Tired of always making the effort in friendships

unichick

Hi girls
I have two friends who I met in the last 3 years since I've become a mum. One I used to drive to an exercise class twice a week, we met at a baby group. We live close so I'd pick her up. She's stopped attending since I've had my second baby & we've drifted apart. We were due to meet last week but she cancelled. Met accidentally at the cinema & it was v awkward. I'm a sensitive soul & kind of hurt. She never considered us close friends & used to get annoyed when people at the exercise class would ask where was the other if they weren't there. I am quiet a shy person so it takes a lot to befriend someone for me. I was hurt but said nothing during these times.

Another mammy friend I met has not messaged on Facebook & we are close & have loads in common. I asked for a play date a week ago & heard nothing back which is unlike her. I'm starting to blame myself at this stage which is ridiculous I know.

I've two other long term friends since college who live further away. But if I don't arrange things or message to catch up it won't happen.

I guess I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps about it & unloved. I'm a busy mum of two so should probably not worry & concentrate on my family I know.

pwurple

You know, people can be kinda weird here about who their friends are when they get older.

I have always been the kind of person who makes friends as I go... where i travel, where I work, neighbours, whatever. If they drift away because either of us moves on or gets busy, no big deal.


But, I do have a couple of old school buddies who literally still only consider people they met in school to be their "friends", and that's it. Anyone else they meet, nope. I had this conversation with one girl, I introduced a neighbour to her as my friend when we were out walking, and a few days later she says "she's not your friend, you only met her last year" . I told her I am happy to continue to make friends always, hopefully well into my old age! She said "I have my friends, don't need any extra".

You see children, well, mine anyway, they just rock up to someone in school they never met before. They say their names, and then one of them will announce "we are friends now", or "will you be my friend" and that's it. That's probably a bit more like how I am, but most other adults are more restrictive at my age.

Anyway, sorry for a rambling on there, but maybe those women are just people who have that narrow definition of who their friends are? Or, maybe you are overthinking what a friend is in older life?

_Roz_

It's hard to be in that position. For a long time I was in that position, more because I was single and my friends were not. Now I'm in a relationship, I make very little effort and the few friends worth keeping do make an effort from time to time. A couple have gone by the wayside.