Daughter refused toilet

jadethomas

My daughter 6, came out of school today absolutely dying for a wee. Apparently as the came into class from lunchtime she asked the teacher to go to the toilet but was told no.  She asked again later on and said she was desperate but was still refused. I sent her to the toilet before our walk home. 
She had to wait 2 hours and 20 minutes, they have no afternoon playtime. So angry
Should i speak to the teacher?

vicwatson

jadethomas wrote: »

My daughter 6, came out of school today absolutely dying for a wee. Apparently as the came into class from lunchtime she asked the teacher to go to the toilet but was told no. ?She asked again later on and said she was desperate but was still refused. I sent her to the toilet before our walk home.?
She had to wait 2 hours and 20 minutes, they have no afternoon playtime. So angry
Should i speak to the teacher?

Well what do you think? Of course you should have a quiet word and ask the reasoning behind the refusal, there might be a very good reason and there might not, you won't know until you ask. Good luck

judeboy101

does her classroom have a toilet? if not, many schools have policy where no toilet straight after break . if it does have a toilet in classroom then no excuse and id be onto teacher like a fly on jam

jadethomas

No, the toilets are just outside the classroom.

byhookorbycrook

What time did they go to break and what time did they go home? Did dhe ask the teacher clearly- sometimes, small children think teacher may have heard- and didn't.
I think you need to make an appointment with the teacher to get the full facts, before you make any judgement.

jadethomas

Lunch ends at 1.10, and home time is 3.30

jadethomas

Yes the teacher said "you should have gone at lunch" she even said she was desperate the second time she asked, so must have heard

byhookorbycrook

That's a very long day for senior infants!

jadethomas

9.00 until half 3, she is in year 2

AvonEnniskerry

byhookorbycrook wrote:

That's a very long day for senior infants!

She said 6 but not senior infants. Most likely just young in first class???

jadethomas

yes avon not 7 until july

byhookorbycrook

My mistake. Contact the school tomorrow and ask for an appointment to talk with the teacher as soon as you can.

jadethomas

yes going to, my girl has just said the teacher also refused another girl and a boy in the morning, so annoyed at how long she made my girl hold it in.

harr

Going by experience with our own lad who is 6 ....he can be a nightmare at times especially if out playing he will hold it till last second..sometimes he is nearly dancing before he runs to the toilet.
His teacher told use to have a word with him because he wasn't going at break times and bursting when settling back into class work after break...but and it's a big but the teacher never refused him when he wanted the toilet and if she did I would be rightly pissed off.. your daughter did well holding it for so long..
I definitely would be having a word with teacher...because no matter what it's not on refusing a child a bathroom visit..also ask the teacher if maybe your daughter has a tendency to ask to use toilet when she might not necessarily need to go...

the14thwarrior

maybe the teacher is trying to teach your child something.... maybe it's not the teachers fault....... maybe you should think the teacher might be right.....

and then you'll go in and tell the teacher etc. etc. and feel very good about yourself, and the teacher won't tell you what she really thinks, and you'll go home and tell your child that you sorted that out and the teacher has no right to tell you when you can and can't go to the toilet, and the child will listen to that.

and won't learn anything....... Perhaps she's trying to teach the children something and would it be the worst thing in the world to let her?

Moonbeam

I would just make an appointment to see the teacher.
It happened to my eldest in Junior infants and she wet herself and got really upset.

vicwatson

You could probably just pop in on an informal basis at 3.30 without making a formal appointment, if not happy with the response you could arrange a formal meeting with the teacher and the principal

Halfprice

She is 6. Not an adult. Id be knocking on the teachers door 1st thing in the morning. If she went in herself and other kids seen that it could lead to her be called names by other kids, older kids i mean...

exaisle

I agree with Halfprice, above.... there's no excuse for a teacher denying a child access to the toilet. The child is 6...

If the child needs to go just after break, then so be it...

beechwood55

exaisle wrote: »

I agree with Halfprice, above.... there's no excuse for a teacher denying a child access to the toilet. The child is 6...

...

If that is what actually happened. And until the OP speaks to the teacher she only has one side of the story.

Years ago a child in my son's class went home with a similar tale. Dad comes in the next day to see the teacher. Teacher was happy to tell him that his son was asking to go to the toilet numerous times (up to 20!!) per day. With parents and teacher working together the issue was resolved to everyone's satisfaction.

jadethomas

moonbeam
i'm surprised she didn't wet herself to be honest as well, she couldn't walk straight she was so desperate

AndrewJRenko

jadethomas wrote: »

9.00 until half 3, she is in year 2

Did this happen in Ireland or UK? 'Year 2' sounds more like UK.

