How many condom machines are there out there that just don't work?

NeverTheLess

Anyone else ever put money into a condom machine, to realise it doesn't work. Since it happened me twice, there's probably a lot of machines out there like this, that everyone's too embarrassed to complain about. Recently went back to the last machine I remembered that did work, and the sell by date was 3 years old, which would've been around the last time I used it!

I worked in centra about a year ago, and this one dude went to buy condoms off me, and they wouldn't scan. A bit of a queue began to form as I had to awkwardly call for help. When the other cashier arrived, it even took him a while to computer code scanning thing. It's at times like this I know there's a God. It was then I said to myself "that's it; texco self check out for me!"

Reminds me of another awkward story I'd recently, as a dude returning a badly designed point tweezers (€6!!!), that had rather rounded tips! How are rounded tips supposed to grab a hair. The lady was quite reluctant, and after saying "so this is for plucking hairs" she then consulted ANOTHER lady, insisting that I'd need the packaging too... which you need to cut with a scissors to open! Managed to return it in the end! It was almost as if she was hoping I'd be too embarrassed to put up a fight!

Rant over!

The_Valeyard

Yeah in my youth I remember quite a few condom machine swallowing coins and that be that. Then just started going to the pharmacy , buying them there and strategically hide them in my wallet.

Pac1Man

I've asked around OP. There are currently 102 condom/Wrigley's Extra machines with faults relating to the distribution of said condoms/Wrigley's Extra.

Avatar MIA

Thinly veiled... I've got large denomination coins or something braggy like that.

Alf Stewart.

I just buy mine in Tesco or even Aldi. (Rubber is rubber, right?)

No embarrassment from me whatsoever.

Pac1Man

Alf Stewart. wrote: »

I just buy mine in Tesco or even Aldi.

No embarrassment from me whatsoever.

You can still get it up Alf?

Alf Stewart.

Pac1Man wrote: »

You can still get it up Alf?

Yup.

Ask yer ma if you don't believe me

Pac1Man

Alf Stewart. wrote: »

Yup.

Ask yer ma if you don't believe me

Shame. What would Ailsa say?

pat k

Hey O.P
Did you not see the sign on the machine ?? usually on the side of machine , regarding refunds ... it says ..... :) for refund insert Baby ! LOL. :)

Ted111

Pac1Man wrote: »

What would Ailsa say?

Flamin Galah! Struth, ya mongral.

razorblunt

I'd rather a broker condom machine, than a broken condom.

MilesMorales1

Is this a stealth brag thread?

murpho999

Are people still embarrassed buying these things?

I thought we had moved on from the 90s?

NeverTheLess

murpho999 wrote: »

Are people still embarrassed buying these things?

I thought we had moved on from the 90s?

People will always sense, or suspect other people's thoughts. The judgement...

Lisa: "Would you believe, he bought condoms the other day! Who could he be banging?
Jim: "I wouldn't have thought he'd be................. ah, I'd say she's not hot whoever she is!"

recyclebin

They have them locked in security cases in Tesco. The checkout girl seemed to be more embarrassed having to open the case to sell them :pac:

NeverTheLess

recyclebin wrote: »

They have them locked in security cases in Tesco. The checkout girl seemed to be more embarrassed having to open the case to sell them :pac:

that's not a great joke!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Just be hopeful that it's only the machine that doesn't work...

9or10

OP just use cling film its just as good and a roll will last ages.

Radharc na Sleibhte

Its a valid point about them not working.
Them ****ty spring loaded manual ones.
Never ever put your money in.
At least with the electronic ones you have a fair idea if its working.
Although, sure even if you asked for your money back theyd let on they dont have the key its not their machine etc...

beertons

I had about 30 of them at one stage, in hotels and pubs. They were a gold mine. A fiver for 3 Jon bon jovi's. You'd buy them for 70 cents. The reject button didn't work, money went straight into the coin box. Cha ching. And a lad lost money in it, he'd be too embarrassed to tell a barman and try get a refund.

suicide_circus

Those yokes are for dirty sailors

bobbysands81

I used to stock these years ago, the unreliability of the machines, and the ease of which they "broke" helped me through college!

