Intelligence Gap - Can it work?

JackTaylorFan

Okay, I'll begin this thread with a little preamble: I am very much attracted to highly intelligent people. In fact, it is probably the most important factor for me when assessing any potential partner. I'm not really into superficial, short term flings either and I am always thinking long term when I encounter anyone I think of as relationship material.

So, I have recently met someone whom I find both extremely interesting and intelligent; someone I would very much like to spend more time with (alone, away from the cricle of friends we met in) to see where it goes.

However, he's obviously far better educated than I am and it is clear he is on another level in terms of intelligence too (like, I would hazard he is mensa level) - and surprising as it might seem to some on here, I'm actually not used to being the "dumb" one in a conversation ( well, the really dumb one anyway ). Anyways, talking to him, I often feel like he is merely entertaining me out of politeness. I guess I do find it intimidating how intellectually switched on he is - though that doesn't stop me rambling like the mad idiot I am when I am around him either. It probably only makes me worse, to be honest, as I often end up blurting out stuff which I suspect he all finds rather childish, irrtating and/or even offensive. I think he finds me amusing (and possibly cute... not accute) in the way the average human would find a cat chasing the beam from a laser pointer amusing - all very entertaining for the first few seconds until it ****s on the carpet... I don't think I challenge him, but at the same time, I find him intriguing.


I suppose there is the slight chance I am being overly neurotic here. I know, also, he is quite introverted, and sometimes it's a little hard to read us introverts. Then again, I don't think he has really shown any signs of encouraging me to continue to flirt with him either.

The only thing I do know with absolute certainty is this: if the roles were reversed I would be extremely exasperated in any form of relationship with a significantly "dumber" partner; without feeling challenged, deep down, I know it could just never work.

I think what I am wondering really is this: is too big an intelligence gap always a dealbreaker or am I simply overthinking things? I could do with some different perspective on this.

Thanks for reading.

Senna

It sounds like you are obsessed with "intelligence", most other people are not. I predict this relationship would be doomed, but by your own sabotage rather than him not finding you intelligent enough.

JackTaylorFan

Senna wrote: »

It sounds like you are obsessed with "intelligence", most other people are not. I predict this relationship would be doomed, but by your own sabotage rather than him not finding you intelligent enough.

I admit I maybe experiencing a mild inferiority complex on this issue - but do you really think there can be true compatibility without similar levels of intelligemce?

Big Bag of Chips

Well if you're a very intelligent person, then you are very intelligent. Just because he's even more intelligent doesn't mean it can't work. It's unclear if you are actually dating him, or if you just have your eye on him. You mention not getting any signs from him? Maybe he's just not interested, and it has little to do with your intelligence.

The thing I find about intelligent people is they love to talk about stuff they find interesting. So even if you don't know as much about a topic, you can learn so much by asking questions. He may be quiet, but if you can engage him in conversation on a topic he's interested in, then maybe he will open up. You could talk about what he did in college, what he does on a day to day basis in work, what he researches just as a hobby rather than needing to. If you're interested in him and what he does, then you should have plenty to talk about.

JackTaylorFan

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Well if you're a very intelligent person, then you are very intelligent. Just because he's even more intelligent doesn't mean it can't work. It's unclear if you are actually dating him, or if you just have your eye on him. You mention not getting any signs from him? Maybe he's just not interested, and it has little to do with your intelligence.

The thing I find about intelligent people is they love to talk about stuff they find interesting. So even if you don't know as much about a topic, you can learn so much by asking questions. He may be quiet, but if you can engage him in conversation on a topic he's interested in, then maybe he will open up. You could talk about what he did in college, what he does on a day to day basis in work, what he researches just as a hobby rather than needing to. If you're interested in him and what he does, then you should have plenty to talk about.

Hi, thanks.

