Got a text from another girl exposing my new bfs texts

Bluebag

Hi All,

So I met my boyfriend the middle of June...really early days and we have fallen for each other hard!! Although it's like we have turned into 15year olds again dreaming of love, I also held back as I didn't want to rush things which led him to not know what I wanted and thought I wasn't serious about our new found love.

We spent last weekend away which was great. Then Monday came and I got on with things like work and kids etc. We met up Tuesday evening which was nice aswell.

I had an awful awful gut feeling something wasn't right Thursday evening and it was so bad I told my boyfriend I didnt want to see him anymore Friday morning.
Unbeknownst to me that he went out and met a girl Thursday for coffee and were sending texts.

He put on Facebook about being in a relationship witj me Saturday morning. The girl he went for coffee with saw it and text me Saturday night saying he was seeing us both at the same time! I told him to get out my house etc. I was so hurt and shocked.
I told him to come back an hour later to talk if he let me see the texts. He went to her work place to say hi and later they went for coffee. He then asked her when he could see her again and he was thinking about her.

He was quite truthful about it in the end, he said he didn't think we would be together and thought I didn't care about him so he met her and had her as a reserve but knowing by my reaction to the girls text that he finally saw that I did actually care and love him.
I can see he really has it bad for me, he can't eat or sleep or focus all he can think about me.

Should I forgive him or is this likely to happen again....

bee06

You've been going out for 2 weeks and you told him you didn't want to see him again because you had a "feeling" and got all worked up because he met another girl for coffee. To be honest, you're lucky he even wants to see you again after all that drama.

Big Bag of Chips

Bluebag wrote: »

I didn't want to rush things

Yet you've fallen hard, have a new found love, have been away for a weekend together and are now demanding to be allowed check his phone?! All in the space of just over 2 weeks?

You know him 2 weeks. You have no right to demand anything of him, especially not to read his texts. You told him you didn't want to see him anymore. Then told him to come back an hour later... But to let you check his texts?

If he continues to pursue you (like a fool) then he deserves whatever he gets! You have made it pretty clear what sort of relationship you're going to conduct. He will walk on egg shells and do as he's told, or you'll break up with/get back with him in order to keep him inline.

Seems you don't trust him now, and if after only 2-3weeks you're demanding to be allowed check his phone I think the sensible thing for everyone to do is move along. This will never end well.

Sephiroth_dude

Bluebag wrote: »

Hi All,

So I met my boyfriend the middle of June...really early days and we have fallen for each other hard!! Although it's like we have turned into 15year olds again dreaming of love, I also held back as I didn't want to rush things which led him to not know what I wanted and thought I wasn't serious about our new found love.

We spent last weekend away which was great. Then Monday came and I got on with things like work and kids etc. We met up Tuesday evening which was nice aswell.

I had an awful awful gut feeling something wasn't right Thursday evening and it was so bad I told my boyfriend I didnt want to see him anymore Friday morning.
Unbeknownst to me that he went out and met a girl Thursday for coffee and were sending texts.

He put on Facebook about being in a relationship witj me Saturday morning. The girl he went for coffee with saw it and text me Saturday night saying he was seeing us both at the same time! I told him to get out my house etc. I was so hurt and shocked.
I told him to come back an hour later to talk if he let me see the texts. He went to her work place to say hi and later they went for coffee. He then asked her when he could see her again and he was thinking about her.

He was quite truthful about it in the end, he said he didn't think we would be together and thought I didn't care about him so he met her and had her as a reserve but knowing by my reaction to the girls text that he finally saw that I did actually care and love him.
I can see he really has it bad for me, he can't eat or sleep or focus all he can think about me.

Should I forgive him or is this likely to happen again....

Do you really wanna be someone's reserve? walk away ffs and block this muppet!

Ursus Horribilis

You went away for the weekend with him even though you only know him since mid June?

Penny Tration

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

Do you really wanna be someone's reserve? walk away ffs and block this muppet!

How's he the muppet here? She threw a tantrum and said she didnt want to see him again, she says she didnt make it clear how she felt about him, and she demanded to see his phone - all in less than a month!


He's lucky he got to see what OP is like now rather than further down the line.

OP, stay ended, and be more trusting and calm next time.

