Who will I marry..

Carrana

Ok so I'm 32 and starting to feel old and lately feeling like I want to settle down
For the past few years I never really did the whole exclusive with 1 man, I was in a terrible relationship previous to this and it put me off them
I have 3 guys who have been in my life since, I know all 3 love me and would marry me but I can't choose which one

Guy 1: a real family guy, really strong, grounded "good guy" everyone thinks so
He would never let me down but I the downside is he's quite old fashioned and set in his ways he's a few years older and I'm wondering if he would leave me feeling bored if I was to commit to him life would become very routine

Guy 2: really thoughtful, sweet has a great job makes ALOT of money, he's very generous but his job is his life
He works from 6am and sometimes doesn't get home till 8pm and he's always on call
He's told me he wants me to chose a location and he will buy a house and we will get married but my fear is I'll miss home and be lonely and I'll get tired of him never being around

Guy 3: ok this guy is so sweet and kind I know he would treat me like a princess but he's a trucker so he's quite over weight
My friends always tell me I can do better but I know they are only judging by his appearance
But sometimes I see people looking at us and I can't help but think they are thinking the same
I've tried everything to help him lose weight and he tells me he's trying but it's not working
Sometimes I look at him and I get embarrassed to be seen with him but when it's just us alone I do love his company

I hope I haven't come across bad in this I'm trying to be as honest as possible
I want to settle and I would like people's advice how I should proceed please

GingerLily

None of them.

Can you really be happy with any of them? If you don't KNOW which one you want then you don't want any of them enough.

I feel so sorry for these guys, it sounds likes your messing all of them around.

Conor Bourke

Marry someone you love. It doesn't sound like you love any of them.

ncmc

Are you for real? You're seeing three different men and you've just decided to marry one because of your age? You're not in a committed relationship with any of them, why on earth would you marry one? Do they know about each other? This is the most bonkers thing I've read on here in a while.

Sounds like you're not really in love with any of them. It sounds like you're just settling for any old man. Break up with all three, look for a relationship with someone you actually love and when you've proven you're ready for a committed, monogamous, adult relationship, THEN, maybe think about marriage.

eviltwin

Do you even love any of them? Its like you're asking people to pick an outfit for you to wear on a night out....no sense of emotion, connection or desire to actually be with any of them.

Carrana

GingerLily wrote: »

None of them.

Can you really be happy with any of them? If you don't KNOW which one you want then you don't want any of them enough.

I feel so sorry for these guys, it sounds likes your messing all of them around.

Thanks for your reply I'm honestly not messing any of them around I made it clear I didn't want commitment to all of them but times rolled on and obviously now the conversation has come up
But honestly I just can't choose

Carrana

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

Marry someone you love. It doesn't sound like you love any of them.

I don't think I believe in love anymore
My ex cheated and to be honest every sat night I go out all I see is guys cheating

sallyanne12

Wait a minute.. Have you got 3 boyfriends? It sounds very odd that one of them is talking about marrying you already if you're only casually dating...

GingerLily

Carrana wrote: »

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

Marry someone you love. It doesn't sound like you love any of them.

I don't think I believe in love anymore
My ex cheated and to be honest every sat night I go out all I see is guys cheating

THEN WHY GET MARRIED?

eviltwin

Carrana wrote: »

I don't think I believe in love anymore
My ex cheated and to be honest every sat night I go out all I see is guys cheating

Then be on your own for a while and work through your issues on that. Why would you think any of them would want to marry you anyway if you don't love them? Do you have any respect for them at all? They deserve to be with someone who loves them, not someone who is just settling because she's in a panic about her age.

Carrana

Is love really enough tho? I'm fond of all 3 in different ways
Love doesn't last forever in my opinion would I not be wiser to choose who I can live my life with? Because someone told me before u can be in love with someone and no longer like them

Carrana

sallyanne12 wrote: »

Wait a minute.. Have you got 3 boyfriends? It sounds very odd that one of them is talking about marrying you already if you're only casually dating...

