Civil "communion" for 8 year old girl

mar12345

Hi,

My daughter who is in 2nd class will not be making her communion, so we decided to have a ceremony at home to make her feel special too. We invited friends and family, will have a bbq so she doesn't feel left out.

Have any of you done something like this? I am looking for nice texts / poems / music and songs that would be meaningful.

Any suggestions much appreciated!!!!

magicbastarder

that would raise the question as to what the poems or songs would be celebrating, other than a nice day for her?
do you have a theme?

One eyed Jack

I've heard of it done before alright.

This article might give you some ideas OP -

Communion without the Catholicism

mar12345

It would be to celebrate her reaching the age of reason and starting to take steps towards independence...

mar12345

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I've heard of it done before alright.

This article might give you some ideas OP -

Communion without the Catholicism

Brilliant article, thank you very for sharing, it s a great starting point and food for thought :-)

fj4400

mar12345 wrote:

My daughter who is in 2nd class will not be making her communion, so we decided to have a ceremony at home to make her feel special too. We invited friends and family, will have a bbq so she doesn't feel left out.

Does this BBQ coincide with anything other than the communion? ...
A birthday or significant milestone? If not... and your planning it at the same time as the communion... it's a touch hypocritical

Tombo2001

mar12345 wrote: »

Brilliant article, thank you very for sharing, it s a great starting point and food for thought :-)

When my husband and I came to parenthood, we had long walked from the religion of our upbringing. For me, it had not been a difficult or fraught journey, possibly because even though the rituals of that religion – Catholicism – had been broadly observed in our household, there was little dogma espoused, and church teachings often didn’t sit with ideologies freely advanced by my feminist mother.
I don’t think it is impossible to be a Catholic and a feminist, but as I awakened to early adulthood and feminism, for me the church embodied a patriarchy so deeply enshrined that my parting of ways with it felt organic.
That is not to say there weren’t difficult emotions involved. Like any Catholic of my era, I was not untouched by indoctrination. However, a picture of systemic human-rights abuse within the church was becoming exposed and, as I witnessed a grave and ongoing institutional abdication of responsibility, my resolve intensified to carve out a meaningful life for myself outside its confines.

This part doesn't sit well with me to be honest.

While atheist myself, making a decision that your child wont have a communion should not be a platform for telling the world how right on you are.

Its about the kid, not about you.

(And I am not directing this at you in anyway OP, just that its something to be wary of).

Also - its a lot easier to do what the author did from within an Educate Together school, where they are not the odd one out, than from a regular RC school.

_Brian

I find it very odd that people choose to shun organised religion but then go on to have "civil" services such as this to mimic the very thing they are shunning.

It's like people choosing to eat quorn, but expecting it to look and taste like a cooked dead animal - why bother !!

I fully respect that OP is choosing to ignore religion and bring their child up without, but having a pretend communion is sending a mixed message that indeed the child is missing out on something.

One eyed Jack

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Also - its a lot easier to do what the author did from within an Educate Together school, where they are not the odd one out, than from a regular RC school.

That's actually not necessarily true either. A child may well be the odd one out if the other children in their class in an ET school are making their Communion.

For example in my area alone, the way it's working out is that there are enough children from one RC school making their communion that they don't have to make an arrangement with the other RC schools in the area. But, the children in the ET school even though the majority in the class are making their Communion, there's still not enough of them to do it on their own and they're having a combined ceremony with another RC school in the area where only a minority of the children in the RC school class will be making their Communion.

smacl

mar12345 wrote: »

Any suggestions much appreciated!!!!

My approach was to do something entirely unceremonious but great fun, so I took the girls out to see Lilly Allen live in the Point (eldest) and Florence and the Machine (youngest). Grabbing and early bird meal and bringing the kids to a decent gig is always a bit special, not to mention scoring them some serious envy points from their peers. Something we still do a few times a year and still all enjoy.

You have to ask yourself how much pleasure they're likely to get from a BBQ and some poetry with the old folks.

