Women?

Bredabe

As Im normally a tomboy I cant answer this question, so I though BB go to the source.
My mid 20's "daughter" is terminally single, her friends say this is because she is cause driven and wears the wrong clothes. Tho she is is tall and slim she still has all the visual attributes of a woman.

So my question is, do men not recognise a woman as a sexual woman just cause she is dressed in jeans/t's/flats? Do men now only recognise women if she is wearing dresses/heels/makeup/blowdry?

Something to do with the alleged amount of estrogen in the water?

Blacktie.

This is rediculous. Of course we recognise women of all sorts in a sexual manner.

Bredabe

Blacktie. wrote: »

This is rediculous. Of course we recognise women of all sorts in a sexual manner.

I would have thought so, but again and again I see her more ladylike dressed friends and colleagues get served in pubs/chatted up in clubs.

If you gave Mrs Denartha 5000 euro you still couldn't get her into a dress or heels. The first time I saw her she was in jeans and a hoodie and I fancied her because I thought she had a cute bum.

do men not recognise a woman as a sexual woman just cause she is dressed in jeans/t's/flats?

No offense intended but this is one of the most ridiculous questions Ive seen asked on boards. Speaking as a red blooded male I notice a girl I'm attracted to whether she is in jeans, gym clothes or a bin liner.

At mid-twenties, she is hardly terminally single, is she? Does she want a boyfriend? You've commented on what her friends say, what does she say herself?

Neon_Lights

My worry on this is to ask why other women worry about things like this? It just hypes up gender pressure and forces people to act like sheep.

I would say if she's not harming anyone let her do her own thing. So what if she's not getting token cumdumpster treatment , just cause she wore a skimpy skirt to a nightclub, maybe she doesn't want that.

I think c**ty lunatism is to blame here.

:rolleyes:

When lads on this forum complain about women not being into them they're (generally correctly) told to get over themselves and improve themselves. On the other side, apparently women who are well-educated and "driven" struggle to meet men. Apparently it's because men are intimidated. Or, maybe, the issue doesn't always lie with the men.

If you're asking me to comment from my point of view, I prefer "plain" girls, ones who I can look at and know what they would look like a couple of minutes after waking up rather than the ones who some will say are hot and my response is "how can you tell?".

GLaDOS

Is it possible she's not interested in men?

The Diddakoi

Bredabe wrote: »

As Im normally a tomboy I cant answer this question, so I though BB go to the source.

As a tomboy yourself you managed to find a partner, and become impregnated, hence your lovely daughter. A man obviously found you feminine and attractive for this to occur

Give the poor girl chance. When she finds the right partner it will be for the right reasons.

Bredabe

Bredabe wrote: »

My mid 20's "daughter" is terminally single, her friends say this is because she is cause driven and wears the wrong clothes. Tho she is is tall and slim she still has all the visual attributes of a woman.

So my question is, do men not recognise a woman as a sexual woman just cause she is dressed in jeans/t's/flats? Do men now only recognise women if she is wearing dresses/heels/makeup/blowdry?

You have given two reasons but only focus on one. Why focus on that one?

Is she happy?

Sleepy

My opening line in my wedding speech was: "Look at the effort I have to go to in order to get [Mrs Sleepy] to wear a dress!". I know of two friends who've lifted the line since so it's definitely nothing to do with her being a tom boy. Lots of us prefer girls who can roll with the rough and tumble in jeans and converse to the fake-tanned drama queens in short skirts. Most, in my experience, prefer a girl who's somewhere in between.

Bredabe wrote: »

My mid 20's "daughter" is terminally single, her friends say this is because she is cause driven and wears the wrong clothes.

TBH, this could be it. Most men I know are quite put off by women that consider themselves a "Social Justice Warrior" (or to whom the label could be applied).