Yeah, I'm nothing special IQ wise. And, no, it's not a relationship. I do attempt to engage him on his interests - but often it feels more like a teacher/pupil dynamic than an equal footing. I don't know, at the moment, I'm not really picking up any signs of interest from him - all these developing feeling are entirely one-sided, as far as I can tell. I have thought I should just ask him for a coffee and see what happens - but I don't want him to feelnawkward when we meet up with friends either

I don't know... I mean, if he was happy with the dynamic I described then I guess I would too. But I'd find it hardwork if the shoe was on the other foot - is this just me?

Big Bag of Chips

Maybe he just doesn't click with you and it's not because of intelligence. For example, there are millions/billions of people all over the world with similar levels of intelligence and they don't automatically click on a romantic level purely because their intelligence lines up.

If he was interested in you, you'd get some sort of signal from him. I think this one sounds like it might be a crush that you are going to have to deal with! Who knows, over time you might grow on him!! But don't focus SO much on intelligence. Just because you rate it highly in your own relationships doesn't mean everyone else does.

Obviously, you need to meet each other on some sort of level to be compatible, but I'd say very few couple check each other's leaving results or college results to see if they're compatible. If you're compatible, you're compatible for a range of reasons, not for any one specific reason.

JackTaylorFan

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Just because you rate it highly in your own relationships doesn't mean everyone else does.

I think this is kinda what I was looking for really.

Maybe the intelligence thing alone is not a dealbreaker in this instance. I am aware I put a high value on it but I guess not everyone looks for that. Anyways, I'm probably getting way ahead of myself.

Thanks though.

Turtle_

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I think this is kinda what I was looking for really.

Maybe the intelligence thing alone is not a dealbreaker in this instance. I am aware I put a high value on it but I guess not everyone looks for that. Anyways, I'm probably getting way ahead of myself.

Thanks though.

I think it depends on what interests are involved. If the so called intelligent person has very academic/world affairs type interests I can't see how huge gaps could work. The other person could end up feeling like (and I do mean feeling like; the facts of the matter are irrelevant) the ditsy airhead in comparison to the serious intellectual partner. They couldn't possibly feel secure in that. And from the other point of view, people need to be able to go home and have a proper conversation with their partner. If there is a huge gap in intelligence I'm not sure how their needs would be met.

Then there's the alternative, if there's a huge gap in academic intelligence but both people have similar passions - be they sport, foodie stuff, socialising - then I can't imagine any gap in academic intelligence would make a huge difference. In that case it's more their social intelligence that influences their lifestyle and they could well be very similar levels in that realm.

I suppose what I'm saying is that it depends on more than just an IQ score. Is a very academically intelligent person whose passions are politics and economics going to be compatible with someone who's always struggled academically but who's ultra gregarious and highly socially intelligent and loves going out to parties? Probably not, but it's not just the IQ score at play, it's a general lack of compatibility.

Also, a word of advice. If this person gets on with you, it's not because they're interested in your attempts to be interested in what they like - it's probably because they like your personality. Your interests are just as valid as his. You should never have to mould yourself to fit someone else. Take people as they are, and let them take you as you are.

meeeeh

I know quite a few people with Mensa iq, I live with one who is quite a bit over the treshold. Mine is a bit lower and I never felt uneasy around them. There are a few possibilities, your own insecurities could be sabotaging you, he could be one of those people who feel superior to others just because or you two have different interests and very few subjects in common.

High IQ often influences very little how people interact every day. I can switch off when I am getting lesson in aerodynamics of F1 car (also because I dislike physics) and he could switch off when I go on a rant about grid girls but we still both enjoy F1. I think interests, life experience, personality are a lot more important than IQ. I can safely say I never felt stupid around my oh or other more intelligent friends. Because they don't make me feel that way and because I am relatively confident in my own capabilities.

I think you will have to decide weather it is you or him but don't too much in awe of intelligence. Some of the biggest idiots I know have very high IQ.

JackTaylorFan

meeeeh wrote: »

I know quite a few people with Mensa iq, I live with one who is quite a bit over the treshold. Mine is a bit lower and I never felt uneasy around them. There are a few possibilities, your own insecurities could be sabotaging you, he could be one of those people who feel superior to others just because or you two have different interests and very few subjects in common.

