Friend left me drunk

LegacyUser

Hi,
Me and my friend went out last saturday night to our local nightclub. As usual, we had predrinks before we left. She poured my first drink and was overly generous on the vodka which I didnt know (I just thought it was a bit strong) and I topped it up with my mixer and drank it. We had a few more drinks then we went to the club. She said I was really drunk when we were walking into the club..another friend who we chatted to said they had never seen me so drunk and they were chatting to me 30 mins after we arrived at the club. The other friend was moving on to a different club so they left.

Anyway, basically I was absolutely plastered in this club and apparently falling around etc which is completely unlike me as I am normally careful enough with drink. My friend said she got me two drinks in the club only stopping giving me a third when I kept refusing but could hardly speak. I have no memory of any of this. My friend said I wandered off soon after we arrived in the club. I have very little memory of the night but I know I was a mess falling down etc. I also have some memory of shifting different people throughout the night..some of the memories are horrible and I wish I couldnt remember although I'm glad as at least I know bits. I am absolutely mortified to think about how bad I was and all the people I know that have seen me in such a state. I tried to ring my friend in the club and couldnt find her. When the club finished I kept ringing her and it turns out she had left with a guy already.

I have been feeling really depressed since saturday night..the fear is an understatement of how I feel. I am so hurt that she left me and also at the state I got in..she admitted she felt bad she'd fed me so much alcohol. I really don't know how to deal with this its like a black cloud has been over my head. Am I mad to be angry at her for leaving me? I just keep thinking if I was in such a state she shouldn't have kept giving me alcohol and shouldnt have left me. Am I over reacting? How do I move forward from this as I just feel so awful?
Thanks

Mr. Incognito

I'm guessing you are quite young.

Anyone who knows you are hammered and leaves you to go home with a lad is NOT your friend and she should be phased out of your life as soon as possible.

Secondly, YOU are responsible for your drinking. No-one else. Make sure you know what levels you are drinking next time.

Thank your lucky stars you didnt end up in hospital or worse.

Also, anyone who say you drunk has already moved on with their own self centred lives and doesnt care.

sashafierce

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zoobizoo

You're judging her by sober standards.

If you think about it, she was probably pretty hammered too.

Maybe she tried to pull you off some lad but you were insistent that you wanted to stay... there's only a certain amount of times you try to help someone before deciding to walk away.


You allowed yourself to drink way too much - at any stage before you got wasted you could have stopped and said "I'd like to measure out my drink thanks" or "that's enough for me"...

miamee

Of course you knew she was overly generous with the vodka, you said it tasted strong but you drank it anyway. You can't rely on this person as far as drinking is concerned, in future make sure you pour your own drinks or drink beers that can be easily counted, particularly if you tend to get drunk easily.

When I was younger and out in town with friends, we had it drilled into us (by ourselves) to look after each other and never leave anyone alone, and certainly never ditch them to go home without them. We went out together and we went home together. She's not much of a reliable friend in that regard, though as someone else said she might have been just as drunk as you were or close.

It sounds like it was a messy night out all round. They happen sometimes, just be more careful next time of how much you are drinking or how quickly. I'm sure the hangover next day was bad enough Have you talked to your friend since?

silverharp

I think its a good rule of thumb to never let anyone pour your drinks and never let them out of your sight. You had a bad experience but not too bad, learn from it and move on. You will need to get the measure of your friend and/or keep an eye in future as to how reliable they are.

SB_Part2

Did she force the drink down your throat? No. You knew it tasted strong but you drank it anyway.

People do stupid things when they are drunk so that's probably why she left you. I get the impression you think she did this on purpose. Lesson learned, pour your own drinks in future

seachto7

Try and have a few nights out without alcohol.

Rubberchikken

Try to let this go but chalk it up to experience.
Not fair of her to give you a lot if vodka but she didn't pour it down your throat.
You have to be responsible for what you consume. We all do.
Try doing without the predrinks and taking the rest of them easy in whatever club you go to in future.

Rekop dog

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Secondly, YOU are responsible for your drinking. No-one else. Make sure you know what levels you are drinking next time.

Thank your lucky stars you didnt end up in hospital or worse.

