Am I a creep? Am I a weirdo?

thepikminman

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I've read/replied to your other posts. Really, your last 3 are all variations of the same thing. You've said elsewhere that you're 23 and have no friends. That half your own family dislike you. Going on what you've posted here, that doesn't surprise me. Without seeing the way you interact with other people and what your general demeanour is, it's hard to give specific advice. It does appear that there is something "off" about the way you go about the place and interact with people.

You also appear to have trouble with the niceties of everyday social interaction. You describe yourself as nice and polite. Is there nothing more you can say about the interactions you're having other than "polite"? Polite is the least anyone should expect but it's incredibly robotic in its own right. If any one of us got chatting to a random stranger and was asked to describe them, I doubt polite would ever come into the equation. How about funny, interesting, warm, quirky or intelligent?

You're also struggling with the idea of "a filter". It's the thing most of us use without noticing it. As humans, we all think both good and bad thoughts about the people we meet and things we see. Most of us have an innate empathy with the other person and keep our negative opinions to ourselves. Words can really hurt and most of us are careful if we need to say something. For example, if you're working in an office and someone has wicked body odour, that needs to be handled sensitively.

It's very easy to espouse theories about things when you know nothing about them. If I started going on about the life of a scientist or a fashion model, you can bet your bottom dollar I'd be mostly talking nonsense because I know very little about either. I've an idea what they do but mostly I'd be filling in the gaps. Because you've a difficulty relating to people outside your family, you don't know how everyday human interactions work. You've a very negative opinion of people and the way they operate, based on limited material. A certain percentage of people you'll meet are dicks but it's certainly not 90%. Maybe you're unconsciously graduating towards the dicks and it's reinforcing your theory.

You've had a poor experience with counsellors up until now. How did you find them in the first place? Were they properly qualified rather than a 6 weeks FÁS course type of counselor? Did you go through your GP to find them?

What's wrong with FAS courses? Now who's being a dick? But no, they were CBT therapists and college counsellors.

Yeah, I chose the word "polite" because that describes the way I am to people, not saying it's the right way, It's actually exactly like you said - robotic. I have a hard time acting any other way because I don't want to offend them somehow. So I'm never myself, even though if I met someone like me, i.e. not a clone, I'd be really interesting in getting know them.

thepikminman

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

To add, boards.ie, and PI moderators don't like the same people repeatedly posting various problems and ignoring all advice given to them because that in turn turns other posters off replying and can in fact drive posters away from the site because they get sick of repeating themselves to the same people who don't really want help, or maybe can't be helped. So they avoid it rather than risk annoying themselves.

Or you could just not answer if you think it's the same stuff. Clearly it's not though if I'm getting all these responses that are mostly helpful in new ways.

Big Bag of Chips

Fair point.

Good luck.

thepikminman

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I'd also question your experiences with counsellors. What was the specific problem with each of them? The counsellor you mentioned in your previous thread who got up and said "I don't have time for this..." What was being said, by you, before that? I ask because you came here asking advice and very very quickly turned to being aggressive and rude to the people who offered you advice. Were you the same with counsellors?

From what you've posted in your other thread, you've had a tough upbringing. Many people have. And many people get stuck in the mind-frame that the world is against them. Nobody can be trusted. Everyone is looking down on them or trying to keep them down. Some people realise that that is not necessarily true and they try to get out. Get out of the area, get away from the negativity of the people they are surrounded by. Those people might have a better overall attitude to the world and not be quite so affected by the negativity they grew up in.

Some people have a negative attitude and a negative impression of the world... And don't know any different so just continue with it. You seem to realise that it is not 'normal' and your impression of the world and the people you meet is skewed. You are conflicted in that you know you're wrong, but you've been conditioned to believe it is true. So you're struggling to move on from it, even though you really really want to.

Honestly, OP, there's no quick solution. There's no easy fix. You are going to have to work through this yourself. If you go to counselling you are going to have to be vulnerable to the counsellor. You are going to have to hear things and face things that might make you feel uncomfortable, or upset, but you have to get through that. Without turning aggressive on the counsellor! You're so young, so at least you have the benefit of youth and time on your side. You have so many opportunities available to you to broaden your social circle. Move area. Move job. Move country even.

But as I read here one time 'wherever you go, there you are'. Which means you are the person you are. So if you move to Mayo you're still going to be you. It won't be a magic over night cure. You have a lot of work to do on yourself if you really do want to change. Nobody can fix you for you.