Sephiroth_dude

Penny Tration wrote: »

How's he the muppet here? She threw a tantrum and said she didnt want to see him again, she says she didnt make it clear how she felt about him, and she demanded to see his phone - all in less than a month!


He's lucky he got to see what OP is like now rather than further down the line.

OP, stay ended, and be more trusting and calm next time.

ehh because he had another woman on the side maybe :rolleyes:

woodchuck

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

ehh because he had another woman on the side maybe :rolleyes:

They were only going out for 2 weeks though and sounds like she was playing him hot and cold the whole time. Doesn't sound like they even talked about being exclusive during that time.

OP this is far too much drama for only 2 weeks. No offense, but I think you need to get a grip. You talk about "new found love" after 2 weeks, but also that you were holding back and then dropping him on a whim. That is not love.

lifeandtimes

Bluebag wrote: »

Hi All,

So I met my boyfriend the middle of June...really early days and we have fallen for each other hard!! Although it's like we have turned into 15year olds again dreaming of love, I also held back as I didn't want to rush things which led him to not know what I wanted and thought I wasn't serious about our new found love.

We spent last weekend away which was great. Then Monday came and I got on with things like work and kids etc. We met up Tuesday evening which was nice aswell.

I had an awful awful gut feeling something wasn't right Thursday evening and it was so bad I told my boyfriend I didnt want to see him anymore Friday morning.
Unbeknownst to me that he went out and met a girl Thursday for coffee and were sending texts.

He put on Facebook about being in a relationship witj me Saturday morning. The girl he went for coffee with saw it and text me Saturday night saying he was seeing us both at the same time! I told him to get out my house etc. I was so hurt and shocked.
I told him to come back an hour later to talk if he let me see the texts. He went to her work place to say hi and later they went for coffee. He then asked her when he could see her again and he was thinking about her.

He was quite truthful about it in the end, he said he didn't think we would be together and thought I didn't care about him so he met her and had her as a reserve but knowing by my reaction to the girls text that he finally saw that I did actually care and love him.
I can see he really has it bad for me, he can't eat or sleep or focus all he can think about me.

Should I forgive him or is this likely to happen again....

It's been 2 or 3 weeks.....2 or 3 weeks,how on earth could you love this man or even call him your boyfriend at this stage?

You had a guy feeling in Thursday so broke off whatever this was on friday,he put up something about you relationship on saturday then found out on Saturday that he had met a girl for coffee Thursday and you told him to get out of your house? What was he doing there if you broke up with him Friday?

You tell him to come back in an hour if you can see his texts??? My Mrs would never dare ask nor would I to see my texts and we've been going out years. You have no right to ask him that, especially since you are going out for max 3 weeks he's perfectly entitled to see other people. He obviously met her because he senses you were going to break it off with him ...which you did.

This whole thing screams immature

I suggest you end this and not enter into a other one until you look at yourself and do a lot of growing up

Xterminator

Hi OP

your boyfriend of a couple of weeks had coffee with another girl, before you told him it was over. He says he did this because he thought your were not going to be together and you were going off him, which has some credence given as you dumped him on friday (by text? ).

he was over at your house on saturday or sunday and you threw him out. then a couple of hours later you asked him to come back over and show you the evidence in his texts and he did.

thats a lot of drama already. i would say you both sound a little immature.

but you ask should you forgive him? Well i would probably consider having a starbucks with another girl forgivable alright; if you happy he is being honest now and you think that there might be a future in this relationship.

Its not the coffee/date i would personally have long term concerns about, but your relationship with this guy. It sounds like an intense rollercoaster (in love after a couple of weeks, breaking up getting back together) that may not end well. If you do want to be with this guy, perhaps you need to calm things down little and take it 1 step at a time?

whoopsadoodles

You mention you have kids.

Were the kids in your house while you were having these arguments with him?

leggo

OP I'm not going to have a go at you but treat the issue seriously because, to me, it seems like you're a bit inexperienced in all of this.