_Brian

I think talk to the teacher but have an open mind as to what happened and what the teacher was thinking.

However I wouldn't like the idea of denying toilet access to children, if a child is being disruptive by going to often maybe a chat with a parent should be the first step.

I can well remember a girl in my class wetting herself in a similar situation and she was terribly treated by mean kids after with name calling etc.

Water John

The child is 6 FFS. If a teacher has a problem, then they bring to the parents attention.
Happened to me over 50 years ago. Good God have we not moved on.

byhookorbycrook

vicwatson wrote: »

You could probably just pop in on an informal basis at 3.30 without making a formal appointment, if not happy with the response you could arrange a formal meeting with the teacher and the principal

I would always recommend making an appointment, for example today , 3 of our teachers had matches to go to, the infant teachers were planning their term of work and a few more teachers were going to an in-service. I think it's better to make an appointment rather than trying to nab a teacher at the door, it's better to do thing properly.

If anyone refused my child I would be in there like a shot.

Regardless of age children are human beings, you cannot refuse anyone use of the toilet, or a drink.

Kids are not robots and designed to conform to toilet breaks that meet teacher requirements, if they need to go they need to go!

First think tomorrow i would demand an explanation from the teacher and inform them that if they denied my child the toilet again I would report them to the education department. if she has concerns the child may be messing them the teacher should request a meeting with the parent to discuss this. But denying the toilet is abuse in my book.

The teacher can ask a child to hold on, but they certainly cannot deny.

byhookorbycrook

Deleted User wrote: »

If anyone refused my child I would be in there like a shot.

First think tomorrow i would demand an explanation from the teacher and inform them that if they denied my child the toilet again I would report them to the education department. if she has concerns the child may be messing them the teacher should request a meeting with the parent to discuss this. But denying the toilet is abuse in my book.

The teacher can ask a child to hold on, but they certainly cannot deny.

The DES won't entertain complaints that have not followed the agreed procedure and will simply refer the person back to the school. Doorstepping a teacher is not the way to resolve this, if the OP is serious about sorting out what has happened, she needs to go about it the right way.

If the toilets are outside the classroom, it's not always possible to let children go out unsupervised. Meet with the teacher and make concerns known, "demanding" "sorting out" "abuse" allegations are not the way to go.

byhookorbycrook

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

The DES won't entertain complaints that have not followed the agreed procedure and will simply refer the person back to the school. Doorstepping a teacher is not the way to resolve this, if the OP is serious about sorting out what has happened, she needs to go about it the right way.

If the toilets are outside the classroom, it's not always possible to let children go out unsupervised. Meet with the teacher and make concerns known, "demanding" "sorting out" "abuse" allegations are not the way to go.

I have always found going to the top works in anything I do, it certainly alerts superiors to what is going on and they will take a keep interest even if they do send the complaint back down. it will also scare the Teacher into actually following the rules. Nobody said doorstepping but if the Teacher isn't prepared to provide basic human rights to the children in their care, then that person is unfit to be a teacher and should be reported.

As for not always possible to let the child go to the toilet? Tough, its not the child's fault if they need to go,sure you can ask the child to wait a few minutes, but denying a child twice? That is out of order and most certainly not on.

Glenbhoy

Deleted User wrote: »

If anyone refused my child I would be in there like a shot.

Regardless of age children are human beings, you cannot refuse anyone use of the toilet, or a drink.

Kids are not robots and designed to conform to toilet breaks that meet teacher requirements, if they need to go they need to go!

First think tomorrow i would demand an explanation from the teacher and inform them that if they denied my child the toilet again I would report them to the education department. if she has concerns the child may be messing them the teacher should request a meeting with the parent to discuss this. But denying the toilet is abuse in my book.

The teacher can ask a child to hold on, but they certainly cannot deny.

I wasn't sure if the post above was a pisstake or not, but pretending it isn't, as a number of people on here have alluded, the sensible course of action would be to wait and hear both sides of the story, as a parent of children aged 5,6 and 7, I can assure you, I wouldn't be rushing in demanding anything, yes, by all means mention it to the teacher politely and then assess the facts given by both sides and decide on the appropriate course of action.
I suspect it is extremely unlikely that the teacher was attempting to violate the human or constitutional rights of the OP's daughter, I could be wrong, but just remember that 6 year old, whilst being cute and innocent, also like to tell stories which portray themselves in the best possible light.

