Strong feeling for someone in workplace

Estrellita

RandomP wrote: »

Cheers for the advice. I feel the spark is not there as it use to in my current relationship. But I do love my girlfriend. Maybe that's why I feel so conflicted.

If you genuinely still love your girlfriend, then you need to put a stop to what is going on with this other girl. Do not speak to her outside of a work capacity and avoid little huddles in the office with her. In meetings, sit beside someone else. If you need to ask a question, ask someone else. If you don't put a professional distance between you and her this isn't going to go away and you stand to lose the girlfriend you say you love.

When you've been several years into a relationship it seems for some people it's easier to start something new than to put in the work required to keep things fresh and exciting in a current relationship.

You say there was talk of a gym. I think if you start going she will follow suit. When you're over worked and over tired it's very easy to fall into a rut and end up slumping into the sofa every evening. You could be just the motivation she needs. Be honest about diet. You can't account for what she's having at work of course, but ensure there is nothing in the weekly shopping that is convenience food or unhealthy snacks. It's better to make a meal from scratch so you can account for everything that's gone into it. YOU cook, and watch portion sizes. You must at least have some meals together? Id say between work tiredness and lack of body confidence things have dulled her interest in intimacy. If there is a change in diet and exercise she will begin to feel more confident again.

Don't look for excuses to have a thing with work girl, be part of the change you want in your own relationship. Lead by example.

Yellow pack crisps

Make a decision. Forget the girl at work as there are so many reasons why it is a non starter. If you break up with your gf you need time to recover from that as six years leaves a lot of emotional scars you just can't see at the moment. The office girl has given you absolutely no reason to believe she is interested in you in a romantic way! Forget about how close she sits/stands to you or if your hands briefly touch it she gives you a bar of chocolate as you are just grasping at straws there. You are friends! That's all! All those things you mentioned are the actions of good friends! Take a step back from her for a while and clear your head. Either finish with your gf or choose to work on your relationship, a sign of weight gain is sometimes a indicator of unhappiness, perhaps your gf is equally unhappy in your relationship as you are, you won't know until you have an honest conversation about it.

Pyr0

RandomP wrote: »

Hi, not sure if this is a suitable place to post this but here it is. I've been wondering if I should post something like this for a week now but I have no one to talk to about this.

I have feelings for someone in the office. This has probably gone on for one year now. At first I thought to myself "this is just a phase" but now I think about her all the time and I find myself sexually attracted to her.

I am already in a relationship of almost six years. I have always been loyal I don't think about anyone else or chat to other girls. Then last year I started talking to this girl from work usually through Skype but also in person too.

There's nothing flirty about our chats just random stuff and these chats often end up in paragraphs replying to each other every few hours almost everyday in work. Then earlier this year we started whatapps each other outside of work but again nothing flirty and usually only at weekends but they usually end up being long parapgraphs. Sometimes she starts it sometimes it's me.

I can't stop thinking about this person. It feels good talking to her. In my head I keep asking myself is it normal for a girl to chat to a guy this much or if shes interested in me? I know she has lots of male friends since her course that she did was very male dominant and she grew up playing football with lads and she said she never really had a proper boyfriend and she is single. But even at that is it normal to have this much chats between us?

I get bit jealous when the new guy talk to her or Skypes her. And I often tell myself what the **** is wrong with me!

Sometimes I ask myself if I should distance myself from her but it's almost impossible since we work on same projects and in the same team?

Any thoughts?

Keep it 100% to work interaction. For now it's only innocent chatting and even then "over the weekends" but soon you'll find that you're texting during the week after work and then where does it go? Phone chats, meet up for coffee? You'll just be in an even bigger hole.

How comfortable would you be telling your missus about this friendship? If you find yourself completely against it because you know she'll react badly or feel uncomfortable about it then you should definitely move away from casual texting.

bucketybuck

Sorry OP, but you are nothing but a cliché. A full blown girlfriend got fat excitement at work 7 year itch cliché.

I don't say that to be mean, but maybe if you copped on to that fact you might be a little more realistic and dispassionate about the situation, before you go and do something stupid.

Ms Doubtfire1

Look OP,

all relationships turn into routine at some point in your life. That's just life. You can  try spice it up and value the deep friendship and love that can come place of the butterflies, or you don't.There are no guarantees in life except for death and taxes. If settling in and down is not for you you need to leave because you are standing in her way. You are blaming the diminished attraction to her weight gain, but I think that's no more than a the outer symptom. As someone else said - you've checked out. Make a decision. but make it based on your current feelings towards your GF, and leave any thought of the other girl out of it-as hard as that sounds.Alsop, would strongly reccommand if you do leave to stay on your own for a while - just to get to know yourself as a single person.

birdwatcher

OP,
Like it or not, you're already having an affair.....an Emotional Affair.
Google it....you'll see the symptoms.
It's as bad as a physical affair in terms of realisation and deciding to end it.(with whichever party you decide to end it with)

You have a choice to make, and you need to make it now.
Look at it from this point of view.....if your GF was in the same situation, how would YOU feel if YOU found out.

Just food for thought, I'm not judging.
Make your decision and stick with it.
Good luck either way.

RandomP

RandomP wrote: »

She knows about my gf before we started to have chats. She never really asked about her usually just one line comment and same reaction whenever I mention my gf. Few months ago after our office event I told one of my coworker than I've been with my gf for 6 years he said you guys should be engaged and she kind of jokingly said to him to stop putting ideas into my head.

Eugh.

Your colleague makes a fair point, your relationship is not moving forward, why is that?

Deal with that issue before moving on to your next girlfriend.

Ann84

Are you wasting your current girlfriends time/ life?
You guys have been together 6 years... 6 years is a nice chunk of time, I mean she could be married and planning a life with someone who wanted to create a life with her, meanwhile instead of being busy creating a life with your partner, your daydreaming about a girl in work...

I think the answer is in your priorities really

BoardsMember

Icepick wrote: »

Relationships require hard work.
If you still love your gf, do something to bring back the spark.

Check TED talks

Can you elaborate on this? Link, subject etc?

Icepick

BoardsMember wrote: »

Can you elaborate on this? Link, subject etc?

Her name is Esther Perel