Edit: Would you consider volunteering in your area? You did engineering in college. You could volunteer with some groups in your area to share your skills and to see that there are good people in the world. There are people who will help and encourage those around them. There are people who go out of their way to be a positive influence in someone else's life. You might go there as a volunteer, but I think you would gain as much benefit from it as the people availing of the services. Look into it. If there's a community centre in your area go and ask who you could get in touch with or what help you might be able to offer.

Yeah volunteering is a good idea.

And the counselor cutting me off thing - I explained in that post that I wasn't saying anything bad, I was literally talking about how many people were in my family or something similar when she turned off the light and said she was tired.

Thanks for the advice, but can you all stop recommending counselling, it doesn't work when you think you know more about people than the counselor, whether I do or not.

Ursus Horribilis

thepikminman wrote: »

What's wrong with FAS courses? Now who's being a dick? But no, they were CBT therapists and college counsellors.

I did a FÁS course many years ago and am glad I did. I've got a few Pitmans certs sitting in a box somewhere. So don't you go jumping to conclusions without evidence to back it up. Something, I might add, you're very quick to do. I wrote a long post and that's all you took from it?? That says a LOT about your mindset.

The point I was making is that some people who are working as counsellors have done so without adequate qualifications. The field is still somewhat unregulated and the qualifications of some "counsellors" are questionable.

Yeah, I chose the word "polite" because that describes the way I am to people, not saying it's the right way, It's actually exactly like you said - robotic. I have a hard time acting any other way because I don't want to offend them somehow. So I'm never myself, even though if I met someone like me, i.e. not a clone, I'd be really interesting in getting know them.

Then you need to find a way to have people discover the real you. Not the façade you present which brings out the worst in people.

Scarinae

thepikminman wrote: »

Whether I'm over-analyzing people's replys or not, this thread IS completely different to the other ones, the first one was about career advice, the second one was about the difference between real-life and online behavior - this one's about me wondering if people over-analyze the way I do so I can see if it's a problem.

None of these things exist in isolation though - a lot of these problems are interconnected so actually the information in the previous threads is useful to understand what you're getting at. You've even said that you started this thread in response to what came up in your previous threads.

thepikminman wrote: »

I didn't expect all of the same people to reply in this thread. I was hoping new people would just tell me if they think like that or not and if they have any tips.

The threads are in the same forum so you're going to have regular posters seeing them. Bear in mind that a lot more people on boards read threads than reply to them though - I've read your previous threads but wasn't moved to reply after seeing how you attacked many of the people who did respond to you. The people on this forum are replying to you in their own spare time and giving you advice, and a lot of the time you've been aggressive and thrown it back in their faces. If you don't want to take any suggestions you're given that's fine, but if you keep doing what you've always done then nothing will change.

Ursus Horribilis

Anyway, it's clear that you're unwilling to take on board anything anyone here has said to you. I've also reported your snarky comment to mike_ie. Good manners never cost anything and that's a lesson you've yet to learn.

thepikminman

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

So if you don't think you're doing anything wrong, how come you've made it to 23 without a friend in the world?

Are you really asking that? Pay attention, we've been talking about my problems for a while now - I can't interact with people - that explains it right? I've said so many times on here that I know it's my problem. And I made myself vulnerable telling people that, and of course you throw it in my face for no reason other than to try and put me down.

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thepikminman wrote: »

They're not intertwined for me. I have confidence in myself, it's people I don't have confidence in.

So I try to alter myself to fit in with their strange, shallow way of thinking, but I'm not the best actor, and feel like they can see I don't belong.

I can only reply based on what I've read of yours on here but you honestly don't seem to have confidence in yourself, you seem to have a huge amount of doubt and worry about yourself. Your resistance to admitting it and your insistence on putting other people down (in specific terms, and in general ones like in the above post) only comes across as another manifestation of lack of self confidence. I'm trying to phrase this in a way that doesn't come across as either harsh or condescending, because it's not my intention to be either, but it's difficult. You seem like a young man who could really use some help, and who has the mental resources to really work it and get benefit from it. You're smart, you've had a hard start, you're isolated and you're getting very stuck in your head; it's a recipe for tragedy, please get proactive now. I've had terrible experiences with counsellors when I was very vulnerable and it was hugely damaging, but other, better counsellors and the people in my life repaired that damage (or help me to repair it more accurately).

thepikminman

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I did a FÁS course many years ago and am glad I did. I've got a few Pitmans certs sitting in a box somewhere. So don't you go jumping to conclusions without evidence to back it up. Something, I might add, you're very quick to do. I wrote a long post and that's all you took from it?? That says a LOT about your mindset.