Glenbhoy

Glenbhoy wrote: »

I wasn't sure if the post above was a pisstake or not, but pretending it isn't, as a number of people on here have alluded, the sensible course of action would be to wait and hear both sides of the story, as a parent of children aged 5,6 and 7, I can assure you, I wouldn't be rushing in demanding anything, yes, by all means mention it to the teacher politely and then assess the facts given by both sides and decide on the appropriate course of action.
I suspect it is extremely unlikely that the teacher was attempting to violate the human or constitutional rights of the OP's daughter, I could be wrong, but just remember that 6 year old, whilst being cute and innocent, also like to tell stories which portray themselves in the best possible light.

Certainly good advice to hear the teachers side first, and i would grab a quick few minutes in the morning with the teacher and listen to what they have to say.

I was merely working from the worst assumption if it was the case the teacher did deny the child the toilet.

Having a teacher make my child stand in a corner a few years back has left me more cautious.

tracey turnblad

Having had 3 children in school I find you catch more flies with honey. I would go to the school tomorrow and ask the teacher what happened, give the teacher a chance to explain and shows you don't want to be confrontational. She will either say sorry or be defensive about it. Either way politely tell her that you want your daughter to be allowed reasonable access to the toilet ( maybe she misses toilet time every time?) there's no need to go in guns blazing.
My son years ago got a yellow card ' for giving someone a sup of water'. In his school you must see the teacher if they get a yellow card. Turns out he didn't just give a sup of water he did an aeroplane ( squirted water into the other fellas mouth from a distance) had I have went in all guns blazing I would have looked like a fool. I've had many other incidents where simple explainations and clarifications were all that was neede from the teacher and I agreed with them, but there has also been times where I've disagreed and the teacher has been in the wrong. Every time though I gave them the opportunity to give their side of the story before I responded

jadethomas

Spoke to the school, they have been having problems with children going to the loo in class, so have banned them apart from break and lunch unless they have a note from parent/doctor, written one for my girl so she can now go for a wee when she wants. 
Still feel sorry for the other children though

harr

jadethomas wrote: »

Spoke to the school, they have been having problems with children going to the loo in class, so have banned them apart from break and lunch unless they have a note from parent/doctor, written one for my girl so she can now go for a wee when she wants.?
Still feel sorry for the other children though

I know some kids might act the maggot with getting up and down to use toilet but banning kids from using the toilet apart from two time periods is a bit much in my view..hell I know I would go more than twice in a six hour period.

Water John

A school that has decided to go for the stick rather than the carrot.
There are simple ways for any teacher to control this, they are the adult. If a teacher can't do that basic, they shouldn't be in charge of 6 year olds.

So you have a class of 30 and you have a list of those who can and a list of those who can't go to the toilet.
Good luck with that one.

jadethomas

just got back from picking my daughter up. Ones of the mums was having a go at the teacher because her little boy had been denied and wet himself. 
Cannot see the rule lasting long if children keeping weeing themselves, hopefully they see sense soon

Seve OB

tell the kid that if it happens again and they are desperate, to just whip down the tweeds and release there and then

jadethomas

i agree, my girl can go now. But if that was my boy i would tell him to pee in the bin

jadethomas

my daughter just said when the boy asked the teacher, he said he could not wait anymore and the teacher "that is your problem not mine" absolutely appalled that school is treating young children like this, all they want is to for a wee

vicwatson

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

I would always recommend making an appointment, for example today , 3 of our teachers had matches to go to, the infant teachers were planning their term of work and a few more teachers were going to an in-service. I think it's better to make an appointment rather than trying to nab a teacher at the door, it's better to do thing properly.

No need for appointment in my experience, just roll up on informal basis, the child is 6, not 16

Walter H Price

jadethomas wrote: »

My daughter 6, came out of school today absolutely dying for a wee. Apparently as the came into class from lunchtime she asked the teacher to go to the toilet but was told no.  She asked again later on and said she was desperate but was still refused. I sent her to the toilet before our walk home. 
She had to wait 2 hours and 20 minutes, they have no afternoon playtime. So angry
Should i speak to the teacher?

No , without being funny here , fcuk the teacher go strait to the principle. This is disgusting behavior , i remember my first year Christmas exams in secondary a teacher refused to let me go to the bathroom 5 times after i had finished my paper i offered to gie her the paper to prove i wasn't looking to cheat or what ever eventualy i just stood up n walked out , she gave me a detention but my dad went strait to the principle two of the lads wet themselves in that exam.

Teacher sounds like a jumped up little Hittler who needs to be put back in their place to be honest OP go to town on her the school and the principle , read em the riot act.

harr

jadethomas wrote: »

my daughter just said when the boy asked the teacher, he said he could not wait anymore and the teacher "that is your problem not mine" absolutely appalled that school is treating young children like this, all they want is to for a wee

Well that teacher seems to have a problem dealing with 6 year olds...Time to speak to principal and have a definite answer to what exactly is the schools guidelines on using toilet...that's teacher definitely needs some more experience on how to manage her class room...is it her first year teaching?