Well I would see them all once a week
And we text and call all the time
I've told them I don't want a full on relationship but it's like the more I tell them I don't want it the more they do
It's strange

Carrana

eviltwin wrote: »

Then be on your own for a while and work through your issues on that. Why would you think any of them would want to marry you anyway if you don't love them? Do you have any respect for them at all? They deserve to be with someone who loves them, not someone who is just settling because she's in a panic about her age.

I get on so well with each of them
We are great friends, I enjoy their company
We go do fun things together

GingerLily

If your fond of them then keep them as friends, it's disgusting that your willing to mess these men around and marry them when you KNOW you don't love them and you don't even believe in love.

You need to talk to a professional, before you ruin your own life and someone else's.

Carrana

GingerLily wrote: »

THEN WHY GET MARRIED?

I want to have someone with me now that I can live with, have kids with
I know this sounds crazy but just because I'm not crazy in love with any of them shouldn't be a problem
I love them I'm just not in love with them

eviltwin

Carrana wrote: »

I get on so well with each of them
We are great friends, I enjoy their company
We go do fun things together

So they are your friends, they are probably just friends for a reason. I have some wonderful male friends, doesn't mean I would ever consider marrying them.

Forget about these lads for a second and ask yourself why the rush to get married. What is it that is going on for you that you feel you need to be married now. You are only 32, you can get married at any stage and its even okay not to be married at all. If you remain single for the next while....so what?

Conor Bourke

Carrana wrote: »

Is love really enough tho? I'm fond of all 3 in different ways
Love doesn't last forever in my opinion would I not be wiser to choose who I can live my life with? Because someone told me before u can be in love with someone and no longer like them

Is fondness enough to sustain a healthy, strong relationship for the rest of your life. You mentioned your son elsewhere.. where does he come into this?

Is fondness enough if down the line your husband got sick and you had to care for him 24/7/365? Is fondness enough if they suddenly aren't in a position to support you financially any more?

What is your motivation for marrying any of them? What is it you want to achieve by being married?

Carrana

GingerLily wrote: »

If your fond of them then keep them as friends, it's disgusting that your willing to mess these men around and marry them when you KNOW you don't love them and you don't even believe in love.

You need to talk to a professional, before you ruin your own life and someone else's.

But what about couples who Get married because they are crazy in love/lust and split up very soon after then have to get divorced
I know I get on with all 3 so do I really need to be in crazy love/lust?
Can a marriage survive on friendship

Conor Bourke

Carrana wrote: »

But what about couples who Get married because they are crazy in love/lust and split up very soon after then have to get divorced
I know I get on with all 3 so do I really need to be in crazy love/lust?
Can a marriage survive on friendship

I can't see a marriage surviving on any of the scenarios you've outlined.

I'm finding it very difficult to believe that you have three men so in your thrall all at once that they're all begging you to marry them, this all sounds like fantasy stuff.

Carrana

I was always faithful to past boyfriends but just since my last relationship I didn't want to commit
Once I choose one of these that would be it
I would be faithful, no more sneaking about, I would committ

None of these guys know about each other but they also know that they aren't in a committed relationship with me too

Cupcake_Crisis

Carrana wrote: »

Is love really enough tho? I'm fond of all 3 in different ways
Love doesn't last forever in my opinion would I not be wiser to choose who I can live my life with? Because someone told me before u can be in love with someone and no longer like them

Don't get married. You marry someone because you love them, not because they were the best of 3

GingerLily

Carrana wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

If your fond of them then keep them as friends, it's disgusting that your willing to mess these men around and marry them when you KNOW you don't love them and you don't even believe in love.

You need to talk to a professional, before you ruin your own life and someone else's.

But what about couples who Get married because they are crazy in love/lust and split up very soon after then have to get divorced
I know I get on with all 3 so do I really need to be in crazy love/lust?
Can a marriage survive on friendship

Why get married? Can you explain what you think you'll gain from a marriage? Do you plan on being monogamous? Do you expect the same? Do you want to bring children into your sham marriage? Do you want this is to be the example for them?

