Afraid my friend's gf is controlling

The Young Wan

Guy I work with. He started maybe in August. Cat dad, so we instantly bonded and have gotten close in last while. Since last Saturday he's having massive trouble with his gf. As in he was meant to come around to mine Saturday to meet his new co worker, who lives with me. But he and gf had a huge argument.

The gist of the argument is that she is super controlling, and if he says he's going out for a beer with us then she's like "no you cant how can you leave me here on my own in the flat when I don't know anyone." At one stage over the week he was telling me he wanted out.

How do i give this guy help when all is in my head is "mate you need to leave because this is so unhealthy." And I don't wanna message all the time and annoy him but I am concerned for him and that he's ok

leggo

Why would you have any kind of vested interest in his relationship?

D3V!L

Some good advice is to stay out of it . It's nothing to do with you.

Sephiroth_dude

For your own insanity stay well out of it,it will only cause drama.

Mr. Incognito

I dont even discuss my relationship with my family much less my co-workers.

He is totally out of line here.

D3V!L

To put the original post into perspective for everyone, the OP is female. Makes a lot more sense.

punisher5112

Op are you interested in him or something???

Very odd to be getting involved.

Guys will moan and gals will moan its never going to change.

Stay well clear keep relationship professional as in a work one.

amtc

Stay well out of it. You know him less than two months. You've no idea if what he is telling you.is true but even if it is he's a big enough boy to get a job and go to it so he's hardly being controlled.

Believe me you'll end up being the one being blamed. If you want to be a friend be a listening ear but be prepared for the repercussions. I have a really good friend for some 20 years and when he had a row recently came and talked it out with me. I happen to know his wife through work and she blanked me at a meeting during the week, even though my advice to him was that he should go home and apologise. But God only knows what he told her.

Why did he have to meet a new co worker anyway? On a weekend at yours? Surely the place to meet is at work?

dudara

This is a situation that you are better off well away from. And anyway, you're only hearing his side of the story.

Funny how?

Unfortunatly OP that's what happens, I'm 28 and most of my best friends are in long term relationships and only get to see them once every two months if I'm lucky, usually at some sort of event that's on

If it's not physical or emotional abuse then your friend needs to decide can I put up with this, I'm happy enough or try to reach a compromise. Yea this happens men and they feel trapped.

I would but out but out if your friend seems miserable then bring it up in conversation casually like how's the new relationship going, fancy a few drinks in a week or two. He's not got ditch his missus to go drinking with you.

witchgirl26

OP maybe the reason his gf is a bit like that is because you're a girl and she feels threatened. I'm not saying it's right but a lot of girls would have a problem with their bf going over to another girls house of a weekend.

I wouldn't say she sounds over controlling from that instance and you can't really know too much as you're only getting one side from someone you haven't known that long.

I'd say be supportive of a friend and that but keep well out of relationship issues.

amtc

Funny how? wrote: »

I would but out but out if your friend seems miserable then bring it up in conversation casually like how's the new relationship going, fancy a few drinks in a week or two. He's not got ditch his missus to go drinking with you.

I think you have it wrong. The relationship doesn't seem to be new, it's the friendship.

GingerLily

You're out of line OP, stay away

Rekop dog

Yeah it's coming across very much like you have feelings for the guy and using this "controlling" excuse as a reason to justify influencing him to dump her. Quite manipulative tbh.

If that's not the case then you could just be young and naive about adult relationships.

Also what's Cat dad?

colm_mcm

I’d assume a cat dad is a man with a cat as opposed to a terrible parent.

punisher5112

He could well just be a pussy.... I'd stay out of it...

MissShihTzu

Three sides to every story. His, hers and the truth. I don't want to sound harsh, but mind your own business, OP!

Nothing good will come of it, if you stick your nose in. The couple are adults and more than capable of sorting this out - If indeed there is an issue.

tomwaterford

While it's good to have concern about your friend and should be commended imo


Your as well off to stay outta it (since ya only know 1 side?),inviting a whole load of hassle for zero thanks you'll get,


As a simple question for you to ask yourself....why did your friend not invite his gf around,when she didn't want to be stuck in alone??

