The secret of a successful relationship

Pat Mustard

According to research:

couples are more likely to split if there is a disparity in the amount they drink.

Plumber Stephen Malley said: “I’ve been with my missus for 15 years, and she’s great because she can really put away a ton of sauce. It’s what I look for in a lady.

Research from a plumber who likes to drink much to the dissatisfaction of his first wife.

I didn't realise that it was a complete pisstake until I saw "drink based relationship counsellor". :pac:

judeboy101

My secret is having no interests in common outside the bedroom sheets.

Surreptitious

A woman agreeing with everything the man says, well from my experience anyway.

myshirt

In, out, and put the kettle on. That's the secret.

Be friends and have fun. I'd say he's my best friend and we're mostly interested in the same things and share the same values.

I'm sure other people are complete opposites to their oh's and that works for them, but I like that harmony of being on the same page.

We just moved in together too, so I'd add a willingness to make small compromises by both parties is important too.

Sofiztikated

My Mrs can drink me under the table.

Has **** all to do with the thread, but I feel better for having said it.

Bredabe

Knowing when to make light of a situation and more nb when NOT!

Pat Mustard

Sofiztikated wrote: »

My Mrs can drink me under the table.

Has **** all to do with the thread, but I feel better for having said it.

It has everything to do with the article linked in the OP though, which is the "secret of successful relationship is getting pissed together"!

Bredabe

Him knowing how to put on his own condom.

Pat Mustard

Bredabe wrote: »

Him knowing how to put on his own condom.

You don't ask for much, Bredabe, to be fair to you!

eviltwin

Be friends first as Candie says and not spending too much time together. I have my interests, he has his and we make a point of having our own space. Too many couples seem to think you have to be glued at the hip when your're in a relationship and adopt each others friends and hobbies, wouldn't be for me.

Wibbs

Kindness, loyalty, sense of humour.

Kindness more than any other single thing. Kindness in word and deed is probably the best character trait a person can have.

sozbox

Wibbs wrote: »

Kindness, loyalty, sense of humour.

That's literally my dating profile

Roycropper63

Doing as I am told seems to work with us!!!!!!! LOL

GLaDOS

Talk to each other

Sofiztikated

GLaDOS wrote: »

Talk to each other

What, like a conversation?

Bit gay, no?

/s

fergus1001

Being supportive of what they do and not holding them back and just having fun with each other in and out of bed

clairewithani

Am close to tears reading these. I don't think I get any of these from partner

clairewithani

clairewithani wrote: »

Am close to tears reading these. I don't think I get any of these from partner

It's not too late Claire.

fergus1001

clairewithani wrote:

Am close to tears reading these. I don't think I get any of these from partner

Talking about what you want would be a good start/remedy

In sync for the hop

cantdecide

I think empathy and respect is the foundation of the best relationships that I have seen - taking the other for granted and haphazard unfairness is the rock that many relationships perish on.

Esel

[Deleted User] wrote: »

In sync for the hops

FYP

fergus1001

And you don't have to have the same interests that's how people end up saturating each other and kills a relationship

sabat

Separate bathrooms

eeguy

Two phones

The_Valeyard

Having your own hobbies, social lives, etc.

skallywag

Mancave

seamie78

I find its important that as a man I get to have the final decision on everything, I always make the same call ........."yes dear"

beertons

Go to bed together.

For us it is communication. Everything else can get better and worse over time - and even at times entirely fail - but as long as we have full communication everything else sorts itself out in the end.

The moment we lose that - or start finding things we are not able to talk about with each other - I suspect the entire enterprise will fail.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

_Roz_

I always say being a team is the secret for me. A good team is made up of players who each pull their weight, each have unique attributes to contribute, and who work together equally for a successful outcome. Communication is inherently a huge part of making that work, so is being willing to compromise for 'the greater good' of the team. Realising that my partner and I make a good team and have a desire for common goals in the early days of seeing each other is what made me feel like 'yes, I could build a life with this person'.

The fact that he's lovely helps.

eeguy

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Don't take each other for granted. Do nice things for each other and appreciate those things.

Be wary of resent. If one person is constantly doing all the work in keeping your social life, family life, finances, sex, housework or whatever functioning there's potential for trouble. Naturally you'll have different aptitudes and inclinations and things won't be a fifty fifty split but be aware of it.

Argue well. The aim is to resolve the situation, not to win. And be careful of how you speak. Things said in the heat of the moment can fester away.

No matter how much you have in common accept that you'll both probably end up spending a certain amount of time doing or talking about stupid shít you don't really care about to keep each other happy, and just do it, cheerfully :pac: But don't let that turn into a one way thing.

Have fun and have sex. And I agree, have pints

irishman86

eviltwin wrote: »

Be friends first as Candie says and not spending too much time together. I have my interests, he has his and we make a point of having our own space. Too many couples seem to think you have to be glued at the hip when your're in a relationship and adopt each others friends and hobbies, wouldn't be for me.

That view on a relationship drives me insane. I went out for a few drinks in my local town and everyone was shocked that I had gone out with my best friend who was home for a few weeks without my wife
Why do Irish people need to do everything together, is it a trust thing

_Roz_

irishman86 wrote: »

That view on a relationship drives me insane. I went out for a few drinks in my local town and everyone was shocked that I had gone out with my best friend who was home for a few weeks without my wife
Why do Irish people need to do everything together, is it a trust thing

I think it depends on the people. My partner and I are both quite anti-social introverts, we like staying at home gaming/reading/watching tv or else taking the dog out, going for lunch/dinner/cinema, working on making our yard nice etc. We love each other's company and apart from our 8/9 hours at work, we spend basically all our time together. Neither of us has friend 'groups' - I have a few individual friends who've mostly never met each other, and he has the lads at work. He'll sometimes go to the gym with one of the lads, I'll go for lunch with one of my friends etc. He's going out Sat night with the lads, I won't be going, and if I meet my friends, he doesn't come with. So, where other people come into it, we do our own individual things, but, we spend 90% of our time together.