I ended a year long relationship with a girl in my early twenties for a similar reason: she had lovely lofty ideas about saving the world but no real means of supporting herself while she did so. She'd turn her nose up at using her degree to get a decent career and then whine when she couldn't find paid work in the charity sector. It didn't bode well for a potential partner in life imho. We've stayed good friends and the trait still hasn't gone away. She moved overseas and eventually capitulated to "working for the man" yet within a few short years of marrying, she's out of work and chasing that pipe dream again.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Men have different preferences. Personally I like women who express their femininity, girly girl types.

Others I know are more interested in tomboy, trouser suit types. It's whatever floats your boat.

Your daughter is young, she will find somebody in her own time. Don't fret about her.

Bredabe

Deleted User wrote: »

If you gave Mrs Denartha 5000 euro you still couldn't get her into a dress or heels. The first time I saw her she was in jeans and a hoodie and I fancied her because I thought she had a cute bum.



No offense intended but this is one of the most ridiculous questions Ive seen asked on boards. Speaking as a red blooded male I notice a girl I'm attracted to whether she is in jeans, gym clothes or a bin liner.

At mid-twenties, she is hardly terminally single, is she? Does she want a boyfriend? You've commented on what her friends say, what does she say herself?

In her group of colleagues being that age and not having kids/partner is a big issue, so they say she is terminally single, she would like a b/f, but between being ignored(for her clothes, according to popular culture) and scaring "men" off with her beliefs(which she most def does not force on anyone) contenders have been few and far between.
My own O/H didn't see me in a dress for 6 months after we got together and we went to a family gathering where dresses were the norm, as you imply my experience has been that "if a man doesn't fancy you in jeans, he doesn't fancy you" but the statistical evidence is clear.
I assume you are old enough to know that the old "no offence" trick, just sets off alarm bells, right? I asked that question as evidence seems to suggest that if a woman isn't dressed in a recognisable feminine outfit, men dont make a move/value/recognise as a woman, it would be arrogant of me to assume one way or another as im a woman, ergo the question.
More than once I've had young men walk away from me in say shops, cause of the way im dressed(I know this as I usually have my norwegian goddess type colleague with me, who is asked if she needs help) tho I'M RIGHT BESIDE HER, with my credit card in my hand(unadorned)

Bredabe

alf66 wrote: »

As a tomboy yourself you managed to find a partner, and become impregnated, hence your lovely daughter. A man obviously found you feminine and attractive for this to occur

Give the poor girl chance. When she finds the right partner it will be for the right reasons.

Im so not the one putting her under pressure one way or the other, but the pressure from her peer group at work made me wonder if it was a peer or gender thing.
My "daughter" is indeed a lovely person inside and out, tho I didn't give birth to her, im heavily biased in her favour. In the time I was available, there was an abundance of men who had divorced and had enough life experience to know that packaging isn't everything.

Bredabe

Sleepy wrote: »

My opening line in my wedding speech was: "Look at the effort I have to go to in order to get [Mrs Sleepy] to wear a dress!". I know of two friends who've lifted the line since so it's definitely nothing to do with her being a tom boy. Lots of us prefer girls who can roll with the rough and tumble in jeans and converse to the fake-tanned drama queens in short skirts. Most, in my experience, prefer a girl who's somewhere in between.


TBH, this could be it. Most men I know are quite put off by women that consider themselves a "Social Justice Warrior" (or to whom the label could be applied).

I ended a year long relationship with a girl in my early twenties for a similar reason: she had lovely lofty ideas about saving the world but no real means of supporting herself while she did so. She'd turn her nose up at using her degree to get a decent career and then whine when she couldn't find paid work in the charity sector. It didn't bode well for a potential partner in life imho. We've stayed good friends and the trait still hasn't gone away. She moved overseas and eventually capitulated to "working for the man" yet within a few short years of marrying, she's out of work and chasing that pipe dream again.