You have kids right? So...how can you call someone you boyfriend after just two weeks of seeing him? What's your screening process as regards them? I mean, I've dated single mothers before, and with it every stage is a big deal because the kids element makes it a bit more serious, to the point that rushing head first into something crazy isn't really an option. Like, having made mistakes before, I know not to even think about calling it a relationship before I'm 100% sure I want a long-term future with that person and I see and deal with them in all manners of environments. Reason being when I meet the kids, it becomes something else. So how could you be sure this is a man you want in your children's lives after just two weeks? You don't really know him at all at that stage, you're completely at the whim of what he's told you about himself (which could easily be lies, you've had no time to verify any of it by then). I would STRONGLY advise you, from experience, to take a similar approach and don't go rushing into relationships or anything super-serious within weeks when you've got children to consider on top of it. Everything should be super slow and sane because providing them with stability should be your concern above even your own wishes.

I've said it before here and I'll say it again: if a relationship is built to last long-term, you've got literally the rest of your lives to go through each stage, so there's no rush. Couples who rush are the same couples who end up back on here in boring, loveless marriages where the fizzle has gone quickly because they needed to do everything 'now' and never took time to ensure basic stuff like, you know, enjoying each other's company over a long period of time.

Secondly, are you aware that until you have the relationship conversation he isn't obliged to see you and only you? After two weeks of seeing someone, you're still both very much single. And if someone tried to pull me up over something like that, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. That's crazy, bunny-boiler behaviour. You say you had a horrible feeling something was up, why? Was it because he didn't read/reply to your texts in his usual manner? How often do you text or expect a reply? You realise that he's allowed have a life, talk to friends/family and do other things without you that may leave him indisposed to talking to you, don't you? Whether you were 'right' about this or not, dial down on that.

Finally, and I'm going to try and say this part without coming across as judgemental because it is genuinely meant to be helpful: there are a LOT of people out there these days who would chat with their mates, the people in work etc, hear their drama, feel a bit inadequate at not having a story to tell, then go out and start drama in their personal lives, just so they can show their mates "Look! I have drama too! I have a crazy, exciting life as well!" I can now spot these people a mile off and run for the hills every time I encounter one.

Meanwhile, what some of the people who tell these dramatic stories don't realise, is that the sane people listening will hear them and go "What a mess, thank god my life isn't like that..."

It's not exciting or fun to have drama. It's actually a sign of a person who can't cope maturely with basic day-to-day situations, or someone who's really bored with their lot and needs to manipulate people/situations to provide stimulation, and it's also really unattractive to potential partners. For your own benefit, and your children's, when you're faced with a situation, try dialling down the emotion and asking yourself "What's the mature, reasonable way to handle this?" Then do that. Your life may be more 'boring' when told to others, but you'll be a lot happier and feel a lot better about yourself.

I hope you read this post in the spirit it was intended: to help.

ManOfMystery

Wow. Way too much drama OP. And for what it's worth, I think you're out of line.

Most people date over many weeks (sometimes months) before deciding they have actually become boyfriend/girlfriend, never mind then having the exclusive talk or saying they're in love.

You're talking about 'holding back' and 'not rushing things', yet in just over a fortnight you've also managed a weekend away, called it 'new found love' and have already dropped him on a whim because you had some sixth sense moment. 

He has every right to go for a coffee with another girl if he wants. You barely know each other. This is all way too intense for a fledgling relationship and to be honest, if I was in his shoes, I'd walk.

bucketybuck

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

ehh because he had another woman on the side maybe :rolleyes:

On the side of what?

Bluebag

leggo wrote: »

OP I'm not going to have a go at you but treat the issue seriously because, to me, it seems like you're a bit inexperienced in all of this.

You have kids right? So...how can you call someone you boyfriend after just two weeks of seeing him? What's your screening process as regards them? I mean, I've dated single mothers before, and with it every stage is a big deal because the kids element makes it a bit more serious, to the point that rushing head first into something crazy isn't really an option. Like, having made mistakes before, I know not to even think about calling it a relationship before I'm 100% sure I want a long-term future with that person and I see and deal with them in all manners of environments. Reason being when I meet the kids, it becomes something else. So how could you be sure this is a man you want in your children's lives after just two weeks? You don't really know him at all at that stage, you're completely at the whim of what he's told you about himself (which could easily be lies, you've had no time to verify any of it by then). I would STRONGLY advise you, from experience, to take a similar approach and don't go rushing into relationships or anything super-serious within weeks when you've got children to consider on top of it. Everything should be super slow and sane because providing them with stability should be your concern above even your own wishes.