You've not even lived with any of them, without love it's much harder to let the annoying things go like dirty dishes etc, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

My advice, choose one and try a relationship, build up to living together first, that way you have a chance at maybe happiness.

Carrana

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

I can't see a marriage surviving on any of the scenarios you've outlined.

I'm finding it very difficult to believe that you have three men so in your thrall all at once that they're all begging you to marry them, this all sounds like fantasy stuff.

I think it's because it's fun, there's no pressure, if I was in a relationship with any of them obv they would feel the bad sides of relationships
One guy is older, the other is extremely busy with work and 3rd guy very over weight so I honestly feel like they can't believe their luck with me
I'm younger I'm fun to be around and there is zero drama
And I don't want commitment
I honestly think if I was pushing relationships and commitment on them they wouldn't want me as much I think it's very much a case of they want what they can't have

sallyanne12

I think you clearly have some serious issues which you should get psychological help for. I understand how you feel all men cheat and as a result you have lost faith and aren't fully opening to any guy, but I don't understand how you still want to marry one. It's actualy very sad to read. I also can understand how you like different parts to each particular guy and if you could pick all the good parts and mould them into one guy it would be ideal. You clearly haven't met the one for you yet, when you do, you won't need 3 guys and you won't need to ask which one. You will know. I think you should hold off on marriage until you have faith again and maybe you never will, in that case don't get married. It's insane how you want to do something you have not faith in. Is it kids you want or what? Also I wouldn't agree that they all love you and would definitely marry you. They clearly don't even know you properly. I guarantee they don't know about each other, do they? Either they are as naive as yourself or they would not definitely marry you. It sounds like they are looking for more commitment and a proper relationship but certainly not marriage. Why don't you tell each one you are seeing 2 others and see how they feel? It's wrong and you should end it with them all. In fact show them this and let them end it, maybe one will stay And that will make your decision for you. Are you sleeping with the 3 of them??

eviltwin

Carrana wrote: »

But what about couples who Get married because they are crazy in love/lust and split up very soon after then have to get divorced
I know I get on with all 3 so do I really need to be in crazy love/lust?
Can a marriage survive on friendship

That's a chance you take in a relationship, you don't even have to be married. There are going to be bumps in the road, what will get you through is love. Its all well and good saying you are friends with these guys but what sort of friend would use them in this way. Its hard enough sharing your life with someone but you will just end up resenting them and they you if you marry one of them for the sake of. Its complete selfishness and immaturity on your part to even seriously consider it.

Pac1Man

There is no way this is true. OP you sound so casual, like you're trying to decide which car to buy!

If it is true, don't marry any of them. It's not fair on anyone.

ManOfMystery

But what about couples who Get married because they are crazy in love/lust and split up very soon after then have to get divorced
I know I get on with all 3 so do I really need to be in crazy love/lust?
Can a marriage survive on friendship

Can a marriage survive on friendship? You're looking for answers here that none of us can give. Some marriages can survive on friendship, others can't. In my opinion, more often than not they can't. It really depends on the individuals involved, and every single marriage is unique and different. 

Being married is not all sunshine and roses. It can be trying, it can be testing, it can be downright difficult at times. What gets people through those more difficult times is the strong underlying bond - love - which holds them together like a very strong glue. Without that, what's to stop someone just chucking in the towel when they've had enough? That happens a lot already, but trust me, if people weren't still marrying for love then the divorce rate would be much higher than it already is.

In my opinion, you shouldn't marry any of these men. You don't describe any of them as Mr Right, and in your eyes they all have flaws. You can see past some of these flaws currently because you're seeing all 3 simultaneously, so each of them is fulfilling a role in a way. Remove 2 of them from the equation, and you'll be left with Mr Maybe - warts and all - and I can't see that working. Why settle for less than Mr Right?