Again, that would be my life experience, my mum was a "princess" type and would if given the opportunity paint her nails while the house burned down. While I honor all women, I dont have much time for the dance attendance type or like your ex, the waiting for a man to support me while I save the world. To me being a real woman means paying my own bills and making my own choices.
That's interesting about what men perceive as sjw's, while plenty of them can be radically fierce, and they have a lot to be that way about. She is not the type to bring her beliefs up in a social setting unless it evolved naturally. To me it says she is aware of and want to balance some wrongs, but makes me wonder why say, wanting to stop dogs being shipped off to china to be eaten/tortured, is more scary than a male who trains most nights of the week and is gone weekends playing say, gaa?

Bredabe

Deleted User wrote: »

You have given two reasons but only focus on one. Why focus on that one?

Is she happy?

She is a happy youngster by nature, except when this crap of exclusion cause she's not interested in fashion, decor, children, happens. Which is everyday of the working week. That is the reason I focus on one. Im just not qualified to help her with it.

Bredabe

GLaDOS wrote: »

Is it possible she's not interested in men?

It's as possible that she is as BI as any other woman, but she has always identified her prince charming as male and we've had all the g/b drama's in her teens.

Sleepy

Bredabe wrote: »

That's interesting about what men perceive as sjw's, while plenty of them can be radically fierce, and they have a lot to be that way about. She is not the type to bring her beliefs up in a social setting unless it evolved naturally. To me it says she is aware of and want to balance some wrongs, but makes me wonder why say, wanting to stop dogs being shipped off to china to be eaten/tortured, is more scary than a male who trains most nights of the week and is gone weekends playing say, gaa?

Because in the western world, most of us are quite happy to choose to ignore such things since we accept we don't have the power to change them.

For example: my other half is a big fan of Ric O'Barry (the guy behind the documentary "The Cove") but I've had to tell her that I have no interest in hearing about the awful things done to the dolphins. Sure, they're terrible but as an ordinary working Irishman there's nothing I can do to change the laws of Japan. I'd rather live in ignorance than in horror at things I can do nothing about.

pilly

When you say "cause driven" what do you mean?

endacl

GLaDOS wrote: »

Is it possible she's not interested in men?

Or relationships?

endacl

Bredabe wrote: »

She is a happy youngster by nature, except when this crap of exclusion cause she's not interested in fashion, decor, children, happens. Which is everyday of the working week. That is the reason I focus on one. Im just not qualified to help her with it.

I'm a bloke. I'm not interested in football, golf, or farting.

So>

kev_s88

I actually prefer seeing a girl in jeans, t-shirt and runners.

One eyed Jack

Bredabe wrote: »

As Im normally a tomboy I cant answer this question, so I though BB go to the source.
My mid 20's "daughter" is terminally single, her friends say this is because she is cause driven and wears the wrong clothes. Tho she is is tall and slim she still has all the visual attributes of a woman.

So my question is, do men not recognise a woman as a sexual woman just cause she is dressed in jeans/t's/flats? Do men now only recognise women if she is wearing dresses/heels/makeup/blowdry?

Something to do with the alleged amount of estrogen in the water?

It's nothing to do with the amount of estrogen in the water for starters :pac:

No OP, it's down to personal taste, and speaking only for myself - I was always more sexually attracted to women who were easily perceivable as women. That meant that if they were wearing tomboyish clothes and the whole lot, or clothes that didn't accentuate their figure, I just didn't find them sexually attractive.

That's not actually their fault though, nor is it their responsibility to dress in a way in which I could find them sexually attractive. The real issue here as far as I can see is your daughter feeling that she is being excluded from her peer group on the basis that she doesn't conform to their norms.

The solution to that issue is pretty simple - your daughter either needs to learn to suck it up and have confidence in herself and what she can bring to the table in a relationship, or she needs to find a new set of friends that she feels more comfortable that she can be herself with.

Self-confidence and assertiveness is just as attractive to me personally as a woman's physical appearance.

drunkmonkey

I think you should have asked does anyone find Avril Lavigne hot.

GingerLily

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Men have different preferences. Personally I like women who express their femininity, girly girl types.

Others I know are more interested in tomboy, trouser suit types. It's whatever floats your boat.

Your daughter is young, she will find somebody in her own time. Don't fret about her.