The point I was making is that some people who are working as counsellors have done so without adequate qualifications. The field is still somewhat unregulated and the qualifications of some "counsellors" are questionable.



Then you need to find a way to have people discover the real you. Not the façade you present which brings out the worst in people.

You said something like "was it a proper counselor or was it just some FAS course qualified person?". That seems to be debasing people who do FAS courses.

And yeah, TBH I didn't read your full post, I saw Uris Horriblis or whatever, and from my experience with your other replies, I knew there's no point reading on.

thepikminman

Kace Obnoxious Castle wrote: »

I can only reply based on what I've read of yours on here but you honestly don't seem to have confidence in yourself, you seem to have a huge amount of doubt and worry about yourself. Your resistance to admitting it and your insistence on putting other people down (in specific terms, and in general ones like in the above post) only comes across as another manifestation of lack of self confidence. I'm trying to phrase this in a way that doesn't come across as either harsh or condescending, because it's not my intention to be either, but it's difficult. You seem like a young man who could really use some help, and who has the mental resources to really work it and get benefit from it. You're smart, you've had a hard start, you're isolated and you're getting very stuck in your head; it's a recipe for tragedy, please get proactive now. I've had terrible experiences with counsellors when I was very vulnerable and it was hugely damaging, but other, better counsellors and the people in my life repaired that damage (or help me to repair it more accurately).

Thanks, it is encouraging to hear that there still might be hope.

But I really think people often equate social confidence and self confidence, and I really disagree in my case. I don't think badly of myself, but I think socially I'm undeveloped. I really can't see how that means I'm not confident in myself. Yes socially I'm completely insecure, but as I'm sure I've showed here that I'm confident in myself and believe in myself. But not socially because I don't want the recent responses here that I'm getting (not your one) to happen in real life.

thepikminman

thepikminman wrote: »

You said something like "was it a proper counselor or was it just some FAS course qualified person?". That seems to be debasing people who do FAS courses.

And yeah, TBH I didn't read your full post, I saw Uris Horriblis or whatever, and from my experience with your other replies, I knew there's no point reading on.

I'll answer your question for you. I haven't ready any of your other posts.

You're not a creep. You're not a weirdo.

Your replies on this thread alone are rude and confrontational, needlessly so.

If they reflect your behaviour when interacting with adults offline then it's no great mystery why you have trouble engaging positively or productively with others.

thepikminman

Scarinae wrote: »

None of these things exist in isolation though - a lot of these problems are interconnected so actually the information in the previous threads is useful to understand what you're getting at. You've even said that you started this thread in response to what came up in your previous threads.


The threads are in the same forum so you're going to have regular posters seeing them. Bear in mind that a lot more people on boards read threads than reply to them though - I've read your previous threads but wasn't moved to reply after seeing how you attacked many of the people who did respond to you. The people on this forum are replying to you in their own spare time and giving you advice, and a lot of the time you've been aggressive and thrown it back in their faces. If you don't want to take any suggestions you're given that's fine, but if you keep doing what you've always done then nothing will change.

See this is my whole problem, I don't mean to be rude. People take what I'm saying the wrong way. I make the mistake of assuming that people can handle themselves and don't get offended at the drop of the hat. See, that seems rude, but that's what's happening right?

I can't fight the tide. Say if everyone in the world for some reason hated hats, but I liked them, I'd be seen as a bad person for wearing them, even though in reality there's nothing wrong with it. Or a more real example, if everyone whipped black people, if I expressed my problems with that I'd probably be locked up. My point is that everyone seems to have a similar mindset where certain behavior is accepted and if anyone goes any bit outside that, people don't stand for it.

Ask yourself guys, were you really offended by what I said? Did it really hurt you or effect you in any way? It's just conversation

amtc

I've been in two minds as to whether or not to reply to this, but may as well add my tuppence worth.

I really don't want to hurt you but you come across as dismissive, superior, and generally someone who doesn't attract people. People like people they are comfortable with. It's human nature to gravitate towards people who are easy to be around. Some people have it, some people have to develop it.

The very fact that people have cared enough to give you advice should give you hope. So take some of it.

Best of luck

Taltos

Mod Note
Thread closed.
OP read back over the posts here and on your other thread. Not only take on board the advice you've been offered by people taking time out of their lives to try to help you but take in how dismissive and rude you've been in return.

Anyway as per our charter it's against the rules to start multiple threads here in a short space of time so take a break now for a few weeks or a month or two. It may benefit you to speak to a professional on your issues but as it stands I think PI is already past the limit of where we can help.