I've said it before here and I'll say it again: if a relationship is built to last long-term, you've got literally the rest of your lives to go through each stage, so there's no rush. Couples who rush are the same couples who end up back on here in boring, loveless marriages where the fizzle has gone quickly because they needed to do everything 'now' and never took time to ensure basic stuff like, you know, enjoying each other's company over a long period of time.

Secondly, are you aware that until you have the relationship conversation he isn't obliged to see you and only you? After two weeks of seeing someone, you're still both very much single. And if someone tried to pull me up over something like that, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. That's crazy, bunny-boiler behaviour. You say you had a horrible feeling something was up, why? Was it because he didn't read/reply to your texts in his usual manner? How often do you text or expect a reply? You realise that he's allowed have a life, talk to friends/family and do other things without you that may leave him indisposed to talking to you, don't you? Whether you were 'right' about this or not, dial down on that.

Finally, and I'm going to try and say this part without coming across as judgemental because it is genuinely meant to be helpful: there are a LOT of people out there these days who would chat with their mates, the people in work etc, hear their drama, feel a bit inadequate at not having a story to tell, then go out and start drama in their personal lives, just so they can show their mates "Look! I have drama too! I have a crazy, exciting life as well!" I can now spot these people a mile off and run for the hills every time I encounter one.

Meanwhile, what some of the people who tell these dramatic stories don't realise, is that the sane people listening will hear them and go "What a mess, thank god my life isn't like that..."

It's not exciting or fun to have drama. It's actually a sign of a person who can't cope maturely with basic day-to-day situations, or someone who's really bored with their lot and needs to manipulate people/situations to provide stimulation, and it's also really unattractive to potential partners. For your own benefit, and your children's, when you're faced with a situation, try dialling down the emotion and asking yourself "What's the mature, reasonable way to handle this?" Then do that. Your life may be more 'boring' when told to others, but you'll be a lot happier and feel a lot better about yourself.

I hope you read this post in the spirit it was intended: to help.

You're completely right, thanks I needed to hear that.
I got a little caught up in things that's why I posted here, I've been single a long time and finding someone who I like has given a bit of anxiety.
I am set on taking things slowly and i don't pay any attention to who he sees or what he does ,receiving those texts from that girl just ercked me he seems to be in a rush and may be a small bit insecure, aren't we all.
I didn't mind dating other people it's the fact he made it clear he wanted me and only me and made me feel like he was completely smitten with me.
I need to speak with him again and slow things down.


And to all the other replies on here if I was you I would think about how you think you're helping someone by attacking them instead of actually giving advice. Thank you

lifeandtimes

Bluebag wrote: »

And to all the other replies on here if I was you I would think about how you think you're helping someone by attacking them instead of actually giving advice. Thank you

There was no attack, you asked for opinions and advice and that's what you got.

Everyone has the same opinion of someone who has been seeing someone for 2 weeks, has been on a weekend away,said they're in love,with kids involved and broke up and asked to see his phone. It's in all honesty mad. It's way too full on for 2 weeks. No one attacked you personally,they dissected the post about what it was and from the views of other people we all came up with the same response and that was that it was a juvinle.

Good luck op

Mr. Incognito

A girl he was seeing for two weeks demanded to see his phone?

Seriously? And he complied?

I think there's two very immature people here.

Ursus Horribilis

As a rule of thumb, any relationship that starts as manically as this crashes and burns in no time. Perhaps when the dust settles you'll see what the rest of us can. Just about everything you've described here is not the behaviour of mature adults. It's like you threw every bit of common sense you have out the window. Who in their right mind would go away for the weekend with a near stranger? Especially if there are kids involved? Not to mention all the drama that ensued. To be honest, if this relationship has made you behave in such an irrational fashion, you're better off staying single for a while.

ManOfMystery

And to all the other replies on here if I was you I would think about how you think you're helping someone by attacking them instead of actually giving advice. Thank you

This seems to be a common retort on here when a poster is given a few home truths, when they were expecting everyone to take their side. No-one attacked you or posted anything abusive - people called it for what it is, an over-dramatic series of events in a relationship which is barely even a relationship yet. PI moderators have a zero tolerance policy for anything remotely abusive (and rightfully so) .............. if that's what had actually happened this thread would have been closed and the comments removed by now. 

People have taken time out of their day to post advice that you asked for, be it what you wanted to hear or not. Perhaps showing some gratitude instead of misperceived indignation would go a long way.