Or she won't, not everyone needs to partner off!

DEFTLEFTHAND

GingerLily wrote: »

Or she won't, not everyone needs to partner off!

That's true.

Alf Veedersane

Bredabe wrote: »

As Im normally a tomboy I cant answer this question, so I though BB go to the source.
My mid 20's "daughter" is terminally single, her friends say this is because she is cause driven and wears the wrong clothes. Tho she is is tall and slim she still has all the visual attributes of a woman.

So my question is, do men not recognise a woman as a sexual woman just cause she is dressed in jeans/t's/flats? Do men now only recognise women if she is wearing dresses/heels/makeup/blowdry?

Something to do with the alleged amount of estrogen in the water?

Is it something that bothers your daughter or just you, out of interest?

Bredabe

Bredabe wrote: »

In her group of colleagues being that age and not having kids/partner is a big issue, so they say she is terminally single, she would like a b/f, but between being ignored(for her clothes, according to popular culture) and scaring "men" off with her beliefs(which she most def does not force on anyone) contenders have been few and far between.

Its not just clothes though, its how a person carries themselves. If a guy smiles at her in a pub does she smile back?

What are the nature of her beliefs?

I assume you are old enough to know that the old "no offence" trick, just sets off alarm bells, right?

I don't know what you mean by the "no offense trick". I said it, to indicate I wasn't trying to cause you offense.

Pat Mustard

Bredabe wrote: »

So my question is, do men not recognise a woman as a sexual woman just cause she is dressed in jeans/t's/flats? Do men now only recognise women if she is wearing dresses/heels/makeup/blowdry?

Deleted User wrote: »

No offense intended but this is one of the most ridiculous questions Ive seen asked on boards. Speaking as a red blooded male I notice a girl I'm attracted to whether she is in jeans, gym clothes or a bin liner.

Maybe the question could have been put a little better but I'll notice a short skirt from a hundred yards on a busy street.

Hoodies and jeans? Not so much.

Tar.Aldarion

I prefer somebody in jeans and a tee than in a dress/skirt, I'm sure it's not much to worry about.

Pat Mustard

Pat Mustard wrote: »

Maybe the question could have been put a little better but I'll notice a short skirt from a hundred yards on a busy street.

Hoodies and jeans? Not so much.

I'll notice the short skirt at 100 yards as well. As for the hoodie and jeans, it really depends on who is wearing them, and again, how she carries herself.

riffmongous

It'll depend on the setting, same as with guys, if pubs are the only place you go to meet people then dressing down will make it a lot harder. Outside of pubs and in more casual social settings it won't matter so much, a good personality and some confidence will go a long way.

B0jangles

Bredabe wrote: »

I would have thought so, but again and again I see her more ladylike dressed friends and colleagues get served in pubs/chatted up in clubs.

A bigger problem than dress choice or political views might just be that her mother is apparently watching this girl and her friends while they are out in pubs and clubs!

Seriously, I hope that that was just some kind of figure of speech because the alternative is pretty weird.

Just out of curiosity, why do you refer to her as your "Daughter" and not just your daughter?

Lots of people don't meet someone they click with, lots of people don't want to waste anyones time if they're not really into them, lots of people like casually dressed women, lots of people don't. People are all different. Being 'driven' which I take you to mean ambitious is attractive to lots of people. You refer to her 'beliefs' but don't expand on that, so it might help to know what you mean.

Either way it's your adult daughters life to sort out and she probably won't welcome her mother putting her 2c in and telling her where the internet thinks she's going wrong. Her life is hers alone to live.

riffmongous

riffmongous wrote: »

It'll depend on the setting, same as with guys, if pubs are the only place you go to meet people then dressing down will make it a lot harder. Outside of pubs and in more casual social settings it won't matter so much, a good personality and some confidence will go a long way.

Thats a good point actually. If someone goes out to somewhere "fancy" but aren't dressed in going out clothes, its natural for people around them to think they aren't "out" for the evening. If you had that perception of someone, I think you'd be less inclined to chat them up or buy them a drink.

