Housemate uncomfortable with me

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,
Apologies for the long post.
I'm a 26 year old guy, living in a house with three others. I'd consider myself very easy to get along with.
Around three months ago, two of the guys moved out for work abroad. We found two replacement housemates relatively quickly with a little help from the landlord. Both women. I'm studying for my CPA exams at the moment so I'm not around too much. They seem ok but I haven't really gotten to know either of them so far.
One month ago I got out of the shower and went to the kitchen in my towel to pick up phone, toast etc. so I could run back to my room and then out of the house so I wouldn't be late for work. One of the women walked into and quickly out of the kitchen while I was in there. Didn't pay any attention at the time.
She came to me a few days later to say that it made her uncomfortable that I would venture into the communal areas without being dressed. I said that I understood, explained that it was only because I was running so late that day, assured her that it would never happen again and apologised.
This is not a habit for me and I genuinely intend that it'll never happen again. I'd never even done it when it was all guys in the house.

My problem is that she's mentioned how uncomfortable it made her several times since then. I've apologised and said that it won't happen again every time and then the conversation fizzles out. I really didn't mean to cause any distress, it really won't happen again and I really am sorry. But I can't change the fact that it has already happened and constantly apologising and explaining this doesn't feel like it's going to solve anything tbh.

Any advice welcome.

stargazer 68

If she mentions it again I would say - yes you have already told me and I have apologised and it won't happen again. Don't keep apologising or you will never hear the end of it

Neyite

You apologised, and said you won't do it again. That's fair enough and I think she's being overly dramatic and a bit precious about it now by continuing to bring it up. You were in a towel, so were not naked or indecent.

She needs to get over it. Or move out and go share with a female only household. And I'd be telling her that.

For what it's worth, I've flat-shared with both sexes, and doing a dart into the kitchen/living room to iron something while only wearing a towel is fairly normal. You did nothing wrong yet as a courtesy, have apologised and promised not to do it again. And of course, the new house rule applies to her as well?

freshpopcorn

This is one of these things that should be laughed off or brought up when people are a bit tipsy as a joke.
You made a mistake and said you were sorry but she can't leave it go and I always find people with this mindset can be very hard to change and could be dangerous if you know what I mean!

kylith

I would advise saying exactly your last paragraph. " I really didn't mean to cause any distress, it really won't happen again and I really am sorry. But I can't change the fact that it has already happened and constantly apologising and explaining this doesn't feel like it's going to solve anything"

SusieBlue

Ah here, you were in a towel. She's a bit precious. I'd have some degree of sympathy for her if you'd been naked but she needs to get over herself.
You'd see more nudity on a beach, for goodness sake. It was a one off and you've apologised and promised it won't happen again - there is nothing more you can do. I wouldn't pay any attention to her.

pwurple

Ah that's a bit much alright. You weren't exactly sprawled on the sofa spreadeagled with a come-hither look on your face. 
Tell her you'll buy a time-machine next time you see one on sale, pop into it and undo time, in case your nipple has her eye out in her memories. 

Has she PTSD from the sight of you or something? 

I'd be telling her your confidence is seriously dented by her expression of horror upon seeing you. Ask for counselling sessions, paid by her, to overcome this. 

Jeez like. My housemates used to prance around in undies the whole time.

zoobizoo

I've walked around every house share in a towel from bathroom to bedroom, or like you, if in a rush, down to a kitchen.

Don't apologise again.

Instead, ask her "what would you like me to say?"

Put it back on her.


And you shouldn't have had to apologise in the first place.

(as an aside, has she shared with people before? And does she come from a small family? it could explain her being uncomfortable).

s15r330

Stop being an absolute gimp, he was wearing a towel, he has apologised multiple times, get over it!!


Now, send her the link to this thread, job done.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

RhubarbCrumble

OP, this woman is being completely over the top. You did nothing wrong yet she seems to have turned it into a major incident.
I've shared with both males and females before (I'm female) and would definitely have seen former housemates in a towel at some stage or other. Maybe not that often, but it's something I wouldn't give a second thought too.
Same re pyjamas in case your housemate has any plans of getting excited over that one.

Just ignore her. You've apologised to her when you didn't even really have to and if she can't accept that and forget about it then that's her problem.

amtc

I walked in on a (male) housemate in the bath before. My fault, I wouldn't normally have been home at that time plus I normally used the ensuite. We just had a laugh while fully clothed.

This is an over reaction by this girl. There's only so many times you can apologise, and to be fair you really shouldn't have to.

Is she friendly with the other girl? Maybe she could have a word?

Ghekko

Tell her to build a bridge and get over it. For gods sake, bringing it up again and again is ridiculous. Don't apologise again. If she brings it up again sigh and walk away.

fineso.mom

That would drive me mad. I wouldn't have had an issue with you being in a towel in the first place. She basically saw you with your top off, big deal. But regardless of how minor it was you have apologised. Once was enought but you've been cornered into apologising a few times.
At this stage I think you have every right to turn it back on her....'Mary, can I have a word? I feel really uncomfortable that you keep bringing up the incident with the towel. I'd appreciate if in future you would either accept a genuine apology when it's given and then move on OR let me know in advance that you won't be so I can save myself the bother'
Then if she apologises, do the same thing again a couple of times. ☺

endacl

I hear repeated apologies can shrink towels?

minikin

If she mentions the towel incident again tell her to drop it or next time you will.

Rubberchikken

You did nothing wrong.
Please stop apologising. This girl is truly too precious for words and needs to grow up.