Bitches Be Trypsin

I don't get it honestly, why should a non-religious person have an imitation of a religious sacrament? It's part of what you choose when you choose not to raise a child as religious. I have a lot of Islamic peers and I don't imitate Eid because I'm jealous of the food and music and dancing. I think you'd be better off explaining to her why she isn't having the day and the party as opposed to having a ceremony for no particular reason.

Atoms for Peace

All catholic ceremonies are based on previous pagan or Jewish celebrations​, so I wouldn't see a secular one as being any way hypocritical.

professore

_Brian wrote: »

I find it very odd that people choose to shun organised religion but then go on to have "civil" services such as this to mimic the very thing they are shunning.

It's like people choosing to eat quorn, but expecting it to look and taste like a cooked dead animal - why bother !!

I fully respect that OP is choosing to ignore religion and bring their child up without, but having a pretend communion is sending a mixed message that indeed the child is missing out on something.

The kid IS missing out .... on tons of money !!!! There is no mixed message. Easy to spot people above who don't have kids themselves - or ( horror ) do have kids, but have no idea how to put themselves in their kids' shoes. This is something for the kid, not for the parents IMO.

EDIT: Just saw it's an 8 year old girl ... even worse!!! She misses out on the whole "wedding dress experience" too !!!

TheChizler

Bitches Be Trypsin wrote: »

I don't get it honestly, why should a non-religious person have an imitation of a religious sacrament? It's part of what you choose when you choose not to raise a child as religious. I have a lot of Islamic peers and I don't imitate Eid because I'm jealous of the food and music and dancing. I think you'd be better off explaining to her why she isn't having the day and the party as opposed to having a ceremony for no particular reason.

Do you do anything special for halloween?

Tombo2001

_Brian wrote: »

I find it very odd that people choose to shun organised religion but then go on to have "civil" services such as this to mimic the very thing they are shunning.

It's like people choosing to eat quorn, but expecting it to look and taste like a cooked dead animal - why bother !!

I fully respect that OP is choosing to ignore religion and bring their child up without, but having a pretend communion is sending a mixed message that indeed the child is missing out on something.

The child is missing out on something.

A big day out where they are the centre of the Universe for 24 hours....

Who wouldn't want that, especially when loads of their friends are getting one.

Fair play OP, I think its a good move.

You have the format - BBQ, bouncy castle, invite the cousins and uncles and aunts - all you need is the premise; which is likely to be more meaningful for you than communion is for a lot parents whose kids have their actual first communion.

Tombo2001

Straw poll - how many of those who 'don't get it' have 8 year old kids......

Help!!!!

mar12345 wrote: »

Hi,

My daughter who is in 2nd class will not be making her communion, so we decided to have a ceremony at home to make her feel special too. We invited friends and family, will have a bbq so she doesn't feel left out.

Have any of you done something like this? I am looking for nice texts / poems / music and songs that would be meaningful.

Any suggestions much appreciated!!!!

So would those invited be giving presents/money as they would for a real communion?

Help!!!!

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Straw poll - how many of those who 'don't get it' have 8 year old kids......

Well its your decision to bring your child up atheist, did you ask them if they wanted the communion with their friends?

daheff

Don't get me wrong OP

I understand what you are trying to achieve here, and my comment is not so much about you, but more in general (and speaking somewhat hypocritically myself)-


I don't understand why people who dont want to be religious go then to the trouble of celebrating religious events in a non-religious way.

People get 'married', have 'naming ceremonies' for children, celebrate christmas /easter times and now a 'civil communion'.

Surely if people are non believers then they don't do any of the religious stuff...not doing a half a la carte version of it?


Personally I've been married civilly (for the missus and for legal purposes), our kids were baptised (so they could go to the local school). We celebrate Xmas/Easter as nice times of the year...but wouldnt be going to mass over the time.


I reckon people still are believers deep down, but don't see the church as relevant anymore

One eyed Jack

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Straw poll - how many of those who 'don't get it' have 8 year old kids......

I have a 12 year old who has made their Communion, and is making their Confirmation this year. I'm a practicing Roman Catholic and I don't get the point of what the OP is trying to do.

However, because I understand that other people don't think the same way I do, and because I'd heard of the concept before, while I might think it's bizarre, unnecessary, etc, I'm not going to pass judgement on the OP for asking the question and considering their options.

