Terms of Endearment or Belittling?

Press_Start

Anyone here ever have someone offended at being reffered to or called something like "love" "sweetheart" "dear" "babe" "honey". This goes for literally everyone. From people who have had people offended, to people who find them offending.

If you are offended or don't like it, why? is it demeaning? Do you not like the closeness?

I myself use it with everyone. I call a lot of women "love" just out of habit and frendliness. I'm never flirty or forthcoming about anything. But I've been told a rare couple of times, not to call them "love" but I never got any real reason. It was very rarely with any annoyance, and I'm sure they know I'm not after anything sexually, but it always perplexed me why it was a sore spot.

Anyone care to shine a light on this?

endacl

What are you on about, pet?

uch

I Love Chicken, Pet

dinorebel

Need a hug hun

bee06

It depends on the person saying it. If it's a 55 year old bus driver telling me to "Smile love it may never happen" then my respond will be death stare.

If it's one of the nice ladies in our canteen I don't mind.

Hammer89

And a 48-page thread about feminism in three....two.....one.

SEPT 23 1989

its nearly as bad as wolf whistling

Donald Trump

U ok hun. XX

Donald Trump

uch wrote: »

I Love Chicken, Pet

I have a pet chicken

me_irl

I'm not your babe, honey.

stunmer

Good video on it here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRlSXrCZlb0

Most people in the UK don't mind it seems.

meeeeh

As someone who grew up in a country where people tend to be addressed a lot more formally I absolutely dread it. And the same goes for pal, bud, friend or similar for men. It's one of the Irish habits I will never get used to. I find it condescending and rude and won't deal with people who do it unless I absolutely have to.

GBX

Donald Trump wrote: »

I have a pet chicken

Had ... thanks for lunch dear.

Are Am Eye

me_irl wrote: »

I'm not your babe, honey.

Why don't you give it a rest, Mate.

me_irl

Are Am Eye wrote: »

Why don't you give it a rest, Mate.

I'm not your mate, bud.

jo2509

Donald Trump wrote: »

I have a pet chicken

My brother in law's term of endearment is 'duck' (he is from the UK, midlands).
My two year old nephew has started calling me duck too, it's the cutest thing ever

But no, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

happyoutscan

meeeeh wrote: »

As someone who grew up in a country where people tend to be addressed a lot more formally I absolutely dread it. And the same goes for pal, bud, friend or similar for men. It's one of the Irish habits I will never get used to. I find it condescending and rude and won't deal with people who do it unless I absolutely have to.

Yet swearing doesn't bother you in the slightest? I find this fascinating.

donegaLroad

jo2509 wrote: »

My brother in law's term of endearment is 'duck' (he is from the UK, midlands).
My two year old nephew has started calling me duck too, it's the cutest thing ever

But no, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I am called 'love' if I'm ever on the phone to women from the UK, particularly the Midlands.

Lorelli!

A while ago two sales guys knocked into my house to see if I wanted to change my electricity provider. One was training the other guy and English was not their first language.

They were explaining it to me and the guy kept using my name but the other guy who was training kept calling me Lady. So he would say "so lady, this is how it works.", "now lady..." etc.

It wasn't a term of endearment, he just didn't catch my name or couldn't remember it. I thought it was funny though.

Boom_Bap

People can call be what they want whether it is endearment or belittling.

If it's being meant to belittle me, jokes on them, because they think I care.

Donald Trump

happyoutscan wrote: »

Yet swearing doesn't bother you in the slightest? I find this fascinating.

Of course, you had better be polite and address them by their proper title ya little bollix

"Mr. Murphy sir, you are a nothing but a thundering fucking cunt"

Hammer89

I find it totally harmless when I'm called something like 'sweetie' or 'love' by a woman. I'd guess it's the same for a huge majority of men. Then again, you can kind of see why some women might not fancy it. I think they might think that it's a bit patronising, a bit 'I'm above you-ish'.