I'm not so sure about this, if I go to a bar and ordered a single whiskey I expect that's what I'll be given. Similarly I wouldn't expect a close friend to serve me a dangerous portion of alcohol. You have to let go of control sometimes in life.

I wouldn't place the blame on op trusting a friend, that's healthy. I'd place the blame on the friend giving her inappropriate levels of drink and continuing to do so in the club and then abandoning her.

nkav86

While I do understand your point here, if OP felt it was generous or stronger than they normally drink then caution should have been exercised. That being said, any friend that leaves you in that state for a random guy is not a friend you need. Horrible night I'm sure, thank god you got home in one piece

Edit: just to clarify my first point. It comes from a 31 year old that has allowed myself to get into some ridiculous states when younger, I in no way mean to bash OP for the decision to take the drink, I've done it myself, I only know now that I shouldn't have.

Katgurl

It is not nice that she left you, no.

It is likely that she was nearly as drunk as you and is generally a heavy drinker judging by her behaviour. So she was probably in no position to look after you.

I wouldn't raise it with her or be angry but i would be a little careful around her in future. Perhaps only go out with her in a group if she's prone to leaving you alone? Do you know how you got home as a matter of interest?

Regarding the mortification etc, i understand it is horrendous but honestly it does pass. Learn from your experience though so you don't end up feeling like this again.

retro:electro

Op she didn't "feed you" the drink. You willingly over drank yourself. It was bad form for her to leave you plastered, but you're not responsible for anyone's behaviour only your own. It wasn't up to her to look after you that night.

freshpopcorn

I actually can see two sides to this story.
I think everybody at some point has being in your position regarding getting to drunk on a night out and it normally involves being around friends and excess drinking.
I think every single night I've being in a night club I see a good few people that would be in your position. One experience I often had tough is when a friend get to drunk there's no talking to them regarding how they act/who they go off with etc. People eventually end up leaving them because of all the abuse they get.
Also OP be aware on nights out in clubs. Friends do go off with people. It's always important to bare this in mind.
Another thing that happens is the next day people really over hypes things that happened the night before.
My advice is to just forget what happened. Learn from what you did. Just be careful around these friends from now on. I wouldn't go cutting them out right away. Watch what you drink especially pre drinking.

Ursus Horribilis

There's a bit of missing detail here. We (or you) don't know how drunk your friend was. When someone gets very drunk (as may have happened with your friend), they can act out of character. I've a friend who's normally a very reliable sort of bloke. He went on holidays with his wife, had too much to drink in a local bar and nipped back to their hotel room for something. One in the room, he went to bed and fell asleep, leaving her on her own in a foreign bar. He has no memory of any of this and would never do such a thing when sober.

Also, as the others have mentioned, personal responsibility comes into this. People can be stupid with alcohol at any age and overdo things. Your friend probably didn't give you all that extra drink out of malice. It smacks of the stupid sort of thing people do when they're in high spirits and a bit tipsy. It was a messy drunken night and nobody covered themselves in glory here.

Going forward, all you can do is ensure that you don't let yourself get into this sort of state again. I'm probably not the only one who learned to respect alcohol after doing stupid things like mixing drinks, downing too many shots, being too generous with measures of vodka, snogging lads I wouldn't look at twice when sober etc. If you can take some lessons from what happened, you can turn this into a positive. As well as being careful about what you're drinking, you might need to give some thought to who you're socialising with. Maybe this friend of yours isn't the type who'll look out for her pals when you're all out on the town?

strandroad

Forget the initial drink, it's not the real issue here...

If your friend saw you so drunk that she withheld further drinks but still left you alone in such state she's no friend.

retro:electro

The friend was more than likely blotto too. There was a pair of them in it. You can't rely on others to mind you on nights out you have to mind yourself.

meeeeh

I can remember plenty of times getting way too drunk in my late teens and early twenties. Most people do that. I can't remember ever being left on my own by my friends who were often just as drunk as me. I think decent friends don't leave someone totally drunk on their own.

It's up to you op how much you want socialise with that friend in future but don't rely on her.

strandroad

anna080 wrote: »

The friend was more than likely blotto too.

She was sober enough to notice OP's state and to pick up a man but she still left her. That's some bad priorities in a friendship.

retro:electro

strandroad wrote: »

She was sober enough to notice OP's state and to pick up a man but she still left her. That's some bad priorities in a friendship.