Its somewhat funny me talking about this as I live in combats and t-shirts. I've not been allowed into more than one "fancy" place as a result.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Peregrine

Bredabe wrote: »

So my question is, do men not recognise a woman as a sexual woman just cause she is dressed in jeans/t's/flats?

Of course we do. This was decided at the last International Men's AGM and, naturally, all men hold this view.

There is so much wrong with this thread. Leave your daughter alone to figure out what she wants and try to understand that not everybody is the same.

Bredabe

Candie wrote: »

Just out of curiosity, why do you refer to her as your "Daughter" and not just your daughter?

Lots of people don't meet someone they click with, lots of people don't want to waste anyones time if they're not really into them, lots of people like casually dressed women, lots of people don't. People are all different. Being 'driven' which I take you to mean ambitious is attractive to lots of people. You refer to her 'beliefs' but don't expand on that, so it might help to know what you mean.

Either way it's your adult daughters life to sort out and she probably won't welcome her mother putting her 2c in and telling her where the internet thinks she's going wrong. Her life is hers alone to live.

She's by daughter by adoption, as indeed are most of my "kids", tho some are long term foster kids, I love and worry about them like I gave birth to them, so I use the "" so I dont confuse the ppl I work with who are on here into thinking im hiding something.
I have no notion in saying anything about this to her, I was wondering if choosing more femininely dressed women over tomboys has become a thing since I coupled up. It was just a broad question to a male population to see what if it maybe related to low sperm rates/boys brought up in single parent households or as I expected personal choice.
As for her beliefs, which she does not run down ppl's throats or if ppl ask her, I have expanded on one of them earlier.
I could learn from it.

Bredabe

Peregrine wrote: »

Of course we do. This was decided at the last International Men's AGM and, naturally, all men hold this view.

There is so much wrong with this thread. Leave your daughter alone to figure out what she wants and try to understand that not everybody is the same.

Pity I didnt get an invite to that instead of having to ask my O/H questions like this.
I have said here more than once, that I dont care, what she wears, who she loves and as she is an adult living away from home, have no right to know what she does. In this case as she is being bullied in work cause of not conforming to what is the norm for her job, I was putting it out there to see if as she hears 8/5 that its the way she dresses and/or her world views.

Bredabe

B0jangles wrote: »

A bigger problem than dress choice or political views might just be that her mother is apparently watching this girl and her friends while they are out in pubs and clubs!

Seriously, I hope that that was just some kind of figure of speech because the alternative is pretty weird.

I wish(joke) that I had time to spy on her in pubs, I have on occasion been with her beliefs group for a social drink, tho its the last place I want to be, i see her not getting chatted up and I listen to her getting it in the neck at work for not conforming to the rule they seem to be sooo precious about, having a man/children by her age.

Bredabe

Bredabe wrote: »

She's by daughter by adoption, as indeed are most of my "kids", tho some are long term foster kids, I love and worry about them like I gave birth to them, so I use the "" so I dont confuse the ppl I work with who are on here into thinking im hiding something.
I have no notion in saying anything about this to her, I was wondering if choosing more femininely dressed women over tomboys has become a thing since I coupled up. It was just a broad question to a male population to see what if it maybe related to low sperm rates/boys brought up in single parent households or as I expected personal choice.
As for her beliefs, which she does not run down ppl's throats or if ppl ask her, I have expanded on one of them earlier.
I could learn from it.

If she's your daughter by birth or your daughter by adoption, she's still your daughter.

Bredabe

Sleepy wrote: »

Because in the western world, most of us are quite happy to choose to ignore such things since we accept we don't have the power to change them.