Boom_Bap

Donald Trump wrote: »

Of course, you had better be polite and address them by their proper title ya little bollix

"Mr. Murphy sir, you are a nothing but a thundering fucking cunt"

I believe the correct pronunciation is f*cking thunderc*nt these days.

meeeeh

happyoutscan wrote: »

Yet swearing doesn't bother you in the slightest? I find this fascinating.

No not at all. Obviously there are occasions when it's not appropriate but swearing is not condescending on its own.

jo2509

donegaLroad wrote: »

I am called 'love' if I'm ever on the phone to women from the UK, particularly the Midlands.

I think 'alwight m'duck' might be quite specific to the town they live in

suicide_circus

"Sweetheart" in a Boston/New England accent.

zedhead

I'm not a fan of it. If its someone I know or am close then its absolutely a term of endearment but I had the false familiarity it implies when used between strangers. I just think its inappropriate in most settings, similarly I dislike being greeted with a hug or a kiss on the cheek when meeting someone for the first time (or even after multiple times if we are not friends).

The former, in reality I am never going to complain about to the person that calls me 'love, pet etc' or ask them to stop as its not the worth the effort, but I may have a rant to friends after it happens. (though if I sense that the person meant it in an insulting/demeaning way then I may confront it). The latter I usually just offer a handshake if someone goes to initiate a hug or kiss on the cheek. Just can't abide by that physical closeness with strangers.

Donald Trump

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I believe the correct pronunciation is f*cking thunderc*nt these days.

I stand corrected and it is noted for future coveffe usage

me_irl

I think it's not just the phrase, but the manner and situation in which it's said.

Sarcastically, or even coming from a creep is a huge no no.

But from a friend, it's grand.

Press_Start

me_irl wrote: »

I think it's not just the phrase, but the manner and situation in which it's said.

Sarcastically, or even coming from a creep is a huge no no.

But from a friend, it's grand.

Generally seems to be the most accepted solution, and I only ever call people I know love, never the bartender, the taxi driver, the bus driver, the garda that tends to patrol our area.

I use it for friends, and coworkers I tend to get on with most.

I also understand that people are undermined and slighted by it, but if someone explains that it's just a term of endearment, are you still uncomfortable with it?

RayM

It's like winking (yes, winking) at people. A quick wink (yes, wink) is friendly. A slow wink (yes, wink) can be construed as creepy, especially if you're **** (yes, ****) at the time.

meeeeh

Hammer89 wrote: »

I find it totally harmless when I'm called something like 'sweetie' or 'love' by a woman. I'd guess it's the same for a huge majority of men. Then again, you can kind of see why some women might not fancy it. I think they might think that it's a bit patronising, a bit 'I'm above you-ish'.

Actually OH who is Irish dislikes it as much as I do if he is addressed by any of those terms. There is a crowd in UK who insist on calling him pal and we deal as little as possible with that company.

me_irl

RayM wrote: »

It's like winking (yes, winking) at people. A quick wink (yes, wink) is friendly. A slow wink (yes, wink) can be construed as creepy, especially if you're **** (yes, ****) at the time.

Personal contact, or even "space invaders" bug me.

Don't stand... don't stand... don't stand so close to me! :pac:

(oh no... I just remembered what that song was about!)

the_syco

i'm not your buddy pal.

LadyMacBeth_

I don't mind love or pet or babe or honey or c*untface, whatever you want to call me. Just please, dear god in heaven, don't call me sweetheart. I was seeing a guy who always patronised me and treated me like a child and he always called me sweetheart so my blood starts to boil when I hear it now.

Depends on who's saying it and how familiar and friendly we are with each other. Someone I don't know or like calling me sweetheart in a condescending tone is completely different from someone I like and know calling me sweetheart in a cheery, friendly tone.

My last boss called me pet a lot, and it was fine because he knew me a long time and we were close. If my new boss called me pet I'd be less comfortable since I don't know him as well and he's prone to be a bit supercilious.

Like most things in life, tis all about the context.

Skylinehead

I prefer Terms of Enrampagement

sword1

the_syco wrote: »

i'm not your buddy pal.