High IQ often influences very little how people interact every day. I can switch off when I am getting lesson in aerodynamics of F1 car (also because I dislike physics) and he could switch off when I go on a rant about grid girls but we still both enjoy F1. I think interests, life experience, personality are a lot more important than IQ. I can safely say I never felt stupid around my oh or other more intelligent friends. Because they don't make me feel that way and because I am relatively confident in my own capabilities.

I think you will have to decide weather it is you or him but don't too much in awe of intelligence. Some of the biggest idiots I know have very high IQ.

No, I don't think he has in anyway acted superior about it and I have already conceded it is more my insecurities at play than anything else. I do wonder if our conversations are as rewarding for him as they are me. I also think a lot of my doubts about these kind of "gaps" comes from one of my exes - who just wasn't on the same level as me - I always felt like I was in the role of a teacher - and every conversation we had became agonizing after a while.


Anyhow, it's still pretty early into this friendship - I wouldn't mind exploring my feelings toward him, but I suspect I am far more interested in him than him me.

I do agree though: IQ isn't everything and it certainly does not preclude one from being an idiot, but this guy seems really well adjusted as well.

Thanks for your input.

JackTaylorFan

Turtle_ wrote: »

I think it depends on what interests are involved. If the so called intelligent person has very academic/world affairs type interests I can't see how huge gaps could work. The other person could end up feeling like (and I do mean feeling like; the facts of the matter are irrelevant) the ditsy airhead in comparison to the serious intellectual partner. They couldn't possibly feel secure in that. And from the other point of view, people need to be able to go home and have a proper conversation with their partner. If there is a huge gap in intelligence I'm not sure how their needs would be met.

...


Also, a word of advice. If this person gets on with you, it's not because they're interested in your attempts to be interested in what they like - it's probably because they like your personality. Your interests are just as valid as his. You should never have to mould yourself to fit someone else. Take people as they are, and let them take you as you are.

Thank you. The first part of your reply sums up where my head is at.

We do share at least one interest (arts related), but it is clear when we discuss things, we have very different approaches and ideas. I enjoy hearing his thoughts, though I feel bereft of adding real value to the conversation myself. So, yes, I have felt like the "ditzy airhead" once or twice - through no fault of his. I am not overly worried about all of this as of now - as it is just a crush - but if I was to pursue this long-term, it would definitely become more of a concern. It's also worth noting there is a considerable age gap too.

As for your final thought, we definitely get along - in a group. When alone for any brief time I feel I am the one doing the work. He's very polite, but not entirely engaged.

As I said already, it's really early. I'll see how things progress.

LLMMLL

I don't think most people get what intelligence actually is. Once you reach a certain level, increases on that level really don't make a difference to your conversational abilities. For example, I did a very academic scientific theoretical undergrad. There were a few in the class who were probably smarter than the others (these things are hard to quantify). But this mostly translated to them getting better marks or getting a concept a minute before everyone else did. In terms of having an informal chat about a topic on the course you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between them and anyone else.

Now obviously if someone is mostly interested in n magazines and reality TV they're not going to be able to have a great conversation with someone who has a niche passion (at least on that topic). But if two people are passionate about a topic, I don't think IQ makes a lot of difference.

ongarboy

I would say that being able to speak and engage with many people of many intelligence levels different to your own is a very admirable and in itself intelligent and attractive skill to have.  Being only able to engage with those of an equal level is quite restrictive and looking down your nose at anyone who you deem to be less intelligent than you is a very unpleasant attribute to have.  Judging others unfairly by your own questionable standards is also not a great attribute and as OP is finding out, he/she is potentially damaging any naturally forming relationship with the source of their attraction based on the assumption that they will also look down their nose at OP because they have a different IQ.  I know very few people who would be like that and they don't appeal to me, not because of their supposed superior intellect but that they judge others on such superficial standards.

Maximus Alexander

I don't think this is the issue for most people that you seem to think it is, unless you were an actual drooling moron, which you don't seem to be. Intelligence isn't that clear cut anyway, it means different things to different people, in different contexts.