It's good to keep an open mind about these things IMO.

Tombo2001

daheff wrote: »

Don't get me wrong OP

I understand what you are trying to achieve here, and my comment is not so much about you, but more in general (and speaking somewhat hypocritically myself)-


I don't understand why people who dont want to be religious go then to the trouble of celebrating religious events in a non-religious way.

People get 'married', have 'naming ceremonies' for children, celebrate christmas /easter times and now a 'civil communion'.

Surely if people are non believers then they don't do any of the religious stuff...not doing a half a la carte version of it?


Personally I've been married civilly (for the missus and for legal purposes), our kids were baptised (so they could go to the local school). We celebrate Xmas/Easter as nice times of the year...but wouldnt be going to mass over the time.


I reckon people still are believers deep down, but don't see the church as relevant anymore

Completely disagree - some religious ceremonies are also very pleasant social or cultural gatherings; so why wouldn't people want to hold on to that, even without the religion.

For example - I went tolisten to a choir in London recently, Westminster Abbey. Fantastic music in a beautiful setting. So should I be saying to myself - this is fantastic music in a beautiful setting, but I'm not religious so I should leave right now......? No!

smacl

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Straw poll - how many of those who 'don't get it' have 8 year old kids......

Have two girls, 'don't get it', neither of them have shown any interest whatsoever in communion or anything similar. With respect, I think these faux ceremonies basically involve paying the kids off so that the parents can show them off for the day. Take the money out of the equation and the kids would either have no interest or actively rebel against it. In my experience, young kids like to play, have fun, make a huge mess and a lot of noise, not being paraded around like barbie dolls. YMMV.

dubrov

daheff wrote: »

Don't get me wrong OP

I understand what you are trying to achieve here, and my comment is not so much about you, but more in general (and speaking somewhat hypocritically myself)-


I don't understand why people who don't want to be religious go then to the trouble of celebrating religious events in a non-religious way.

I think you have got this backward. There is a human desire to mark important life events (birth, childhood to adulthood, marriage, death) with a rite of passage. Religions just cater to that need.

People don't celebrate these events because of religions, religions celebrate these events because of people.

Just because the OP doesn't believe in the religion it does not mean that the desire to celebrate this life stage has gone away.

Tombo2001

smacl wrote: »

Have two girls, 'don't get it', neither of them have shown any interest whatsoever in communion or anything similar. With respect, I think these faux ceremonies basically involve paying the kids off so that the parents can show them off for the day. Take the money out of the equation and the kids would either have no interest or actively rebel against it. In my experience, young kids like to play, have fun, make a huge mess and a lot of noise, not being paraded around like barbie dolls. YMMV.

So be it.

I've certainly been aware of kids who were upset that all their friends are having communion and they aren't.

Also, people keep referencing the money, I actually don't think its that much of a deal for the kids. I think its more the adults who keep banging on about the 'money' side of it.

The kids are into the sense of occasion, seeing their wider family come together, the excitement of it, and being the centre of attention.

smacl

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Completely disagree - some religious ceremonies are also very pleasant social or cultural gatherings; so why wouldn't people want to hold on to that, even without the religion.

For example - I went tolisten to a choir in London recently, Westminster Abbey. Fantastic music in a beautiful setting. So should I be saying to myself - this is fantastic music in a beautiful setting, but I'm not religious so I should leave right now......? No!

True, but then many religious ceremonies are as dull as dishwater, and few compare to a choir in Westminster. You also have to ask whether the pleasant religious ceremonious are pleasant because they're religious or pleasant in spite of being religious?

professore

smacl wrote: »

Have two girls, 'don't get it', neither of them have shown any interest whatsoever in communion or anything similar. With respect, I think these faux ceremonies basically involve paying the kids off so that the parents can show them off for the day. Take the money out of the equation and the kids would either have no interest or actively rebel against it. In my experience, young kids like to play, have fun, make a huge mess and a lot of noise, not being paraded around like barbie dolls. YMMV.