DivingDuck

Alf Stewart. wrote: »

I just buy mine in Tesco or even Aldi. (Rubber is rubber, right?)

I just realised I'm more of a snob than I ever imagined.

I've no problem buying food/tools/even clothes in Aldi, but the prospect of buying condoms there sent a cold shiver down my spine.

I've bought a few work jumpers in there over the years, and I notice they develop holes awfully fast. In a jumper, not the end of the world. In a condom...

osarusan

My condom machine story is being in a deserted pub with my then girlfriend, whose dad was the man behind the bar.

I went to the toilet and took the chance to buy some from the machine. Even as I was buying them, I thought the clinking of coins was fairly loud and reverberating a bit, but when I went back out my girlfriend was beetroot red and said she could hear the whole thing. Her dad was a bit deaf in fairness, and she said he showed no reaction whatsoever, then or afterwards.

corner of hells

DivingDuck wrote: »

Alf Stewart. wrote: »

I just buy mine in Tesco or even Aldi. (Rubber is rubber, right?)

I just realised I'm more of a snob than I ever imagined.

I've no problem buying food/tools/even clothes in Aldi, but the prospect of buying condoms there sent a cold shiver down my spine.

I've bought a few work jumpers in there over the years, and I notice they develop holes awfully fast. In a jumper, not the end of the world. In a condom...

You couldn't be using the same condom more than once ?

I get wearing the jumper more than once and it getting a hole in it , but not the condom .

NeverTheLess

osarusan wrote: »

My condom machine story is being in a deserted pub with my then girlfriend, whose dad was the man behind the bar.

I went to the toilet and took the chance to buy some from the machine. Even as I was buying them, I thought the clinking of coins was fairly loud and reverberating a bit, but when I went back out my girlfriend was beetroot red and said she could hear the whole thing. Her dad was a bit deaf in fairness, and she said he showed no reaction whatsoever, then or afterwards.

she heard the coins from outside? What? Or do you mean that she heard the cursing when you realised the condoms wouldn't come out?

NeverTheLess

bobbysands81 wrote: »

I used to stock these years ago, the unreliability of the machines, and the ease of which they "broke" helped me through college!

is it too late to get on that bandwagon?

osarusan

NeverTheLess wrote: »

she heard the coins from outside? What? Or do you mean that she heard the cursing when you realised the condoms wouldn't come out?

She heard the clink of coins, the first one...then a pause as I contemplated how loud it had been...then 2 clinks in quick succession as I said 'f**k it just buy them'.

Vojera

DivingDuck wrote: »

I've no problem buying food/tools/even clothes in Aldi, but the prospect of buying condoms there sent a cold shiver down my spine.

If you think buying condoms in Aldi is bad, you can also buy them in Dealz!

bazz26

Live on the edge OP. Go commando and hope for the best.

snowflaker

Pac1Man wrote: »

Shame. What would Ailsa say?

Boo!

snowflaker

Durex Ultra Safe- cos HIV meds are a pain!

Robsweezie

I know right?! I was tryna lodge my 50,000 quid into the bank machine the other day and the bloody thing broke! and all the while my Chevrolet was nearly stolen? Thank god my PA was on hand to stop it, we went golfing and drank coconut water afterward to relax!

LordSutch

Seven.

selwyn froggitt

What do you call the change from a durex machine?

Johnny Cash.

Mongfinder General

bazz26 wrote: »

Live on the edge OP. Go commando and hope for the best.

Wearing condoms is like taking a bath with your socks on.

pickarooney

I don't get "Jon Bon Jovis"

bobbysands81

NeverTheLess wrote: »

is it too late to get on that bandwagon?

This was about 20 years ago now! The machines were very basic and would jam up no bother. People would be too embarrassed to look for a refund from the bar staff and even if they did the bar staff would just say that they don't own the machines and it's nothing to do with them. The machines would then be backed up with pound coins.

Glenster

The one in Lemon and Duke is a trap to get your money.

gramar

pickarooney wrote: »

I don't get "Jon Bon Jovis"

Rubber johnny / johnnies = jon bon jovi's