If she makes a habit of it ya. A once off? I wouldn't be hanging her out to dry over it

FizzleSticks

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Paddy Cow

Op in all honesty this sounds like a one off where you got plastered and are mortified the next day. You said it was normal for ye to have pre drinks and while you knew it was strong, you drank it anyway. Later on when you were hammered you refused a drink from her. If you could refuse drink while hammered, then you can't try and blame her for giving you a "strong" drink which you could've refused when sober.

At the club you wandered off. Your friend had no idea where you were. You tried ringing her but I know from being in clubs that it's impossible to hear a phone ringing. Even after the club is over there is still so much talking/noise going on that you'd be lucky if someone hears the call.

Your recollection of the night is very hazy. You vaguely remember shifting guys. Maybe your friend saw you shifting a guy and thought you had scored and she then went on her way.

None of us know the exact events of the night. Luckily you got home safe. If this was a once off then chalk it down to experience. The vast majority of boardsies have been where you are - young, too much to drink and mortified the next day. As other posters have said, only you are responsible for what you drink. I know I can't drink spirits because I get blotto and make a fool of myself so I stick to beer.

With regards your friend - does she regularly ditch you for guys or was this the first time? If it's a regular thing then ditch her pronto. If it was the first time then maybe she was as drunk as you. Being drunk makes people thoughtless. In future set boundaries before ye go out that ye both go home together.

Hollister11

seachto7 wrote: »

Try and have a few nights out without alcohol.

Why do people suggest this?

Personally I couldn't go to a club sober. There only fun if drunk. No need to drink in there, but have plenty during pres.

Kablamo!

Because not everybody needs to use alcohol as a crutch to have a good time.

Hollister11

Kablamo! wrote: »

Because not everybody needs to use alcohol as a crutch to have a good time.

But most do tbh.

December2012

I do not think that it was out of order for your friend to leave you when she pulled.

You are not each other's minder.

If you're old enough to go into a night club then you should be old enough to take responsibility for yourself

arayess

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

I'm guessing you are quite young.

Anyone who knows you are hammered and leaves you to go home with a lad is NOT your friend and she should be phased out of your life as soon as possible.

Secondly, YOU are responsible for your drinking. No-one else. Make sure you know what levels you are drinking next time.

Thank your lucky stars you didnt end up in hospital or worse.

Also, anyone who say you drunk has already moved on with their own self centred lives and doesnt care.

complete over reaction

she has a relationship with this person and a history that is much more than 1 night - complete nonsense to judge a person based on one drunken niteclub mis-adventure. Be a pretty shallow thing tbh.
Lets assume the OPs friend was drunk too and didn't realise the state they were both in
We also have the OP by her own admission wandering off....there is no crime in her pal going off with a chap when her friend has gone awol
absolute nonsense to be blaming the friend...


The OP chose to take the drinks the onus is on her and her responsibility to learn from this episode (or not)

MissShihTzu

December2012 wrote: »

I do not think that it was out of order for your friend to leave you when she pulled.

You are not each other's minder.

If you're old enough to go into a night club then you should be old enough to take responsibility for yourself

Sorry - I don't agree with this. While I think the OP was at fault for getting so hammered, once her mate realised she wasn't compos mentis then the mate should have stayed with her or put her in a cab.

That's what my mates and I did for each other when we were younger. NEVER diss your mates for a dog!

Paddy Cow

MissShihTzu wrote: »

Sorry - I don't agree with this. While I think the OP was at fault for getting so hammered, once her mate realised she wasn't compos mentis then the mate should have stayed with her or put her in a cab.

That's what my mates and I did for each other when we were younger. NEVER diss your mates for a dog!

I would agree with you if her friend was soberish. We don't know how drunk she was. If she was very drunk herself she wouldn't be thinking straight either. If she knew how bad the op was and wasn't overly drunk herself, then it was a sh!tty thing for her to do. Hopefully they've both learned from this.

meeeeh

I don't think friend was responsible for op but it would be a decent thing to do. Not everything is about responsibility it's about being a good friend.

Augme

anna080 wrote: »

The friend was more than likely blotto too. There was a pair of them in it. You can't rely on others to mind you on nights out you have to mind yourself.