I'm very early days in a relationship........... the kindness thing of course, the chats, the being buds, not seeing way too much of each other and also having separate interests that don't overlap as well as wanting to spend time together all sound good............. fingers crossed. Respect is huge too of course. And you have to feel they are really great but that you deserve them imo while never forgetting they might be just a tad too good for ya.

I suppose, knowing/feeling that you would do xyz as/when required without batting an eyelid. Having each other's back herself calls it.

Neyite

This is what I've applied to my relationship. Can't claim that it's a successful formula but it's worked well for 13 years so far:

Never demand as a right what you can ask as a favour. Never date a fixer-upper. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Kindness above all.
Respect.

In an argument, it shouldn't be about who is right or wrong, it should be about trying to see and understand the other person's point of view (even if you don't agree with it) and seeing how you might be able to meet halfway in a compromise you both are happy with.

Finally, they way I see it is, together forever does not exist. Happy Ever After is finite. Even if you spend the rest of your lives together, one of you will eventually leave the other, voluntarily or not. At least one of you will hurt and shed tears. It's the trade off we gamble for in order to have something special in our lives for a while.

So enjoy the relationship for what it is not what you want it to be and enjoy it for however long you have it. Don't stay if it's making you miserable. Don't hang around hoping for him/her to change (see: fixer-upper) Listen to them when they tell you who they are. It's ok to walk away from something beyond repair and there is no shame in that.

HalloweenJack

Respect, understanding, being able to forgive and forget, not putting your other half on a pedestal, communcation, not having "winners" or "bosses" i.e. both parties are on the same level in the relationship, all these are key parts of a relationship. Communication is probably the most important of all.

Superficial similarities (like having the same interests) aren't as important as being the same people deep down.

Bambi985

Loyalty is a big one. Loyal people are rare IMO, in both friendships and relationships. I've probably not been the most loyal person myself down through the years. Someone that unflailingly has your back and stands behind you through both the good and bad times. Someone that will fight your corner and defend you to the death, whilst not being afraid to call you on your bullsh1t when it's most needed.

That and someone who makes you belly-laugh.

irishman86

_Roz_ wrote: »

I think it depends on the people. My partner and I are both quite anti-social introverts, we like staying at home gaming/reading/watching tv or else taking the dog out, going for lunch/dinner/cinema, working on making our yard nice etc. We love each other's company and apart from our 8/9 hours at work, we spend basically all our time together. Neither of us has friend 'groups' - I have a few individual friends who've mostly never met each other, and he has the lads at work. He'll sometimes go to the gym with one of the lads, I'll go for lunch with one of my friends etc. He's going out Sat night with the lads, I won't be going, and if I meet my friends, he doesn't come with. So, where other people come into it, we do our own individual things, but, we spend 90% of our time together.

None of this is relevant to my post though. You sound like you have a very regular relationship. I spent most of my time with my other half. My point was why do people need to spend all there time together.
You clearly dont as you mentioned gym/saturday nights out.
I mentioned on my last night out that I was asked by everyone why I was out and my wife at home like it was some sort of mortal sin.
What you describe is a normal relationship, not like most Irish relationships

retro:electro

Not taking each other for granted. Loyalty. Friendship. Kindness. Knowing when to pull the reigns in on him and knowing when I need to have the reigns pulled in on me! Space. Understanding. Honesty.
Respect for our differences and admiration for our similarities. Respecting when he's having an off day and knowing when to just leave him be. Having a sense of humour about things. It's meant to be fun at the end of the day, and we are together to bring joy into each other's lives, so it's important to remember that.
But most of all I would say trust- you can't have a secure relationship without it.

batistuta9

#1 sexual compatibility
#2 having the same outlook on life
#3 being unselfish

seenitall

There is no secret. A good relationship is a matter of compatibility between two people at a given point in their development and growth as human beings, not some formula to be "cracked".

clairewithani

seenitall wrote: »

There is no secret. A good relationship is a matter of compatibility between two people at a given point in their development and growth as human beings, not some formula to be "cracked".

You know what, this is so true. I am a different person than I was 15 years ago and totally different than 30 years ago.

batistuta9

seenitall wrote: »

There is no secret. A good relationship is a matter of compatibility between two people at a given point in their development and growth as human beings, not some formula to be "cracked".

haven't you just listed a secret/formula :pac:

seenitall

Uh, no, I wouldn't think so. But shur, call it what you will, not like I care. I am flying out to get some much needed sun on me tomorrow!

erica74

Make each other laugh.
Talk - talk shite and serious, talk all night.
But also, know when to be quiet. Be comfortable in silence, it shouldn't feel awkward.
Forgive the small stuff.
Have common interests and hobbies but also have separate interests and hobbies.
Don't try to change each other, nobody is a fixer-upper. You fall for someone as they are, if you try to change them, they're no longer that person you fell for.
However, some change can be good but this is organic. What I'm talking about is deciding to change some of your habits because you know it makes your partner happy or you know it benefits your relationship. These can be small things (like learning to not leave dirty socks under the bed) or big things (like reducing or stopping smoking). Or subconsciously adopting the way your partner does certain things (my husband now knows how to cook properly just from observing me cooking and liking the way the food I cook tastes).
Spend time apart and spend time together.
Enjoy lots of sex.

Most importantly, every person is unique and every relationship is unique, what works for others may not work for you, but this is what works for my husband and I.

SCOOP 64

clairewithani wrote: »

Am close to tears reading these. I don't think I get any of these from partner

Dont believe a word of it, its all wishful thinking.