Your two girls "don't get" their little friends talking for months beforehand about the "big day", and how much money they are going to make, then flashing the cash afterwards? Really? Or are they home schooled, or go to some athiest school (if such a thing exists ... my kids went to an Educate Together and even there the majority of kids did all the catholic religious ceremonies?) Maybe your kids are unlike any kids I've ever seen. Genuinely curious.

Tiddlypeeps

daheff wrote: »

I don't understand why people who dont want to be religious go then to the trouble of celebrating religious events in a non-religious way.

People get 'married', have 'naming ceremonies' for children, celebrate christmas /easter times and now a 'civil communion'.

Surely if people are non believers then they don't do any of the religious stuff...not doing a half a la carte version of it?

Pretty much ever culture that has ever existed has various ways of celebrating various times of the year and various milestones within a persons life, such as
harvest time, midwinter, birth, coming of age, a couple joining and likely starting a family etc etc etc. Most cultures link these celebrations in some way to their various religions but not always.

Just because a person distances themselves from the religious elements of the culture they belong to doesn't mean they necessarily want to distance themselves from the celebrations associated with that culture. I don't see how wanting to take part in those celebrations is at all hypocritical.

magicbastarder

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Also, people keep referencing the money, I actually don't think its that much of a deal for the kids.

heh; when i was a kid, all the talk was 'how much money did you get?'

Tombo2001

smacl wrote: »

True, but then many religious ceremonies are as dull as dishwater, and few compare to a choir in Westminster. You also have to ask whether the pleasant religious ceremonious are pleasant because they're religious or pleasant in spite of being religious?

Which part of bouncy castle with all your cousins and then burgers from the bbq involves a religious ceremony.....

professore

magicbastarder wrote: »

heh; when i was a kid, all the talk was 'how much money did you get?'

Perhaps it's a class thing. My kids don't go round sporting the latest designer gear or iPhone and get a new one every 3 months, or bags of pocket money, so getting upwards of a grand is a BIG DEAL to them.

ABC101

mar12345 wrote: »

Hi,

My daughter who is in 2nd class will not be making her communion, so we decided to have a ceremony at home to make her feel special too. We invited friends and family, will have a bbq so she doesn't feel left out.

Have any of you done something like this? I am looking for nice texts / poems / music and songs that would be meaningful.

Any suggestions much appreciated!!!!

As a Christian, I don't feel the need to celebrate something when other denominations carry out their festivals, i.e Diwaldi, Ramadan etc.

Technically believers partake in a religious ceremony because they believe in it. If you lack belief, then it would appear odd that you would feel compelled to celebrate something too.

On the other hand I can understand your perspective about having a small celebration for your daughter so as to make it seem she is not left out.

It's only natural, while some puritan may successfully argue that you are being hypocritical, I don't think it really matters.

You are the parent of your child, and if you + family feel it would be best to have your own celebration and call it what you want, then off you go and do so. It's your own business etc Calling it a "coming of age" might be stretching it a bit, perhaps more appropriate for when they are 18 years old, but no matter.

Unfortunately a lot of things have become commercialised. Easter is no longer about the death of Jesus on the cross for mankind. Its about chocolate and holidays and rabbits.

Christmas too has become far too commercialised, nothing to do with Christ, all to do with presents and spending lots of money, peer pressure / debt / parties and lots of alcohol etc.

Communion too has become commercialised, collecting money, fancy dresses etc. One upmanship, keeping up with the Jones. I remember one chap at our confirmation talking about how his shoes would be swede and not like everybody else's which were going to be leather. However I suppose it is just part of human nature.

No sooner has one Christian celebratory date / festival passed, when the shops are instantly stocking the shelves for the next. All trying to cash in on the situation.

It has become so perverse now that it is no longer politically correct to mention what these celebratory events are actually about, but we are still expected to hand over our money and partake in being celebratory, but not to mention what it really is we are supposed to celebrate about. A bit like the contradiction, "there's a war on, but don't mention the war".

Anyway, rant over.

You are only being a parent, trying to think of your daughter and how best to cross this bridge. My advice is go out and do have a special day, enjoy yourselves and record those special moments as a family etc.