If I'm honest - and a little harsh - you sound fickle. You see some guys on a Saturday night cheating, and tar all men with the same brush. You get told by someone you can be in love and not like them, you take that as gospel. Your ex treated you badly so you assume future relationships will be the same. And on top, the whole thread seems to be about you - what you want, what you need, regardless of who gets hurt. What about these 3 men who would make a life changing decision based on the belief that they're in love with you and you feel the same? Is that fair to them? What about any children you have, do you think it's fair they have a mummy who doesn't love daddy? 

I really think you need to reconsider your thoughts and perspective on a lot of things. Marriage should not be entered into lightly.

Carrana

GingerLily wrote: »

Why get married? Can you explain what you think you'll gain from a marriage? Do you plan on being monogamous? Do you expect the same? Do you want to bring children into your sham marriage? Do you want this is to be the example for them?

You've not even lived with any of them, without love it's much harder to let the annoying things go like dirty dishes etc, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

My advice, choose one and try a relationship, build up to living together first, that way you have a chance at maybe happiness.

I think you have hit the nail on the head here I hadn't really factored the arguments
At the moment I don't see any of them more than once a week and it's on my terms if I had them around all the time I might feel different
I want to get married I see everyone around me doing it and I want to feel safe and secure and having someone to share my life with

Carrana

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Can a marriage survive on friendship? You're looking for answers here that none of us can give. Some marriages can survive on friendship, others can't. In my opinion, more often than not they can't. It really depends on the individuals involved, and every single marriage is unique and different. 

Being married is not all sunshine and roses. It can be trying, it can be testing, it can be downright difficult at times. What gets people through those more difficult times is the strong underlying bond - love - which holds them together like a very strong glue. Without that, what's to stop someone just chucking in the towel when they've had enough? That happens a lot already, but trust me, if people weren't still marrying for love then the divorce rate would be much higher than it already is.

In my opinion, you shouldn't marry any of these men. You don't describe any of them as Mr Right, and in your eyes they all have flaws. You can see past some of these flaws currently because you're seeing all 3 simultaneously, so each of them is fulfilling a role in a way. Remove 2 of them from the equation, and you'll be left with Mr Maybe - warts and all - and I can't see that working. Why settle for less than Mr Right?

If I'm honest - and a little harsh - you sound fickle. You see some guys on a Saturday night cheating, and tar all men with the same brush. You get told by someone you can be in love and not like them, you take that as gospel. Your ex treated you badly so you assume future relationships will be the same. And on top, the whole thread seems to be about you - what you want, what you need, regardless of who gets hurt. What about these 3 men who would make a life changing decision based on the belief that they're in love with you and you feel the same? Is that fair to them? What about any children you have, do you think it's fair they have a mummy who doesn't love daddy? 

I really think you need to reconsider your thoughts and perspective on a lot of things. Marriage should not be entered into lightly.

This has really made me think
Thank you so much

ManOfMystery

Carrana wrote: »

I want to get married I see everyone around me doing it and I want to feel safe and secure and having someone to share my life with

Getting married because others around you are doing it is not a sound reason. Do you really believe it is? 
As for safe and secure - how will marriage achieve that? Do you mean financially? Because you can pretty much be safe and secure without being married. If you mean safe and secure in the knowledge that a partner loves you for life, that's an ironically selfish stance to take given that you don't love any of these men.

Carrana

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Getting married because others around you are doing it is not a sound reason. Do you really believe it is? 
As for safe and secure - how will marriage achieve that? Do you mean financially? Because you can pretty much be safe and secure without being married. If you mean safe and secure in the knowledge that a partner loves you for life, that's an ironically selfish stance to take given that you don't love any of these men.