Technically correct. But if you can't rely on friends to look after you then that's a really worrying sign as to the calibre of friends you have. I couldn't ever imagine doing what OP's friend did and I can't imagine any of my friends doing it either.

Optimalprimerib

It's good that you feel bad op, so that you now know what your limit is. Your friend messed up as well but you will both learn from it. Well you might, it took me a few lessons to learn my limit (and am still learning) but these things happen.

valoren

I remember meeting a friend during a weekend home to Cork in 2008. It was May 2008, Munster playing in the Heineken Cup final was the focal point of the meet up. We went out circa 5pm.

I drank about 5 pint's of beer over the course of 4 hours or so. My friend was a big drinker, the kind of guy who could and did drink all day. I kept pace with him. We decided to get some bottles and head back to his place where we planned to play poker, watch QI DVD's (yes, we were regular cool dudes) which he was a big fan of. I drank another 4 bottles of strong beer and by now I was drunk, but not fall down drunk. My friend asked if I wanted some rum and coke as he had bought some the week before. I don't normally drink spirits but I accepted. It was a very full measure, more rum than coke, but I drank it anyway. After that was gone, the room started to spin soon after and I got sick. He put me in a spare room and I actually needed a dish to catch the vomit. It wasn't my finest moment. Now you hear stories about famous musicians choking/drowning on their vomit. That could very much have happened to me that night.

If that did happen then it would have been entirely my own fault. Thankfully it didn't happen and I could have blamed my friend for giving me far too much rum but that would have been me deflecting my personal responsibility for having drunk far too much myself in the first place. I drank well beyond what I would do normally and that I put myself in a potentially dangerous situation.

I wouldn't blame your friend for giving you too much booze. What she did to abandon you in your drunken state was uncalled for. I guess there's an unwritten rule that when out and drinking we need to take care of our friends to make sure they're ok. Your friend let you down there, and it should be a lesson learned but to have reached the point where you can't recall with clarity what happened is entirely your own responsibility.

LegacyUser

Hi,
Thanks for all the replies and apologies for the lack of response on my behalf.
To answer a few questions- my friend wasn't that drunk as she said she was taking
it easy enough on the drink after a few messy weekends of me cleaning up her sick,
helping her home, piecing together her nights out etc,. She has always been the one that
gets too drunk and I have always been the person to look after her like I would do for anyone
regardless of how close I was to them, in my opinion its the right thing to do. To the person who commented on the malice, part of me thinks that maybe she was testing my limits as I am
never ever ever the friend that gets into such a condition like that and wanted me to be the one making an idiot out of myself for once.

To the person who suggested going out sober, I'm actually only recently back drinking as I was off it for months due to a lifestyle plan I was following. Yes, I drank the drink even though I thought it was a little strong becausse after being off vodka for so long I still find even a pub measure strong therefore I didn't assume anything wrong. The friend admitted laughing that she felt guilty shed given me so much alcohol but even though she's admitting fault she doesnt seem to care therefore some of you will be delighted to know I've more or less told her that that's really the friendship done with. I've spent countless nights minding her and the only time I have ever needed her she's dumped me and left me for some random guy without a care in the world that I am the worst she's ever seen me (in her words).

Thanks for all your comments. I understand personal responsibilty with drink and I'm sure you'll have seen the fact that this is the one and only time I have ever been in such a state therefore I dont make a habit of it

Meeoow

Good on you. If you can't trust her, you did the right thing.
I'm friendly with a girl at work. Few years back at Xmas party, someone bought us a shot. I knocked mine back, and noticed that she pretended to do same, but she actually threw it behind her.
I'm wary of her now, wouldn't go out drinking with her again. I hate that crap. I find the people who yap about being big drinkers generally sit and drink feck all and watch everyone getting drunk.

Paddy Cow

drunky wrote: »

Hi,
Thanks for all the replies and apologies for the lack of response on my behalf.
To answer a few questions- my friend wasn't that drunk as she said she was taking
it easy enough on the drink after a few messy weekends of me cleaning up her sick,
helping her home, piecing together her nights out etc,. She has always been the one that
gets too drunk and I have always been the person to look after her like I would do for anyone
regardless of how close I was to them, in my opinion its the right thing to do. To the person who commented on the malice, part of me thinks that maybe she was testing my limits as I am
never ever ever the friend that gets into such a condition like that and wanted me to be the one making an idiot out of myself for once.