People would consider me quite intelligent because I'm 'academic', score well on IQ tests, and have an affinity for mathematics, for example. I went out with a girl for years who wouldn't have been a match for me in that regard, but had other mental strengths. She was creative, witty and both emotionally and socially intelligent.

I would never have considered her 'dumb' or unable to challenge me. We had different strengths and actually complimented eachother well. The relationship eventually ended for other reasons, but intelligence wasn't part of it. I even feel awkward writing this because the idea of being 'more intelligent' doesn't sit well with me. What people usually describe as intelligent in the kind of context that you seem to be employing it usually refers to a small subset of mental faculties.

LegacyUser

He clearly doesn't hold the same attraction for intelligence as you do but that's great for you as by your own admittance and from your posts you're not the brightest. But he's with you so must find something attractive about you, perhaps kindness or looks or combination of things.

The more you learn to accept this and not stress about it the better the chance you guys have of working. He could get that mental stimulation in work and then want to switch off his brain in his spare time and you offer him the perfect opportunity for that. You should embrace and own your inferior smarts, not feel inadequate over it.

I know 2 people who would have nearly an alphabet of letters after their names between then, actually a couple and they are the biggest idiots I know

To me intelligence is about cop on in the real world and the ability to question things not stuff you've memorized to pass a test.

JackTaylorFan

ongarboy wrote: »

I would say that being able to speak and engage with many people of many intelligence levels different to your own is a very admirable and in itself intelligent and attractive skill to have.  Being only able to engage with those of an equal level is quite restrictive and looking down your nose at anyone who you deem to be less intelligent than you is a very unpleasant attribute to have.  Judging others unfairly by your own questionable standards is also not a great attribute and as OP is finding out, he/she is potentially damaging any naturally forming relationship with the source of their attraction based on the assumption that they will also look down their nose at OP because they have a different IQ.  I know very few people who would be like that and they don't appeal to me, not because of their supposed superior intellect but that they judge others on such superficial standards.

It's most certainly she, by the way.

Anyways, I take your point about how awful it is to judge people solely on one attribute, but at the same time I certainly don't look down my nose at people for being less intelligent than myself. Only, when it comes to a relationship I see no reason why I shouldn't have preferences as well. Some people are attracted to pretty faces and nice bums - I just happen to be attracted to smart people and I was wondering is this an important factor for many. It seems I am in the minority. I'm fine with that. At least I know.

Thanks.

JackTaylorFan

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I know 2 people who would have nearly an alphabet of letters after their names between then, actually a couple and they are the biggest idiots I know
.

I'd be willing to bet that Mr and Mrs. Alphabet have a similar IQ though. I stil think there is something to be said for it, despite what people are saying on here.

GingerLily

I think having similar levels of wit and humour are far more important than "intelligence" for chemistry in a couple.
Myself and my partner have very different kinds of intelligence, but we respect each others strengths and weaknesses and get on like a house on fire, I like think we have complimentary intelligence! !!

meeeeh

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I'd be willing to bet that Mr and Mrs. Alphabet have a similar IQ though. I stil think there is something to be said for it, despite what people are saying on here.

They probably have. But most people are not intimidated by or in awe of partner's intelligence.

Very high IQ people can be very different personalities and have different attitudes. It's finding the one who can compliment you in other aspects that is important. I couldn't be with someone I don't find interesting and challenging but I am not sure weather they have to have 20 iq points more than me for that. Similarly if my partner wanted someone with same IQ as him he would be looking at one woman in 500. He is not that much of a catch.

Also you seem to be basing your conclusions on his better understanding of subject you both find interesting. It is possible that he has just better knowledge of it than you.

Big Bag of Chips

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I stil think there is something to be said for it, despite what people are saying on here.

Well if you believe that, and you believe it is important, why then are you chasing someone who you think is 'out of your league'. Surely if you think you need to have similar IQs, then you should turn your attention to someone of a similar IQ to yourself. From what you've posted this fella seems ok with you in a group, but not so interested when it comes to 1-on-1 with you.