I just want one person who I can be with forever

Carrana

I feel sad that everyone is doubting me and thinking I'm making this up
Why on earth would I, I came on here for advice not to be ridiculed
I'm actually quite stressed with the situation I've found myself In

sallyanne12

Carrana wrote: »

I feel sad that everyone is doubting me and thinking I'm making this up
Why on earth would I, I came on here for advice not to be ridiculed
I'm actually quite stressed with the situation I've found myself In

I would say you are stressed but how did you get into this situation? How long have you been seeing each guy and why didn't you just finish with the guy before as you met each new one? How long has this been going on? Are you sleeping with them? I'm not judging you I'm just trying to understand

Conor Bourke

Carrana wrote: »

I feel sad that everyone is doubting me and thinking I'm making this up
Why on earth would I, I came on here for advice not to be ridiculed
I'm actually quite stressed with the situation I've found myself In

You don't sound like you're willing to take any personal responsibility. You didn't "find" yourself here. It didn't "just happen". You are where you are because of choices you've made and continue to make.

Would you like to marry one of these guys if you found out in turn that he was seeing two other women simultaneously along with you and chose you even though he was only lukewarm about you at best? Would you hang around for that?

Cupcake_Crisis

I feel like you're skipping some very important steps and jumping into marriage to "keep up with the joneses". You haven't been in a commited relationship with any of these guys, surely that would be the next logical step?

forestgirl

Carrana wrote: »

Ok so I'm 32 and starting to feel old and lately feeling like I want to settle down
For the past few years I never really did the whole exclusive with 1 man, I was in a terrible relationship previous to this and it put me off them
I have 3 guys who have been in my life since, I know all 3 love me and would marry me but I can't choose which one

Guy 1: a real family guy, really strong, grounded "good guy" everyone thinks so
He would never let me down but I the downside is he's quite old fashioned and set in his ways he's a few years older and I'm wondering if he would leave me feeling bored if I was to commit to him life would become very routine

Guy 2: really thoughtful, sweet has a great job makes ALOT of money, he's very generous but his job is his life
He works from 6am and sometimes doesn't get home till 8pm and he's always on call
He's told me he wants me to chose a location and he will buy a house and we will get married but my fear is I'll miss home and be lonely and I'll get tired of him never being around

Guy 3: ok this guy is so sweet and kind I know he would treat me like a princess but he's a trucker so he's quite over weight
My friends always tell me I can do better but I know they are only judging by his appearance
But sometimes I see people looking at us and I can't help but think they are thinking the same
I've tried everything to help him lose weight and he tells me he's trying but it's not working
Sometimes I look at him and I get embarrassed to be seen with him but when it's just us alone I do love his company

I hope I haven't come across bad in this I'm trying to be as honest as possible
I want to settle and I would like people's advice how I should proceed please

I think you should pick guy no.1 he seems like a good all rounder

LegacyUser

Surprised at the condemnation the OP is getting here.

She has been honest with them and now wants to narrow down her options, sounds like a perfectly rational thing to do. Marriages should be entered with our eyes opened and not blinded by Hollywood concepts of true love etc. The idea of marrying for love is a relatively recent belief and usually those feelings don't last. (there are extensive studies to show those feelings fade after around three years, it's something called hedonic adaption, iirc.)

OP, the only advice I can give you is go with the person who you can be yourself the most with, and who makes you want to be the best version of yourself. Everything else seems pretty even.

Good luck.

ncmc

Aside from the madness of seeing three guys and just 'picking one' to marry like some dodgy gameshow, there's also the issue that by your own admission, you only see these guys once a week. I'm sorry, but you can't possibly know a partner if you only see them once a week in a romantic setting. You only know someone when you have seen them warts and all, had the stupid arguments about jocks on the floor, taking out the bins etc. Plus I doubt you've had the major discussion with any of these men, do they all want kids? How many? Would someone stay at home to mind them? What about finances, shared moral codes etc? These are all things that take time to find out about a person. You're casually dating these men, in reality you probably know very little about them.

You could be incredibly lucky and it could work out and you could find your love deepening and growing. But lets be honest, it's more realistic that you would end up resenting each other and separated within 6 months. Plus it's totally unfair on the man to marry him if you don't love him. He could think you're his soul mate and you just see him as a mate mate. It's an extremely cruel thing to do.

