wrote: »
    Would you be interested in getting a qualification to do with farming/gardening/something outdoors related first?

    I doubt that'd be a reasonable option; I'm not able to stand or walk for very long, I'm not sure what I could do related to that sort of thing that wouldn't require me to be able to do things I've long been unable to do.


  • Registered Users Posts: 29,071 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    I can identify with your issues op, I to struggled within our educational system as I had undiagnosed dyslexia and autism, which aided the development of mental health issues, gladly of which are more or less under control now, but has caused problems growing up, particularly in adulthood. Unfortunately I do believe our system is very badly designed for these kind of problems but is slowly changing. My advice is not to give up yet, as this could harm future prospects greatly. Talk to your peers, I.e. parents, teachers etc, explaining your issues, I'm sure there are options and there for you. Leaving now would more than likely mean long term unemployment and long term dependancy on benefits. I would also recommend professional intervention such as counselling and maybe getting in touch with groups such as shine etc. Counselling helped me greatly with identifying my strengths and helped me work on other issues, I certainly wouldn't have been able to complete my degree without it, and continue my education further. I've met many with similar and more severe issues, unfortunately many leading to long-term unemployment and some even ending up in prison. So please don't give up now, just ask for help, it is there.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,036 ✭✭✭wheresmahbombs


    I'd suggest you stay in school. Like the_syco said, you'd rather withstand 2 years of pain rather than a lifetime of pain and regret (and jealousy, until you decide to reattend school). The Leaving Cert is a narrow measure of your overall ability, but I still want you to do your best in it. I'm in TY and I hope to start studying the LC after Christmas.

    Have a positive outlook on life no matter how dark things get. You'll see light at the end of the tunnel.

    Speaking of the LC, sryanbruen has his own forum site, thesuperstudent.freeforums.net, where he and others can share JC and LC notes for people to view free of charge. It's still largely work-in-progress, with many topics in each subject to fill in, but it looks promising. There is also studyclix, featuring more content, but that asks for an annual fee of at least €35 if you want access to most of its content (minus mock exam questions, which require a €55 annual subscription).


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,036 ✭✭✭wheresmahbombs


    When I mean school, I mean learning anything in relation to the school curriculum, no matter whether it's at home or in school.


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