If he's not interested in you (be that because he thinks you're an idiot or whatever) then you are hardly likely to make him interested in you. Especially if you can't find a common ground to meet him on and babbling on like an excited school girl whenever you talk to him!

silverharp

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I'd be willing to bet that Mr and Mrs. Alphabet have a similar IQ though. I stil think there is something to be said for it, despite what people are saying on here.

As a general rule guys don't judge women on their intelligence , as someone mentioned above if you can laugh at his jokes that's about the height of it and that's an intelligence compatibility test of sorts.
Either he asks you out or he doesn't and if he does you were clearly projecting or looking at the whole thing wrong. If he doesn't its not evidence either way.

sullivlo

I have a PhD. My best friend thinks that there are 4 continents.

Intelligence in friendships and relationships isn't a deal breaker, unless either party puts too much of an emphasis on it.

Do I feel the need to have an academic conversation with everyone that I meet? Christ no. Is it nice to have a grown up conversation? The odd time. But allowances need to be made on both sides. If someone is interested in you they'll take an interest in something important to you.

I cycle. Last weekend I cycled 400km with a group. The people varied from 16-73 in age. Students. Employed people. Unemployed people. People with PhDs. People who never did the leaving cert. None of that was important though.

It seems like you might be a little insecure about your perceived lack of intelligence. I reckon if you just be yourself and be interested, that's the best way to be.

A friend of mine took up tango and going to the opera to impress her now-husband because she didn't think that she was sophisticated enough for him. She now has to go to the opera even though she hates it and she's afraid to tell him.

Be true to yourself.

eviltwin

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I'd be willing to bet that Mr and Mrs. Alphabet have a similar IQ though. I stil think there is something to be said for it, despite what people are saying on here.

I wouldn't know what my own IQ is let alone my husband's. I went to college, he didn't. He only has a leaving cert but he's one of the smartest people I know. He could hold his own in most conversations. In contrast I know people with letters after their name who are experts in their own fields but couldn't tell you much about anything else.

I think you are selling yourself way to short here. Intelligence is important but how do you define it. Is it education or a desire for knowledge that exceeds the classroom? Is it knowing a lot about one thing or something about everything? Is it enough to have an encyclopedic knowledge on a subject like Eurovision or do you need to know high brow stuff like the entire works of Shakespeare.

I don't care about how intelligent someone is once we have some common ground. I think a desire to learn and improve is more important than already knowing, or thinking you know, everything.

stevetopper

Have you talked to him about it? You shouldn't put yourself down, it's not your fault you weren't born with brains to burn, but sometimes they say ignorance is bliss, so perhaps he enjoys your more simple mindedness and finds it charming. He'll have intellectual equals in other aspects of his life and might just want to leave his brain at the door when he gets home to you.

GingerLily

stevetopper wrote: »

Have you talked to him about it? You shouldn't put yourself down, it's not your fault you weren't born with brains to burn, but sometimes they say ignorance is bliss, so perhaps he enjoys your more simple mindedness and finds it charming. He'll have intellectual equals in other aspects of his life and might just want to leave his brain at the door when he gets home to you.

They aren't an item

SarahMollie

This one is a bit tricky for me because, like you I find intelligence an attractive quality in a potential partner, but then you lose me with the rest of the scenario.

The way you describe your interactions with this man makes them sound awkward and unnatural. You've got a crush on this man, but nothing you've said leads me to think that interest is reciprocated. As a consequence, you're trying too hard and creating a vicious circle whereby the harder you try, the less authentic your interactions are and the "dumber" you come across.

I'd look at it like this.

1. Being attracted to intelligence is fine if thats what you like.
2. Not everyone values intelligence as much as you do, which is also fine.
3. This man may not be interested in you, but its not necessarily due to your level of intelligence. You may not be his cup of tea for any number of reasons.
4. Just because you're attracted to him because he ticks a very specific box for you, does not mean that he will automatically be attracted to you, even though you're younger.