SterlingArcher

AccountingDave00 wrote: »

Hi everyone,
Apologies for the long post.
I'm a 26 year old guy, living in a house with three others. I'd consider myself very easy to get along with.
Around three months ago, two of the guys moved out for work abroad. We found two replacement housemates relatively quickly with a little help from the landlord. Both women. I'm studying for my CPA exams at the moment so I'm not around too much. They seem ok but I haven't really gotten to know either of them so far.
One month ago I got out of the shower and went to the kitchen in my towel to pick up phone, toast etc. so I could run back to my room and then out of the house so I wouldn't be late for work. One of the women walked into and quickly out of the kitchen while I was in there. Didn't pay any attention at the time.
She came to me a few days later to say that it made her uncomfortable that I would venture into the communal areas without being dressed. I said that I understood, explained that it was only because I was running so late that day, assured her that it would never happen again and apologised.
This is not a habit for me and I genuinely intend that it'll never happen again. I'd never even done it when it was all guys in the house.

My problem is that she's mentioned how uncomfortable it made her several times since then. I've apologised and said that it won't happen again every time and then the conversation fizzles out. I really didn't mean to cause any distress, it really won't happen again and I really am sorry. But I can't change the fact that it has already happened and constantly apologising and explaining this doesn't feel like it's going to solve anything tbh.

Any advice welcome.

She is getting rid of you Dave. This is her design.

Red Corvette

I can bet that she doesn't get dressed in the bathroom after a shower and she goes from the bathroom to her room in a towel. Try catching her coming out after a shower sometime and tell her not to be such a hypocrite because the hallway is also a communal area.

screamer

Take her to the swimming pool where she will see people much more scantily clad....seriously she's being ridiculous. I'd not be surprised if she has an agenda to keep you apologising and like you've said there's nothing you can do about it...but maybe she's hoping to make you feel so uncomfortable or bad that you'll move out....I'd not be surprised if that's her plan.she probably has some friend who'd like to move in. Take more crap from her. I think a meeting to discuss the rules for the common areas is a good idea.

Estrellita

SterlingArcher wrote: »

She is getting rid of you Dave. This is her design.

I'd say this is the end game. Could simply want an all-female house, therefore you'll never be able to do anything right.

It's been said here over and over that she's making a meal out of this. It's so absurd that I think there's another motive. This is very ordinary stuff for a house share. What is she fresh out of a convent or something?

Balls to that. Play her at her own game. If she brings it up again suggest she finds an all-female new digs if she's so traumatized by a man in a towel. She's getting mileage out of this for a reason.

Katgurl

Personally i would say that she is now making you very uncomfortable with her bringing up tye towel incident (not even) and refusing to accept your apology.

I often walked around in my towel when living with males and vice versa btw. Its not unusual.

LegacyUser

<mod snip - no digs at other posters>

I can understand her initial reaction - she doesn't know you from Adam so has no idea if you are in the habit of hanging out in the kitchen in just a towel. It's different to walking from a bathroom to a bedroom or when you've been sharing a while and know people well. It's a new set up for everyone so there's some learning curves. Isn't that what people on this forum are always telling people to do when they have issues with housemates? Don't be passive aggressive, be direct. However her bringing it up repeatedly isn't on. Your turn to be direct OP, if she mentions it again just say I've already apologized, I'm not going to keep apologizing so drop it. Everyone needs to stop reading into everything - maybe she does have a master plan to remove the OP from the house or (and more likely) she's got bad social skills like so many of us and has handle a situation incorrectly and the OP has equally contributed by continuing to apologize when they shouldn't. Unless there's other issues OP just draw a line under this and get one with your life.

Red Corvette

I think it's been mentioned already that she may have a plan and wants you to move out and wants a friend to move in. I think this is very well may be the case. I had some trouble earlier on in the year with a housemate of mine. But when another housemate was moving out, she asked me about one of her friends moving in. So I think she's trying to make you feel uncomfortable here in your own house. Play her at her own game.

To be honest I wouldn't have apologised (what did he do wrong?) and I would not have said I'd never do it again either. It's part and parcel of housesharing to walk around in a towel or just in your jocks. I hope she never goes to a swimming pool with a communal dressing room where both men and women walk from the showers to the dressing room in just a towel.

Tell her to get over it or move out and live alone if she isn't happy with living with other people.

I Am_Not_Ice

This woman sounds like a complete wreck-the-head. The next time she brings it up tell her that her constant talking about it is now making you feel uncomfortable and she needs to drop it or you're going to start ignoring her.

Neyite

Mod:

Sorry - no you-tube links allowed on PI, post deleted.

Purple Mountain

If she brings it up again, tell her she's now making you feel uncomfortable.
Be sincere. Look her in the eye.
She'll get the message.

Cupcake_Crisis

If she's so sensitive to a naked male torso then she shouldn't be living with men. My old housemate used to walk from room to room in a towel if necessary, as did I, it's not a big deal. She's being a drama queen.

If she brings it up again tell her she's making you feel uncomfortable and you think she's obsessed with your partial nudity.

kbell

It’s not a hotel, it’s a house share, things like that are inevitable.
Show her this thread next time she brings it up.

Tenigate

Tell her she's making you uncomfortable and you'd prefer if she found another house.

cloudatlas

I feel the only explanation is something has happened to her in the past and seeing you she felt unsafe in that moment. Totally not your fault but that's the only explanation I can fathom.

All the people who say this is an end game for getting someone else in to the flat are incredibly paranoid.

If she brings it up again perhaps you could ask for a meeting with the other housemate present so you can knock this on the head in front of a witness, that may help I don't know. Good luck.