Carrana

I suppose I got caught up in seeing them on my terms guy no 1 is great because I can do normal things with him like go to the cinema etc
Guy no 2 takes me to the most amazing places for dates he's also gifted me a car and 2 holidays
Guy no 3 is always offering to pay for things too
Such as I wanted a new kitchen and he bought me one also some cosmetic surgery

I love that on my birthday,xmas,Valentine's I get 3 gifts I think I got caught up in all of that
My past relationships were bad I got cheated on and one actually stole from my house it's nice to be treated like this
I do feel guilty tho and I know if I picked just 1 my lifestyle wouldn't be the same anymore

osarusan

Nobody deserves to be duped into marriage, so go and tell the three guys everything you mentioned in the OP.

If any of them stick around after hearing it, you could marry them.

Straighenup

How long ago was it that your ex cheated on you? How long are you going to allow it to effect you? I can understand that you dont want commitment and maybe the feeling that you want to settle down is more a symptom that you are ready to move past the hurt of this past relationship and begin a new. One thing is clear, while you may like all these men, they are not the one for you and by seeing them all once a week(or whatever cycle you see them) you cant get out there and find someone that is right for you. No relationship is perfect, nobody gets everything that they want, there is always give and take, my advice is to spread your wings, if you want to keep in contact with one of the three, do so. You're 32, you've plenty of time. Happy Hunting

Wanderer78

Carrana wrote:

Is love really enough tho? I'm fond of all 3 in different ways Love doesn't last forever in my opinion would I not be wiser to choose who I can live my life with? Because someone told me before u can be in love with someone and no longer like them

Completely disagree with this statement, I've never seen so much love and respect between a couple than both of my parents, this was very evident when my father become gravely ill, the bond between them was eminence. My mother's love and respect for my father still continues today even though he's no longer here. I think you need some alone time, I'm not sure you 're ready for a major decision such as marriage. I wish you the very best of luck but please don't hurt others which can unfortunately happen when big decisions like this are being made

jigglypuffstuff

Carrana wrote: »

I suppose I got caught up in seeing them on my terms guy no 1 is great because I can do normal things with him like go to the cinema etc
Guy no 2 takes me to the most amazing places for dates he's also gifted me a car and 2 holidays
Guy no 3 is always offering to pay for things too
Such as I wanted a new kitchen and he bought me one also some cosmetic surgery

I love that on my birthday,xmas,Valentine's I get 3 gifts I think I got caught up in all of that
My past relationships were bad I got cheated on and one actually stole from my house it's nice to be treated like this
I do feel guilty tho and I know if I picked just 1 my lifestyle wouldn't be the same anymore

You need help OP... And I mean that in the most serious way possible

You want to marry one of three guys you're not content with

Seriously leave those guys alone... They do not need to be on the wrong end of your emotional issues

Be alone for yourself... Get help and sort out your issues... Then and only then think about DATING someone exclusively

Forget about relationships and marriage... You've expressed through your posts you're not even ready to date one person exclusively.

Effectively you're trying to cross the finish line before even crossing the starting one

Sorry if this comes across harsh, but it's a genuine opinion based on what you've said

ShaShaBear

Carrana wrote: »

I suppose I got caught up in seeing them on my terms guy no 1 is great because I can do normal things with him like go to the cinema etc
Guy no 2 takes me to the most amazing places for dates he's also gifted me a car and 2 holidays
Guy no 3 is always offering to pay for things too
Such as I wanted a new kitchen and he bought me one also some cosmetic surgery

I love that on my birthday,xmas,Valentine's I get 3 gifts I think I got caught up in all of that
My past relationships were bad I got cheated on and one actually stole from my house it's nice to be treated like this
I do feel guilty tho and I know if I picked just 1 my lifestyle wouldn't be the same anymore

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this one, but I'll take the hit.