Also, maybe he's turned off by how hard you're trying. Some people are flattered by hero worship or a sort, but others would find it smothering and really off putting. It sounds like you almost study before speaking to him, so you have a rehearsed conversation, hoping to impress him.

Like I said, I really like intelligence, but its only one facet of a persons character. I think people need to be compatible on many levels for a relationship to work - him simply ticking one of your boxes is not in and of itself sufficient basis for a relationship.

JackTaylorFan

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Well if you believe that, and you believe it is important, why then are you chasing someone who you think is 'out of your league'.

I think there's some level of cognitive dissonance at play in my head, to be honest.

I realise I am being hypocritical.

From experience with a former partner, one who shared many fine attributes with me but still lacked a certain level of intellect, I found the reward was all one way in the relationship after a while. All his. In the end, I found him very unfulfilling and frustrating to talk to about anything.

As I am learning here not everyone needs that level of intelligence in a partner- which has me thinking a little differently at least

___________

silverharp wrote: »

As a general rule guys don't judge women on their intelligence , as someone mentioned above if you can laugh at his jokes that's about the height of it and that's an intelligence compatibility test of sorts.

Really? Intelligence is not important to men? I know a few of my male friends have told me they are not interested in "bimbos" for anything other than a short fling. I honestly think it plays a part.

I am aware I maybe projecting how much importance my level of intellect matters to this guy though.

Thanks.

______________________

sullivlo wrote: »

I have a PhD. My best friend thinks that there are 4 continents.

Intelligence in friendships and relationships isn't a deal breaker, unless either party puts too much of an emphasis on it.

Do I feel the need to have an academic conversation with everyone that I meet? Christ no. Is it nice to have a grown up conversation? The odd time. But allowances need to be made on both sides. If someone is interested in you they'll take an interest in something important to you.

...

I reckon if you just be yourself and be interested, that's the best way to be.

A friend of mine took up tango and going to the opera to impress her now-husband because she didn't think that she was sophisticated enough for him. She now has to go to the opera even though she hates it and she's afraid to tell him.

Be true to yourself.

I have always been true to myself, no worries there. It's probably why I put my foot in it so often

And in friendships, I am certainly not bothered by intelligence gaps.


_____________________________

meeeeh wrote: »

Also you seem to be basing your conclusions on his better understanding of subject you both find interesting. It is possible that he has just better knowledge of it than you.

eviltwin wrote: »

I wouldn't know what my own IQ is let alone my husband's. I went to college, he didn't. He only has a leaving cert but he's one of the smartest people I know. He could hold his own in most conversations. In contrast I know people with letters after their name who are experts in their own fields but couldn't tell you much about anything else.

I think you are selling yourself way to short here. Intelligence is important but how do you define it. Is it education or a desire for knowledge that exceeds the classroom? Is it knowing a lot about one thing or something about everything? Is it enough to have an encyclopedic knowledge on a subject like Eurovision or do you need to know high brow stuff like the entire works of Shakespeare.

I don't care about how intelligent someone is once we have some common ground. I think a desire to learn and improve is more important than already knowing, or thinking you know, everything.

The only way I can really describe the kind of intelligence I was referring to at the beginning of this thread is through this analogy:

I once had a music teacher who was pitch perfect, and just incredibly gifted in general. He could pick-up any score of music and sing/play it perfectly. Yes, he had studied at some point - but he was naturally gifted. We both loved the same kind of music - but I just didn't understand on the same level as he did, no matter how I tried. And whenever we would discuss an aspect or just our appreciation of a piece, it was clear the reward was entirely one way. I feel I learnt something from the discussions, but I doubt he did. My point being: sometimes common ground is not so clear cut.

_________________________________________________

SarahMollie wrote: »

This one is a bit tricky for me because, like you I find intelligence an attractive quality in a potential partner, but then you lose me with the rest of the scenario.