For example: my other half is a big fan of Ric O'Barry (the guy behind the documentary "The Cove") but I've had to tell her that I have no interest in hearing about the awful things done to the dolphins. Sure, they're terrible but as an ordinary working Irishman there's nothing I can do to change the laws of Japan. I'd rather live in ignorance than in horror at things I can do nothing abo

I hear you on that, am rapidly getting there myself, Im proud that she is trying to stop cruelty/famine and the like and see nothing wrong with it, as ive said here before, she may ask ppl if they are interested in topics broadly but unless you come across her in her protest tshirt you wouldn't know, that she's sjw and quietly proud.

B0jangles

Bredabe wrote: »

I wish(joke) that I had time to spy on her in pubs, I have on occasion been with her beliefs group for a social drink, tho its the last place I want to be, i see her not getting chatted up and I listen to her getting it in the neck at work for not conforming to the rule they seem to be sooo precious about, having a man/children by her age.

Her workplace sounds like it's staffed entirely by people assholes from the 1950's. Who expects to be settling down with someone and having kids in their mid-twenties these days? Even worse who the heck badgers a work-colleague about something so personal?

Bredabe

Deleted User wrote: »

:rolleyes:

When lads on this forum complain about women not being into them they're (generally correctly) told to get over themselves and improve themselves. On the other side, apparently women who are well-educated and "driven" struggle to meet men. Apparently it's because men are intimidated. Or, maybe, the issue doesn't always lie with the men.

If you're asking me to comment from my point of view, I prefer "plain" girls, ones who I can look at and know what they would look like a couple of minutes after waking up rather than the ones who some will say are hot and my response is "how can you tell?".

Lately I had a lovely not much older than myself man tell me like it was a secret the "Men are scared of strong women", but we all overcome scary stuff when hormones come into it.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

StupidLikeAFox

Bredabe wrote: »

I was wondering if choosing more femininely dressed women over tomboys has become a thing since I coupled up.

That was probably been "a thing" since day one in fairness. Doubt that's a new development.

Bredabe

Candie wrote: »

If she's your daughter by birth or your daughter by adoption, she's still your daughter.

My view entirely, but so many ppl dont understand that.

Bredabe

endacl wrote: »

I'm a bloke. I'm not interested in football, golf, or farting.

So>

Me either, but she's getting it in the neck at work and its getting to her, I can tell her to focus on her job/studies/hobbies and build confidence that way, but when 8/5 ppl are having a go, cause they bought into kiddieing up early, it makes them uncomfortable and so they alienate her. Hard to fact all the time.

Bredabe

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Is it something that bothers your daughter or just you, out of interest?

As Ive said already, I dont care. I've always believed that the right one will find me, even and especially when I look like your one out of the tayto add. It why a stunner like she is, isn't approached in the same environment as other women are, is what im partly curiously about.

Bredabe

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I know why she is being bullied, and as Ive said, she doesn't talk about her beliefs in detail at work, no one would have known them except they saw her at a rally. So many of her workmates don't want to work(boss included) and so teasing the odd one out how they pass their day, this is not something she has brought on herself.

One eyed Jack

B0jangles wrote: »

Her workplace sounds like it's staffed entirely by people assholes from the 1950's. Who expects to be settling down with someone and having kids in their mid-twenties these days? Even worse who the heck badgers a work-colleague about something so personal?

It sounds like a perfectly normal workplace in 2017 tbh, very far from some utopian ideal that a workplace should be in some peoples minds... in any era - 1927, 57, 77 or 2017.

One eyed Jack

Bredabe wrote: »

I know why she is being bullied, and as Ive said, she doesn't talk about her beliefs in detail at work, no one would have known them except they saw her at a rally. So many of her workmates don't want to work(boss included) and so teasing the odd one out how they pass their day, this is not something she has brought on herself.

OP trust me on this one - your daughter isn't going to address any of their issues with her by changing either herself or her lifestyle to suit them. That means the real issue isn't that she doesn't have a man interested in her, it isn't her causes, it isn't anything like that. None of that is going to fix the attitudes that her work colleagues are displaying towards her, and it's not going to make your daughter any happier to try and fit in with their ideals either when she fairly clearly has a mind of her own.

Men finding your daughter attractive or not, is definitely not the issue here.