Teyla Emmagan

vicwatson wrote:

No need for appointment in my experience, just roll up on informal basis, the child is 6, not 16

The point is that you're disrupting the school when you just rock up, suiting yourself. It's nothing to do with the age of the child.

SAMTALK

the14thwarrior wrote: »

maybe the teacher is trying to teach your child something.... maybe it's not the teachers fault....... maybe you should think the teacher might be right.....

and then you'll go in and tell the teacher etc. etc. and feel very good about yourself, and the teacher won't tell you what she really thinks, and you'll go home and tell your child that you sorted that out and the teacher has no right to tell you when you can and can't go to the toilet, and the child will listen to that.

and won't learn anything....... Perhaps she's trying to teach the children something and would it be the worst thing in the world to let her?

The child is 6. I dont think this is about parent v teacher. Its about basic right of child to use toilet.
I know there can be a lot of messers but surely if the child asked a second time, (some time after 1st), she really does need the bathroom,

SAMTALK

jadethomas wrote: »

Spoke to the school, they have been having problems with children going to the loo in class, so have banned them apart from break and lunch unless they have a note from parent/doctor, written one for my girl so she can now go for a wee when she wants. 
Still feel sorry for the other children though

Surely all the parents just have to write a note for their own child and then its back to the way it was before

jadethomas

if they know sam
it was the first i knew about the rule when she came out bursting the other, i suppose they are banking on the fact that not everyone in the school is going to come with a note, only those with a medical condition.

The Oort Cloud

jadethomas wrote: »

Spoke to the school, they have been having problems with children going to the loo in class, so have banned them apart from break and lunch unless they have a note from parent/doctor, written one for my girl so she can now go for a wee when she wants.
Still feel sorry for the other children though

I find this very unusual. This was the rule in the 1970's and 80's education system. I am amazed that this draconian so-called rule is still in place. If a child needs to go to the toilets then there should be absolutely no reason to stop them, or helped to the outside toilets. Persons need to provide a doctors note so that their child can use the toilet at any time ? that's very strange in my opinion, it very well reminds me of the 70's indeed.

I would be onto my local TD explaining this one to them, that's just crazy having a child told that they cannot use the lavatory when they need it. It seems that the educational system is still uneducated in regards to the needs of the child.

SAMTALK

jadethomas wrote: »

if they know sam
it was the first i knew about the rule when she came out bursting the other, i suppose they are banking on the fact that not everyone in the school is going to come with a note, only those with a medical condition.

I cant see it lasting.
What happens if Jimmy goes home and says he wasnt let to the toilet but Mary was.
Bound to get the parents hackles up with this carry on.
Im all for teachers trying to control a classroom of children but surely we're not at this level of denying a child access to a toilet.
The embarassement for the poor child who wets themselves in the classroom would be awful

vicwatson

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

The point is that you're disrupting the school when you just rock up, suiting yourself. It's nothing to do with the age of the child.

No you're not, as I said do it after school finishes, as per my post number 17

lawred2

the14thwarrior wrote: »

maybe the teacher is trying to teach your child something.... maybe it's not the teachers fault....... maybe you should think the teacher might be right.....

and then you'll go in and tell the teacher etc. etc. and feel very good about yourself, and the teacher won't tell you what she really thinks, and you'll go home and tell your child that you sorted that out and the teacher has no right to tell you when you can and can't go to the toilet, and the child will listen to that.

and won't learn anything....... Perhaps she's trying to teach the children something and would it be the worst thing in the world to let her?

What?

The child needed the toilet. Would you tolerate someone telling you to hold it in?

What possible lesson has this child been taught?

Aimeee

Seems a regular occurrence to punish the many when I suspect it's probably only a small handful who are taking the pee, so to speak. Happens in my kids school too. Very unfair.
Hope it ends soon OP for the other children's sakes. Surely it's more work for teacher if there's little accidents in classroom.

Sunny Dayz

I work with a kids group once a week for the past few months. I've noticed that they often look to go to the toilet when really they feel tired or when they don't want to do something. Now these are 11-13 year olds, they all know to go before the session, and they are given a break during the session also. But still you see them 10mins after start or 5/10 mins before the end of session looking for a loo break. I tell them they can wait and go in the break and I've noticed that if they come back a few mins later asking again then they are genuine and I let them go, if they don't come back to me then they probably didn't need to go and they just wanted to skiive off. Also I've noticed girls are divils and want their friend to come along with them!


But there is a difference between the minds and bladder control of older kids compared to 6 year olds who haven't mastered that yet.