Rubberchikken

You know him two months on a work environment. Maybe it's me but I'd be advising you to take a step back for now.
Some people love drama and love offloading it onto anyone willing to listen.
You're only hearing his side and if it's not physical or emotional abuse is wait and see how things go.

retro:electro

He could also be using her as an excuse and saying "the missus wont let me" because maybe he doesn't want to hang out with you?
I've seen this done by both sexes plenty of times.

khaldrogo

The Young Wan wrote:

How do i give this guy help when all is in my head is "mate you need to leave because this is so unhealthy." And I don't wanna message all the time and annoy him but I am concerned for him and that he's ok

Sounds like you have designs on him yourself........

Scraggs

anna080 wrote: »

He could also be using her as an excuse and saying "the missus wont let me" because maybe he doesn't want to hang out with you?
I've seen this done by both sexes plenty of times.

This would be my take on it also. Another thing to consider is that he may not want to socialise with colleagues outside work?

Big Bag of Chips

Why was he supposed to go around to your house to meet his new coworker? Sounds like a pretty weak excuse to get him to go around to your house! What's wrong with meeting his coworker in work? If you didn't work there, how would they meet? You know this fella a few weeks. Back off. Why would you be constantly texting him? Maybe his gf has a problem because she senses you're after more than just a working relationship/friendship with her boyfriend.

If his relationship is going to end, let it end of it's own accord. Get involved in any way shape or form and suddenly you become the reason for their problems.

dudara

@AnneFrank - I've deleted your post as it's not helpful or up to standard expected here in PI/RI. Please read the forum charter before posting again.

dudara

The Young Wan

khaldrogo wrote: »

Sounds like you have designs on him yourself........

I shop in my own section so that's really not the reason here.

MissShihTzu

The Young Wan wrote: »

I shop in my own section so that's really not the reason here.

OK - So what is the reason? Serious question. I cannot see any reason why you should feel you should get involved. Like so many including me have said. You should really keep out of it.

Big Bag of Chips

Ok, I must be getting old because I don't even know what your last post means!

On rereading your OP, he's "been having massive trouble with his gf since last Saturday". A week ago? An argument, that you're not even sure was an argument a week ago doesn't make for 'massive trouble'. If she doesn't know anybody and he was calling to your house would you not have considered inviting her too?

You know nothing about this fella. You don't know if he gets a vibe off you that you're interested (you think you're getting closer, maybe he doesn't think/want that) and wants to keep a professional distance by not calling to your house. Maybe as another poster mentioned the gf is a handy excuse rather than directly turning down your offer.

He surely has family, friends that know him a lot longer than you and are better placed to judge him and whether or not he is in a controlling relationship. You're his colleague, and only know him a few weeks. You don't need to be the one to swoop in and save him.

nikkibikki

Big Bag of Chips wrote:

Ok, I must be getting old because I don't even know what your last post means!

Fairly sure she means she is gay, so not interested in him sexually/romantically.

I agree that you should stay out of it. Talk to him if he brings it up but don't get involved. Don't call her names. Just sympathise and listen if he brings it up but don't get involved further than that.

Big Bag of Chips

nikkibikki wrote: »

Fairly sure she means she is gay, so not interested in him sexually/romantically.

I don't think so. She had a thread a while ago where she told a work colleague she fancied him and he turned her down and she's had numerous threads asking advice about dating different men, no mention of women.

OP, be honest, are you interested in this fella? It sounds like you are, and maybe his gf is picking up on that. Do you text him regularly outside of work? Do you look for flimsy reasons to contact him? He is in a relationship and you need to respect that, both the fact that he is in a relationship and the relationship itself. You don't know enough about him to judge whether or not his relationship is a bad one, and even if it is he's a fully grown man who will make his own decisions. Nobody will thank you for interfering.

Penny Tration

The gf doesn't sound controlling. I'd be very unhappy if my boyfriend announced he was going for drinks alone in some female colleague's house, when he'd only known her a few weeks.


Also it's totally inappropriate for either of you to be discussing his relationship in work.


You both need to cop on a bit tbh

The Young Wan

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

<Snip> No need to repost an entire post. It just clogs the thread with duplicate text and makes life difficult for users browsing on the touch site

At the moment I am dàting a girl, so No, I'm not interested in starting anything with him.

I don't regularly text him outside work. Maybe every couple of days.

We both work away from home, and in this job it's regular for work colleagues to hang out outside work hours as it's not a job in Ireland. Everyone is away from home, so it's somewhat of a coping method. I've asked him on Thursday did he want to come join us last night, and he said no as she probably wouldn't have allowed him to come. That really set off alarm bells.