I think kim Jong used to affectionately call his uncle pal

DEFTLEFTHAND

Elderly woman referred to me as pet on the work phone recently.

I cursed her outta of it and demanded that she refer to me as sir.

Ah no of course I didn't, I thought it was really sweet.:)

biko

When you call me sweetheart you offend me

LirW

German has its own grammatical form just for talking to strangers or people that aren't close to us. It's very formal.
When I came here and encountered all these Endearments, it took me a while to get used to it.

LadyMacBeth_

LirW wrote: »

German has its own grammatical form just for talking to strangers or people that aren't close to us. It's very formal.
When I came here and encountered all these Endearments, it took me a while to get used to it.

My OH is German and when I'm talking to someone I don't know or have just met in Germany I often forget to use the formal 'Sie' and I usually use the person's first name too rather than their surname. They must think I'm terribly rude :P

blue note

95% or the time it doesn't bother me at all. In fact, sometimes it's a nice friendly way of addressing me. We used to have an office tea lady who was kind of an office mammy. She called everyone chicken and it was a lovely term of endearment. A girl from college also uses the same term and somehow she can pull it off (for most people I'd consider it weird).

My ex-girlfriend used to use the term "dear" or "my dear" when talking down to people. I shudder thinking back!

But different people I deal with regularly in shops or wherever call me sweetie, honey, dear, chicken, pal, young fella/lad and I find them all fine. The one I don't really like is being called sir now that I think about it. I feel like it's a term you use for your superior and I don't want that connotation in my dealings with anyone. Well, maybe with my ex-girlfriend!

LirW

LadyMacBeth_ wrote: »

My OH is German and when I'm talking to someone I don't know or have just met in Germany I often forget to use the formal 'Sie' and I usually use the person's first name too rather than their surname. They must think I'm terribly rude :P

We love being impersonal

Donald Trump

LadyMacBeth_ wrote: »

My OH is German and when I'm talking to someone I don't know or have just met in Germany I often forget to use the formal 'Sie' and I usually use the person's first name too rather than their surname. They must think I'm terribly rude :P

Could be worse....at least you're not invading Poland

iamwhoiam

LadyMacBeth_ wrote: »

My OH is German and when I'm talking to someone I don't know or have just met in Germany I often forget to use the formal 'Sie' and I usually use the person's first name too rather than their surname. They must think I'm terribly rude :P

When I lived there I had awful problems knowing when the transition from Sie to Du was appropriate ! Was it months or weeks or age or what ?!
But rule of thumb I discovered was the older person would set the Du wheels in motion ! Very complex !

Hope you remember to shake hands evertime you meet them too !!

ablelocks

call me by my name, or don't but i'm not your limerick accent kid limerick accent, pal, bud, buddy, mate, friend.

not even if you are a friend.

And I wouldn't call a woman any of the so-called endearments.

edit : Although, I did call my 14 year old daughter a dear the other day, as in listen, dear, there's no way your going to the disco on Friday if you're room is still in the ****e state that it's been in since you started back to school.

she told me if i ever called her dear again she'd put me in a nursing home with all the other dears when i'm old....

LirW

If you're in a conversation the older one usually offers the "Du" to the younger one.
If in doubt and you don't know always use "Sie", just to be safe.

We in Austria don't see it as strict as the Germans do but we have other little perks... like the rudeness of the Viennese.

iamwhoiam

LirW wrote: »

If you're in a conversation the older one usually offers the "Du" to the younger one.
If in doubt and you don't know always use "Sie", just to be safe.

We in Austria don't see it as strict as the Germans do but we have other little perks... like the rudeness of the Viennese.

Ah but they serve Sachertorte to make up for the rudeness !

RhubarbCrumble

ablelocks wrote: »

call me by my name, or don't but i'm not your limerick accent kid limerick accent, pal, bud, buddy, mate, friend.

not even if you are a friend.

And I wouldn't dare call a woman any of the so-called endearments.

"Aboy de kid, mere I wancha"

lazybones32

I get called lots of different stuff and some irks me but that's it. Nothing major or worth getting upset over - people will use the terms they use.