To the person who suggested going out sober, I'm actually only recently back drinking as I was off it for months due to a lifestyle plan I was following. Yes, I drank the drink even though I thought it was a little strong becausse after being off vodka for so long I still find even a pub measure strong therefore I didn't assume anything wrong. The friend admitted laughing that she felt guilty shed given me so much alcohol but even though she's admitting fault she doesnt seem to care therefore some of you will be delighted to know I've more or less told her that that's really the friendship done with. I've spent countless nights minding her and the only time I have ever needed her she's dumped me and left me for some random guy without a care in the world that I am the worst she's ever seen me (in her words).

Thanks for all your comments. I understand personal responsibilty with drink and I'm sure you'll have seen the fact that this is the one and only time I have ever been in such a state therefore I dont make a habit of it

This clears up a lot, especially the bits in bold and if it had been in your op I don't think there would be anyone questioning you. You are a good friend. She is not. She was lucky to have you in her life but you are better off without the drama. Fcuk her.

Katgurl

Meeoow wrote: »

Good on you. If you can't trust her, you did the right thing.
I'm friendly with a girl at work. Few years back at Xmas party, someone bought us a shot. I knocked mine back, and noticed that she pretended to do same, but she actually threw it behind her.
I'm wary of her now, wouldn't go out drinking with her again. I hate that crap. I find the people who yap about being big drinkers generally sit and drink feck all and watch everyone getting drunk.

i think this was a pretty smart strategy from her. You were at a work party, so many people behave appallingly at them. She had probably given herself a few groundrules before she headed out like no wine after dinner and if somebody buys you a shot, toss it instead of getting into a row. It's your business if you wanna drink your own shot.

blairbear

Meeoow wrote: »

Good on you. If you can't trust her, you did the right thing.
I'm friendly with a girl at work. Few years back at Xmas party, someone bought us a shot. I knocked mine back, and noticed that she pretended to do same, but she actually threw it behind her.
I'm wary of her now, wouldn't go out drinking with her again. I hate that crap. I find the people who yap about being big drinkers generally sit and drink feck all and watch everyone getting drunk.

I do this ALL the time. I know my limitations and at times I have to throw drinks away/leave them places if they are bought for me without me asking.

That girl was just being responsible.

retro:electro

blairbear wrote: »

I do this ALL the time. I know my limitations and at times I have to throw drinks away/leave them places if they are bought for me without me asking.

That girl was just being responsible.

Same tbh. Bizarre that this poster would take it as a conspiracy against her.

Big Bag of Chips

Meeoow wrote: »

someone bought us a shot. I knocked mine back, and noticed that she pretended to do same, but she actually threw it behind her.
I'm wary of her now,

I'm not a big drinker, nor do I profess to be. But I've been in that awkward situation where someone is insisting that I have another, a shot, a short, whatever. As an adult I'd think I'm perfectly entitled to decide what I want to drink, and when! But people can get really funny with you if you refuse their offer of a drink! I've gone out nights and not drank, I've gone out nights and drank small amounts and I've always had a great night. I don't think I'm sitting there "watching everyone getting drunk', well I suppose I am, but not in the way you imply.

The fact that you are now "wary" of someone who didn't knock back a shot that was insisted upon her says more about your attitude to drink then it does hers.

OP, you have to do what you feel is right for you. There is an awful attitude to drink in this country. (As per the post above you're either a "big drinker" or you're someone to be wary of because you don't drink enough by other people's standards) Your friend can't handle hers, and by the sounds of it isn't much help if you've had a few too many. She's not your minder, and I suppose from the amount of times you've had to take care of her on nights out, it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that she wasn't the most reliable person to depend on if you needed her.

Friendships often drift apart. Mid twenties is a time when some people start moving in different directions. Some leave the binge drinking weekends behind them, some continue them for a while longer. You both now have different priorities. If you like her company, without drink involved, you could stop going out drinking with her, and meet for lunch or something instead. She'll cope without you, she doesn't need you minding her, so don't feel like you have to be there to be that person.

Meeoow

Ah no, and I was just about to ask yiz out for boards beers.

Big Bag of Chips

Meeoow, please read The Forum Charter before posting in Personal Issues again.