You are sneaking around and taking huge gifts from a man when you are cheating on him with a man you find physically embarrassing and another who is gone 12 odd hours a day? You're worried about your current lifestyle over choosing one man to commit to and think you are actually any better than the man who cheated on you and stole from you?
That is, and you are, cruel and pathetic.
Do all of these men a favour - grow up, get over yourself and seek some psychiatric help.

Carrana

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this one, but I'll take the hit.

You are sneaking around and taking huge gifts from a man when you are cheating on him with a man you find physically embarrassing and another who is gone 12 odd hours a day? You're worried about your current lifestyle over choosing one man to commit to and think you are actually any better than the man who cheated on you and stole from you?
That is, and you are, cruel and pathetic.
Do all of these men a favour - grow up, get over yourself and seek some psychiatric help.

That was actually quite brutal

eviltwin

Carrana wrote: »

That was actually quite brutal

He's right though. You seem more interested in the material goods these men can give you than in having a connection. You can't expect another person to make you happy and give you the things in life you want, you have to be able to do that for yourself. Somewhere along the way you have lost sight of that and now you're posts read depressingly like you are picking a meal from a menu. If it was just you being hurt it would be bad enough but you are willing to dupe an unsuspecting guy into marriage just so you feel better about your place in life, what is that if not completely selfish.

Have you even at any stage given any thought to how this conversation will go down? Will you be as honest with them as you are with us or are you going to lie to them and tell them you love them?

empacher

1. Get some counselling.
2. Be thankfull you're not a guy, because the backlash a guy would have gotten would have being 10 times worse.

Carrana

empacher wrote: »

1. Get some counselling.
2. Be thankfull you're not a guy, because the backlash a guy would have gotten would have being 10 times worse.

Counselling for what?? Not believing love lasts forever?

Carrana

eviltwin wrote: »

He's right though. You seem more interested in the material goods these men can give you than in having a connection. You can't expect another person to make you happy and give you the things in life you want, you have to be able to do that for yourself. Somewhere along the way you have lost sight of that and now you're posts read depressingly like you are picking a meal from a menu. If it was just you being hurt it would be bad enough but you are willing to dupe an unsuspecting guy into marriage just so you feel better about your place in life, what is that if not completely selfish.

Have you even at any stage given any thought to how this conversation will go down? Will you be as honest with them as you are with us or are you going to lie to them and tell them you love them?

No that's not true obv the material things are a bonus and now I have got used to them
I never led any of the guys on, they know it isn't a relationship but I guess the longer it's going on
I know they are getting feelings and wanting more
I really wish I could take the good parts from all of them
I know this isn't fair and I have to end it

Wanderer78

if you continue with this any further, everybody will get hurt including you, consider counselling

ManOfMystery

Carrana wrote: »

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Getting married because others around you are doing it is not a sound reason. Do you really believe it is? 
As for safe and secure - how will marriage achieve that? Do you mean financially? Because you can pretty much be safe and secure without being married. If you mean safe and secure in the knowledge that a partner loves you for life, that's an ironically selfish stance to take given that you don't love any of these men.

I just want one person who I can be with forever

Then you need to cut things with these 3, and make yourself available for that potential Mr Right who might come along.

Honestly, I'm not trying to give you a hard time, but your perspective on this is all over the place. It's as if you've suddenly decided that other people around you are getting married, and that must mean it's time for you to get married too, right? Wrong. That's a recipe for disaster. The right time to get married is when you meet that person who you fall in love with, and even if they don't tick every box they tick enough that you don't even notice their flaws - and that's not any of the 3 guys you've described.  And if you don't meet that person, then I would argue that enjoying the single life is a better option than marrying someone who just about falls into the second best category. I've yet to encounter the person who claims they married someone they weren't really mad about, and had an amazing, fulfilling and happy life with them.

This really does sound like an episode of Blind Date. 3 suitors, weighing up pros and cons of each, with flimsy and flakey reasons for moving ahead. You didn't 'find yourself' in this situation, you made conscious decisions & choices which have placed you here and at any time you are free to remove yourself from this situation also.