The way you describe your interactions with this man makes them sound awkward and unnatural. You've got a crush on this man, but nothing you've said leads me to think that interest is reciprocated. As a consequence, you're trying too hard and creating a vicious circle whereby the harder you try, the less authentic your interactions are and the "dumber" you come across.

I'd look at it like this.

1. Being attracted to intelligence is fine if thats what you like.
2. Not everyone values intelligence as much as you do, which is also fine.
3. This man may not be interested in you, but its not necessarily due to your level of intelligence. You may not be his cup of tea for any number of reasons.
4. Just because you're attracted to him because he ticks a very specific box for you, does not mean that he will automatically be attracted to you, even though you're younger.

Also, maybe he's turned off by how hard you're trying. Some people are flattered by hero worship or a sort, but others would find it smothering and really off putting. It sounds like you almost study before speaking to him, so you have a rehearsed conversation, hoping to impress him.

Like I said, I really like intelligence, but its only one facet of a persons character. I think people need to be compatible on many levels for a relationship to work - him simply ticking one of your boxes is not in and of itself sufficient basis for a relationship.

1. It is
2. I am learning this - it is why i started this thread
3. I am aware he may be put off for other reasons. I am also aware I am a very peculiar cup of tea.
4. If I'm honest I think the fact I am much younger may also be connected to point 3.

I don't think I go as far as hero worship - I find him extremely interesting that is all. I certainly have not studied nor rehearsed anything I say to him - or anyone else for that matter - which is why I tend to ramble and trail off in an incomplete thought during our conversations. I do all this quite naturally, it's how I am.


___________________________________________________________________________


Anyways, I think I am resolved on this issue now. Thanks to everybody who contributed - even if I did not directly reply to you, I appreciate the effort.

I meet with him, and a couple of others, this evening and I will just let the whatever this is develop organically - or not as the case may be.

Again, thank you all for the words

amtc

Bar a certain level, intelligence isn't really all that important. I say that with a First class honours degree and two masters mind you. My most successful relationship was with a guy who had an Oxbridge education. However the glue was the wit and humour. He always said he had a brain the size of a planet (which he did) ... I had a better degree class...but lightened him up. I made him laugh.

In this case you nearly sound like you're auditioning for a part. That's no basis

Big Bag of Chips

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Really? Intelligence is not important to men? I know a few of my male friends have told me they are not interested in "bimbos" for anything other than a short fling. I honestly think it plays a part.

Why does it have to be exceptionally high IQ versus 'bimbo'. You know there's loads in between, don't you? And academic intelligence is great, if you can back it up with something else. Someone could be a genius and be dull as dishwater. Some might have never finished school and could be the most interesting intelligent person you've ever met, just not be academic.

I don't think anybody is saying intelligence is irrelevant in a relationship. Of course it's important. But equal intelligence does not automatically make a good couple. There has to be more, and I think that's what people are saying.

meeeeh

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

From experience with a former partner, one who shared many fine attributes with me but still lacked a certain level of intellect, I found the reward was all one way in the relationship after a while. All his. In the end, I found him very unfulfilling and frustrating to talk to about anything.

As I am learning here not everyone needs that level of intelligence in a partner- which has me thinking a little differently at least...

I appreciate smart people, I really do. I admire my partner's intelligence but I am not with him for my intellectual growth. I am with him because I like his wit and politically incorrect jokes. You might think benefit was all your ex's but relationship is two people in a partnership and not two people in a debate.

Also I have a vague feeling there was already a similar thread by someone who felt unfulfilled by less intelligent partner. Was that you and it was I really think you are a but too occupied with intelligence in your (potential) partners.

JackTaylorFan

meeeeh wrote: »

Also I have a vague feeling there was already a similar thread by someone who felt unfulfilled by less intelligent partner. Was that you and it was I really think you are a but too occupied with intelligence in your (potential) partners.

Would you like an admin to compare IP addresses or something. I have no idea what thread you are bringing into this. it seems at best, an off-topic observatiom on your part and at worst an attempted dig at me.

Anyways, I'm satisfied with the reponse I have received and now consider this thread done. Thanks.